


Paranoia

by bludaze



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M, Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:00:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 51
Words: 139,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21623407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bludaze/pseuds/bludaze
Summary: Jasper occasionally strays from the Cullens to pursue his own desires. Dodging the Cullens and staying within the limitations of vampiric law isn't easy. But when a mysterious girl ends up in the ER and falls directly into the hands of Dr. Cullen, the true stakeholders begin to reveal themselves. Will she be able to keep Jasper's secrets? [Jasper/OC]
Relationships: Carlisle Cullen/Esme Cullen, Edward Cullen/Bella Swan, Emmett Cullen/Rosalie Hale, Jasper Hale/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 202
Kudos: 356





	1. Abandoned

**Carlisle**

It was absolutely hectic tonight.

The emergency room had a batch of patients checked in from this morning's incident. It was the unfortunate combination of a couple of drunken teens in a jeep followed by an unexpected cliff.

I shook my head at the way some humans handled their fragile lives and scribbled my signature on the clipboard.

_A head trauma, three concussions, two broken bones. Six humans._

"Keep them overnight. I'll see about discharge tomorrow," I informed Marge, one of the ER nurses taking over for the night shift. I was halfway through shrugging off my lab coat when the same nurse found me in the break room.

"Dr. Cullen, I'm sorry to stop you from heading home, but we just got in a new patient. If you just have a few minutes, I would really appreciate it."

"Is the next medical specialist not here?" I should've been out of here by now.

"Running late. I just need you to take a peek and sign her chart," she pleaded.

_If I were human, I probably would've collapsed after performing two open heart surgeries in less than twelve hours._

I followed her through the busy ER corridor. "We have it on file as attempted suicide. We couldn't find any identification documents on the patient. Blood pressure's a bit low, but overall her vitals seem fine. The paramedics have found high levels of Oxycodone in her system."

I took the clipboard from her, quickly scanning some lab tests. We entered the patient's room and I informed Marge that I'd take it from here, silently hoping to speed up this process.

The girl was no more than twenty. Her disheveled chestnut hair sprinkled all over the white pillow that supported her neck. The IV beside her was pumping her system clean. The bag filled with saline solution was a quarter of the way empty. Her eyes were closed and her face pale. All of the signs were normal for an attempted overdose patient.

I made sure that the door was closed after Marge had left and placed the clipboard in the front compartment of the patient's bed. Taking a seat on the rolling stool, I examined her face. Her skin was taut against her cheekbones, and dark circles dragged down her eyes. Her nose was sharp, and her lips looked dry and chapped.

I could feel her heartbeat, but for a moment I worried it was fading. She wasn't strong.

Suddenly, her pulse quickened, and I saw her eyelids scrunch together. Her body decided to join the waking world, but she was still sensitive to light.

"Would you like the lights off?" I offered gently, rolling over to the other side of the room to retrieve an unneeded stethoscope. When I was back beside her, her eyes were fully open, darting between me and the instrument.

I put on the earpiece and lifted the stem. "I'm Dr. Cullen. Don't worry, this won't hurt one bit," I assured her. "Would you mind sitting up?"

She stared at me for a while, her expression critical. Then, she spoke.

"Why do you need that?" She was looking at my instrument.

"I need to make sure you're breathing properly," I gave her a smile. "May I?"

"You can hear my breathing just fine. What's going on here?"

"Excuse me?"

She attempted to get up, but the belt around her waist held her down. "I want to leave."

I made a note of her behavior and tone. It was common for trauma patients to be confused and disoriented. Her body was still getting out of shock from the heavy dose she had taken.

I went over to the sink and filled a pixie cup with water. "Please, relax. I'm only here to help you." I extended the cup to her. She didn't move to take it.

"Stop acting so nice." She grew more frustrated. "I want to leave. Either kill me or let me leave."

I grabbed her chart and jotted down instructions to contact the mental health specialist. "Let me get some assistance."

"No, stop," I turned to look back at her. Then, she said something that rooted my feet to the ground.

In all my years, I didn't think vampires could be caught off guard.

"Your eyes should be red."

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading!**


	2. A World of Pets

Previously:

_"No, stop," I turned to look back at her. Then, she said something that rooted my feet to the ground._

_In all my years, I didn't think vampires could be caught off guard._

_"Your eyes should be red."_

* * *

**Jasper**

A quiet Cullen house on a quiet Forks evening. A commonality these days.

I flipped through an old book I'd read a thousand times over, tapping my feet in boredom. Emmett joined me in the living room, his attention directly on his phone. I glanced at the wall clock.

_10:22_

A car pulled up outside. The Volvo.

"Don't kill her," I murmured to my brother as he barreled through the front door to greet Edward and his human. Cue the classic scene of a bone crushing hug and Edward cautiously examining the human to make sure she survived unscathed. A typical Friday evening in our household.

Esme descended the stairs. "Bella's here?"

 _Not like you couldn't hear her._ "Why don't you go find out?"

She frowned at my tone and disappeared to join Emmett.

The family loved their pet. Humans loved their dogs the same way we loved our Bellas. They kept us distracted from the realities of our lives and had a significantly shorter lifespan. The only difference was that humans didn't have a craving to sink their teeth into their pets.

My thoughts scattered as I felt anger radiating from the front lawn.

"If you don't like my thoughts, brother, don't bring her here," I said lowly.

How many Cullens did it take to escort a human through the front door?

Three.

"Hey, Jasper," Bella greeted me. I nodded back with a smile, which pleased Edward.

Esme asked if she was hungry and immediately offered to make her food. I hoped she was full, because then she wouldn't have to spend more time here.

"She'll be staying the night, Esme," Edward said, much to my dismay. "She'd probably love some pancakes tomorrow morning."

_10:28_

Watching the clock, I anticipated Papa Cullen's arrival. Esme began gushing about Bella's haircut as I began imagining her blood gushing through her veins. Edward's snarl put that to an end.

_10:31_

"Is Carlisle working the night shift?" I asked.

"Not on a Friday," Esme said.

"Strange," I noted. He should've been home by now.

I could see Bella's slender neck vibrate with her vocal cords before any noise came out. She spoke dismissively. "He's probably just running a few minutes late."

Her comment hit a nerve. If Carlisle came home at _10:30_ every Friday, he would do so every Friday. If we didn't collectively take a breath and blink every three seconds that we were around her, she would find us _unnatural._ If we didn't count the intervals between our steps to match human speed, the Volturi would slaughter us for exposing ourselves.

_You want immortal life, Bella? Get ready to start counting._

Thankfully, a car pulled up into the driveway in the next few minutes. Carlisle. Anxiety was something you wouldn't normally see in a vampire, but I was ready to diagnose Papa Cullen the moment he stepped foot into the house.

"We have a problem," he began grimly. "There's a patient at the hospital. We don't have a name, but she knows about us."

"Us, as in the Cullens?" Emmett asked.

"Us, as in vampires."

I leaned back against the sofa. "Fascinating. Who is this patient?"

"We need to take her in," Edward interjected sternly. He had already filled himself in on the details from what he could decipher from Carlisle's thoughts. "We can't have her out there."

A girl? Another human in the Cullen household? Bella shifted her weight. Did dogs enjoy the company of other dogs? Or did they get jealous due to shared attention?

"Where's Alice? What has she seen?" Carlisle looked at me. I shrugged and informed him that I hadn't heard from her. He looked defeated. He was already breaking the rules with Bella, and now another pet needed to be adopted. We didn't have the resources or patience to be a full-fledged animal shelter.

"Call Jenks," he turned to Edward. "I need an ID, twenty-years-old, slightly taller than Bella, light-brown hair. Make the rest up. Tie her to the family somehow. Anything that will let me check her out of the hospital."

"What exactly did she say?" Emmett inquired.

Carlisle was silent for a moment. "That I should have red eyes."

"She knows her vampires," I murmured.

Edward went to put his pet to bed, Carlisle retired to his study, and Emmett suggested that we go on a hunt. He probably thought I needed it. With another human in the house, he was probably right.

It didn't take us long to enter the greenery that made the Pacific Northwest so popular. The trees blurred by as we prowled for our prey. I knew Emmett needed to go deeper to find a bear, but all I ever needed was a couple of deer. Their necks were long, their bodies slender. Even though their taste was less than exquisite, my imagination never failed me. When I pinned down a deer, I was pinning down the barista at the local drive-in coffee bar. When I broke its neck, I was crushing the football coach's skull. When I drained its body, I was draining the college girl that worked weekends at the only bar in Forks. Katie, was it?

This was why I never went hunting with Edward.

"You worried about this?" Emmett asked as we ended our hunt.

"No," I told him. "We've done well with Edward's human."

"You're very calm about this. I can never maintain that when I see Carlisle so worried. He's usually incredible at keeping his composure."

Carlisle was rightfully worried. "Protect Rosalie. That's all that should matter to you."

After that, we walked home in silence.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you, thank you, thank you! See you for the next update.**


	3. Uncertainties

Previously:

_"You're very calm about this. I can never maintain that when I see Carlisle so worried. He's usually incredible at keeping his composure."_

_Carlisle was rightfully worried. "Protect Rosalie. That's all that should matter to you."_

_After that, we walked home in silence._

* * *

**Carlisle**

Edward joined me as we made our commute to the hospital. He seemed tense, and I could tell that he had spent the past night mulling over the situation as thoroughly as he could. Another human in the family just moved us a step higher on the Volturi's watch list.

It was a couple of hours past dawn when we made our arrival. I donned my lab coat, checked in on the previous night's patients, and diverted their charts to other medical doctors. I couldn't deal with them right now.

"I'll be on call today," I informed Marge in the break room, knowing she would find some way to cover for me. I rarely took half days or days off at all. "Family emergency."

She seemed to be fine with that and was clearly exhausted from the overnight shift. I asked her about the girl.

"Her name is Elise, which took me forever to get out of her," she rolled her eyes tiredly. "Her system is pumped out and she should be good for discharge. She doesn't have a record on our computers, and I don't think that she has insurance to cover the charges."

This was working out for us. The less she left a mark, the better. I placed a comforting hand on her arm. "You know what? You've been up all night. Why don't you get home and I can take over? Let the front know to call in an extra provider."

She appreciated my charm. "Thank you for coming in, Dr. Cullen."

I invited Edward in as she left the room. He handed me some documents.

"Here's a pending paper ID. We can probably get away with it since we don't have a picture of the girl. I can mention that she just applied for a license renewal. Small town. I doubt they'd care," he handed me an envelope filled with various paper IDs with different names.

"Her name is Elise," I informed him, flipping through our options. I picked one and handed it over to him. "But I suppose Chloe Cullen works too. Follow me."

We quietly entered Elise's room. Sunlight invaded through the spaces between the closed blinds of the tall hospital windows. She'd been moved out of the emergency room to a more permanent location in the hospital.

"She's paler than Bella," Edward noted. To a human's standards, Bella was, in fact, very pale.

I examined her vitals, updated her chart, and provided my signature. "Her temperature's marginally lower than normal."

"Normal for a body recovering from the verge of an overdose, right?" Edward held my gaze. He had a few medical degrees lying around from our various lifestyle changes, and he knew a fair amount about the human body and was quite interested in it. Rosalie and Alice were more liberal arts types, and Emmett was upset every time he couldn't enroll in high school or college sports, so he usually went for business school. Jasper? History was his forte, but he switched it up with psychology here and there.

Elise stirred. I wasn't sure how long she had been out for. An overdose induced a great shock to the body physically and emotionally, and it was appropriate that her body took this time to recover. We waited for her to wake up naturally, hoping the gradual pool of sunlight through the blinds would act as a catalyst.

"It's you," she croaked when she opened her eyes. I reached for her pixie cup and handed it to her, waiting for her to relieve her dry mouth.

"Good morning, Elise," I flashed a smile. "How are you feeling?"

She didn't acknowledge the fact that we knew her name. Instead, her head snapped towards Edward. "Who are you?"

"This is my son," I told her, and Edward stepped closer and introduced himself. He was being cautious as he monitored her, but I could tell from his expression that something was bothering him.

"Edward," she repeated his name. "Vampires can't breed."

"No," I agreed. "But we are a family."

She raised her eyebrows as if she had further questions, but she let it go. "I want to leave."

"You can't," I said apologetically. "I have to release you myself, but I think it would be valuable for us to chat for a little bit."

She rested her head back on her pillow and released an exasperated sigh. Her eyes were swollen from her sleep, and she still seemed exhausted. "If you want a taste, I can just donate some blood and we can all be on our merry way. If you prefer drinking from the source, that can also be arranged, but please just make it quick."

Edward and I exchanged glances. She thought we wanted to drink from her?

"Never mind," she continued. "Your eyes aren't red. You obviously don't drink human blood. How do you bear working here?"

I grinned lightly. "Your blood doesn't appeal to me. And my family feeds on animal blood."

"An entire family? Of vampires?"

"Yes, and we'd actually like to take you in for a couple of days."

She swallowed and handed her pixie cup to me, which I quickly refilled.

"What do you say?" I prodded. "Would you like to contact your parents first?"

"No," she said quickly. "How long do I have to stay?"

"However long you would like. No harm will come to you. You have my word."

She seemed hesitant, playing with the little pixie cup in her hands. She was contemplating something, but in the end, she gave me the nod I wanted.

"Then, it's done. Edward?"

He left us to begin the illusion of Chloe Cullen. I told Elise that I hoped she wouldn't mind that we'd be using a different form of identification. She simply shrugged. Something told me she didn't mind the privacy of hiding her real identity, yet I was skeptical if Elise was even her real name.

* * *

**Jasper**

So, her name was Elise. I'd be sure to engrave that right on her collar.

I sat in the corner of the living room, flipping through a book, but my focus was on Bella.

 _Chew, chew, chew… swallow._ Esme's lunch sandwiches were my favorite, too. I got to enjoy watching Bella's neck dance as she gobbled up her food. This site was rare. For once, Edward wasn't here to read my thoughts.

Venom poured into my mouth. An incoming phone call snapped me out of it.

"Alice," I picked up.

"Hey, you," I could hear her smile from her tone. "How's it going?"

She already knew about the newcomer. "The house is about to combust with stress," I noticed Bella looking back at me and I immediately looked away. "We're adding another human to our tally, after all."

"I hope those aren't the type of tallies you used to love so much," she said teasingly. I didn't appreciate it.

"That was a bad time. Don't bring them up." I ended it there. This conversation could be heard.

She was silent for a while. For a moment I thought she was off having another vision, but then she began to speak. "I love you, okay? Nothing you did before matters to me." Esme smiled towards me from the kitchen.

"I should go, I can hear a car driving up. You'll be back for the human's birthday?"

"Yes, I will be back for _Bella's_ birthday. I'll talk to you later."

I was an empath. My gift didn't work across a continent, but I could tell I ticked her off. That was fine with me. If she chose to humanize herself and immortalize a human, I couldn't be held responsible for when her human died of pneumonia in half a century, among other things. Unless, of course, Edward moved forward with the change and we got ourselves a ravenous newborn destroying the little town of Forks.

A car made its way up the driveway. I felt her heartbeat immediately. It was faint, but it was there. The door opened, and Elise walked in steadily. One of the first things I noticed was her hair. Mid-length with a deep chestnut color. I immediately thought of how it would transform with a little bit of sunlight. She looked like she belonged in the sun but was denied it. She was pale, which gave her an ill look, but I was used to that trend in humans lately.

"This is Elise," Carlisle announced. "Elise, this is my family."

From the corner of my eye, I saw Emmett, who was perched on the staircase, give her a little wave.

Elise looked at Esme apathetically and then glanced over at Bella. She examined her closely, and then her gaze lingered over me. She looked me up and down and then slowly turned her attention to Carlisle. "You don't look scary at all."

"It's their eyes. Welcoming, right? I'm Bella by the way." Would they start sniffing each other's butts at this point? Elise didn't move forward to shake her hand.

"You're their human?" she asked carefully _. No, but that would've been fun._

"Oh," I saw a little blood rush to Bella's cheeks. "I'm Edward's girlfriend."

"Okay," she looked over at the open kitchen where Bella had been sitting. There were plates of breakfast food laid out on the isle. Esme noticed her staring.

"Are you hungry? Please don't hesitate to grab anything you'd like."

Elise looked at her skeptically. "How many more humans do you keep here?"

"It's just you and her," I muttered.

"I see," she looked at me. "You're one of those covens that attempt to mimic human life."

"We don't attempt," Emmett smirked at her. "We've mastered our art." He looked at me briefly. "Mostly."

I shrugged at her when she threw me a confused look. And that's when it hit me. She was confused. I could tell from her expression, but I couldn't tell by her feelings. I couldn't feel her. She was empty. Apart from her heartbeat, I wouldn't be able to tell that she was in the room.

Shit.

"Anyway, I'm Emmett," he got up to shake her hand. Elise contemplated, and then reached out her own.

"Damn," he pulled his hand back immediately. "Your hands are definitely not Bella-warm. Do you need some gloves or something?"

"I'm fine," she said, and then turned to Esme. "I'll have toast if you don't mind."

In a few minutes, we were arranged in the living room. There was a family discussion to be had, but we were missing two family members. Rosalie and Alice were in Europe, taking time off after high school graduation much like all typical human teenagers. They were due to be back soon.

Elise had a plate of toast resting on her lap. I watched her little hands as they found the crispy edges and tore off squares, popping them in her mouth. She savored it like she was a death row inmate relishing her last meal.

Why was this so delicious to watch?

Her rhythm was systematic. Tear, plop, chew, swallow. Her neck bobbed like Bella's, but I was more interested in her face. I found myself staring at her facial expressions, trying to decipher her emotions. I felt nothing coming from her, but that didn't mean I couldn't find out.

Carlisle seemed to want to wait until she was finished with her meal. She was taking her sweet time. So, he proceeded.

"Elise, we weren't able to find any records of you. There's no link to a set of parents, or even a birth certificate."

Elise licked her thumb. "Is that really your business?"

"We're happy to take you in," Carlisle began. "But we believe we can help you better if we know you."

"Well," she placed the plate on the floor beside her feet and took us in. "My name is Elise. I am not suicidal." She gave Carlisle a sharp look. "I guess I took a little too much pain medication, but I wasn't intending on dying."

"Why do you take pain medication?"

"My body hurts sometimes."

Carlisle produced a notepad. "Any reason why? Do you have chronic pain? Is it more of a bone pain versus a muscle spasm?"

She was annoyed. "If you were going to be my primary care provider, I would've rather stayed at the hospital. I'm here because I can't fight you. You don't like the fact that I know of your existence, I get that. I wish I could cleanse my brain of your existence, but I can't. I would offer you my blood in return of my gradual freedom, but I see that you don't follow that lifestyle."

Who was this girl? What experiences could a human girl have with vampires that weren't the Cullens and survive?

Carlisle clarified that she wasn't here by force. "We want you to understand that you have free will. Bella's human, and she's family." _Please don't compare her to Bella._

"So, I can leave?" Her eyes seemed hopeful, but unsure. Did she have a place to go?

"Yes. If you truly would like to, we will not stop you. However, we have a guest bedroom set up. You said you had some chronic pains. I could look into that for you." Carlisle seemed desperate to get her to stay. Was bribery next? Why couldn't we just chain her to the basement?

She sighed. "I know you want me to stay." She was quiet for a while, troubled. What was she thinking? I glanced at Edward. Could he sense her or was he as blind as I was? "I know I could get you in a lot of trouble."

Kill her now.

It was eerie to see her double over after that thought. She clutched her abdomen, but it was clear that her pain wasn't localized. It spread throughout her body. Her eyes were closed as she tried hard to fight to act normal, but she was failing. She clutched her body like it was the last thing she could hold onto. Finally, she spoke through her teeth. "I'll stay."

Carlisle rushed over to her side. "Esme, get her to the bedroom. Edward, have my office set up. Restock all tools."

Elise was gone in the next second, swept away by Mama Cullen. The family sat there with a dazed Bella. I had to call Alice. I had to tell someone I couldn't feel this girl. I was having a mental breakdown and I didn't even know it. The one thing I could rely on was failing me for the first time in my existence.

When Edward came back, he stared at me disbelievingly.

"You can't feel her." It was a statement. I couldn't bring myself to say it out loud.

I needed to think. I needed to figure this out. This human had ripped a hole of uncertainty in my life and I wanted it filled.

For once in my life, I found myself sympathizing with Edward.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading. I'm open to any ideas/guesses on what you guys think is happening. It always interests me to see how my readers fill in the blanks.**

**Till next time.**


	4. Normalities

Previously:

_"You can't feel her." It was a statement. I couldn't bring myself to say it out loud._

_I needed to think. I needed to figure this out. This human had ripped a hole of uncertainty in my life and I wanted it filled._

_For once in my life, I found myself sympathizing with Edward._

* * *

**Jasper**

Alice gave us the green light. She couldn't see any imminent threat walking up to our doorstep and she agreed that we had made the right decision by taking in the human.

"I know you struggle," She coaxed me over the phone. "But you've been great with Bella. It's just her times two. They're both just trying to live a normal life with vampires in the mix."

"I'm sorry that I can't _empathize,"_ I snarled at her. "It's not a Bella thing. It's a _her_ thing. What the hell, Alice? It's blank. Empty. Nothing."

I wasn't taking this well and I knew it. My emotions were almost always under my control.

We chatted about politics and the weather until I grew tired of her trying to distract me. Bella's birthday was in a week, so she started giving me a to-do list of all that had to be prepared.

I caught Carlisle as he was leaving. "Progress?"

He frowned. "No. I'm going to grab a few pain meds for her. You've hunted. You should be good."

Leaving me alone with her wasn't the issue.

"It's not that," I let him feel my irritation. "She's blocking me."

"She's..." he paused. "Strong. We have two shields in our home."

With that, he left, but I could read his curiosity and intrigue. She was strong. She had the potential to be powerful. Was he thinking what I was thinking?

"Hey," I felt her heartbeat before I heard her speak. She stood at the top of the staircase. Her brown hair was dripping from her shower, dampening her shirt.

"Good morning," I acknowledged her. "The doctor left to grab you your meds."

She nodded in approval and came down to the kitchen. She seemed in better spirits, which was an odd turn-around from the reluctancy she demonstrated yesterday. I asked her what she needed, but she seemed to take care of herself on her own. She tried to pick up the carafe from the coffee machine, but the tape that kept it stuck to the machine jerked it back.

She was amused.

"We've had that for two years and no one's used it."

She carefully peeled off the tape. She paused, looked behind the machine, and unraveled its chord. After plugging it in, she filled it with water and started to hunt for the coffee grounds. I pointed her towards the pantry in the corner.

My phone buzzed. It was a text from Alice. _Milk._

Was she serious? I went over to the fridge and took out half a gallon.

"Thank you," Elise smiled. "How did you know?"

I watched her pour a few ounces into a mug and then start the coffee machine.

I didn't quite appreciate how calm she was. She acted like she belonged in a family of vampires. I was convinced she was crazy.

She poured her coffee, grabbed her mug in both tiny hands, and took her first sip. I saw her muscles visibly relax as she rolled her shoulders back. Her tiny nose sniffed at the cup again before taking another sip. I would've given the world to roll around in her plethora of feelings in that instant. But then, her face scrunched up. She placed the mug down onto the counter and squeezed it as she simultaneously squeezed her entire body. A jolt of pain just ripped her apart and I wasn't able to feel any of it.

I grabbed her arm to steady her. She told me to stop, but she didn't fight. She couldn't. After a minute, she took a few breaths and grabbed her mug.

"How was your morning?" She looked up at me.

"Does that happen often?"

She looked down onto her body. "Is there a problem?"

_Yes, there is a problem. You're not a vampire but you're somehow strong enough to disobey my power. Who the hell are you?_

I calmed my anger. "You seem like you have some problems."

She shrugged. "Who doesn't?"

If she was going to be evasive, that was fine. It wasn't my job to figure out her cure, but her motives could dictate my survival, and we couldn't have that.

"How long have you been with vampires?"

"A few years."

"You must like us enough to still be in contact."

She frowned. "You don't just walk away from vampires. What was your name?"

"Jasper."

"That sounds like a dog's name."

 _Excuse me?_ She was the dog in this arrangement. I didn't respond, so she went on.

"You seem like decent vampires. You have a system here. There's the father figure, the brothers, the mom. I don't quite see how you view Bella. Is she really the girlfriend?"

"Edward's girlfriend."

"And he doesn't drink from her?"

"Should he?"

There were too many questions on the table that I needed answers to, and her blank wall of emotions suffocated me. My frantic mind was trying to poke and prod at her to crack a leak, but there was nothing. I had to accept it.

"I think so," she was uncertain. "I don't know. I'm not a vampire."

"We're vegetarians," I told her. "We're on an animal diet. Hence why our eyes aren't red."

She nodded. "I know. Does it taste good?" She headed for the fridge.

I leaned against the counter, right beside where she left her mug. "No."

I didn't think she expected me to be blunt about it. She paused and smiled, and then resumed her search in the fridge. She returned with a piece of bread.

"Then why do you do it?"

I eyed her bread. "If you put something on that it might taste better."

She took a bite. "So you're saying if you lather a squirrel with some human blood, you'd be content? And wrong. I happen to like the taste of bread by itself. You don't like the taste of animal in any situation."

"I haven't tried marinating my squirrels. Are you offering your blood for this experiment?" I wasn't entirely sure if I was joking. My mouth watered and I felt the immediate need to vacate her presence.

She paused, steadied herself, and took a deep breath. "I need to go sit for a little bit." Her expression was tense with pain.

And then she was gone. I put her mug in the sink and ran for the woods.

* * *

**Carlisle**

Elise had requested heavier pain medication, but I hoped to get her pacified with some over-the-counter meds. Her body was weakened by her accidental high dose and needed some time to recover. I left the local drug store with a bag of Acetaminophen and Ibuprofen.

I called Alice on the drive home. Elise was our main topic of conversation.

"I wish I could see the past," she told me. "I wish I knew what happened to her."

I reassured her that we would do our best to find out.

"And Jasper," she sighed. "He's going nuts over his powers. I'm just sorry I'm not there."

"Have you seen anything?"

"I would tell you if I did. It's the usual."

"I'm going to run some tests. Edward will be back with some more equipment for the lab this evening."

She didn't respond. That meant the tests wouldn't tell us anything.

And she was right. Everything I ran on her was inconclusive or negative. Physically, she was weak from her overdose. But besides that, her system was clear of any illness.

Elise sat up from the examination table. I looked into her weary brown eyes and told her the same thing I had been telling her.

"Nothing."

She stood and grabbed two more pills from the surgical tray. I told her that she couldn't have anymore until tonight after she took those. She didn't say anything and gulped down the pills dry.

I slid back into my office after she took her leave. Her chart was filled out completely and her folder was thick from all of the documented tests I had run on her. I signed each page, frowning at the lack of results. With all of my years of training and expertise as a doctor coupled with my heightened vampiric abilities, I had never felt so useless.

Edward stepped in. He knew.

"She has identification. We can make up a good story. Bella can take her to school." Edward sounded optimistic. Was it worth the risk to have her roam free?

"I'll consider it," I pushed her chart towards him. "She's still recovering. In a week, perhaps."

"After Bella's birthday." We came to a mutual agreement, but he sensed by doubts.

"Carlisle, I don't think she'll talk. Even if we let her go, she's too scared. Exposing us is her death sentence."

I nodded. "One step at a time. Take her chart and contact some of our nearby allies. Maybe someone's heard of her condition."

With that, I joined Esme in the kitchen and watched as she engaged Elise in a delicate baking routine. Her pain had subdued from the pills and she looked healthier than yesterday. Esme enjoyed her company and I enjoyed seeing my wife happy.

Maybe this wasn't that bad.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you! Would love to hear predictions.**


	5. Bones

_Previously:_

_"Carlisle, I don't think she'll talk. Even if we let her go, she's too scared. Exposing us is her death sentence."_

_I nodded. "One step at a time. Take her chart and contact some of our nearby allies. Maybe someone's heard of her condition."_

_With that, I joined Esme in the kitchen and watched as she engaged Elise in a delicate baking routine. Her pain had subdued from the pills and she looked healthier than yesterday. Esme enjoyed her company and I enjoyed seeing my wife happy._

_Maybe this wasn't that bad._

* * *

**Jasper**

I bought a few balloons and flimsy party decor as per Alice's request. This was our first birthday party in decades. It was a waste. A front. We blanketed our reality this way. Alice loved all of this. The graduations, the celebrations, the dinners, and family game nights. The family welcomed it all with open arms. When Bella came into the mix, they had more of a reason to do it all.

"Are you excited, Bella?" Emmett grinned from above as he taped a few wisps of dangling silver paper on the archway. Bella held on to his ladder for no apparent reason. She could tell that his fall would hurt her more than it would ever do harm to him, right?

"Sure am," she didn't mean for it to come out sarcastic, but she was an open book. Since Edward couldn't keep secrets from his "mate," the surprise party lost its most important component: the surprise. More so, it felt like a welcome back party for Alice and Rosalie.

Alice. She'd been traveling Europe with Rosalie. Dodging the family through travel was her way of distracting herself. Dodging me was her way of keeping sane.

She'd never admit it. She'd never admit that I was the cause of her anger, irritation, and anxiety. She tried to love me despite me. Despite my past, my present, and whatever she saw in the future. It never helped that I filtered her feelings back to her. That was where my gift failed. I amplified her negativity. The more she looked for my future to keep me in line, the more of those feelings she pushed towards me, and the more I sent them back to her. It was a cursed cycle. She had to make sure the family was safe by digging into our futures through constant monitoring. If any of us had a frenzy, it reflected poorly on our clan. And our clan, as vegetarians, weren't the most respected in the first place. The Cullens were the prime suspect for breaking, since they denied themselves human blood. Exposing yourself was simple when your bloodlust clouded your sense of reason.

Elise tore open a new bag of bows. She was cross-legged on the living room carpet facing outward towards the windows, trying to strategically place bows of the most appropriate design on each present. She seemed keen on them matching each individual wrapping paper. The bows I'd bought weren't the best quality, and peeling off their covers to expose their sticky side was a hassle on its own. She grew more and more frustrated as she failed to tear the cover properly, leaving residue behind, though that couldn't have been the only thing bothering her.

She looked up at me. "Can I leave? Take a walk? Anything."

She'd been locked in for a few days. Humans needed exercise and all she did was walk up and down three stories worth of stairs.

It was cloudy out. Perfect.

"Sure," I threw some more pieces of decor up to Emmett. "Let's take a walk."

This was good. Walking was boring, which always induced conversation. Conversation got us places. I took her into the nearby woods and led her down a hiking path. It was one of the flat ones; I took no chances with her health being compromised. I hated when conversations were cut short due to panting or lack of energy.

"How old is she turning?" She was the one to initiate.

"Eighteen." Discussing Bella was the last on my list of favorite pastimes, but was it an opportunity to learn? "How old are you?"

"Twenty?" Her response sounded less like fact and more like a question. She seemed focused, lost in her thoughts. She caught me looking at her and softened her expression.

"Sorry. Thank you for taking me out."

Small talk. I wasn't sure how to approach this situation. Carlisle wanted to help her. I wanted answers. The family's worry was getting tiring to mitigate.

She asked about Bella's birthday, when it was, how long it would take, and if I had gotten her anything. My answers were short, but truthful. Next Saturday, an entire evening, and no.

She frowned. "How's her life been so far?"

 _We're talking about a puppy here._ "Fine. She reads a lot of classics. Very Edwardian upbringing."

"Is she happy?" She caught my gaze. "You feel, right?"

"I feel," I confirmed. "She's content. She's been nervous recently because of her party."

She was thinking hard. Was she comparing Bella's arrangement with vampires to her own? What differences were there? Had she been happy?

"What does she want to do in the future?"

Marry Edward. Major in English. Beg for eternal life. Join us in never-ending existentialism. Have sex.

"I think she wants to study English."

She smiled. "Does she want to change?"

"Yes."

"When?" I couldn't believe I was having this conversation with a human.

"That's up to Eddie. Why the curiosity?"

We were trudging slowly on the path. The wind blew and danced with the leaves, brushing through her hair gently. Her bony cheekbones were less noticeable. She'd gained a good amount of weight in the last few days and looked livelier than her first day.

"We die so quickly," she said. "I thought maybe she would like a chance at a longer life."

"It's relative. A century to me is a year for you. A century for you is your whole life."

She kicked at the dirt. "Exactly. Would be a cool birthday present."

I chuckled. "There's no way Bella's changing on her birthday. Edward's told us on many accounts that they would have to get married first."

"Well that's silly," she said in a low voice, almost to herself. "When did you join the Cullens?"

I gave her an abridged version of the story. A complete retelling of my own past would've taken too long, so I hit the main topics. Alice, Carlisle's hospitality, my power.

"Are you married?"

"Alice is my partner. We've been together from the moment we met." This was true. I could never repay her for the impact she'd had on me.

"Very nice," she came to a stop. "Should we start walking back?"

"It's up to you. If you don't want to walk back the same path, we can continue and I can just carry you back."

She nodded, impressed. "Prime service from the Cullen clan. I would like that. I should be back in twenty minutes. Is that okay?"

That was fine. In twenty minutes she would be allowed her next dose of pain medication, but she already knew that. Sneaky girl.

"So, your power. Does it have any limitations?"

_You. You are its limitation._

"I can feel and amplify. Usually, people are overwhelmed if they're around me and I don't actively sort through their emotions. If I don't deal with their feelings, they bounce back on them hard."

"I don't feel that way. Are you dealing with my feelings?"

"No," I told her. "I'm not." I left it at that. It wasn't a lie, and she didn't pursue it.

What I did feel was her grabbing onto my arm as her body brought her to her knees. I held her weight easily as she took a few minutes practicing some sort of breathing exercise to ease her pain.

"Would you like to go back to the house?"

"No," she forced out. "I have fifteen... minutes."

I grabbed both of her arms to steady her so that she could stand. My focus was on my own strength. Touching humans gently was not something I practiced. After making sure that my grip wouldn't leave bruises, I let myself focus on her. Her eyes were scrunched shut, her face sour. This was unbelievable.

"I'm sorry," was all I could muster. I wasn't around her all day. How often did this happen?

She relaxed after a few minutes, and then looked at me apologetically.

"You weren't responsive when I asked about this before," I implored.

Elise took her weight off of my arms and stood tall, though she kept her hold on my right forearm. "You have crescents here," she poked at my scars. I whipped my arms back.

She wanted to avoid the topic? Easy. "Yes," I said, and continued walking. She caught up to me and said nothing. I could play the game.

After a while, she lowered her gaze and then peeked at me. Her eyes went down again. She was trying to say something. She opened her mouth only to close it back again.

I let her deal with it.

"I don't know," she finally said. "I have no clue."

"About?"

"Why I collapse like that."

Ah. Progress. "How long has it been this way?"

"For as long as I can remember," she scratched her head. "I wish I had an answer."

"Is that why you're staying? For answers?"

She nodded. "Hospitals are garbage. Carlisle showed me that he was trying."

Papa Cullen was enthralled by the idea of a disease not yet written in medical books. It was his distraction.

"Do the pills help?"

"Yes. No. Somewhat. In the moment I will do whatever it takes to make it stop."

"Is that why you ended up in the hospital?"

She looked away, out to the horizon that was blocked by rows of pine. "Yes."

"Well," I looked at my wrist that lacked a watch. "Time's up. Let's go. May I?" I held my arms out.

She let me pick her up, bridal style. My right arm lifted her back, and my left arm fell into the joints of her knees. Despite her slight weight gain, she still remained weaker than a normal human. I was careful to not apply a lot of pressure on either end.

Before I started my run, I took a second. "Elise."

She looked up at me. I threw her a bone.

"Not crescents. Scars."

* * *

**A/N: Thank you so much for taking the time to read.**


	6. Rose Colored

_Previously:_

_Before I started my run, I took a second. "Elise."_

_She looked up at me. I threw her a bone._

_"Not crescents. Scars."_

* * *

**Jasper**

I watched as Elise threw two white pills into her mouth and gulped down a whole glass of water. She picked up the beef stew that Esme had prepared for her and spooned some in her mouth. I enjoyed this more than I should have. Food and humans never got old. Was it the anticipation of prey fattening up or the way Elise treated each meal with enough care that you would've thought it was her last?

"Scars," she said between mouthfuls. "What from?"

 _Oh, right._ I served a psycho bitch. Newborns were shitheads to subdue. Past lovers thought I'd enjoy it.

"Mostly fights I've been in," I told her.

You could say I didn't have the most regular upbringing as an immortal.

I had been turned by a power-hungry vampire and became her favorite chew toy. Maria knew I was gifted, so she kept me around longer than most of her others. I was a valuable addition to her army and she was the messed up mother I never had. Her lessons taught me to kill or be killed, no matter the circumstances. I had to survive, she'd tell me. I had to survive to protect her and her mission. The Southern Vampire Wars were a disaster. Maria wanted her territories back and wouldn't stop at anything to retrieve them. I was her hope. But she was the one who taught me that hope, trust, and loyalty were useless, and she soon faced the monster she herself created. My inner resentment for her never vanished, it just transformed into self-loathing, which later manifested into temperamental tendencies.

I noticed Elise's stare.

"Well?" She urged me on. "What kind of fights?"

"Quarrels with vampires here and there." It wasn't a total lie. "It's in our nature."

"The rest of your family seems pretty porcelain."

"My upbringing wasn't the same."

She nodded along. "I was raised pretty porcelain — but the kind your grandmother would have in the back of her closet that would only be put out on special occasions."

"Protective family?"

"Yeah. I never actually knew my grandmother."

I sensed a car down in the main driveway. Edward. And more horrifically, Bella.

"We have company," I told Elise and took her empty bowl to the kitchen.

Edward came first, and Bella slowly stepped in after. Elise looked at her, then awkwardly looked away _._ There was an odd look in her eye, and it didn't feel right not to pry. I had so many damn questions. The girl kept too much to herself to the point where it was causing her harm. If she spoke out about her past, she could easily get help. Didn't she know the Cullens were suckers for troubled pasts and healing?

Greetings were exchanged quickly and Edward whisked his pet up to his bedroom. They were tense as a couple, and I could quickly discern why. Bella was asking about her change, and Eddie wasn't having any of it. Part of my attention was upstairs, but the rest were with Elise.

"You don't have to guard me, you know," She said. "I don't need constant surveillance."

It was true. I had more of an interest in her than most of the family. Her blocking lured me to her the same way Eddie was lured to Bella. The curiosity. The 'why' factor. Why was this creature defying me?

"If you don't enjoy my company, I can gladly hand you over to the doctor or someone else in the family." I hoped she wouldn't pick that option.

"No, you're fine." Wonderful.

"What do you think of Bella?" I heard the arguing from upstairs stop. Edward was listening in.

"She's human," Elise said after a while, almost to herself. "Pretty."

I suppose she was pretty. "I see her as more of a pet."

A growl emanated from Eddie. I wanted to laugh.

Elise smiled, but didn't say a word. She knew Edward was upstairs, and she was doing a good job staying on his good side. My pet remark didn't seem to bother her — maybe it was something she was used to? She seemed to be thinking, and her face soured the more time she took to do so. Had I offended her? She wasn't a pet to me. Why wasn't she a pet to me?

She looked away. Was she in pain?

"Did the pills help?"

She nodded and thanked me. "When is your partner coming back?"

Her question made me realize that Alice was due to be back soon. That would be a change.

"Alice and Rosalie will be home tomorrow." I explained that Rosalie was Emmett's mate. She seemed to understand the mating concept pretty well, so I didn't have to give her a quick run-down. We talked about Esme and Carlisle. They were the perfect example of the purest mating bond I had ever witnessed. She didn't ask about the rest of the family, so we hovered around the Cullen past. She was fascinated by Carlisle's motives as a father figure, savior, and protector.

When she went to bed, I reflected on our conversations. I soon realized that they were empty and pointless. She was entirely guarded and I couldn't influence her emotions to reveal more of her personality. It shouldn't be this hard to interrogate a human. I suppose I didn't want to interrogate her. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted her to willingly give away her thoughts and feelings. Edward couldn't force her thoughts, and I couldn't force her feelings. It was chaos. My nature didn't function this way.

Bella was asleep. Edward came down. He demanded that I stop referring to his mate as a pet. I told him she wasn't his mate, then proceeded to listen as he lectured me about my limited knowledge. If Esme hadn't cared about her beautifully constructed living room, I would've smashed Edward into the fireplace in an instant. He didn't like my imagery of that, but he also sensed my frustration. My thoughts replayed Elise's facial expressions; I had them on loop for full analysis of her emotions.

Eddie smirked, welcoming me to his world.

* * *

I spent the night in the study. It was the room in-between Edward's and the guest room that Elise was staying in. Edward had left to go hunt, leaving me with two humans to watch over. Thankfully, they were sleeping soundly.

Experiment one. Bella was my controlled variable, my reference point. Elise, ironically, was my manipulated variable, even though there was nothing I could manipulate. The two variables, given the same constant environment, gave drastically different outputs. Bella had a balanced heart and breathing rate. Three seconds inhale, three seconds exhale. This was continuous throughout the hours. Elise, on the other hand, was erratic. Her breathing slowed and quickened drastically, along with her heart rate. It was akin to someone fighting off a fever in their sleep, but she wasn't ill in that way. The only conclusion I could come up with was that her vitals reacted to her fluctuations in pain, which was something I couldn't explain in the first place.

I mulled over the two variables for the night and dug through Carlisle's study. There was nothing humanly wrong with Elise, and I trusted Carlisle's expertise enough to not question otherwise.

When morning came, so did Alice and Rosalie. Esme and I unloaded their bags of gifts from their car.

"I'm excited to meet her," Alice gave me a kiss on the cheek and arranged some gifts on Bella's gift table that was already set up for her birthday. I let her fuss around the organization before suggesting a run. I told her I had been stuck babysitting them all night. So, we took off in the early hours of dawn.

Alice was a runner. Her petite size allowed her to be very aerodynamic and she almost always beat me in any challenge that involved speed. In about thirty minutes, we reached a clearing and found a shady spot by some running mountain water.

We did this quite a lot. We lay there under the sky in silence, acknowledging each other's presence. Existing.

I thought it would've been refreshing to be around someone with pure, raw emotions that I could feel, but it wasn't the way I thought it would go. I felt bombarded, and Alice was the type that threw out a rollercoaster of feelings at you. She cycled from excitement, curiosity, anticipation, and contentment. I wanted to run away.

We usually never spoke during these times, since we spent the rest of the time socializing with the family. This was our off time. But Alice couldn't hold it any longer.

"Bella's birthday. How exciting." She smiled, and looked at me. I remained focused on the clouds.

She frowned. "What's wrong?"

"I think we have more important concerns than Bella's 18th birthday."

She sat up. "In due time, Jasper. Everything will be fine."

I immediately asked her if she knew something.

"No," Her answer lingered, as if she wanted to say more. Her frustration hit me along with her sympathy. "You can't feel her, and I can't see her. When I can't see someone, they're usually either dead, or with the wolves."

The wolf pack that occupied a nearby territory wasn't fond of us. To them we were bloodsuckers and leeches. To us they were wet dogs that disabled our psychic.

"But," she continued. "I can see her when she's involved in someone else's vision. When Carlisle decided to run tests on her, I could see that they were inconclusive, and I could see her there with him."

 _Incredible_.

"We need her, Alice. Carlisle's playing the you-can-leave-whenever-you-like card, but we can't let her go. She's too powerful, even as a human. Imagine her potential when she's changed."

" _When?_ " Alice asked incredulously.

"Yes, when." I eyed her. "It would be a waste to lose her."

"Are you hearing yourself?" She stood up. "This is not some newborn you're trying to recruit. We don't turn people to use them."

Wrong.

"Then I'm sure you're ready to defend Carlisle's motives, then? Every bit of this family was built from pure selfishness. Carlisle yearned for a companion that would make his miserable existence a little brighter. Esme. She was trying to kill herself, but he didn't let her. After she turned, they needed a distraction. They were still miserable. Edward. And he came with his perks. This was when Carlisle realized the power Eddie had added to his little group."

Alice looked away.

"One wasn't enough," I continued. "Rosalie was the perfect little sister, though she brought nothing to the table but her looks. She found Emmett, and he was another valuable addition, more so than her. Carlisle could never refuse the muscle Emmett added to the family's defense. Shall I continue? Why do you think they welcomed you with open arms?"

"Stop."

No one could handle the truth. "Protection. We're all cowards binding together against the Volturi."

No response. I'd hurt her. I could feel it.

"Why should I pretend that my motives are anything outside of the truth? Why do you pretend?"

There was a prolonged pause. She wouldn't look at me, but I saw her hands tighten to a fist. "We pretend."

She turned to look me in the eye. If she were human, tears would have been streaming down her pale cheeks. " _We_ pretend."

Slowly, I nodded. She was right. We pretended. We were nothing. She couldn't handle the truth, and I couldn't handle the lies.

"In my visions, I was always destined to hold your hand and bring you to the Cullens," she said. "But nothing was set in stone after that."

The romanticism killed me. "There is no destiny, Alice. We were together because we had no one."

"That might be true," her voice was small, defeated. "But we were pretty damn good."

I took her hand. "If you're happier this way, with the rose colored glasses and the warped mirrors, that's fine. But I can't pretend for you. Not anymore."

She rose up on her toes and planted a kiss on my cheek. She knew this would happen, she'd been preparing for it the whole day. She walked away.

And I did too.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading. Reviews are equivalent to cups of coffee. Inspiring and tasty.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone had pointed out that I had switched the order in which Carlisle turned Esme and Edward and wondered if that was intentional. I wanted Carlisle's main drive to find a female companion (later to become his mate) be clear, rather than him initially turning Edward for no apparent gain.
> 
> It's S. Meyer's world, but there are things I need to change to fit the story. Jasper's a huge product of this change. Also, don't be hesitant to ask when something doesn't sound right. It's (usually) with intention.


	7. More

Previously:

_I took her hand. "If you're happier this way, with the rose colored glasses and the warped mirrors, that's fine. But I can't pretend for you. Not anymore."_

_She rose up on her toes and planted a kiss on my cheek. She knew this would happen, she'd been preparing for it the whole day. She walked away._

_And I did too._

* * *

**Jasper**

Rosalie was an especially unhappy bitch today, and I validated her feelings. It was the day before Bella's celebration, and she wasn't having any of it. She gave Bella and Elise the good old stink eye the entire time she had been home. At least she wasn't picking favorites like some of us. She hated them both equally. I pulled her aside outside.

"Jasper, do you even see what we're doing?"

 _Collecting humans for a good cause._ "Running a charity."

She smacked my arm. "The family's going to be slaughtered over two weak, pathetic creatures. Have any of you talked about this? We leave the country for two weeks and this is what we come back to?"

I led her away from the perimeter of the house. "She's a powerful shield. A more thorough one than Bella. Although, we can't tell who develops it the most until they're both changed."

Rosalie was one of the few in the family that didn't object to the Cullen mission. She welcomed it with open arms. As a vampire with no gift, she could use all of the protection she could get. She was lucky that her mate just so happened to be a grizzly bear. "Do you think Carlisle is going to do it?"

"The girl's in pain," I said.

She interrupted before I could continue. "Great. Let's end her misery."

"Carlisle's scrambling to cure her. He doesn't show any intention to turn her."

" _Cure_ her? His venom can do more curing than his eight medical degrees."

This was true. Perhaps he was taking his time to cover all of his bases regarding Elise's disease. If he reached an absolutely dead end, he would give her the option to change. I mentioned this to Rose, and she argued that we were wasting too much time. I told her that the girl had a past with vampires that she was keen on keeping to herself.

Rose examined my face carefully. "You need to figure out what she did with those vampires. Rather, what they did to her. There's no other explanation."

We knew this. "We can't just force her to speak. Eddie can't draw from her mind, I can't influence her to trust us. Alice can barely see her."

Her lips thinned to a line. Her internal struggle reflected onto me, and I sent back waves of calm. She turned angry, and told me to stop influencing her. I backed off.

She switched topics. "You and Alice."

"Done."

She smiled. _Finally_ , she probably thought. She was never a fan of the two of us sharing a bedroom above them and having the most pathetic sex lives of the century. On the contrary, her and Emmett should've been voted for the most creative. The amount of times new furniture had to be ordered into their room over the course of a month was oddly inspiring. Rose had always told me that instinctually, mating was the most primal act that we would experience, and it was the closest way we could relate to humans.

I had confided in her regarding Alice in the past.

"We both knew she wasn't your mate."

Alice knew, too. "Everyone probably did."

She gave me a pointed look. Our lack of bedroom escapades were prevalent across the house.

 _It's delicate._ Rose would tell me. _Humans don't see it that way. They mate for offspring, we mate for bond. Once we have that bond, that's it. You're stuck. But it's not a bad stuck. It's almost a relief._

Alice and I had been bad stuck. We had mediocre sex and talked about our feelings. She didn't understand mine, but as an empath, I reasoned with hers. She secretly resented me for my past, and I didn't care for hers. I threw as much appreciation towards her as I could muster for bringing me to an accepting coven. Otherwise, we had respect for each other's gifts, but that was basically it.

"How do you feel?" Rose leaned against a tree and watched me climb up another one. I perched on a branch.

"Fine. Nothing changes when you remove nothing from your life."

She rolled her eyes. "Dramatic. Tell me about Elise."

I opened my mouth and I closed it right back. What was I supposed to tell her? Her body killed her. She was twenty years old. She'd never met her grandmother?

"I know nothing about her."

Her eyebrows perched up. "You've been with her for a week."

"She's very elusive."

Rosalie was bored. "She's a human. How hard can this be? You know what — never mind. I'll do it myself."

She ran for it. _Goddamn it, Rosalie._

I was hot on her tail. She was fast, but branches slowed her down. I tackled her with ease.

"Don't tell Emmett," I said as I pinned her shoulders down. "He'll rip me into seven pieces and scatter me in the Columbia River."

She puffed out some air to push her hair back. "Get off."

I gave her a warning look and pulled her up with me.

"Protective, much?" she patted herself free of dirt. "I wasn't going to bite. I had a few questions."

"We all do, but we can't bombard her. If we need her to stay, she needs to feel that she can trust us. If we start interrogating, she'll be spooked."

"Your ability would come in handy right about now," she sighed, and eyed me. "You like her."

Did I? "She's interesting. Boring Bella isn't."

"That's all?"

What else could there be? "She romanticizes immortality. She views vampirism as a gift — at least she thought it would be a good birthday present for Bella."

Rosalie gave me a funny look. "It's odd to have such a discussion with a human, isn't it?"

Humans. I felt humans. I didn't feel her. Some feared, sensed our danger. She didn't cower.

Others were infatuated by our charm. She didn't give me one look of desire.

To me, she wasn't human. She couldn't be.

When we headed back to the Cullen house, I greeted Esme. She pointed me towards the guest bedroom immediately. Two heartbeats. One faint, and one Bella.

I ascended the stairs and made myself comfortable in the study. The conversation was easy to follow.

" _How long do you want to wait until you're married?"_ Elise. She spoke slowly, carefully.

" _A year. Edward hasn't proposed yet, but we're thinking maybe a year."_

" _After that, you'll change?"_

" _Yes. At least, that's the plan."_ Pause. " _I'm sorry that you're in so much pain. Will you be okay for the party tomorrow?"_

" _Yes. Do you have a family?"_

Bella was timid in her response. Who asked if someone had a family? Everyone had a family. " _Mother in Arizona, and my dad's here. You?"_

" _Dead. Will they be coming to your party?"_ She always diverted the topic away from herself.

" _No. I like to keep them away from vampires as much as possible."_ I heard her chuckle to herself.

" _As a human, what's something you've always wanted to do? Something you wouldn't be able to experience as a vampire?"_

Interesting. Bella took a moment. " _Don't tell Edward — but getting absolutely black out drunk is high on my list."_

Very interesting. I heard shuffling in the room, and both girls shared a laugh. The door slammed shut, and I followed Bella's heartbeat all the way down the stairs. She got in her truck and left the Cullen property. The guest bedroom door opened, and I heard a knock on my door.

Elise came in. Her hair was curled around her face and rested on her chest. She wore comfortable clothing that hung loose from her frame. She seemed happy to see me, which spread a feeling of content through my body.

"Jasper," she acknowledged me. "I'm sure you heard."

I nodded. "Want me to change the drink list for tomorrow?"

She smiled slowly. "It's her birthday. Let's make it happen."

I nudged my head towards an empty seat. "Care to stay?"

She hesitated. _Don't worry. Stay. Talk._ She gave in and sat, tucking in her legs underneath her. She looked small on the ornate armchair. I took the one next to her.

"I don't get great vibes from your sister."

Rosalie. "She's a bitch to everyone."

"I think she acts that way because she's scared. Anger is almost always a byproduct of fear. And I'm here. She's scared of what that means for her family. I can't argue with that."

"You know so much for what you are," I found myself saying.

She tilted her head. "For what I am?"

"Do you think Bella has even half the perception you show?"

"I'm sure she's a very smart girl."

 _Don't bullshit me._ "Why do you think that?"

She shrugged. "Why would a vampire waste his time with a dim-witted human?"

This was stupid. "Edward has his type but that's beside the point. You've been exposed to my world more than most humans I've known."

I hated how uncomfortable she was at that moment. "It comes with a price. I never asked for any of it. If you could give me the chance to do it all over again, I would run the other way. Not that I ever had an option to run."

Was she held captive? Which coven held her against her will and for how long?

"Who, Elise?"

"They were disbanded. I think they're all dead." _What?_

Her gaze was distant. She refocused and looked at me. "I don't feel well. Would it be terrible if I skipped the party tomorrow?"

I shook my head, incredulous. "I'm sure... I'm sure Bella would understand."

She went to bed.

* * *

Boring Bella with the boring birthday. We sat around the immaculately decorated living room with her, and I listened as the family told stories of birthdays past. There had been a time where we celebrated birthdays, but after decades of parties that didn't quite mean anything, we slowly faded them out of our lives. One year, Emmett drove straight through the living room to give Rosalie her new Corvette. I had never seen Esme so pleasantly pissed. Another year, Alice and Rosalie tried to mix deer guts and skin into a birthday cake for Carlisle. Needless to say, we never did that again.

Bella's gifts were piled high in the corner along with the cake that probably could be a moderately sized wedding cake. She couldn't eat all of this, could she? Lights shimmered all around the room, and a big _happy birthday_ sign hung along the doorway to the kitchen. We also had a selection of wines, scotches, vodkas, and tequilas lined up by the soft drinks, as per Elise's suggestion. She wasn't with us, but her faint heartbeat was always on the back of my mind. She hadn't left her room the entire evening.

Emmett began to egg Bella on. "Shots for the birthday girl!"

Edward went up with her to the alcohol collection. She took three shots and we all watched in awe. Could she die from this? Carlisle would've stopped her, I reasoned. For vampires, there were experiences we didn't take with us after our change. I couldn't remember the quantity of alcohol that I could drink without getting absolutely incoherent. You didn't think about these things when they didn't impact you anymore.

Bella was giggling. Edward was concerned. Alice put on music so that we could watch tipsy Bella and neurotic Edward dance. I didn't pay much attention to Alice anymore, but I showed the decency she deserved. I took her up for a dance, which pleased the family.

Elise was shifting around upstairs. What was she doing? Did she have enough pain meds?

From the corner of my eye, I saw Bella stumble around with Edward. She was on four or five shots now? I hoped someone was keeping track. The song ended, and an upbeat one followed. I took my seat.

The time came where we all sang for Bella, and she blew out her candles. She was drunk. Very drunk. Her _thank you's_ were slurred, and she kept leaning on Edward for support. The girls grabbed champagne glasses to cheer for her health. Esme popped an expensive bottle and topped off four flutes. It was just for the ladies.

"To you and Edward, and your 18th year," Esme announced and they touched glasses.

But the glasses touched too hard. The pressure. Bella wasn't aware of her own strength. Broken glass. Shatter. Bella's fingers. Blood.

I was on my feet. My nostrils flared with the smell of delicious, warm, and sticky liquid dripping down from her hand. She stumbled and fell. _Prey._

Red. My vision, the white carpet with her blood, her bloody dress. _Drip, drip, drip._ It was going to waste. Just one taste. Just one.

I lunged. I was behind her. Crack. Her neck in my hands. Was it broken? My teeth were on her shoulder, biting. I needed more. Her heart pumped boozy glory into my mouth and I was an alcoholic. _More, more, more_.

Screaming. So much screaming. A crash. My prey was gone. I clawed hard at the thing in front of me. Edward. His arm was in my hands, but he wasn't there. I threw his limb across the floor. Another crash. My back against the wall. I shoved Emmett through the window.

My prey was on the ground. No screaming. I picked her up and ran out the same window. Her pulse was weak. Weak like Elise's. Elise? _Elise_. Where was she? _No. Focus. Prey._ I ran deep into the woods and threw it down, its wrist to my mouth. More until there wasn't more. Dry, like summer wine.

Carlisle. I dropped the prey's arm.

"Jasper."

I looked at him, and then I looked at my feet where she lay. _My prey._

No.

_The puppy. The pet._

Yes.

_Bella. Edward's Bella._

_Fuck._

My vision was clearing. Carlisle stepped forward slowly, examining my face.

"May I?" He eyed Bella's body. I took a few steps back.

Carlisle made it to her body. The more he examined, the more I could see. Her neck was twisted, and her arm was bent. Her eyes were open, staring at nothing. Blank and glossy. Dead.

I took more steps back. My tongue tasted my lips and it tasted so sweet, but the picture in front of me was nothing but bitter disgust. Carlisle didn't look at me. He carefully picked Bella up and started walking, slowly, to the house. His human speed was a statement for me. I was supposed to watch in agony as she was carried away.

For hours, I brought down trees, tackled innocent animals, and rearranged patches of grass. Nothing looked right. The lake I ran into washed away Bella's blood, but my crimson eyes looked back at me, taunting me with the swirl of her life source.

I drank from two bears and three deer. I drank until I wanted to gag. I ran by the lake again, but the crimson was there, bright as fresh blood. How could it not be? I had drained Edward's human.

I gathered the courage to run home. They had accepted me before, but was this the line? My doubts drowned me.

The living room was too perfect. Bella's struggle was minimal, and only one of the walls and windows were impacted. I had to face him. I was no coward.

Edward smashed me into the same wall. This time it gave, and we had a gaping hole in our living room. We fell through to the ground way below the foundation of the house. I felt punches to my face one after the other. I let him do it. He had to get this out. The more I laid still and looked at him through the punches, the calmer he seemed to get. I wasn't influencing him.

When he realized this, he punched harder. But that also diminished.

"What?" He asked me finally. "What are you doing?"

I didn't respond. He got off of me. I thought loudly and clearly for him to hear.

He impulsively ran his hand through his hair. I gave him a minute or two to comprehend.

"She wasn't your mate." I reiterated my racing thoughts. This wasn't something he wanted to hear out loud, but it was clear as day. "If she was, you would've killed me. Or if you couldn't, you would've been begging for me to rip you to shreds and light a bonfire."

The family slowly convened around us and the solemn grieving took place. The front door opened, and Elise stepped out. She must have known. When she got closer, I saw two tears streak down her cheeks. She caught my eye, but she wasn't horrified as I expected her to be. She was troubled, but not scared. Her steps were small and she padded down to us. She wiped the tears and closed her eyes, offering a moment of silence.

Esme put a hand on my shoulder, and then gave me a deep embrace. Carlisle caught my eye and offered a nod. Each member of the family showed their acceptance one way or another. Hope wasn't lost. I wasn't abandoned. I let myself breathe in unnecessary oxygen.

If Bella had indeed been Edward's mate, how different would this have went? Would I be set clean so easily? The family treated this the same as any other mess up. Didn't they see Bella as part of the family? Was I more important to them?

They dispersed quickly except for Edward. He gave me a grim, piercing look before running off.

My mind tried to trail off to dark spots. I had to add a tally to my wall.

Elise's voice resurfaced me before I could dive deeper. My eyes fixated on hers.

"I need to say this."

We were alone. The wind blew, catching her hair and dancing with it. She crossed her arms. She was cold. I made a move to draw her back into the house, but she stopped me with just her words.

"Jasper, I knew that Bella was going to die."

* * *

**A/N: I swear that reviews make me type faster.**


	8. Flipped Switches

_Previously:_

" _I need to say this."_

_We were alone. The wind blew, catching her hair and dancing with it. She crossed her arms. She was cold. I made a move to draw her back into the house, but she stopped me with just her words._

" _Jasper, I knew that Bella was going to die."_

* * *

**Jasper**

I felt alive.

Fresh blood gushed through my veins and warmed my dead heart. Fresh. Clean. Human. My senses were amplified and tingling. The birds sounded brighter, more musical. The rustle of leaves tickled my ears and the waves of the nearby ocean soothed my worries. I wanted to roll around in this feeling forever.

My gaze rested on Elise. We had walked further from the Cullen property to avoid any intrusions. She was trying to tell me something, and I had to give her my utmost attention.

"I knew it," she repeated, as she had been repeating. "I _knew_ it." She was baffled with herself.

We reached the same clearing Alice and I had frequented. Embarrassing. I let her sit on the grass as I kept my distance on a small boulder a few feet away. I wasn't sure what her opinions were of me now that I had killed the girl she almost called an acquaintance. I didn't need her staring at the glistening ruby evidence on my face, but she seemed more focused on her own problems.

"It was unclear, at first," she babbled on. "From the first time I saw her, I saw it. I saw it ticking down. It changed daily. One day it adjusted to a year, another day it adjusted to three. And then the last few days it kept ticking down, down, and down..."

I held up a hand to stop her. "You aren't making any sense."

She sat up straighter and composed herself. "It's a ticking clock that winds down."

"Is this a feeling or visual?"

"Visual." She chewed on her lip. Distracting. "Do you think I'm crazy?" She was looking at me pleadingly. She was nervous about what I thought about her. This was ridiculous.

"I just _killed_ someone," I emphasized. "And you're concerned that I think _you're_ crazy?"

She looked away. "You aren't commenting on it."

I analyzed the situation. She had two gifts, but was she aware of her shield? It was better for her to be oblivious of her own power.

"You see, what, a death counter?" I had never heard of any vampire with two gifts let alone show them this strongly as a human. I had to process this. "Explain and take your time."

She took a deep breath. "Essentially. Imagine that on every human you see an expiration counter, except that count changes, I assume, depending on their decisions." Her assumptions left me believing that this wasn't a gift she'd had for long.

"It's dynamic," she continued. "Every human has a countdown, which is fitting, obviously. We all die."

"So, you knew on Bella's birthday that it would be her last."

She couldn't meet my eyes. "It stabilized for the last few days. I didn't know if it would change, but I hoped it would."

She was cautious about the information she let on, but she was determined to fill me in on what was happening. Her back was straight and she held herself firmly, even though her eyes failed to establish any connection with mine.

"You can look at me," I told her. "Look at my mistake."

Hesitantly, she did. "I didn't stop it."

"I didn't stop myself either." I shouldn't have went on, but I did. "Hell, I feel great. The view is gorgeous and I have a newfound strength and desire to run the entire continent of North America."

She looked at me deeply, and then looked down. "It's your nature."

"Does it make you upset?"

"I make myself upset." She winced. "My body makes me upset."

I was by her side. My hand gripped her arm steadily through her pang of pain. When it was gone, she took a peek at my face and wasn't fazed by the two red marbles that stared back.

"What do you see on me? When's my date?" I asked. Did her gift work on vampires and humans alike?

Her eyes traveled up my face to my hair, and then above. "Nothing. It's a blur."

We were immortal, but that only meant that we avoided death by a natural cause. We didn't have an expiration date, but we ceased to exist one way or another. Vampires tended to disappear after a few thousand years. Whether it was coven wars or suicides, it didn't make a difference. Immortality drove you insane or got you killed. "Maybe your gift doesn't range that far?"

Her shoulders slumped. "I feel insane."

I sat beside her. "Edward probably felt insane the first time when the voices crept into his brain. Alice has seizures for a vampire; her visions disable her. I'm overwhelmed by others' feelings before they even open their mouths. We're all a little bit insane."

I realized that her actions over the last few days made sense. Her inquiries about Bella's life, her future endeavors, and her desire to change. They were all a means to see if her date would be pushed back based on her decisions. Elise's suggestion for her change was another precaution she tried to take to help Bella avoid her fate.

This gift was unique, I could give her that. It was not as useful as her shield, but it tied her to the future. It was a little branch off of Alice's gift.

"What will Edward think?"

Nothing. "It doesn't matter. She wasn't his mate, and he already got his anger out on me. Now it's only a matter of time before he goes over to her dad and makes up some story."

"What kind of story?"

"Bear attack or a car crash in a secluded area. Carlisle has her body, and I'm not sure if we'll release it. She'll be lost somewhere and the authorities will release a search party. Now the wolves... the wolves will be angry."

She tilted her head to the side in confusion. Was she aware of the shape-shifters? I explained how they were territorial and there were some portions of the woods that we weren't allowed to cross. They were a tribe of werewolves that considered Bella a dear friend, hence the trouble of the situation. We had a strict pact that detailed our promise of vegetarianism throughout this area of the Northwest. Breaking that pact by murdering one of their dear friends was just bad luck.

"We'll have to move," I told her. "Before the wolves catch wind of the situation."

She seemed to accept this easily. "Vampires exist. Why shouldn't werewolves?"

We sat there in silence. I focused on her face, as I always did, trying to sort through any emotions I could pick up just from her expression. She wasn't angry with me for being a murderer. Any hint of judgment and I would pull away as I did with the Cullens. But I couldn't sense anything from her body language. My eyes trailed down from her eyes to her neck. I watched as her skin vibrated with the hum of her heartbeat. My tongue instinctively ran over my lips.

"A little peckish?" She noticed.

"Habit."

After a while, she asked me a very important question. "How long had it been since your last?"

"Five years, three months, and six days." _Four minutes and thirty-three seconds,_ but she didn't need to know how deep my compulsory counting went.

"You better reset that counter."

 _Ouch_. "Fourteen hours, twenty-two minutes, and three seconds."

"Who did you kill before?"

These were dangerous questions that pulled me deep into myself, but I welcomed it. "Jennifer Creighton. Twenty-six with a passion for yoga."

She looked at me expectantly. I went on.

"I met her at a yoga studio in Seattle. She had an overpriced 1-bedroom apartment and she smelled divine." Why did I say these things? They belonged in my head.

"Your partner probably didn't appreciate that."

"She didn't. There's a reason why she isn't my partner anymore."

Her eyes widened. "I'm sorry," she paused. "Your family is supportive, though."

"No," I spoke easily. "They're forgiving, not supportive."

"As most families are," she murmured. "Was Jennifer a slip-up?"

"They're all slip-ups," I lied.

"That's odd. But you've been to her apartment? And I didn't know vampires and yoga mixed." She was being a smartass and I needed to choose my words more carefully.

"You don't believe me?"

She grabbed a hold of a leaf and combed over it with her bony fingers. "You don't seem the type to cry over his victims. Do you ask your slip-ups their full name before draining them?"

Wicked girl. She needed to watch her tongue. "There are a million responses I could give you, Elise, all with perfectly tied in excuses. Here's one. I'm the weakling in the family."

"But you're not. You're the strongest of them all." Her eyes pierced through me. "Who was your previous kill and how long did you stalk her for?"

Katie the college bartender. Her last drink was a sweet lemon drop. She liked to drink on the job. Tasty. Boozy victims were the easiest, most desirable.

"You assume all of my slip-ups are female."

"Are they not?"

They were.

"Assuming they weren't slip-ups, how would I keep that from the Cullens? Besides, Edward's the teacher's pet who would rat me out the moment he got inside my head. Let's not even begin to talk about getting around Alice's visions."

She smiled to herself. "Okay, Jasper."

The leaf began to crumble in her hands from her meddling. I wanted to crumble with it. Who did she think she was? Prey. She knew she was prey, but she egged me on.

"Sometimes," I said, unwillingly. "I stray loose from the Cullens."

She nodded at me. "You are a vampire. You plan your hunt and you go for it."

"How do you know anything about us?" She was chewing on my nerves.

"I was part of a disbanded coven," she repeated herself. "When you're with vampires, you learn about vampires. If I threw you in a lion's den, you would be super observant about their daily habits."

"No, I would be a very happy vegetarian vampire." I grumbled.

"You hate it, Jasper. Why don't you leave?" She asked great questions. Annoying.

"It keeps me alive. Animal blood is more nutritious, did you know? I'm past vegetarian at this point. I'm essentially the equivalent of a vegan."

She frowned at me. "Stop it. You're stronger than this."

Irritation. It was an itchy feeling. A switch flipped.

"Yes, I am."

In a moment's notice, I was running. I grasped Elise firmly in my hold and we ran for miles. After about forty long minutes, we came upon clearing. A small cabin greeted us. Not a warm, fuzzy cabin, but a cold, dead one. It was abandoned and it was mine.

"You're the perfect victim," I told her as I took her inside. "I don't feel your misery. I don't feel your sadness. If I killed you, I wouldn't feel anything."

I put her on the couch. Threw her. I threw her on the couch. She landed less than gracefully. The heater didn't work here and the cabin acted as a wonderful insulator, keeping the cold air in. She would grow cold soon.

"I'm sensing you're angry," she said.

I paced around the living room. The carpet was worn, and the electricity didn't work. It was early morning, so it didn't matter. Bella's blood pumped through me, but it was fading. My eyes were already red. Another taste wouldn't alter them terribly.

"You don't have parents, or anyone who would worry." I turned to her. "I watched Jennifer for a week. Her parents were across the country, and they didn't find out for days afterwards."

Elise narrowed her eyes at me. If she was scared, I wouldn't be able to tell.

"Katie was different. She worked at a bar. Her regulars would miss her, but she only had a sister. I took her sister a few weeks later." I crouched down to her level. "Tell me you're scared."

She didn't say a word.

I turned away. "You like this place? I have a dozen like this across the country. Some are more pleasant than others."

"Do the Cullens know?"

"I would rather them not. Alice knows not to speak. Edward's easy to bypass." I was by her instantly. I towered over her like the predator I was. "You? Will you tell?"

Her stare was challenging, but cautious. "No."

I straightened. "Diplomatic. You sure know how to deal with vampires. Tell me, who gave you this much practice?"

"Damon."

"I suppose he didn't teach you to stay out of our personal business. You pry like it's your right."

"I speak for what I see," she said smoothly. "You don't belong with the Cullens. You belong with people like Damon."

"Tell me more about this Damon."

She was tight-lipped as always with minimal detail. "He was a true vampire. I'm not sure if he's dead, but he's the one that pumped me full of oxy."

"You said you took it yourself."

"We both can twist the truth into something easy."

I had enough of this. I grabbed her wrist and pulled her in front of the only bedroom inside the cabin. "You were curious about my past victims."

I opened the door for her like the gentleman I was. Her eyes were saucers as she walked in. The bedroom only had a king bed and a chipped dresser, but it was the walls that were the main event.

Tallies. Hundreds of them patterned the wood. From afar, you would think it was an artistic choice by an urban designer. Wordlessly, she entered deeper into the room and ran her hands over the rows of marks. She turned to me. "You need to add one."

"Two is a better number." I took a fingernail and etched in a line.

"You don't want to get rid of me. I have enough potential to be valuable." Was this the armor she hid behind?

"No," I agreed. "You don't have to die to give me a taste."

She scowled. "You're no different than the others. Be original. Those were Damon's exact words."

"He drank from you?"

"He drank from all of us. Now if we're done, I'm going to miss my dose if we don't get home soon. Take me back."

She was a blood bag for a coven, but what else? Why was she in pain? She walked closer to me, and I took a step back. "You need to start talking, Elise."

"I am talking. Have you been listening?" She moved towards the door, but stopped when I didn't follow. "Take me home."

"Is reality too much for you? You asked for it."

"I did. And it was just as I expected." She walked out the door.

The cabin was carelessly built deep in the forest. When I had stumbled across it back in 1964, there was an old, heavy man dead on a rocking chair. Help couldn't get to him on time. There were no roads leading up to this patch of the forest.

I stood by one of the cracked windows and watched her as she tried to climb through bushes. If she fell and scraped herself, that would be on me. I ran and grabbed her to take her home.

Her hands were tight around my neck to the point where I thought she was trying to hurt me. Her face was buried into my chest. I didn't need to be an empath to know that she was shaken up, angry even. And it was all me. Was I betraying my mission to get her to trust the family? No. This was the pure and the honest truth. Truth led to trust. But didn't she know that the truth always hurt?

When I set her down in front of the Cullen property, she smiled at me. It was an unexpected change of emotions.

"Thank you for showing me the surrounding forest. It was unexpected how desolate it was."

I eyed her carefully. "You're welcome."

"It was also a little chilly out there. Next time, let's bring a couple sweatshirts with us. Unlike you, I'm susceptible to damage from the cold." With that, she went inside and up the stairs, retreating to her safety in the Cullen home.

She toyed with me dangerously. This was her way of telling me that she would keep my secret. The family was home. They could hear. She showed them how pleasant of a time we were having with an outward display of gratitude.

I could feel Esme's approval already, but it was Carlisle that greeted me with urgency.

"Edward reached out to the Denali's," he was ecstatic. "We may have a lead."

I followed him to the living room. "You've figured out her illness?"

"They aren't sure about that, but we mentioned Elise's possible encounters with vampires. As you mentioned, the group was disbanded very recently. They narrowed it down to a coven called Jovu. The Volturi recently raided their establishment for misconduct."

"What was the misconduct?"

"Human testing."

* * *

**A/N: I loved writing this chapter, and I hope to hear your thoughts.**


	9. Annoyances

_Previously:_

" _What illness does Elise have, Carlisle?" I was getting tired of the lack of answers._

" _They aren't sure about that, but we mentioned Elise's possible encounters with vampires. As you mentioned, the group was disbanded very recently. They narrowed it down to a coven called Jovu. The Volturi recently raided their establishment for misconduct."_

" _What was the misconduct?"_

" _Human testing_."

* * *

**Jasper**

We had two days to pack and desert the area. After those two days, Edward would go to Charlie, Bella's father, and tell him that his beloved daughter had been mauled by a bear on her morning hike in the woods. He would know that we had found her body, but it was highly unidentifiable. Carlisle would prepare Bella's corpse accordingly to our description and leave her for the authorities. I was content with the lack of romanticism the family showed towards her death. They didn't over-complicate the situation. Covering up for me was instinct.

Edward sulked throughout the house. Not because I had killed Bella, the love of his life, but because I had killed his pet, ending his only source of self-validation. We all had to watch him go through his stages of loss. He'd be fine in a week.

The more important concern were the wolves. I broke the pact, and that triggered our move. Shame. I had broken the pact many times, and these weren't the consequences I had to deal with. The blood-lust I had felt during Bella's party was most certainly not anticipated. And without any anticipation, I failed to plan. When you failed to plan, you left skeletons.

_It takes planning, Eddie. That's the second most fun part._

He looked at me quizzically from where he was packing CDs in the living room. I was on the floor in the kitchen, filling empty boxes with pots, pans, and cutting boards.

"Moving," I told him. "Moving takes planning."

He frowned down at his box. "We wouldn't need to move if it weren't for me."

 _Pity party for one._ I needed to watch my thoughts. "Why's that? I killed her."

"I brought her into the family. How could I have expected a human to prosper well with seven vampires?"

"Elise is doing fine."

"If Bella had to go through everything Elise went through to belong in a family of vampires, I'd be happy that you drained her."

And it probably made her stronger. "What has she gone through, Edward?"

"This Jovu coven. They probably drank from her and who knows what else."

"What else?" _Say more and I'll rip your arm off again._ My aggression was unwarranted, but it felt natural to be angry.

Edward stood from his boxes. "What's gotten into you?"

"I haven't hunted. I should go."

"Wait," he interjected before I could move. "I know it's shitty to have ruined your streak. I know how it must feel."

_My streak? Shit. Block him._

_Packing. Plastic on the bottom, glass wrapped up on the top. Close the box. Tape. 'Fragile' on the side. Next._

"You're distracting yourself," he noted. "The move should help, and so should the hunting." He sighed and crouched down to meet my now mahogany eyes. "She was important to me, but she's gone. There's nothing I can do to change it, and I know you feel bad about it. You're part of this family, too. Please don't feel like killing yourself over it."

 _Fuck._ "I need to hunt, Edward."

He let me go, and I needed to distance myself from him. Did he know how hard I worked to block him from my thoughts? To let him linger at the surface and not dive deeper into my brain? Everything he had assumed about my feelings regarding the situation triggered various disturbing imagery that I had rather not get out to the Cullens. All I wanted was a home to go back to where I had the protection I needed from the powers that be, and no judgement from my peers. The Cullens still put me on the stand for what I had gotten into in the past. I couldn't imagine the outrage if they found out about my current hobbies.

But there was always a part of me that was curious. If they found out, would they risk losing me? Was the value of my gift higher than the price the humans had to pay for it?

As I prowled for an animal, my thoughts centered around Elise. She ignited this monster in me that wanted to show her every last drop of my being. My past, my present, and my future. The blood, the gore, the pleasure. I wanted to indulge her in what it felt like to kill and subdue. The glint in her eye told me she was interested, and her strength at the cabin showed me she could take it. She was reclusive, but not because of my outburst. For an empath, my temper was a pot of boiling water. Anyone near it wouldn't realize they were boiling alive. Elise sat in it like it was her personal hot-tub.

I pinned down two deer. _Damon._ I ripped their heads off swiftly. _Who the hell was this Damon?_ I growled at the carcasses. The name ate at me throughout the day. Was he the reason for her suffering? The animal in me wanted him dead if he wasn't already.

 _Protective, much?_ Rosalie's words echoed at me from our past conversation. I _was_ protective. She needed to be protected. Look at how much trouble she got herself into. For a human with two active gifts, she was helpless. That was it. I was doing my job to protect the helpless human.

I ran home, and then I promptly ran into her into the kitchen. The house was vacated and it was incredibly convenient. Maybe I'd get some more out of her today. It wasn't like I was relaying the information she gave up to me directly to the Cullens. It was much like how she was secretive of mine.

"I hear you're playing detective," she sipped from her mug. Coffee with a dash of milk.

"When were you going to tell us about the Jovu?"

"Good morning to you, too." She slipped around me to head to the pantry. She returned with two cream biscuits. "I hope it's okay that I eat these, seeing as I'm the only one that remains who can."

I stared at her sternly. "Speak."

"Bark, bark. Bark bark bark." She smirked. "Bark?"

She had caught onto my love of pets. "You're annoying."

"And you just hunted. Isn't that supposed to sedate you? Didn't get your fill?"

"No. It didn't sedate me."

"Did you try marinating the squirrel first like I told you?" She stepped closer.

"No one offered me any sauce."

Another sip from her mug. "Is anyone home?"

"Edward told me to stop killing myself over Bella's death. It was hilarious."

"I'll take that as a no."

I leaned against the counter. "What did Damon do to you?"

She immediately closed up into herself. I could tell from the way her back straightened and her lips thinned to a line. "Will you kill him?"

"Not before I find out what he did."

She placed down her mug, reached down into her pocket, and took out her pills. She gulped them down with coffee. "You can do whatever you want with him if he's even alive."

"What were the tests about?"

She was angry. "You think they sat us down and gave us a pre-survey? I don't know."

"Did you have these pains before?"

"I don't know. I don't remember."

Did they mess with her brain? "How do you not remember?"

"My mind is very malleable, unlike yours. A lot of factors impact its health and well-being." I instinctively shot waves of tranquility at her, but they bounced back. Stupid.

"How many of you were there?"

"Ten, maybe fifteen." Jesus. "And by the end we were six."

"How did you manage to survive?"

"The establishment was raided. The Jovu drained most of their subjects when that happened, but Damon got me out. He pumped the drugs and left me. He was being hunted."

"The Volturi raided them to disband them. Where did the rest of the five humans go?"

She shrugged. "Damon only took me."

"And he just left you to fend for yourself?"

She shook her head. "I was under a heavy dose. The lights turned off pretty quickly. I don't remember anything up until I saw Carlisle."

Someone must have called the ambulance on her. There were still a million questions racing through my head, but she seemed to close up the more I pushed. Maybe that would be it for the day.

We stood there in silence.

After a while, she peeked at me and pushed part of her hair behind her ear. She offered me more. "The ones that were drained, I knew that they were going to die. The day that we were raided, I watched as their counters ticked to the minute mark. I couldn't do anything."

And I couldn't imagine her stuck in a cage in the basement of the Jovu's base, being let out only during feeding times. Not feeding for them, but for the Jovu. My imagination was a delicious curse. _A faceless vampire pulling her out from the creaky door, carelessly hitting her legs on the bars that surrounded it. He would pull her close to his chest, and slap a hand over her mouth. He would reach down to her neck to breathe in his dinner and use her hair to pull and expose her jugular. But he wouldn't go for that. He'd let his nose nuzzle the scent, but he would opt for the veins on her wrist. It was always easier to keep them alive through the wrist._ My anger spiked to the image of her, but I couldn't judge. I would do the same.

"You can't blame yourself," I managed to get out. "You didn't know."

"But I did. I just didn't know _what._ And I should learn from that. If multiple people have a synced counter, chances are it's not going to be an illness that takes them. It means danger is coming."

I nodded. "That's good to observe your gift and grow with it."

"I don't feel like I'll ever get used to it. It's different being here with vampires. If I went out into the world, I would just sit there and search for the counts that were winding down."

"And then what? How would you prevent their death?"

"I couldn't."

"Then there's no point. Stop focusing on the what if's, and start analyzing yourself to see how you can use it to your advantage. You can easily predict the future with your counter. Once you're turned, this alone will make you stronger than most newborns."

"Once I'm turned?"

I should have bitten my tongue. "You know too much. Do you think you would get out of this without consequences?"

She arched a brow.

"One way or another, you'll die. If you want to be reincarnated as the creature of the night, that's always an option."

She moved past me to set her mug into the sink. Her lack of response worried me, and I wasn't exactly sure why. Surely, she would turn. The family would like the added protection, and she would be rid of her pains. It made perfect sense.

I offered to change the conversation. "We'll be moving, soon. Outskirts of Eastern Idaho. Carlisle wants to let the boys build a house. Until it's ready, we'll get a hotel near the area."

"Am I coming?"

Of course. "Would you like to?"

She rubbed her arms. "Carlisle hasn't been able to diagnose me and it seems like lost hope."

"We're investigating this coven of yours. Whatever they did to you is your diagnosis."

She cocked her head to the side. "So, you dig into the Jovu, if they still even exist. You stumble upon their testing records and then Sherlock your way through a definitive diagnosis. And then I'll be so ecstatic for finding reasoning behind why I crumble into a ball of pain that I agree to change and become part of your perfect family."

"You're more sarcastic than you need to be. If it all works out, you'll have protection and a lovely home to come home to."

"Or you kill me right now and save us all the trouble."

She was frowning. Her sarcasm vanished. Was she serious?

"Do you want to die?"

"You said it yourself. Your eyes won't show that much of a difference. Take me back to your cabin of wonders, rip me to shreds, and add a pretty little mark on your wall."

"You don't know what you're saying."

"I do." She was in my face. Her proximity was tantalizing. "My body might hurt and squeal but my memories burn me more. I don't want an eternity of that looping through my head. They say when you turn, you forget. But it's never a guarantee. If you want me to pick between becoming one of you and eternal peace, I'll pick the latter. I will always pick the latter."

 _And she claimed she wasn't suicidal._ I put my hands on her shoulders to steady her. She glared fiercely into my eyes.

"You're mistaken," I told her calmly. "Humans don't have the capacity to control the chemicals in their brain as much as we can. If you choose to forget, you can forget."

She became aware of how close she was to the monster in front of her. She put her tiny hands on my chest in a weak attempt to push me away.

I spoke into her ear. "I was controlled by a vampire for the first few decades of my vampiric life. She made me the coven's executioner. I won't lie. if you gave me that position again, I wouldn't run the other way. There's a certain charisma to taking immortal life. But as a newborn, I hated it. I hated feeling the emotions of my victims as they begged me to spare them. I was scared when I did it, but it made me stronger to be there and live through it."

She squirmed but didn't demand to be let go. She settled down when she realized she couldn't fight me, and I wasn't the type to take pity.

"You don't want to die, Elise. You're just scared. And once you're changed, you can go after Damon and whoever else that wronged you."

I released her. "I don't want to become like you. Or Damon."

"That's fine. Be whoever the fuck you want to be. That's the beauty of immortality."


	10. Foundations

_Previously:_

" _You don't want to die, Elise. You're just scared. And once you're changed, you can go after Damon and whoever else that wronged you."_

_I released her. "I don't want to become like you. Or Damon."_

" _That's fine. Be whoever the fuck you want to be. That's the beauty of immortality."_

* * *

**Jasper**

My stance on Elise's mortality irritated her, which was why she kept her distance for the remainder of the move. Her packing ability was subpar, so she remained out of sight. Her faint heartbeat popped out to grab my attention occasionally as she traced the perimeter of the house.

Her assumptions about life as a creature of the night were flawed. We thrived on our superiority in every sense of the way. Our bodies were nearly indestructible, but our minds were the ultimate weapon. Our analytical and observational skills were incredible. And our memory? Impeccable. Our susceptibility to insanity was a caveat to that. Our minds never had the chance to turn off. To vampires, sleep was a one-time and permanent solution that started with tearing flesh and ended with a burning match.

The cars were loaded and the realtor had been contacted. The Cullens deserted the state of Washington quickly and efficiently.

Elise rode with Carlisle and Esme. The human had to go with the most humanized amongst us. I was sure that I was the reason she wasn't buckled up next to me in the backseat of Emmett and Rosalie's vehicle.

"Fuck," Rose cursed. She didn't need to explain herself. Her frustration was shared with the whole family as we convoyed our way to Idaho. "Just. Fuck."

"Relax," Emmett reached his non-steering hand for hers. "It's just a long term getaway."

"We lost one. Why couldn't we have lost another?"

My eyes trailed the top of the passing mountains. "I'm sorry. Next time I'll make sure to save room for two humans."

"Good. This one's weak _and_ problematic. At least Bella just sat there."

"Weak, problematic, but full of potential."

"I'm tired of hearing this. If she has potential, change her."

Rosalie was always right to the point. I appreciated that about her, but it also caused most of her impulsive decision making.

"You're smarter than this, Rose. If we change her against her will, we risk her turning on us."

"One girl against the seven of us. No matter how powerful, I think we can manage."

"It's not that easy, and it goes against everything Carlisle has built with the Cullen name."

Rose turned her head back towards me. "You have a newfound interest in her. I'm sure you could tame her."

"I don't think she likes me very much."

"Really? I think she's the only thing with a heartbeat that's been within a two foot radius of you that's still alive."

"If you say so."

"Maybe if you stopped being so evasive, we could all help."

We arrived at a hotel in a couple of hours, stopping twice to let Elise handle her human needs. Carlisle had gotten her a room of her own, and the rest of us were dispersed among three rooms. We had the rooms for three days, which was the maximum amount of time Carlisle gave us to at least have the foundation and externals of the new house finished.

We convened in Carlisle and Esme's room around a few blueprints Esme had laid out on a desk.

"I envisioned a humble two stories," she ran her hand along the gridded paper. "Eight bedrooms, all on the top floor. Living space and the rest on the bottom."

Rosalie immediately argued that we didn't need eight bedrooms.

"Well," Esme countered. "Edward would like his own. I'm just assuming that..." she looked hesitantly between Alice and I.

"Correct. Two extra bedrooms." I placed two fingers down on two empty spaces on the blueprint. Alice nodded to herself, but she avoided my prying look. I was getting irritated by the emotions she was pushing out. Her self-victimization was just a byproduct of her trying to push the blame onto me. It wasn't my fault that we saw life differently.

"That's three. Two more for me, Carlisle, and Em and Rose. Carlisle would like a study. And then Elise. Besides that, we need one guest bedroom—"

"No," Rose complained. "We are not giving Elise a bedroom."

Her named summoned her. Two knocks on the door, and her head peered through the crack. "Can I come in?"

Rosalie crossed her arms over her chest and turned away. Elise padded in.

"Wonderful," I said. "Let's just ask her what she wants."

"What do I want?"

"That's up to you," Carlisle made room for her to take a glance at the plans. "We're planning on our build. Would you like a room to yourself? The guest room would also be available."

"A bed and a shower is all I need. The rest doesn't matter to me."

"Guest bedroom it is." Rosalie turned back around and stuck her index finger in an empty spot within the layout of the house.

"Let's agree to eight, and then we can make room assignments accordingly. If the extra bedroom doesn't get used up, I'm sure we can find creative ways to fill it." Esme made a few notes on the blueprint.

The discussion was closed. Esme, Alice, and Emmett remained to further talk about the design and building aspects. Carlisle suggested that I escort the human to grab dinner. Elise agreed reluctantly.

"You're eerily normal around your family," She noted as we started our walk outside. The sun was beginning to set, which was my favorite time of the day. Elise couldn't see the stars as they slowly faded into view, and the color transitions of the sun were entirely different to a vampire.

"I'm not sure what a correct definition of normal is. But if it's close to the definition of _human_ , then the Cullens play it very well."

"Do you all drink from humans behind each other's back?"

It was a perfectly reasonable observation she could have made given the circumstances, but it didn't fail to draw a smile on my lips. When I didn't respond, she grew frustrated.

"Is this funny to you?"

"No, you're just very creative. And no, I'm pretty sure the Cullens are true to their diet."

"You say 'the Cullens' as if you're not a part of them."

"You know a lot about my world, so I'm sure that you're aware that status is a big part of it. Carlisle is hated in some territories, but respected in many others. If I tie myself to a coven, I assume all responsibility for all of our actions. If I'm loose about my ties, I get around easier."

"And if you can get around easier, you can continue to break rules."

"I'm not breaking any rules."

"You know what I mean."

"No, I don't. Our laws are guidelines. The Volturi sit on the throne to serve only as a flashing warning sign."

Her forehead scrunched up. "But they raided the Jovu."

"If they catch you, they'll interfere. Proving dominance is how they've stayed in power. The Jovu were careless. Testing on humans is an offense right under vampiric exposure. Not only are the humans kept alive to absorb the vampire existence and culture, but if they are released, they serve as an outlet of our existence to the human world."

She clasped her hands behind her back. "It's more likely that I would be put in an asylum than have my claims about vampires taken seriously."

"You'd be surprised," I said. "There are and have been a lot of vampire fanatics."

We reached the main sidewalk that lead to most of the shops and restaurants that surrounded the hotel. We paused so that she could take a look at all of the signs. There were around five restaurants in the little town square.

"Let's do Chinese," Elise said decidedly.

A few moments later, we were walking back up the same sidewalk with a plastic bag of takeout. She swung the bag with every step, and I could see her glee emanate from her features. The little crooked smile on her lips piqued my interest. I mentally noted to get her Chinese food everyday.

She sat at the desk in her room to start eating. "It felt very _normal_ to do that."

"Getting takeout on a Tuesday night is probably not a _normal_ most humans desire."

She poked her fork through some chicken and filled her mouth. She spoke through her food. "And did you notice that little boy by the counter? He has a full life ahead of him."

"That could change."

"I've just never been around many children before. Their counters always start in the decades mark. So much potential."

Was that the reason for her happiness? Because she saw that a child would continue to live a few decades? I examined her face as she continued to eat. She paused when she noticed me watching. Her expression changed immediately from contemplation to uncertainty. She began to play with her food.

"I've been thinking about what you said." Her eyes remained fixated on the plastic dish. "I just have a few questions. A lot. I actually have a lot of questions."

I waved a hand to indicate that she should go on.

"I know that the Cullens want me to change, no matter how they phrase it," she picked her words carefully and delivered them slowly. "I know that changing would help with my broken body. They've been kind to me. Carlisle has done everything in his power to make me comfortable." She put her fork down. "I want to make a deal."

Now she had exponentially piqued my interest.

"If you promise to answer my questions to the best of your ability and provide me with enough information to make an informed decision on my circumstances, I will consider changing for the Cullens."

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading!**


	11. A Deal

_Previously:_

" _I know that the Cullens want me to change, no matter how they phrase it," she picked her words carefully and delivered them slowly. "I know that changing would help with my broken body. They've been kind to me. Carlisle has done everything in his power to make me comfortable." She put her fork down. "I want to make a deal."_

_Now she had exponentially piqued my interest._

" _If you promise to answer my questions to the best of your ability and provide me with enough information to make an informed decision on my circumstances, I will consider changing for the Cullens."_

* * *

**Jasper**

Elise's proposition stayed at the back of my mind as I followed Emmett and Carlisle to the patch of land that would soon become the new Cullen residence. The area was secluded and the clouds never left the sky. I could already sense the abundance of wildlife nearby. This was the Cullen paradise.

As we worked on getting the house's foundation set up, I toyed around with the idea of inviting the Cullens into an open discussion regarding Elise's deal. Though it would be wise to have everybody on the same page, I decided it would be best to keep confidentiality between us. The fact that she had the courage to propose something like this was incredulous, but I wanted to dig deeper into her motives. Later that evening, I took Elise for a walk around the property. We were alone, as always.

She examined our work but had nothing to say. The base layer of the house was complete along with some structural items, so there was nothing too impressive to comment on. The coat that she had grabbed from Rosalie's wardrobe shielded her from the evening breeze. The sun was almost gone and the stars she couldn't see began to pop into view.

"I think we should talk about yesterday," she began.

"What of it?"

"You never gave me an answer."

She wanted to know what I thought about her imminent change? "You act like you have a choice. Your deal means nothing to me."

Her silence gave me the indication that this was not the direction she had expected the conversation to go.

But, I was persistent. "You don't realize how good you have it for a human in your position. Ending up with the Cullens was one of the best things to happen to you. Now, you'll be good, and you will repay the Cullens for their hospitality. No one else would have treated you with the generosity they have shown you." I stopped in front of her. "There is no deal because you have no other choice."

She looked away sharply. Anger flashed in her eyes, but she remained an emotionless entity to me.

"After the house is built, I suggest we begin arrangements. You'll have a room comfortably to yourself to complete your transformation."

She was mute. Had her fire burned out that quickly? I pushed forward.

"Say something."

She wouldn't meet my eyes. She took a deep, shuddering breath. "It will happen on my terms, if it even happens."

Where was this newfound courage coming from? Did she really think she could be entitled to her own choices given these circumstances? "You need to learn your place in this world. Sorry, sweetheart, but you're a byproduct of not one but _two_ clashing worlds. The world of the prey and the world of the predator. You've been dealt your hand, and now you learn to deal with it."

"Did the Cullens just decide that _you_ were my main point of contact in this negotiation?"

I shook my head. "It's not a negotiation. The Cullens know nothing."

"Nothing?" She was dumbfounded. "I thought you would have had this discussion with them."

"Nothing leaves between us. We've agreed on this."

"I need to talk to them."

I grabbed her arm. " _Nothing_ leaves between us."

She eyed me carefully, and then rested her gaze on my hand. "I know. This isn't about you. You're inherently selfish, and you project what you want onto your actions. I need to know how they feel about killing me."

I dropped my hand hesitantly. "They feel the same way. Trust me. Empath."

"I don't trust you." And no matter how much trust I threw at her, it would bounce right back off.

"The Cullens are the masters of selfish. They're scared of consequences and they want you dead to protect their family. They've survived this long at the expense of each other."

"What does that mean?"

As I told the story of the family's becoming, I could see Elise's skepticism. She shook her head, as if to deny the probability of the events.

"Nobody wants to be alone. I see why Carlisle would have done it."

"You can justify the murder of Esme, Edward, Rosalie, and Emmett... just like that?"

"If you fight your cynicism just a little bit I think you would be a happier person. And stop dwelling on the past."

I closed my eyes in frustration. It was her turn to push.

"Are you going to whisk me away and threaten to drain me? If that's what we have to resort to every time I make you angry, we're going to have a very hard time together."

I held up a strong hand to get her to shut up. There was nothing I wanted more than to dump the world's amount of lethargy on her and hit pause on her mouth.

"Isn't it basically your job to be in tune with your emotions?"

I needed to punch a tree. "I am very much in tune with mine. Yours is another story."

I saw it. A glint in her eye. "When we were playing in your cabin, you said you couldn't feel me. Tell me more."

 _Playing in my cabin?_ "Your feelings are hard to decipher."

"And that means?"

"You disappoint me. I thought you were at least a little above average in your intelligence."

She shrugged, her tone playful. "I just wanted to hear you say that your gift didn't work on me."

I clapped slowly and then paused. "Are you satisfied?"

"Quite." She walked with a little skip in her step. "I knew I was a shield but I never knew its extent."

Was she aware that she was also lost to Edward and Alice? If I asked, I would have to answer. "Congratulations."

It was pill time. She took her medicine as part of her daily routine. Two and no water. Her medication bettered her mood. "Stop acting so frustrated," she told me. "I'm the one that's signing her death sentence."

"Signed. You've signed it and you're continuing to dig your own grave," I grumbled. Why did I ever volunteer to keep the human company?

"What is it like? To die?"

"Euphoric."

"What? Really?"

I smirked. "The feeling of a human dying is euphoric, Elise. I've made this clear during our play date in my cabin."

My bullets didn't seem to penetrate her strengthening armor. "Is there another cabin close by?"

"Montana."

"Where in Montana?"

"The cabin would be a three hour car ride." I cocked my head. "Maybe another time." This cabin had two extra bedrooms and it even came with electricity. The previous tenant was the appetizer for my three course meal on a casual Valentine's Day afternoon in 2015. George Hammond. His bank account still paid for utilities, so I took the liberty of making the Montana cabin a little homier than usual.

"Do you kill your victims in your cabins or are they dead by the time they get there?"

"I don't see why this question helps us further our conversation."

"Would you kill me in your cabin or would I be dead before I reached the kitchen table?" She was trying to paint a picture in her head of how I would take her life. Firstly, she wouldn't be changed by me. Carlisle would do the honors, since his pass rate surpassed any vampire I've met. Secondly, her change would take place in the new Cullen residence with the Cullens. My cabins were reserved for the more unfortunate, but I didn't have a problem pushing her buttons.

"It could go either way. If you suddenly learned to stop talking, I could probably be okay taking you to the cabin and showing you around before taking a bite. If I couldn't get you to shut up, I'd drain as much of your blood as I could to induce unconsciousness, and then you'd be chained to a wall for a couple of weeks as I withdrew blood. I have to maintain my eye color, as you know."

She looked at me with humorous disbelief. "You can't drain me, though. That would defeat the purpose."

"Once a vampire starts, it's one of the hardest things to stop."

She crossed her arms. "You all walk around like some high and mighty beings but your impulse control is just as bad as ours. I thought you had full control of your minds."

I chuckled. "If we had full control of our minds, the world wouldn't be chaos. We retain some human attributes as we change. No one can tell which of your human traits you'll carry over, but your personality as a human can very well reflect your ability as a vampire. Carlisle owes it to his human counterpart for his patience and control. I, unfortunately, cannot say the same."

"But physically nothing carries over?"

She was concerned about her illness. "The venom heals. Your pains will be gone."

She searched my eyes for a moment, and then stared back at me, satisfied.

"That wasn't that bad. I think we do have a deal."

I arched my eyebrow.

"I just need to get your temper flaring if I want to ask more questions."

* * *

After another full day of petty construction, Rose offered to accompany me on a hunt. We took this opportunity to scope out the wildlife. Exploration of untouched terrain was exhilarating, and the partial satiation I felt from the animal blood mediated my mood, more or less.

Rosalie asked the burning question that was probably on everybody's mind. "How's the human?"

We slowed to an unbearably slow speed as we began our trudge back to the hotel. "You have eyes."

She scoffed. "You're the only one she really talks to. Spill."

I threw her a sideways glance. "Just to make it clear, I never asked to be the sole guardian of this human."

"Sure. So what does she want? Has she made a decision?"

I hated being probed for answers. "All she talks about is how much pain she's in."

"And then you keep telling her that if she changes, she'll be healthy, strong, and beautiful, and all that crap, right?"

"Yes," I lied. "If she decides to change, she knows that there's a great big beautiful life for her."

"She needs to decide quickly."

I could only nod. Rosalie was one of my preferred Cullens, but not when it came to our views on human-vampire equality. She hadn't been given a choice when she was turned, and no matter how arrogant or bitchy she could be, she would never wish that on anyone.

"The Denali clan are still trying to find these... Jovu people. Has she talked about them?"

"She thinks they might be dead after the Volturi intervened."

"All those years and she has no connection with any of them? Does she know anything that could give us a lead? A name?"

"No."

Rosalie huffed. "I thought she had some brains to her. Humans aren't anything but disappointment."

That was one thing we agreed on. "She was heavily sedated. I don't think the Jovu wanted their humans to know anything about what was going on. That is why I assume the testing procedures were randomized and unclear." This was the truth, and as much as she would already know from the file the Denali clan had sent us.

"It's sick," she said disgustedly. "Drinking from them is one thing, but experimenting on them? What sort of experiments could they have done?"

"Stamina, livelihood, blood play. What rats are to scientists, humans are to them."

She frowned.

Suddenly, we came to a quick stop. There was a scent, and we picked up on it quickly. The wind intensified her perfume, and Alice stepped out from behind some trees. She looked at me and Rosalie uncertainly, and Rose took that as an opportunity to give us some time alone.

Once Rosalie was out of range, I spoke freely. "Anything?"

"No," she said quietly. "Nothing yet. I have to look into your future for any hope to see her. The more time you spend with her, or at least plan to spend with her, the better I can see. Currently it's just routine everyday things. Nothing drastic."

"Have you seen her change?"

"No. I mean, I don't know. At least, not in any timelines that you're in."

I ran a hand through my hair. "She's still being indecisive. She has no fucking choice."

Alice shifted her weight. "You take her to Montana a few times. She likes it there."

"I'm glad," I said sarcastically. "Does she happen to die there?"

"Why do you care so much about her change?"

"Because our survival depends on it."

She took the chance to stare straight into my eyes. "Because _your_ survival depends on it. What happened? You're more aggressive than you used to be."

"You shouldn't care about that. I'm not your responsibility anymore."

"You're still a part of this family, Jasper. I know you're not one to play house, but you've found a way to fit in. Your diet isn't perfect and your choices could easily be condemned, but you bring value to the Cullens. Of course, I care. I don't have to approve of your morality to care about you."

I took an unnecessary breath. Alice was someone I had to keep pacified. Even though we weren't involved romantically, she still took the liberty to protect my secrets to the extent that she knew them. For that, she had always been a good companion, and now a decent friend. Her nosy nature was a result of her childhood neglect, and her neurotic behavior was an appropriate side dish that came with it. Her frantic search into our futures meant that we were, in theory, _safe_. And that also meant that her role in the family was permanent. It was rare to be able to hide from Alice, and even Elise was only partially successful. If you couldn't hide, you had to include. If I fed her enough stories and half-lies about my intentions, she would remain satisfied and mindlessly continue to do her job.

"It's the human," I told her. "She gets on my nerves. I apologize if I'm being rude."

"She isn't easy. But quite fascinating, isn't she?"

She must know about her second gift. I responded quickly. "I choose to keep our conversations private."

"Just as you do with ours. My lips are sealed, you know this. Nothing leaves us."

I gave her the crooked smile she used to love so much. Her lips turned upward into a small one. I instilled as much trust and adoration into her as I could. I appreciated her discretion, and that was the plain truth.

"Can I ask, Jasper, why do you keep her for yourself?"

"There's so much on the table that I don't have answers to," I explained. "I don't need the Cullens meddling around and dirtying the waters. If Elise can focus on one distraction instead of seven, we'll be able to get more information out quickly."

"It's not a chore to you, though." She regarded me. "You enjoy this."

I looked out onto the night sky, with the flaming orbs of fire spreading their glow over the continent. I grinned. "Nothing leaves us."

* * *

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading. I always appreciate any feedback.**


	12. Experiments

_Previously:_

" _Can I ask, Jasper, why do you keep her for yourself?"_

" _There's so much on the table that I don't have answers to," I explained. "I don't need the Cullens meddling around and dirtying the waters. If Elise can focus on one distraction instead of seven, we'll be able to get more information out quickly."_

" _It's not a chore to you, though." She regarded me. "You enjoy this."_

_I looked out onto the night sky, with the flaming orbs of fire spreading their glow over the continent. I grinned. "Nothing leaves us."_

* * *

**Jasper**

If I had been a lion, Elise was my purple yarn ball. She wasn't the most appropriate toy for my species, but she kept my inner cat entertained. I soon found that instead of leaving for days on end for my human endeavors, I remained in the Cullen vicinity to keep an eye on her.

Yarn was soft to look at, and probably even softer to touch. The latter I was never able to explore as much as I had wanted. Humans broke too easily, and my patience ran unapologetically thin. On my better days, I would try practicing on animals, but mountain lions always went for the kill, and my petting only agitated them.

The house was almost complete. The walls still had to be painted, and the roof was still missing. The garden was still a patch of dark dirt, and utilities were a distant dream. Elise visited the site with Edward and I, but she would be stuck at the hotel for a few more days until we had proper plumbing.

"Seven vampires or a magical construction crew. This only took you three days?" She muttered as she walked through the entrance hall. The stairs lacked rails, and part of me watched her feet to make sure she wouldn't fall over and kill herself before we could.

"Do you like it?" Edward asked.

"I do. Have rooms been assigned?"

Edward led her to the makeshift table that covered half of the dining room. It was part of a large tree trunk that was sliced into two, with its diameter side functioning as a tabletop. A few notes and blueprints were scattered along the length. Edward pointed to a few pieces of paper with some sticky notes. "Here's the draft Esme laid out."

Elise glanced over the notes and then glanced over me. "I do have a room."

_After the house is built, I suggest we begin arrangements. You'll have a room comfortably to yourself to complete your transformation._

I kept my thoughts in check as I spoke. "I told you that you would have a room."

She glared at me, and then addressed Edward. "I can take this guest room over here. I don't need my own room."

Edward simply shrugged. "You'll have to fight Esme. She was adamant about giving you one. And since Jasper's been helping you adjust to the family, she thought it was best that you have the room next to him."

I watched eagerly for her reaction, but she gave me nothing. "Do you guys move often?"

"As much as we need to," Edward began. "We need to start over before people start asking us which Botox company we recommend. Or when there's a slip up."

There was an unnecessary awkward pause. I had to pick my words carefully. "The wolves were also putting us under a lot of pressure. This move will be good for the family in the long term."

"Who slipped up before?"

Edward sighed. "Before Bella's death, Emmett stumbled upon two intoxicated campers."

"Unfortunate," I murmured solemnly. My mind flipped through countless images of furniture combinations for the dining room we were standing in. Otherwise, Eddie would reach through my thoughts and cherry-pick the worst.

"It _was_ unfortunate," Edward agreed, and turned to Elise. "We have a marvelous record for a clan of seven. Our slip-ups are barely one per decade."

"Only one per decade," Elise repeated, throwing me a fake smile. "That's incredible, isn't it?"

"Quite."

Elise walked through the second floor, got her shoes dirty in the garden, and made small talk with Edward about his CD collection. I waited in the entrance hall like a parent waiting for their two-year old after sugary lunch time.

Edward walked her through the room she would soon have, and Elise began to hit more sensitive topics than Debussy. " _Did you love Bella?"_

I took a seat on the two steps that led down from the entrance hall to the main hall to listen.

" _I did,"_ Edward said after a while. " _She was very important to me."_

" _Vampires can feel love?"_

I heard Edward chuckle. " _We're not complete monsters. Of course. Our connections can reach deeper, more meaningful levels."_

I could hear their footsteps echo down the main upstairs hallway.

" _That's mating, right?"_

" _Mating. And before you ask, Bella was not my mate. But I cared about her deeply and would never wish any harm on her."_

" _You're a very nice vampire."_

" _That's very kind of you to say."_

They appeared on the stairs, and Edward grabbed her hand to lead her down carefully. I could tell that the concept of gentle came naturally to Edward. He'd been so accustomed to working around Bella that handling Elise came as second nature. As he held her hand, my eyes fixated on his grasp of her tiny fingers. _I could do_ that, I thought. _I could do that without killing her. Perhaps when Edward stopped touching her. Stop touching her._ Edward wasn't listening, and there was something there that I couldn't quite put my finger on. I wanted to focus on the feeling that began to unravel, but my phone distracted me instantly.

It was a text from Alice: _You are_ not _killing Edward._

_What?_

The moment I read the text, I knew Edward would read it, too. In my mind, I tied it to a running joke about him painting my room bright fuchsia.

Elise asked if I wanted to accompany her for lunch. I let her grab my phone to pick food options as Edward told us that he would join up with the girls for a furniture hunt. Watching him run off was like taking in a breath of fresh air. I hadn't realized that I was suffocating.

"So if I don't want to be around you, I can always ask Edward to take me places. You never seem to want to be around him."

She had gotten that right. That boy was too nosy for his own good. Plus, I saw how he treated her like a fragile piece of glass just as he had with Bella. Look how that turned out for her.

"It's exhausting to barricade my thoughts."

"What happens when something spills out?"

"I'm usually good at burying it or lying through it." My voice was flat. Something boiled in me that I couldn't figure out how to reduce to a simmer.

She peeked up at me after handing my phone back. "What's wrong?"

I looked at her. I looked at her darkened brown hair that reached her mid-upper back. Her brown eyes darted from my one eye to the other, trying to make something of my attitude. Her hair curled at the edges, and she probably hadn't had it cut in years. Her fingernails lacked care and her sneakers were muddy from the dirt outside. A voice inside told me to fix it, but there was nothing to fix.

"Jasper?"

"Can I... just —" I reached out a hand and grabbed a few strands of her hair, watching it curl in my hand. My observation of her from the first day that I saw her was correct.

This girl was denied sun and she belonged in it.

"Let's go to Montana."

* * *

An hour later, we cruised down the interstate in Emmett's Jeep with a paper bag of a burger and fries. Elise clutched the bag in her hand as she stared out the passenger side window. The roads were barren and so were the sights. I hoped she didn't have the highest expectations for this impromptu road trip.

I suggested that she should eat.

"No, I can never eat in cars."

Bummer. I'd taken the car for her comfort, not for mine. I always preferred running over vehicles. It was fast and indefinitely more efficient. I informed Elise that we were only about two hours away, and that she had a nice big kitchen table awaiting her. She took the opportunity to joke about her dead body.

"I don't even like eating in the kitchen," I told her. "Some clans do. Some pick a human for the night, drain her, and funnel her blood into an elegant dispenser. Then, they sit around a large dinner table and pretend they're drinking wine. Some even pray before."

"Why is it always a female?"

"I let my personal preferences seep into my language, I apologize."

"Again, why is it always female?"

Because using sex as a tool was just too easy. "They're sweeter."

She nodded. "I like milk chocolate over dark chocolate because it's sweeter."

Noted. I was glad she could relate. "I think that's precisely why women are sweeter. You consume more chocolate than males."

She rested her head against the window. "I haven't had chocolate in years. You talked about prayer. Are vampires religious?"

"Are humans religious?" I countered.

"That was a poorly executed question." She smiled sheepishly. "Sorry. Are you religious?"

"I suppose I was as a human. Not so much now. All the books say that I'm going to hell and that I'll be condemned by God. Once you start playing God, you stop thinking about that."

"That's so egotistical."

"It's the truth. Are you going to ask about my political views next? Because this is not how you make friends."

"No. I was going to ask about what you told your family."

"The Cullens like that I'm distracting you. Frankly, I don't think they'd care if I took you away for a few days."

"What are you distracting me from?"

"Leaving." And it was bullshit. She wasn't going anywhere.

"So they think that I am free to leave and that I have a choice in my change."

"Sure."

"I think I like them better."

I turned my head to her. "You only like them because of the lies they tell you. Everybody believes in free will and choice until they're threatened. If the Volturi comes knocking on our door, you'll be the first one to go."

She was silent for a while. "I'm not really sure what to feel."

"Think about it later. I want to show you something." I pulled the car off road. We tracked the dirt, going further and further away from civilization. The dirt turned into grass, and we stopped before a clearing. Elise's eyes widened. The sun peeked from intermittent clouds, cascading its light down onto the small lake in front of us. After I killed the engine, only the sound of calm water and buzzing animals remained.

"The road that leads to the cabin is overgrown and barely accessible by car. I'll have to run you the rest of the way there."

We slowly got out of the car, sinking in the view before us. "Jasper, this is amazing."

"I'm glad you like it."

I noticed her staring at my skin. The uneven sunlight glistened on my arms. I asked her what she thought of it.

"It's odd. Seeing the most dangerous predator in the world shine... confuses me."

She didn't comment on my scars that were more visible. I wished she had. "Sunshine does suit you."

"Mm?"

"It does wonders to your hair and complexion. Enjoy it while you're not a constant beacon."

Was that a light blush I saw? She touched a portion of her hair. "Thanks. Can we stay here for a little bit?"

We spent the next thirty minutes walking around the large, empty patch of grass alongside the running water. I noticed how her pale cheeks flushed with the heat of the sun, and how the warm breeze brought out her floral scent. She took off her dirty sneakers by the water and dipped her toes in, only to yank them back out as fast as she could.

"It's freezing!" She yelped and quickly ran back to my side. "But beautiful. I've never seen a sight like this."

"If you're patient enough, you can find a lot of treasures like this. Humans tend to stick to their hiking trails and camp grounds."

"And then you turn these treasures into slaughterhouses."

"Come. They're not that bad." I picked her up and ran her further East. The sun was setting when we made it to the first few acres that belonged to the cabin.

She commented on the size. I told her that we even had electricity.

"How long are we staying for?"

"Just tonight."

The front door opened without a lock. It never needed one. The area was completely abandoned to suit my needs, as with most of my cabin locations. Elise took a few steps into the living room and hugged her jacket closer. That was my cue to adjust the heating system. I told her to make herself at home.

As I dealt with the central heating system in the basement, I could hear her begin munching away at her late lunch. Why had I brought her here? Alice said she would like it, and it benefited everyone when we were alone. I got her to speak, my thoughts could roam as free and deep as they could, and the Cullens obtained more information through my findings. Win. Win. Win.

There was also something about her eyes that I couldn't quite put my finger on. Her rare smile made me want to take her all along the Northern coast of the United States just to show her the landscape. I thought about how the sun brought out highlights in her hair, and how warm her skin must have been to touch.

Mindfulness for a vampire was important. Being aware of your state of consciousness and the thoughts that came along with it was key in preserving sanity. And at that moment, I knew I had fucked up. What was this obsession I was developing toward this human? I felt possessive, protective, and bothered by Edward's presence around her. The logical explanation was precisely how Edward developed his for Bella. He found peace with her silent mind, just as how I was finding solitude in her contained emotions.

As I adjusted the knob for the heater, I took a moment to pause. I had her here. What did I plan to do with her?

"Jasper?" She called out.

I had to think. I looked at the stairs that led up from the basement and memories instantly triggered. _A woman being dragged down each step. Screaming. Crying. Begging. My hand in a fist in her hair, her blood leaving bright red brushstrokes on the wood._ The closet by the washer and dryer units. _An unrecognizable body shoved among old clothes and cobwebs, her eyes wide open and neck in an uncomfortable angle._

Had I removed her from that closet? There was no smell. I opened the closet door and only saw a few blood stains on the door.

"Jasper?" The door to the basement was open. _Shit._

"Coming." I shut the closet and ascended the stairs. She met me at the door, and her heartbeat was elevated, which meant that her cheeks warmed to a rosy hue.

"Do you need more food?" I asked.

She backed into the kitchen and took a seat at the table. "No, thank you." I stared at her, my eyes undeniably skirting closer to her neck. She noticed. "But I think you do."

I blinked. The logical unit in me told me to kill her like the rest of the women that had stepped foot in this cabin. She was just another woman that carelessly followed me out here. Their curiosity always got them killed. _Get a grip._ The ache in my throat dulled my senses. When had I fed last?

"If you need to leave, I can stay and wait for you."

Leave? But her heart was pumping dinner.

I took the chair next to her and leaned into her smell. I took a hand and placed it on her right shoulder, my thumb gliding over her jugular. Her frame was comically small compared to my hand. "You should go outside more often," I murmured.

"W-What are you doing?"

"Exploring." Her vein thumped weakly against my thumb. "Your pulse has always been so weak."

"Jasper—"

"I've always been so hesitant in touching humans unless I knew they were dinner. You bruise so easily. If I just —" I applied a little more pressure to her shoulder. "Will that turn purple tomorrow?"

She stood up immediately. "I'm not some experiment you'll keep overnight." Her hand went to her shoulder and massaged it. "Go eat."

I sat back in my chair. "You're more annoyed than scared. It's fascinating."

"I am. Which room will I be taking?"

"You probably wouldn't want to go peeking around into the rooms downstairs. I suggest you take one up here."

She dropped her hand. "What's downstairs?"

I stood up and moved past her to the dusty bookshelf in the living room. My hand danced over the colorful spines of thrillers, fantasy novels, and short stories. She was behind me. She repeated her question.

"I don't know, Elise. Go find out." My instant disinterest in her bothered her. I could tell by the way she inched closer for my attention. It was dangerous on her part.

"Just because I don't give in to what you want doesn't mean you can just treat me like this."

I turned around instantly. "You don't decide what you give or not give. If I wanted to drain you, I would have done it by now."

Her face was close, and I could hear her heart fighting to stay calm. Tonight, it was her who got the last word.

"Good job. You have to throw these empty, forceful statements to prove your strength. Bravo. Thanks for bringing me here, but I hope you never do again." She stormed into one of the two bedrooms and slammed the door.

* * *

**A/N: Yeah, I know. Don't worry, it's necessary.**

**Til next time.**


	13. Kitchen Table

_I turned around instantly. "You don't decide what you give or not give. If I wanted to drain you, I would have done it by now."_

_Her face was close, and I could hear her heart fighting to stay calm. Tonight, it was her who got the last word._

" _Good job. You have to throw these empty, forceful statements to prove your strength. Bravo. Thanks for bringing me here, but I hope you never do again." She stormed into one of the two bedrooms and slammed the door._

* * *

**Jasper**

The morning after, I knocked on her door with a bag of bagels and coffee. She had to break her fast, right? As a considerate host, I had to provide her basic needs of food and caffeine.

Elise cracked open the bedroom door and peeked at my peace offering. "Did you eat?"

"I had a nice run-in with a bobcat."

She opened the door wider and snatched her meal.

 _Slam._ I felt the dust from the door brush over my face.

"I don't think I deserved that," I told her, a little louder so she could hear me behind the door.

"You deserved that and so much more." I heard her rip into the bag. Maybe if she ate, she would be less cranky. I took a seat in the kitchen, put my feet up on the dining table, and played the waiting game. Her anger was unwarranted. I hadn't done anything wrong. Why were humans so sensitive?

After a while, I heard her crumple the paper bag into a ball and the creaky door swung wide open. She joined me in the kitchen to dispose her trash.

"Are you done?" I asked.

"It was good. Thanks."

I had to clarify. "No. Are you done with your attitude?"

She wasn't. "You're seriously bullshitting me, right? You tried to eat me last night."

"I did nothing of the sort. I wouldn't —"

She cut me off. "Right, right. You wouldn't _need_ to try. You would just eat me. Because you're a vampire, and I'm a human, and our power dynamic is incredibly mismatched. And you somehow don't think I know that. You think it's your job to _remind_ me of how minuscule I am compared to you."

I stared at her. "I wouldn't eat you."

"What?"

"I was just going to say I wouldn't eat you."

She still seemed irritated. "It didn't seem that way last night."

I stated the facts. "I hadn't hunted. Your heart pumps blood. You were hungry. You slammed the door in my face."

"Those are not equal scenarios."

"Point being, there's a common frenzy we both share regarding food."

"Mine isn't a danger to your life."

"I wouldn't eat you," I repeated.

"You ate Bella."

I scowled. "Because you cared so much about boring Bella. Sure, your blood is also appealing. But, unless I was locked away and starved for decades, you wouldn't be my first pick for dinner."

Her heart was weak, and I was impatient. The rate at which her blood left her body would be agonizingly slow compared to healthy humans. Her scent was appealing, but her blood didn't entice me enough to do anything about it. It was as if she was the opposite of my singer. I made note of that.

She crossed her arms, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Thanks, now I feel safe."

I smiled and gestured around. "If _this_ out of all places makes you feel safe, then by all means."

"You're so confusing."

"And you're more valuable than Bella. Hence, why you're here and she is not."

She took a seat across from me. "Valuable?"

"It's hard for humans to redeem themselves around vampires. I've always thought that the more time Bella spent with us, the more confident she'd become in the environment. But, I never saw her grow."

"That's because she wasn't pushed to grow. She didn't have to survive, but maybe that was her mistake. Maybe if she had been put into more _perilous_ situations with vampires, she would've survived you."

We looked at each other for a while. The air between us calmed, but we were still talking about the girl I'd killed not so long ago. Did she see me as just another thing to survive?

"How are you feeling?" I implored.

Her response was dull. "Fine."

"Not what I meant. What does this place make you feel?"

She eyed the ceiling, looked across the kitchen counters, and stared at the walls. "It's shelter. So, I suppose it adds an element of safety. It's warm, cozy..."

"I didn't ask what this place was. How does being here make you feel?"

She seemed to draw a blank. She stumbled over herself for a little bit. "I'm sorry. I've never considered questions like these."

"Alright," I clasped my hands behind my head. "When I enter the cabin, it's usually quiet, and not so warm. I usually travel overnight, so I'd arrive around dawn. I recall fresh rain on the grass, and that always blankets a feeling of peace. It's an addicting feeling. Especially in the early hours, even the animals are quiet and still. Everything's on pause. When I come in, I sit right here where I'm sitting and stare out the window. Sometimes it's raining, sometimes I'll only hear a few crickets." I kicked my feet off of the table. "And that's it. While you may see these cabins as places of tragedy, I use them to be alone. Amongst other things, of course."

She rested her elbows on the table and propped her head up on her hands. "I don't know a lot about you and how you've lived your life. But at some point you stop thinking about how you should _feel_ and start thinking about how you should survive. What I feel, good or bad, doesn't mean anything if I'm dead."

At that point, I understood the appeal to this girl. She reminded me of the vampire who'd been a slave for decades.

Jasper Whitlock.

The constant search for methods of survival and escape was not foreign to me, just distant. The Cullens provided a safe aquarium inside an ocean of danger. I went off on my own so that I wouldn't get rusty, because the aquarium was where fish went to die.

Elise's mind was a train with its breaks ripped off. It was constantly chugging to figure out the next exit strategy, the next pill to take. She'd survived the Jovu, but she would still end up dying for the Cullens. She wanted answers to her questions in exchange for her change, but I didn't see how that was a logical trade especially given her obsession to survive. What did surviving mean in her vocabulary? Remaining human?

"I respect your will to live. This also makes you inherently selfish." I made sure to word it exactly how she had when she called me the term.

She rolled her eyes at my jab. It was cute.

 _Cute?_ Jesus.

"I brought you to one of my favorite solitude chambers with a heater. Now it's your turn to tell me more about the Jovu."

She sighed. "Only if I can have some more coffee."

A half hour later, we were in our exact positioning in the kitchen except she had a warm paper cup of coffee cradled in her hands. She enjoyed the warmth it gave off. She could never be too warm. She stared at the creamy liquid for a while before speaking.

"It took me a while to convince myself that I wasn't going to die each day. They had us in these rooms with long beds and disgusting fluorescent lighting. I'd wake up in those beds and think: _is this my last day?_ Then we'd wait for visitors. A Jovu member would come, pick one of us, and take us out to the dining room. Some didn't like to bite, so we gave blood. Others took our wrist directly. They were very meticulous. After each feeding, we'd shower and moisturize thoroughly. No marks or scars left behind. They were very weird about that. Our diets were clean. I suppose they wanted us healthy for feeding and healthy for the testing." She sipped her coffee and looked at me.

"Perhaps they were covering up evidence, as well," I offered. "They kept you clean and unscathed so there would be no proof."

"Or they could just kill us and effectively get rid of any proof. I hoped they would, but it was rare that they'd go to that."

It was curious how the Jovu operated. "You were also test subjects and they valued their tests. You really don't know what their motives were behind them?"

"No. There are a lot of blanks in my memory where time just passed, and I recall waking up randomly in my bed. They put us under for sure."

Her transition from the Jovu to the Cullens must have been a breath of fresh air. "I can see why you were very confused when you first encountered the Cullens."

She smiled solemnly. "I didn't know what kind of operation the Cullens were running, and I was admittedly terrified to find out."

"Have you had contact with any other coven?"

"Thankfully, no." She looked at me. "I know how good I have it with the Cullens, don't worry."

"Why did you agree to the change so suddenly? You were drastically against it."

"Well," she cocked her head to the side. "I never agreed. I laid out an agreement which you openly rejected. But then, you proceeded to hold up your end of the deal that you never agreed to in the first place. So I'm not sure where we're at with that."

"So, how many questions do I have to answer for you to change?"

"I thought I didn't have a choice."

"Hypothetically."

She huffed. "You're unbelievable. I will decide when I've asked enough questions."

"That seems unfair."

"Nothing's fair, Jasper. Especially for _lesser_ beings like me."

"If you're looking for me to tell you otherwise, I would just be lying to you. I have a clear advantage. Though I would argue your shield is astounding."

"Compliments galore. You're spoiling me."

She smiled at me, and the corners of my lips peaked in unison.

"You should know that Carlisle is doing everything that he can to confirm the deaths of the Jovu members. Including Damon."

"And?"

"A few are confirmed, but not the majority."

"And Damon?"

"We can't know for sure."

I immediately saw that her fingers began drumming incessantly on the table. Damon made her nervous.

"He won't get to you," I reassured her. "The Cullens will not let that happen."

She looked away. "The Cullens have already done so much. It's only fair that I turn, right? You said it yourself."

"As a girl who's hell-bent on survival, I think you're missing the point. Your chances of staying alive increase exponentially as a vampire."

"And I wouldn't be in pain. And I'd be strong enough to fight back."

We sat in silence as she contemplated her death.

"It takes three days?" She finally asked.

"Give or take. The average is three days. Your transformation would be more comfortable than most. You'd be in a bed with a doctor watching over you for the duration of your burning. Most of us didn't have that luxury."

She nodded. "How were you turned?"

"On dirt."

"I thought Carlisle would've at least gotten you a mattress or something," she joked.

"Carlisle didn't turn me." And I hoped she would drop it.

Her eyes widened. "Right, I forgot. Who was it?"

I was quick to shut her down. "Unimportant."

She lowered her eyes indecisively, then they found my arms. "You got those scars around that time, huh?"

She couldn't take a hint. "We're not talking about this."

"And you're not answering my questions."

We stared each other down. She didn't cower away and it made this that much more interesting.

"The vampire who turned me is as good as dead. There is nothing to talk about." With that, I pulled out my phone and sent a few texts to the family. "We're leaving this evening."

"Lame." She stretched out her arms on the table and put her head down.

"You don't like the Cullens anymore?"

"It's not that. They're great. It just gets a little too much sometimes. Esme cooks three different courses for one meal. Carlisle examines me almost daily. Edward won't ever shut up about his vinyl collection. I thought the CDs were enough, but now he's moved onto his vinyls."

"You can see why I leave. But since you made it clear that you never want to be back here, I don't think I can help you."

She lifted her head quickly. "No, I really like it here. Please don't say that."

Her pleading eyes bore into mine. Alice was right. She enjoyed being away. She liked being here with me. If she wanted to be away more often, who was I to deny her that? I thought about the conditions she had endured with the Jovu, and she made me want to show her how different it could be.

"Nevada."

She looked at me quizzically.

"You like warm. Our next cabin's in Nevada."

* * *

**A/N: There's an open stream of conversation between them, but both are hesitant to reveal another layer. What do you guys think about their dynamic?**


	14. Anxieties

_Previously:_

_"Nevada."_

_She looked at me quizzically._

_"You like warm. Our next cabin's in Nevada."_

* * *

Elise and I came back to a new beginning. The Cullen house was stocked full of furniture, the walls were painted, and Esme's garden was already coming along.

Vampires. All we had was time, and we did wonders with it.

Elise was exceedingly surprised at the overnight transformation of the house. We stood before the front door as she took it all in. Carlisle and Esme stepped out to greet us and told us that the electricity and plumbing were ahead of schedule, so Elise wouldn't have to go back to the hotel.

Esme told us that everyone else left for a group hunt. Carlisle asked about our trip.

"Montana was beautiful," Elise said with a beaming smile. "I'm not used to being able to just go anywhere. I really appreciated it."

Carlisle looked at me. "What inspired this impromptu trip?"

"An unexpected change of pace," I left it a that. Elise was the epitome of unexpected. Who would've been able to predict her impact on our lives? Alice sure as hell couldn't. "What did Eleazar say?"

Carlisle had been in close contact with Eleazar from the Denali coven regarding Elise's prognosis. This morning, Carlisle had texted me that we'd soon be expecting him for a few days and to make sure that Elise was home for his visit.

"He wants to run some tests of his own," Carlisle explained. "Edward sent him Elise's files, but he wants to meet her in person."

I explained to Elise that Eleazar was gifted in that he could sense vampiric gifts. I wondered if his ability could penetrate her shield.

Esme interjected excitedly. "Elise, your room is ready. Would you like to go look?"

Elise left to follow her through the house. Carlisle stopped me before I could move. His hesitation was apparent.

"I've been thinking," he paused. The rest came out faster than I expected. "If we keep the Volturi in the loop, we wouldn't be risking this uncertainty with Elise's change."

This was unlike Carlisle's character. Did I hear him correctly? "You want to tell Aro that we have an exceptionally gifted human that we're keeping to ourselves? A human who knows too much about vampires?" I scoffed. "We'd be slaughtered."

"Jasper, listen. I was planning on telling Aro about Bella in the first place. They have eyes and ears everywhere. It's better if they find out about Elise through us and not their guard."

If we told Aro about Elise, we would lose her. "You're not telling Aro anything. Are you considering the consequences? There's a lot that you haven't told the Volturi. If you tell them about Elise, they will find out the rest."

Carlisle was looking at me, but his eyes were distant. His gaze went straight through me.

I sighed and sent him some supporting calm. "She's stronger than you think, and she will change."

"I can't force anyone to give up their humanity."

But I could. "Don't worry about it."

I left him to contemplate. The Carlisle that I was used to was calculated and rarely impulsive. People were desperate to confess their wrongdoings when they inched closer to their deaths, but Carlisle was immortal. His desperation was strange. Elise's power and knowledge scared him, and he knew the price he would have to pay for keeping her would be significantly more than if he were hiding Bella.

He wanted the easy way out. If he told Aro that we had a human with a fully developed shield, they would take her, and she wouldn't be his problem any longer. But Aro was a paranoid, old vampire. To him, all confessions were dusted with sugar. He needed to hear the full and unbiased truth. And he could with just one touch.

My feet led me upstairs to where the girls were. The room next door was mine. The moment I walked in, I knew it was Alice that measured, organized, and cleaned every inch of the space. The furniture was classic and simple, and reminded me a lot of the Montana cabin. There were bookshelves that spanned the entirety of one wall. Two cushioned armchairs faced a tall window, overlooking the front lawn.

Alice and I were incompatible, but we knew enough about each other to derive our preferences. That made up the only solid base in our relationship.

I walked the length of the bookshelf, eyeing each book that was meticulously picked and placed. I circled the king bed and opened the drawers in the nightstand. Esme walked down the stairs with a humanly pace and joined Carlisle outside. I heard them run off together. My ears perked up at the sound of shoes padding on the hallway carpet. Elise popped her head into the room.

"That's comforting. When I die next door, you'll be right here."

I rolled my eyes. "I expect you to be considerate around Carlisle. He has anxiety because of you."

"Anxiety?"

"He just left with Esme. The sooner you change, the better for him. Until then, pick your words carefully and make sure you know who's within hearing range at all times."

"How am I supposed to know that?"

"You could try being a vampire."

She gave me a look. "I don't want to be a source of anxiety. I mean, I know it's a problem with the Volturi, but who's going to tell them?"

I gestured for her to sit on one of the armchairs. I took a seat on the bed. "The Cullens have a lot of baggage. The more things pile up, the more we can be accused of misconduct."

She frowned. "What else is there?"

I paused. "Carlisle uses his venom to heal patients."

She wasn't fazed. "Why is that so wrong?"

"It's a miracle cure that modern day science cannot prove. If people start asking questions, there is no way out. This falls under the exposure misconduct."

To her, this was ridiculous. "How can they not see how pure his intentions are?"

"If you killed someone, your justice system would charge you with first degree murder. If that someone was a sex offender, would the system judge you differently?"

"They should. I just removed a disgusting person from the world."

"Your personal justifications for your actions don't matter, because you will always judge yourself based on your reasoning. Yet, you will continue to judge others based on their actions. The law will do the same."

She shrugged. "So, when you kill someone, what is your reasoning?"

"Does it matter? You'll judge me for the act of killing, not my reasoning behind it."

"I want to know your reasoning."

This was stupid. "Hunger."

"You could eat a deer."

"Animals aren't as satisfying. We've been over this."

"You could drink from humans and not kill them."

She didn't understand. "I can't wait for you to experience the soothing pleasure that human blood brings to your burning throat. When you feel that, you will never want to stop. Your Jovu were incredibly disciplined."

"Yes. Some couldn't drink from the source because they had killed a few of us. So, we donated blood for those vampires. What's wrong with drinking blood from a bag?"

"Everything."

"My point is that you don't have to kill to fill your stomach."

I popped over to the armchair next to her. "I'm sorry. Are my murderous tendencies bothering you?"

"Don't be a jerk. I'm giving up my life for you."

For me? "Who said it was for me?"

She got up and walked over to the door. "It's heavily implied. None of the Cullens have pressured me besides you."

* * *

Eleazar's visit was a great distraction for Carlisle. They were old friends, and old friends came with undeniable nostalgia. It was a blissful feeling for me to absorb. Carlisle's lack of anxious behavior relaxed me. Elise's presence helped. She was trying to be a good sport with the medical testing that she was expected to go through.

"Elise, this is Eleazar from the Denali coven. They've been helping us learn more about the Jovu."

Eleazar reached out to shake her hand. "Marvelous." He didn't comment on her shield or her counter, which gave indication that he was also blind. "It's a pleasure, Elise."

Carlisle gestured to the stairs. "Let's take this to my study. Edward has everything set up."

I twirled a book around in my hand and made myself comfortable on the couch. The testing was planned for the whole day. I considered taking advantage of this time to go hunt.

"Actually, Jasper? Do you mind being there too?"

It was Elise. There went my plans.

I followed them to the room filled with state-of-the-art medical equipment. From an examination table to every sizable scalpel, Carlisle took this very seriously. We joked that he could easily work from home, though the wafting smell of fresh human blood wouldn't go over well with the family.

"Your case is a tough one," Eleazar said, skimming through a manila folder which was probably all about Elise. "I just wanted to run some quick tests of my own. Can we start with a blood test? I need to also examine your skin cells, and a throat culture should be beneficial."

Carlisle turned to me. "Feel free to leave if the blood becomes too much."

I flipped open my book, but my eyes didn't read the pages. When Carlisle poked Elise's vein on her right arm, I could see the blood flow up through the plastic tubing and into a small container. My instinct was to drain her, but it was easy to focus on my grip on the book. She wasn't my singer, but blood was still blood. I concentrated on keeping my book in one piece.

Eleazar helped Carlisle with a simple skin biopsy and they stuck a long q-tip down her throat. A human was the last thing I would want to be at that point.

After clarifying some questions regarding her file, the gentlemen took a break for Elise's lunch. Esme brought up a sandwich, and Elise quickly grabbed the plate. "Can I take it outside?"

A few minutes later, we were situated in the new garden. Elise sipped on some orange juice and dug into her meal. It was beautifully overcast, with little rays of sunshine seeping through the heavy clouds. I savored this perfect picture.

I thumbed through my book some more.

"Thank you for staying. It makes me feel less like a guinea pig."

I flipped a page. "I haven't done anything."

"But you have. I know you better than the rest of the Cullens. Having a friend there makes it easier."

We were friends now. That was a weird thought.

"I'm friends with a human," I said, sounding each word slowly. "A first."

She put down her sandwich. "I can't be your first human friend."

"Oh, but you are."

She looked at me, contemplating.

"Everyone is home," I reminded her.

She picked up a piece of tomato that slipped out of her sandwich. "And?"

"Just thought I'd remind you. Your senses are weak."

She sighed. "Do you think they're going to figure out what's wrong with me?"

I looked up from my book to meet her worried expression. "Unless you want to go in there and whip up your medical degree, there's not much you can do."

"Can you be nice?"

I set the book down. "Can you be realistic?"

She got up and picked up her plate. "Don't come."

Her sensitivity would be the death of me. I watched her disappear through the sliding glass door. After a while, I heard Carlisle tell her that they were done for the day. "We have the samples that we need. We're going to replicate your vitals as closely as we can and examine over time. We don't need you for the rest."

I could see her trudge to the living room through the tall glass windows. After she collapsed on the L-shaped sectional, she caught me staring and stuck out her tongue.

I picked up my book and ran the other way.

I needed to hunt.

* * *

I threw my book on my bed. It had been almost twenty-four hours since I had last seen Elise. The sun was rising, and I listened as she slept peacefully next door.

I let my body mimic her rhythm. I found my head on my pillow and my eyes gently closed. Some could say that this was a vulnerable position to be in. For a human, maybe. But for me, I began to hear the water trickle down from a nearby creek. Deactivating some senses empowered others. I soon forgot about the creek and focused on her heart. It beat slower, then faster, then slower again. It was faint, as it always was. I realized that I liked that it was quiet. It made me almost forget that she was human.

An hour or so later, there was a knock on my door. It opened without permission.

"Are you done?"

I sat up and looked at her questioningly.

"Are you done with your attitude?"

She would always find a way to throw my own words back at me. "I'm full, if that's what you're asking."

She sat next to me. "You've been gone _forever_ , and Emmett made me play this really stupid game. Plants and zombies or whatever."

Forever? "I've been gone for twenty-four hours."

"Carlisle and Eleazar are still in the study. I haven't heard anything yet."

Her warmth radiated through the bed and the temperature rose. I looked down at her hands as they grabbed my book.

" _1984_. Any good?"

She entered my room without my permission and sat cross legged on my bed. Her hair was a mess and her eyes were tired from her sleep. She flipped George Orwell's classic in her hands as she skimmed the back. I watched intently as she thought about the words she was reading. She flipped the book around some more. She picked a random page to read through. Then, she looked up at me.

"Jasper?"

Her lips moved beautifully when she said my name. Her tiny fingers looked delicate as they gripped the spine of the book. Why did I want to give her more books to hold? She should read more books. What had she done with her spare time with the Jovu? How had she never read _1984?_ Why was there a human in my bed?

"What?" I asked, suddenly.

"Are you here on Earth?"

"I'm right here."

She leaned back against the headboard. "Thought I lost you there for a second. Where did you go?"

"I'm not sure." Why did I want to take her and run to Montana? I couldn't talk about anything with her in this house.

"They don't need you for any more tests?"

"No, why?"

"It's a nine hour drive to Nevada."

* * *

**A/N: What's _really_ wrong with Elise? It's a curious situation and it's driving our beloved Carlisle mad. Speaking of Papa Cullen... you could say that his motives are clean, but the Volturi are oh so unforgiving.**


	15. Veins

_Previously:_

_She leaned back against the headboard. "Thought I lost you there for a second. Where did you go?"_

_"I'm not sure." Why did I want to take her and run to Montana? I couldn't talk about anything with her in this house._

_"They don't need you for any more tests?"_

_"No, why?"_

_"It's a nine hour drive to Nevada."_

* * *

**Jasper**

Once again, the Cullens offered no objection to me whisking Elise away. The further she was from them, the more the risk was mitigated, and the more they could breathe. The only bump in the road was Alice, who pulled me aside before I was able to start prepping the car. She suggested that we take a quick walk. If we were going to talk specifics, distance from the house was always preferred.

We reached a two-mile marker from the house before she began her interrogation.

"What is your motive with her, Jasper?"

 _Elise, Elise, Elise._ We talked about nothing else anymore.

"I'm taking her to see the world. Is that a crime?"

"Your cabins are not a good indication of what the world is like. What's going on?"

She knew that I was impatient, but she never knew to cut to the chase. "What do you know, Alice?"

"I don't know _anything_ , and that's the problem."

I didn't see the problem. "If you're not consistently seeing that the family is being slaughtered, I think we're done here."

She grabbed my arm firmly. "You like her."

"So does Esme, and Carlisle. Emmett plays games with her. Edward bores her to death. Why don't you like her? Rosalie, I understand, but you _loved_ Bella."

"It's not that. You were never like this with Bella. You're attentive to her needs and it's unlike you to be this close to a human."

"I don't know what the purpose of this conversation is, but I need to start driving soon."

"That's my point. You hate driving."

"I've learned to put up with it."

She leaned closer. "Your eyes are as golden as they've ever been. Have you stopped the human blood?"

I didn't know what gave her the right to question me this way. _Pacify her._ "I haven't had the chance to plan out a hunt."

"She's changing you."

Like hell she was. "I'll drain two humans just for you, if that's what you really want me to do."

She sighed tiredly. "Why won't you just talk to me?"

"We are talking."

"Stop doing that."

I grew frustrated of this quickly. "What do you want to hear? She blocks me and it's a nice change to not be around endless, useless, careless emotions. Spending time with her quiets things down. So, what do you want to hear?"

She looked down. I used a finger to grab her chin and force her to face me. I repeated my question.

She didn't answer it. "If you leave soon, you'll make it in time to beat the morning traffic. And be careful with her hands."

* * *

We left at midnight. One duffel bag for the both of us sat quietly on the back seat of Emmett's jeep. The night was quiet, which made it bearable to be trapped in a constant moving cube for nine hours.

Elise kept to herself for the first hour. The dashboard clock read _1:04._

"You should sleep," I said, weaving through some slower cars on the freeway.

"Is this your car?"

"It's Emmett's."

"Why don't we take your car?"

I simply smiled. "I don't own one."

She chuckled to herself. "We have _so_ much in common." I saw her pull her knees to her chest. "I've never had the money to buy one. What's your excuse?"

"Cars leave evidence and they're hard to get rid of."

"How is that important?"

I kept my eyes on the road. "You are all very squishy. Your blood gets everywhere."

"But no police force could ever catch you."

But they would do anything in their power to try. "Anything supernatural should stay out of the public eye. Less risk. It's harder for vampires in this modern day and age. Everything's online."

"It's all because of this Volturi. I suppose every race needs a ruling entity," she offered.

"How much do you know about them?"

She thought for a little bit. "There are three of them, right? And you said their laws were more guidelines than absolute."

"Three leaders, but the Volturi is comprised of a large network of vampires. They have guards everywhere who attempt to enforce their _guidelines_."

"What are the leaders like?"

"Prissy."

She giggled softly. "Like thrones and castles?"

I nodded and flashed her a smile. "Centuries of years old and on the brink of insanity."

Her tone altered. "Carlisle's really shaken up about them, isn't he?"

I began tapping my hands on the steering wheel. "Carlisle's old, Elise. He's been around the Volturi for some of his life. He lived with the three leaders for a while. He knows how they work. Aro, who is widely accepted as the sole leader, can read your entire life, memories, and thoughts just by touching you. If you get caught by any offense, it gives him the right to invade your thoughts."

"And with that, he can find other things that you did wrong," she said. "They won't accept that Carlisle heals humans?"

"Not with venom. Though, Carlisle is very cautious with the procedure. Usually, he uses it as a sealing agent externally, so it never makes direct contact with the main arteries. You don't want to accidentally turn your patient, but that would take a lot of venom."

She nodded slowly. "I still think it's amazing."

"It works."

"So, if I fell down and scraped my knee," she paused to look at me. "And I managed to survive you, would you use your venom to heal my knee?"

"No," I said.

"No?" she inched closer and didn't hide the surprise in her voice.

"Sharing venom is intimate. I'm surprised that Esme is fine with Carlisle doing what he does."

"Intimate?"

"If you're drawing venom, you're usually fighting to the death. The only exception is mating."

She leaned her head against the passenger-side window. "So you share your venom with your mate?"

"That's the intention, yes."

"What does it taste like?"

Her curiosity made me oddly uncomfortable. "I don't know. I don't have a mate."

"That's okay. I don't either," she said matter-of-factly, like it was the most normal thing in the world. "Neither does Edward."

"Or Alice," I added.

She closed her eyes and spoke through a yawn. "How do you know if you have a mate?"

"It's more primal than you think. Vampires and humans share the drive of survival. Our bodies make it a priority. To you, it's the chemicals that are released during your fight-or-flight response, or your desire to procreate with someone who can prove to you that they can further your species. To us, we can't have offspring in the human sense, so a mate is supposed to help us prioritize the spread of venom. That is why a lot of mated pairs start covens."

"So, it's just companionship?"

"It's a little more complicated than that, and it makes us weaker."

That got her attention. "Did I hear you correctly? Weaker?"

"Your mate is the person you will die for. No one else can replicate the pull that a mate can. When a human falls in love, it can last for a day, a decade, or perhaps their whole life. When a vampire finds their mate, the underlying bond is infinite and unconditional. Humans can't achieve that level of connection."

"All because your venom needs to spread," she teased.

"Seriously. If you dig underneath it all, that is the only purpose of this impediment."

She frowned. "I wouldn't call finding your mate an impediment."

It was the worst thing that could happen to you. "What is the purpose of finding something that all of your enemies could use against you?"

"I think you're looking at this the wrong way," she said. "There's always a trade-off, I understand, but having someone that you can always rely on is such an important factor to your survival. There's a reason why our bodies crave companionship. That emotional connection is there for a reason."

"You can't pick your mate, Elise. Your venom decides, and you're stuck with the pull. The emotional connection is always secondhand."

"You don't have to romantically love your mate?"

"The pull you feel to your mate will elicit some sort of romanticism, but it's not required to sustain the pull."

She leaned back in the passenger seat and closed her eyes.

After a while, I heard her mumbling. She was half asleep. "I hope you find your mate, Jasper. Contrary to what you think, I think it'll make you happy."

And she was asleep.

* * *

Elise threw on a light jacket as we navigated through the forest. We had abandoned Emmett's jeep on a dirt road since this cabin was also unreachable by car. I had offered to carry her, but she insisted on walking.

"If I let you carry me everywhere, I'm going to forget how to walk." It was a silly statement, but her smile made me hold my tongue. She had gotten a good amount of sleep overnight, and it put her in a good mood.

It was a few hours after dawn. The crisp air still stayed low on the surface, waiting patiently to be warmed up by the morning sun. A light breeze brought out the different aromas of the forest.

"Do you smell that?" I asked.

Elise sniffed around. "What?"

"The mist from the river nearby, the distinct scents of the different types of pines around us, and the odd smell of marigold."

She frowned and shook her head. It was a shame that her senses were so blind.

"Are you making a pros and cons list for your change, yet? I heard Emmett mention it to you."

She hugged her jacket close. "No, but I can start. Pro: I don't ever need a down payment for car."

"Pro: You can hear everything."

She gave me a look. "Con: You can hear _everything_."

"Fair point."

"Pro: I'll never get sick again."

"Con: No more chocolate," I said. She was especially upset about that one. Why hadn't I gotten her any chocolate?

We came upon a downhill dirt pathway. It was steep, and I offered to run her down. "I don't have a first-aid kit, so please don't start bleeding around me."

She rolled her eyes. "Just help me down."

My brain flashed back to Edward helping her down the stairs. _I could do that._ I had carried her countless of times. She looked at me expectantly. I quickly held out my hand. _Be careful with her hands_ , Alice had said.

"You should just let me carry you," I spoke carefully, intent on keeping my grip light. Her hands were bony and delicate compared to her body as a whole. This was entirely different than just picking her up.

"You're not going to hurt me." I wasn't sure if now was the appropriate time to tell her that I had crushed a bunny's skull in attempt to pat its ears back. At least I had some practice.

She was probably stronger than a bunny. That made it easier.

I led her down the slope. She was always a few steps behind me as I moved down sideways to help her catch her footing. When we got to the bottom, it was only half a mile to the front door of the Nevada cabin. We made it in the next ten minutes. The cabin didn't have electricity, but we had a huge fireplace and a large living room. I advised Elise to sleep in the living room and avoid the four bedrooms that wouldn't be heated by the fireplace.

She peeled off her jacket as we reached mid-day. Nevada was warmer than Montana, and so she ended up in some capri jeans and a simple solid t-shirt. She sat on the floor by the empty fireplace after using an empty room to change.

She held up her hand, examined it, and then looked at me. "Why are you so nervous about touching me?"

Nervous? Touching her? "What makes you say that?"

"You carry me just fine, but small things like that require a lot of your concentration."

I wouldn't forgive myself if I broke her hand. "It's not my fault that you break easily."

"I think that if you perhaps stopped thinking so hard, it would come naturally to you."

"What would?"

"Being gentle."

I pulled out some nonperishable foods from the duffel bag and arranged them on the kitchen counter. "It's not in my nature to be gentle."

Elise got up and followed me around. "You said it yourself. Your minds are powerful. You can teach yourself anything. Here," she held out her hand. "Let me try."

She grabbed the can of food from my grip and placed it next to the others. Then, she slowly wrapped her fingers around my hand. "Do you feel how much pressure I'm putting on you?"

Too much.

"It's light enough that you can barely feel it," She gripped a little tighter. "Yet firm enough that you know it's there."

I didn't say a word. I stared at our hands with incredulity. This little thing had such courage.

"Now, you try," she let go of my hand, and the disconnection felt wrong. I immediately grabbed her hand.

"Whoa," she smiled tightly. "Easy, there."

I lightened my grip.

"Better. Just don't think."

"You're pretty brave for trying to teach a one-hundred and thirty-seven-year-old man how to touch things."

Her smile widened. "You're _how_ old?"

I walked away to the pantry. As I sorted through old cans of food to throw out, Elise watched me closely. "1860?"

Quick math. "1863. I was nineteen, not twenty-two, when I was turned." I brought my attention to the fireplace. "We need to start this fire, and I need to chop some wood."

An hour later, I had enough wood to light the place for weeks. Elise sat on the grass, cross-legged, eating some bread and cheese. She watched as I arranged the logs of wood in piles of ten.

The sun was intermittent, and occasionally I would see her look up to the sky and throw the world a smile.

"You've hunted, right?" she asked. "I don't want another episode."

"Yes. A bunny had to die so that you wouldn't have to endure any unwanted vampiric interactions."

She was in denial. "You didn't kill a bunny. That wouldn't have been enough for you anyway."

I threw myself on the patch of grass next to her. "A bunny, a few deer. One mountain lion."

"You kill that many animals to be normal around me?"

"Not at all. Your blood isn't that appealing. It isn't hard to be around you."

"I love being called unappealing."

"It's important to take criticism well." She pretended to smack my arm for that comment. But not too hard, or she'd be punching a rock.

I wanted to dig deeper on the extent of her knowledge. "Do you know what it means when a vampire has a singer?"

She shook her head.

"Every vampire has at least one singer," I explained. "As in, someone who's blood _sings_ to them. It's the most delectable blood a vampire will encounter. Bella was Edward's singer. "

"Wow," she paused. "Edward's self-control is impressive."

We weren't here to talk about Edward. "You said Damon drank from you regularly?"

She absently started to massage her right wrist. "You think I was his singer?"

"I have no evidence of that, but it's a possibility. He showed favoritism towards you. If you were his singer, his self-control was honorable. May I?" I gestured to her right hand.

She let me grab it and I brought her wrist closer to my face. Her body stiffened, but I gripped her wrist firmly.

"I'm just examining," I reassured her.

She looked at me cautiously as I drew in a deep breath, taking in her scent as her blood pumped through her wrist. I took an index finger and gently traced the delicate veins that branched outwards.

"Let me know if I'm putting on too much pressure," I whispered. I traced a long, visible vein from her wrist to her inner elbow, where the vein fattened. My fingers found their way back to the base of her wrist, then they picked a different vein to trace. She wasn't whining from any pain, so my touch was an acceptable level.

I had never been able to touch a human like this before.

I let go of her. "You're not my singer. That I know."

She didn't say anything for a while. She continued to massage her wrist.

"Thank you for letting me do that," I said.

"Do what?"

"Practice. You aren't dead, yet. It's a good sign of my self-control."

She looked at me deeply, and her tone was as serious as I had ever heard it. "I'm confident that you won't kill me."

That was a dangerous statement. She shouldn't be confident of anything as a human. "What instilled that confidence in you? It doesn't matter. Never rely on it. Never trust anyone."

"Not anyone? You don't trust me?"

"I don't have to trust you. You have no power to harm me, so my trust in you is irrelevant."

"But you're saying that I shouldn't trust you. Why? You've been very good to me."

"That's the worst reason to trust someone."

"Why are you so reclusive?"

"Why are you so naïve?"

She sighed. "I don't understand you. You seem like you want to be my friend. You even act like it sometimes. But you always just want to teach me a lesson or prove that I'm not good enough."

Had I hurt her? That wasn't the intention. "Humans and vampires can't be friends. I'm here to make your transition into the vampire world smoother."

She didn't do a great job of hiding her annoyance. "Lucky me."

"Absolutely. I haven't stuffed you in a closet and left you to rot. I think that's very lucky."

She let herself fall onto her back next to me. "You're doing that thing again where you use your _murderous tendencies_ to scare me."

Was I? "Is it working?"

"No."

I clasped my hands behind my head. We stared out at the clouds that hovered over us.

"What are the plans for the day?" she asked.

I had a schedule. "I have a few things in mind."

* * *

**A/N: What does he have planned? Jasper views the concept of mating in a very negative tone. What do you think of that?**


	16. Lessons

_Previously:_

" _What are the plans for the day?" she asked._

_I had a schedule. "I have a few things in mind."_

* * *

**Jasper**

That evening, I drove Elise to a nearby town for dinner. I thought she would appreciate a proper meal besides the cheese, crackers, and canned beans we had available at the cabin.

We got out of the car, and I pointed at the building. "This is one of my favorite spots."

She looked up at the neon sign that read _Rudy's,_ with the first letter blinking on and off. "This place? But you don't eat."

"I do come here to eat."

When we were seated at a booth, the waitress handed us two menus. She looked at me a little longer than she should have, then disappeared to grab us waters.

I waited as Elise looked over the menu, but her eyes were distracted. When the waitress came back with two cups of iced water, Elise graciously thanked her. But after she left, Elise followed her closely before she disappeared in and out of the kitchen.

"Something's wrong," she said to me, still analyzing the girl. I pretended to be very interested in the wide selection of burgers.

The waitress came back to take our order. She started with me, giving me an unnecessarily warm smile.  
"Nothing for me, thank you," I told her.

The waitress frowned, then eyed Elise.

"I'll just have the chicken burger with fries," she said quickly, and handed the two menus back.

Elise's eyes still followed the waitress back and forth. How could I talk to her when she was obsessively stalking the waitress?

"It's rude to stare," I reminded her.

"She's going to die."

"When?"

"Tonight," she paused. "Tomorrow? In a few weeks? It's changing so fast I'm convinced there's a glitch in my power."

I stirred the ice cubes in the cup of water with the straw. "That's incredible."

"No, it's not."

"Do you want to hear a little secret?"

She scoffed. "It's not a secret if you tell me."

"Her name is Melissa, and I've been watching her for two months now."

Her eyes snapped to mine. The realization set in. "You're doing this."

"I'm a little indecisive on when I want to kill her, I apologize," I whispered.

She crossed her arms and sat back in the booth, no doubt trying to get as much space between us as possible. She needed the space to judge me? I didn't think so. I switched to her side of the booth and made a point to sit as close as possible as Melissa came back with a plate of fries.

"Thank you," I threw her an award-winning smile and she placed the plate on the table.

"Are you both from around here?" she produced a little notepad to take note of our order.

"No," I said smoothly and draped my arm around Elise. "My fiancée and I are just passing through. She gets cranky when she doesn't eat."

Elise glared at me for a little before addressing her. "Do you live here?"

Melissa smiled. "Yes, I've lived in this town my whole life. I love it here."

"Is all of your family here?"

"From my parents to my third cousins, they were all born and raised in this town for generations. It's a sweet little town."

"Everybody must know everyone here," Elise remarked. "Small town and all."

"That's right," she leaned in and lowered her voice. "It can get a little annoying, but we're all family here." She laughed lightly. "I'll go check on your burger."

This time, we both watched her leave. I felt a poke in my rib, but it was actually Elise elbowing me. Her elbow would be bruised tomorrow. She didn't like my arm around her?

"You can't kill her. This place is too small. She has too many connections."

My fingers lightly stroked her upper arm, and I spoke lowly into her ear. "But she's so fascinating. Melissa Richmond. Goes to the town's only community college. She sings in their choir. Beautiful voice. I've never been to her recitals, but she loves singing in the shower."

Her voice was ice. "You've been to her house?"

"She lives with her parents. Don't believe her loving attitude towards this town. She wants to get away from her family as soon as she can transfer to a four-year university."

"How do you know all of this?"

"The hunt is the most rewarding. Every victim has a case. You pile up their interests, likes, dislikes, and preferences to plan a clean hunt. Do you see how enjoyable this is?"

"You're insane."

I smirked and pulled my arm back. Melissa came around with the burger.

"You guys let me know if you need anything else," she put down a receipt along with the plate. "I'll leave this here, but please take your time."

Elise looked at her food, then looked at me. "I've lost my appetite."

"I haven't lost mine. If I eat, will you?"

She pushed away her food. "You're not killing her."

"I've invested way too much time in her. Last time, I followed her all the way to Vegas. She went for a weekend trip with her friends, and that was the perfect time to do it. They're irresistible when they're drunk. I should have taken her then."

"Stop."

"I'm just trying to show you what your future entails."

"Certainly not this."

I pulled the plate of food towards her. "There is definitely a sexual element that we can't avoid, so for your case, you might target men. But, you should always have a plan." I didn't particularly want to think about her seducing men to bite them, but if it taught her the fundamentals of vampirism, I couldn't be too upset.

"I'm not targeting anyone."

"You can't starve. You'd be a wasted potential."

She finally wrapped her fingers around her burger and stared at the bundle of ingredients. "I don't feel bad about eating this burger because I didn't have to kill the chicken."

She couldn't be serious. "But someone killed the chicken, and that's okay in your book?"

She was mute.

"You _will_ kill. You won't have a choice."

"I always have a choice."

She was delightfully optimistic. Her optimism would leave her unprepared for the world she thought she had figured out. "You've failed your lesson, congratulations."

"What does a failing grade get me?"

Before she had the chance to bite into her burger, I grabbed it from her hands. "Starvation. If you refuse to learn how to keep yourself sustained, you will starve."

* * *

Elise didn't say a word during our drive back. She stared out the window, and I didn't need to be a functioning empath to read her body language. Her arms were firmly crossed tight against her chest, and her body was scooted close to the door.

"If you keep me distracted, I won't kill her." It wasn't the best thing to say, but it got me a glare.

"Your feedback mechanism for this lesson doesn't make sense. If you starve as a vampire, you'll experience a frenzy. If I starve, I just die. Those are two drastically different consequences."

"Good observation. Though you should consider that a starved vampire will do anything for a drop of blood. The resulting frenzy can expose you and get you killed by the authorities."

"Just don't get caught, right?" she said bitterly.

After a while, she sighed. "Don't kill her, Jasper."

"Are you offering me something better?"

She stuck out her left wrist in front of me. "Sure, whatever."

Tempting. I pressed my lips to her veins, and I was sure that she could feel my smile. I took a deep breath. Calming. I gently lowered her wrist back to her lap.

She was curt. "I offered. You didn't take it. Find something else to eat."

"I want Melissa."

"Well, that's too bad." And she could stop me how?

"Why does she mean so much to you? You hardly know her."

"She has a whole life ahead of her. Don't take that from her."

I shook my head. "She's a tally. Nothing more. Your attachment to this simple of an entity is disappointing."

"Your disregard for human life is disappointing."

I parked the jeep on the same dirt road and killed the engine. The night was darker in the outskirts where the light pollution was reduced.

"You see the stars?" I asked.

"We are not talking about the damn stars right now."

"Right. No food makes you cranky. Is your blood sugar okay enough to make it to the cabin?"

"Sure."

"Good. I'll see you there."

* * *

Leaving Elise in the middle of a forest at night wasn't the smartest idea, but it would give me a good gauge on how well she had developed her survival skills. The forest was in the middle of a large network of highways. So, if she strayed too far out away from the cabin, she would either find herself back on the dirt road with Emmett's jeep, or by a chain link fence that connected to long stretches of concrete.

I took a casual pace through the forest, picking up small animals as I went. These little snacks would keep my satiated until I could pick up a human.

Elise's reaction to Melissa was expected. And my expectations were low. She easily became attached to the life Melissa led, and wanted to prevent me from ruining it. She desperately wanted to preserve the good and fight the bad. The world didn't work that way.

The cabin was cold when I arrived. I lit the fireplace, grabbed a book, and made myself comfortable in the living room. My phone buzzed before I could read the first sentence.

_Is she not there with you? I can't see her anymore._

Alice. I replied quickly. _Don't worry._

Alice couldn't see Elise when I wasn't with her, so it was natural that she was concerned. She always expected me to be around Elise. But how could you expect a human to learn if vampires kept watching over her?

Walking the length of the forest from the dirt road all the way to the stretch of highways would take an hour maximum, assuming a human pace. Thus, reaching the middle of the forest, where the cabin was located, should only take Elise half an hour. It took her an hour, and she was pissed.

"Are you kidding me?" She slammed the front door and stood over me in the living room. It had started to rain twenty minutes ago, and she looked like she had just jumped into a shower wearing all of her clothing.

"Stand close to the fire," I instructed her. "You might get sick."

"I might get sick? Or perhaps a bear could have attacked me? I could've fell and broken my legs, or a serial killer could've had me chopped up in carefully labeled bags."

"Did any of those things happen?"

"You're delusional if you think this is how to treat someone. Who am I to you?"

I got up and stood in front of her. "You are Elise. A bright, wonderful young woman who has exceptional talent, yet still has trouble with emotional attachment."

She jabbed a finger into my chest. "Would _you_ like to handle my psychological evaluations? I must be horribly mentally ill to be concerned about a helpless girl."

I grabbed her hand and kept on my chest. "In time, you will learn that animals and humans are very alike. The chicken burger was no different than Melissa."

My grip was light, so she was able to yank her hand free with ease. "The _chicken burger_ does not live or breathe and has no concept of life. It's dead."

"Melissa was dead to me the moment I decided she was mine."

"Congratulations on being a psychopath."

I sat down on the couch and politely gestured for her to join me. "Let's talk about that."

She stood her ground. "I don't want to talk about anything with you."

"You rationalize killing by judging the victim through the negativity they bring to the world. Am I correct?"

When she didn't respond, I pressed on. "Let's go back to our case with the sex offender. You could easily rationalize his death because you believe that you're making the world a better place by removing him."

"If he's harming others, it's easy to rationalize his death."

"Where do you draw the line? Would it make a difference if I told you Melissa had cheated on every boyfriend she's had since high school?"

She looked down. I urged her to think about it. "She's nowhere as close to causing the damage a sex offender would, but she's still causing emotional distress. I'll ask again. Where do you draw the line?"

She shook her head and looked out the window.  
I stood again, blocking her view. "Well?"

"In the big picture, it just makes sense that a sex offender deserves death more than a girl who's had issues with infidelity."

"There's malicious intent in both cases."

"There's more malice in the sex offender's case."

She was missing my point. "In your personal scale of justice, you probably have a good and a bad. The sex offender will always fall in the bad. Now, I want to ask you. Is cheating good or bad?"

"Bad."

"Alright, so move Melissa over to the bad side. Now, your morality tells me that you don't want me killing the good. That means, the bad is fair game."

She was frustrated, and I loved it. It meant that she was thinking. "They're _not_ the same level of bad."

"So, you agree that the world isn't black and white."

"It isn't."

"Then what is it?"

This time it was her who plopped down onto the cushiony seats. She looked up at me and shrugged. I sat down near her and offered my perspective.

"There is no possible way of characterizing a person in such a way. Actions, sure. You can always label actions as a positive or a negative. The drives that lead us to do the things we do are complex, and anyone who tries to tie it to a binary judgement system is too simple-minded to comprehend that complexity," I looked her in her eyes. My tone was sincere. She was intelligent enough to comprehend reality, and she shouldn't blanket it.

"Melissa served you a burger. She gave you food. Food will keep you alive. She was also incredibly polite as she did so. All of this makes you label her as _good_. You don't know anything else about her. You don't have the right to make that judgement. In fact, claiming that she's a good person only shows her how ignorant you are of her past. She's too complex to be crushed into a single dimension."

"So, she's not good or bad. What is she?"

"She's Melissa."

She rubbed her temples with the tips of her fingers. "I'm sorry. I don't know what to make of this."

"There is no good and bad, Elise. The justice system will condemn you for your actions, but none of that defines your character. When you let yourself emotionally attach to someone based on these binary definitions, it means nothing. You need to get ahead of the defaults that your brain will try to push you towards. If you don't, you will be stuck trying to make logical decisions based entirely on your emotions."

"And your point is?"

Melissa was waiting, and I needed to eat.

"My point is that I will be back around midnight."

* * *

**A/N: Tsk, tsk. A man's gotta eat.**

**What do you think of Jasper's opinions of the world around him? It lets him justify his own actions, and he hopes Elise will see it that way, too.**


	17. War and Peace

_Previously:_

_"There is no good and bad, Elise. The justice system will condemn you for your actions, but none of that defines your character. When you let yourself emotionally attach to someone based on these binary definitions, it means nothing. You need to get ahead of the defaults that your brain will try to push you towards. If you don't, you will be stuck trying to make logical decisions based entirely on your emotions."_

_"And your point is?"_

_Melissa was waiting, and I needed to eat._

_"My point is that I will be back around midnight."_

* * *

**Jasper**

The issue I was having was entirely my fault. My cabins were meant for the temporary storage of my victims. I couldn't drain them right away, or my eyes would bleed the evidence. The problem was that Elise was angrily fuming on the couch right at this moment, and I wasn't sure how accepting she would be of an unconscious human trapped under the same roof.

I pushed the front door open with my foot. It was a few minutes until midnight, and I could see the silhouette cast by Elise's petite frame on the opposing wall of the fireplace.

The moment she saw me, the anger expressed on her face dissipated, and her hands went up to her mouth.

"She isn't dead," I said quickly, and made my way inside.

"Oh my god, Jasper."

Melissa was passed out in my arms. Her brown hair spilled over my shoulder, and she was still in her working uniform.

"Do you mind?" I gestured towards the couch. She got up and moved out of the way as I set Melissa's body down.

She inched closer to me to get a better view of my face.

"You'll see a slight hint of red," I explained. "It should blend in before we head back to Idaho."

Her gaze trailed down from my eyes to my lips. She took a hand and touched the corner of my mouth. When she brought back her hand, her fingers were red.  
"You're sloppy," she said, then quickly ran to the kitchen to wash her hands. "What did you do to her?"

She wasn't scared, which was progress in my book. "I had to knock her unconscious to stop her whining. I need to prepare the master suite for her. I should've done it before I left. She'll probably last a month, give or take."

"A month? You're going to keep her here for a month?"

"You thought all of the non-perishable food was for you?"

She couldn't take her eyes off of Melissa's body. "When do you decide to kill them?"

"Once their screams become unbearable."

She put a hand to her mouth again and spoke through her fingers. "I think I need to sleep."

She walked towards Melissa, then looked at me. "Do _you_ mind?"

She needed the couch to sleep. Of course.

"Give me a few minutes," I told her, and disappeared to the master bedroom, which was conveniently the last bedroom down the hall, making it the farthest away from the living room. I double checked that the water was still clean and running in the attached bathroom. The mirror was missing, since taking it out was the first thing I had done when I took over the cabin. One girl had killed herself by smashing the mirror and slicing her wrists with the glass. We couldn't have that incident happen again. The windows were boarded from the inside for no other funny tricks.

The bed was just a mattress, which was enough. I carried Melissa in and placed her down. I laid down some crackers for whenever she woke. She would be hungry.

I was always a good host.

After locking the bedroom's door with a silver key, I came back into the living room to Elise curled up on the couch. Her eyes were wide open, staring straight ahead.

I had to say something. "It's not the most ideal circumstance," I began. "I apologize. I usually don't have anyone else here."  
She forced her eyes to me, then looked away.

I didn't tolerate the silent treatment. It was the highest form of insolence. "Say something."

She rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. "It's cruel what you're doing. If you're going to kill them, just kill them."

But that wouldn't make sense. "The payoff isn't worth it. I spend weeks or months watching them, and then letting most of their blood spill and go to waste is just a poor return on investment."

"Goodnight, Jasper." She ended our one-sided discussion and turned so that her body faced the back of the couch, her back to the warmth the fireplace provided.

I restocked the wood to keep the fire alive, then took the armchair across from her and waited.

I waited for the screams.

* * *

They came seven hours later. Elise jolted awake in an instant, the blanket I had draped over her overnight flowed down onto the floor. She cursed silently and rubbed her eyes.

"Good morning," I addressed her. "Can you drive? Maybe go pick up some coffee and food while I deal with this."

Melissa's screams erupted, even louder than before. She soon started to beg to be let out. I could hear clawing at the door.

"This is insane," Elise muttered to herself. "You're just going to knock her out again? Is that what _dealing_ with this is?"

What kind of monster did she think I was? "I'm going to let her grab a drink of water, eat some crackers, then I can send her to sleep. Just because my powers don't work on you doesn't mean the rest of the world is immune." _Thankfully._

"So, I should give you more credit? Praise you for your kindness?"

Someone woke up on the wrong side of the couch. Her tone and Melissa's blood curdling serenade drew the line. "I'm not dealing with your pissy attitude. I'll grab you the food if it makes you shut up."

By the time she opened her mouth again, I was gone.

I picked up a coffee and a few pastries. As I stalked through the forest, I hovered around the perimeter of the cabin to listen in. Elise would try to interact with Melissa. But was she going to be careless about it?

" _It's okay, it's okay,"_ I heard her coax the girl.

" _Please,"_ Melissa sobbed. _"Please let me leave. I haven't done anything. I don't know anything. Please."_

" _Eat something. There's food there. Crackers, I think. Preserve your strength. Grab a drink of water. Make yourself comfortable, okay?"_ Her voice was heavy with emotion.

" _Comfortable? Who the_ hell _are you?" She screamed._

" _Please, calm down."_

" _Why won't you let me out?" she whimpered. "Please, I beg you. Please. Where did the man go? Do you work for him?"_

" _He isn't here right now."_

I heard more banging. _"Let me go! Let me go before he comes back! Please. He hurt my wrist and it isn't bandaged. It might get infected."_

I saw Elise come back into the kitchen. She paced around, no doubt considering what her next steps should be.

" _Hello? Please don't leave!" Melissa shrieked hysterically. "You sound young. Imagine yourself in my shoes. You have the power to let me out."_

Elise disappeared from the living room. She spoke helplessly. " _I don't have the power to let you out, Melissa."_

" _How do you know my name? Oh god, you're a part of this too."_ Her screams were getting worse.

I decided to intervene. Placing Elise's breakfast in the kitchen, I made my way down the long hallway to the master suite. Elise was sitting against the door with her knees to her chest.

"He's here," she said simply. Melissa's screams got unbearably louder at the realization.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Keeping her company," she frowned and looked down. "She's traumatized, Jasper. She reminds me of someone."

"Who?"

"Me."

I sat next to her. I put a finger up to indicate that she should be quiet. I then sent as much lethargy and calm as I could muster towards Melissa. After a few minutes, her screams died down, and it felt like we were completely and painlessly alone.

"Her throat's beginning to hurt from the careless screaming," I whispered. "She'll need a break before she starts again."

"Yeah," Elise whispered back. "I don't agree with what you're doing here, and I really would rather you kill her. This isn't nice."

I leaned my head against the door and couldn't help the bubbling laughter that erupted from my chest. Elise looked at me like I was insane. I probably was.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "This is the weirdest situation I have ever been in. And I've been alive for more than a century and a half. I can't believe I'm having this conversation with you."

"That makes the two of us."

I listened for Melissa, and her heartrate was slowing.

"She's falling asleep," I said quietly. "She's expelled a lot of energy, and her brain will want to shut down into sleep for recovery. I don't have to influence her as much to keep her asleep."

She nodded, almost to herself, staring at no particular place. Her voice was monotone, disturbed. "I should be running away from you. I should be setting her free, or trying to at least. But I know it's pointless. You'd hunt me down before I could do anything."

"You're smarter than that."

"I'm smart enough to know I wouldn't make it. Being on this side of the door means I get to look out the window, but besides that, I'm no different than Melissa."

She got up and headed to the kitchen.

* * *

Melissa was food. And Elise? She wasn't.

That was all I knew, and I couldn't explain the reasoning otherwise. It was troubling to dig into your mind and not find a logical answer for this complication.

I sat in the living room as Elise sipped on her coffee in the kitchen, taking small bites from her pastries. She didn't seem like she had the appetite, but she hadn't had dinner last night. And that was my fault. I shouldn't feel anything to that regard. But, I did. She needed to eat to survive, and I needed her to survive.

"You're not Melissa," I said. "Don't compare yourself to her." I didn't like what she had said. Her comparison was misjudged. She knew her power, and Melissa didn't even have a fraction of it.

She put her paper cup down on the table and turned to face me. "Then what am I?"

Great question. She always asked great questions. And my answers were blanks.

"You've lived with yourself long enough to know who you are."

"No," she said. "What am I to you?"

The easiest answer was also the most unsatisfying. "Power, protection, potential. Not in any particular order."

She shook her head. "You see me as power, but you make me feel absolutely powerless. Protection? I can't even protect myself. There's no potential in any of that."

She was degrading herself, and it made me angry. "You know damn well how strong you are, Elise. I will not let you discredit yourself."

"I'm not strong enough to save Melissa from you. I wasn't even strong enough to save Bella."

I stood in front of her in an instant. "You're wasting your time worrying about these humans that don't matter. Why do you do this to yourself?"

She stood up to level with me. "Maybe, just _maybe_ , because I'm human?"

I blinked at her.

"Or have you forgotten? Do you not hear my heart beating? You don't feel my blood rushing through my body?" she grabbed my hand and put it on her neck, right by her jugular. "I'm not dead yet, Jasper. You seem to forget."

Her weak pulse drummed against my fingers. It was the blood that gave her life, that let her breathe, and kept her smart mouth moving. It was the blood that colored her lips and watered the eyes that stared back at me. My hand moved up from her neck to her face, my thumb ran over her rosy lips, displacing some of the blood that gave them their hue. I felt her hot breath and the rise and fall of her chest.

"You're never scared. You're just so stubborn," I whispered.

I heard her sniff and she put her hand on mine. She pushed it away.

"I don't know what you're doing, but you seem very confused," her voice was thick with unshed tears. "I can't protect you or give you any power. The potential you're looking for isn't here. I was a blood bag for too long to know anything otherwise. I've been poked and prodded enough. Anything you want from me, just say it. At least this way, I know expectations and I know the clear consequences. This is a vampire-human arrangement and those only end one way."

"And what way is that?"

"Melissa's way."

No. "There will never be a timeline that exists in which that will happen to you. Not anymore."

She seemed taken aback by that statement. "How sure can you be? I'm here with you, aren't I?"

"Leave," I said simply. "You can leave."

She focused on me intently. "What?"

"Go. If you think you're a prisoner. If you think you're held here like Melissa, I'm giving you the opportunity to leave."

"How gracious of you to grant me the opportunity."

I was a mess. I opened the front door and one of the hinges popped out of place.

"Go," I told her.

She narrowed her eyes at me. She looked from the door, to its separated upper half, then back to me. "This is a test."

I sure hope it was. I wasn't sure what I would do if she walked out this door.

 _She's human. She couldn't just walk away._ But even if she did, I wasn't sure I could stop her.

She took a few steps towards me until she made it to the door. My hand was still gripping the handle to hold it upright so it wouldn't topple over. She took a hand and wiped away a few tears, then took a moment to compose herself.

She regarded my grip. "You broke the door."

Was it that obvious? With a swift motion, I pulled harder, effectively breaking off the other hinge. Now, we had no door.

"Always finish what you started," I said, leaning the now gigantic slab of wood against the window.

She came closer and her focus was on my mouth. "I'm not failing another lesson. I need to eat to keep my strength. I'm not sure how sincere you were when you said I could leave, but I'm not risking it."

I was sincere. And that was insane.

With a fingernail, she reached up and scratched away at the corner of my mouth, dislodging some dried blood from my skin. "You should clean up after you eat. It's unbecoming of an organized killer like you."

Was that humor in her tone? "I believe we like to be called serial killers."

"You do have the Ted Bundy type."

My first smile of the day came out. "You think I'm a charismatic enough villain to envoke Bundy?"

"Bundy stalked girls in Seattle, too. Jennifer, was it? She was from Seattle."

I nodded. "Can serial killers have secretaries? You have an impeccable memory."

She crossed her arms and ran her gaze all over the cabin. She stopped at me. "This is seriously just…"

"Insane?" I offered.

"Fucking insane," she clarified.

It felt like we were on the teetering edge between war and peace. "I don't know what to do with you. I don't know what I want from you."

She hugged herself closely and peered at me through her lashes. "Me neither."

* * *

**A/N: For those of you who haven't heard of Ted Bundy, check him out. Netflix has a great series on him, and they even have a movie.**


	18. Foreign

_Previously:_

_It felt like we were on the teetering edge between war and peace. "I don't know what to do with you. I don't know what I want from you."_

_She hugged herself closely and peered at me through her lashes. "Me neither."_

* * *

**Jasper**

We spent most of the day away from the cabin, and that was a choice I had made. Melissa remained a question mark between us. Elise seemed to have strong opinions regarding her captivity, but she showed them less and less as the time went by. The brain had a way of abstracting away the details. Either she had made peace with the situation, or her compartmentalization was impressive.

I took her out for lunch around noon. I knew I had to avoid the previous town, so we went to a nearby suburb. As we were seated at our table, Elise began her scrutiny. I watched as she weighed each human in her mind and evaluated the information they gave her.

I pushed one of the water cups towards her. "I only work one case at a time."

She took a sip. "You sound like a cop."

"Furthest from it."

She relaxed and played with the ice. "You know, a lot of what you say makes sense."

"Is that so?"

"It's just very," she thought for a little. "Robotic. If I connect the wires together, A does equal B. But it doesn't make A okay."

"What is A in this case?"

"Kidnapping and murdering."

This again. "Consider this. For centuries, humans have hunted game. All of the deer, lamb, and whatever else. The only purpose they served was to satisfy their appetite. Now what do you think I'm doing?"

"When you explain it that way—"

"What way?" I cut in. "I'm not influencing you to believe me – hell, I can't. It's a true statement that paints out my motives in bright red ink."

She toyed with her hands. "But it's still different."

I put up a strong finger. "You could even argue that what humans have done are less desirable than my methods of survival. They stick animals in cages, breed them to their desire, dispose the diseased ones and eat the rest. Now, I'm not saying that there aren't covens that do that…"

Two lines formed on her forehead. "Covens do _what?_ "

There was a lot she needed to learn. "Some aren't as forgiving, and some aren't as nice. The Jovu were nicer to you."

"They cage and breed humans? Like a farm?"

"You breed dogs to give you the most expensive puppies with zero consideration for their health. What is the difference?"

"You can't see the problem in this?"

I leaned closer to her. "Do you?"

"Yes!" she exclaimed. "This is not a goddamn chicken burger. This is a human being. _You_ were a human at some point. How does an empath have no empathy?"

I chuckled. "You do what you need to survive."

She scoffed. "As I've said, you don't need to eat humans to survive."

"Humans eat animals to survive. Why should I be denied the equivalent? Why don't you condemn Uncle Bob over there?" I gestured across the restaurant to an old, pudgy man taking a satisfying bite from a hamburger.

"That hamburger isn't screaming."

"If it were alive, it would be. When I dig my teeth into an animal, do you think it stays quiet? Is this how your scale of justice has shifted? It's very weak."

She crossed her arms. "Kidnapping and killing is wrong."

"Okay, so you'll come to the terms that eating a chicken burger is wrong. I'm curious what you'll order today," I flashed a toothy grin and pushed the menu to her.

When the waiter came by, Elise smiled at me warmly. "I'll have the avocado salad, please."

I dismissed the waiter. "Let's see how long you can go without meat, if that's what you're trying to prove to me."

"I'm not trying to prove anything to you. But what you're proving to me is that your minds aren't as perfect and polished as you make it out to be. Your only option of survival isn't to kill. You can drink from animals or you can drink from humans and not kill them. If you had enough control over your instincts, you would be able to make that change." She folded her hands on the table. "Yes, I'm calling you weak."

"Is this supposed to make me feel something?"

"Mad, frustrated, bored. You have a wide plethora of feelings to choose from."

I stared at her. "Are you insulting me?"

The waiter came by with a plate of greens and carefully set it in front of Elise. She grabbed a fork and started to comb through the leaves of lettuce. "I'm sorry if that offended you. I know brooding is a very cliché vampire thing, but sometimes, it would be nice to see you regret something."

"Do you regret ordering that chicken burger?"

She put her fork down. "I order one chicken burger and you will never let me live that down."

I grinned. "Never."

After managing to leave a good dent in her salad, Elise put her fork down once again and looked at me. "I don't want to go back to the cabin."

"Why is that?"

"I like us right now, and I really don't want to be reminded of Melissa."

I sighed. "You asked me not to kill her. She isn't dead yet. What is the problem?"

"The fact that you have to ask me what the problem is… is the problem."

Frustrating. That's what she was. "We can talk about this everyday until the end of eternity. I will not ignore my nature for you. Not for anyone. Ever."

That silenced her. She played around with her salad more. "I think I'm done."

After leaving the restaurant, I let her in the jeep before taking the driver's seat. The ride was silent.

She had this idealistic view of changing what she perceived was bad into what she thought was good. A lot of people had this perspective. They would try endlessly and unapologetically to fix the broken and heal the sick. It was an addiction to clean up the mess. With me, she was trying to fix something that was neither broken nor sick. It was wasted effort. Nonetheless, the attention was appreciated.

We left the jeep on the dirt road once again. We had gotten halfway to the cabin when she tugged at my hand.

"Can we take a walk instead?"

She didn't want to grace Melissa's presence. And honestly, her torturous singing was something I would rather push off to later. I decided to indulge her. "Do you have your pills?"

She nodded. So, we took a long detour. The woods surrounding the cabin were beautiful, calm, and serene. It painted the picture of safety, but it was merely an illusion.

"When are we going back to the Cullens?"

"Sick of me already?"

She smiled. "Always. Your brain makes my brain hurt."

"That means it's getting stronger."

"Is this the loophole you've found through my shield? Instead of sending me to sleep, you tire me out emotionally enough to keep me quiet?"

I carefully held her hand as she jumped over a log. "It's a useless loophole. You never shut up."

She laughed. It was musical. Pleasant. "You wouldn't like me half as much if I was quiet."

"Then, maybe you should be quiet."

"So you would like me less?"

"Indeed." I liked her too much already.

We walked in silence. The afternoon air was calm and rewarding. It wasn't unbearably hot, and the occasional breeze relieved you of any discomfort. The sky was clouded over, and the sun greeted us periodically.

"Jasper?"

"Yes?"

"What if Melissa had a gift?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well," she said. "You said I had more power. That made me different. What if she had a gift, too?"

"She doesn't."

She stopped me. "How do you even know that?"

"It's incredibly rare that a human shows their gifts this strongly. We've been over this."

"But if she had a gift, would you let her go?"

I didn't see how that made any sense. "Living in a world of _what ifs_ is unrealistic and childish."

"Conveniently spewing out life lessons to avoid your problems is immature."

Ouch. "Is that what you think I'm doing?"

She steered us back. "If it's not the gift, then what makes me different? Why am I not the one locked in a basement?"

"You ask too many questions."

"And you don't answer any of them. How is this supposed to work?"

"You're important, Elise. That's the difference."

She crossed her arms. "How?"

"How what?" My tone was sharp.

"How am I important?"

Fuck. "I don't know."

There was music. Why was there music?

My phone was ringing in my back pocket. Carlisle.

I answered immediately. He asked to be put on speaker.

"Hi, Elise," he spoke through the phone. Elise stepped closer to be included into the conversation.

"Hi, Carlisle. How are you?" she asked.

"We're good. I've spent the last few days with Eleazar, as you know. How are your pain levels doing?"

"They're the same. I wish you would let me take heavier medication," she said uneasily.

"Let's hold off on that because we might have found something here."

Elise jumped at the comment and snatched the phone out of my hand. "What is it?"

"We've been watching your cells for the last few days, and there's an interesting abnormality that we've noticed in their behavior."

Cancer? That would be incredibly unfortunate. "What is it?" I repeated Elise's question.

"As of now, we're able to distinguish between two types of cells. Ones that belong to you, and a foreign type. The foreign type acts as a virus. It changes the overall structure of your cells to replicate its own. But, there aren't enough of them to multiply drastically and cause severe damage. Your body fights back, and it fights back hard. It looks like there's a constant battle between the two as your body fights to preserve equilibrium."

She looked at me, then at the phone. "What is this foreign cell?"

"You told us that the Jovu ran tests on you, but you weren't awake or coherent during the testing process. There's only one type of cell that can cause this much disturbance in the body that the Jovu would have plenty of access to," he paused. Vampires were rarely at a loss for words, but he sounded like he barely believed reality at that moment.

"Elise, we have good reason and evidence to believe that their tests included micro-dosing their subjects with venom."

* * *

**A/N: Micro-dosing? Venom? Why would the Jovu want to do this?**


	19. Choices

_Previously:_

_"You told us that the Jovu ran tests on you, but you weren't awake or coherent during the testing process. There's only one type of cell that can cause this much disturbance in the body that the Jovu would have plenty of access to," he paused. Vampires were rarely at a loss for words, but he sounded like he barely believed reality at that moment._

_"Elise, we have good reason and evidence to believe that their tests included micro-dosing their subjects with venom."_

* * *

**Jasper**

She had venom in her body.

It was trying to kill her, but the only thing I could think about was who put it there. Whose venom had the audacity to cause her this much pain? Instinct told me to find the vampire responsible. My brain told me it was a lost cause. Revenge was a waste of time. Focusing on preventative measures was a better effort. But, the image of an unconscious Elise taking in venom from a faceless vampire was enough to clench my fists.

There was a dent in phone from how hard I held it. Elise turned away from me and started pacing. I wanted to pace with her, but I stayed put. My anger boiled, and apparently so did hers.

"I don't understand," she looked at me. The venom wasn't only in her body, it was in her tone. "How could they do this? The pain, the misery. All for some tests? All for what? For them to be slaughtered by the Volturi?"

I needed to try to be the support right now. "You didn't deserve any of that."

She held her head in disbelief. "Venom, Jasper. Little bits of venom. Not enough to turn, but just enough to feel. Their objective was torture? They wanted to see how much pain we could endure?"

We couldn't know what the Jovu intended. " _Why_ they did it isn't important. What matters is that we're in this situation, and we need to figure a way out of it."

Her anger had to be directed at something. And that something was me. "How can you possibly say that? You have no idea what I'm going through. This isn't a time for a lesson or whatever wisdom you choose to lay on me. I am _burning_ , Jasper. Burning."

I stepped closer to her and put my hands on her shoulders. She was shaking, and the tears came soon after. Her hands helplessly dangled by her torso and she blinked to let the tears escape.

"How could he do this to me?" she whispered. "He knew all along."

"Damon?"

"Don't say his name," she shook her head fervently. "I don't want to hear his name."

The emotions I couldn't feel were getting the best of her. What she needed right now was to be around the Cullens. I couldn't give her the understanding they could provide. The past was the past, and the present is now. We couldn't help her condition, and we certainly couldn't go back in time to prevent it. Her emotions clouded her vision, and I wasn't going to force her to see through them tonight.

I picked her up quickly and ran to the jeep. When she found herself in the passenger seat, she acknowledged what was going on. "What about Melissa?"

"She has food. She'll live. We need to get back to Carlisle."

* * *

"You're back," Rosalie greeted us at the door. Her eyes were judgmental. "What a delightful surprise."

"Not now, Rosalie." I pushed her aside and let Elise in. We entered the perfect Cullen portrait. The whole family was convened in the living room.

The long car ride had been entirely quiet as Elise spent a majority of it fuming silently in her seat. She had drifted in and out of sleep occasionally, but she was wide awake now. We entered the living room, and Elise quickly sat down to show her gratitude.

"Carlisle, I cannot thank you enough for your effort to solve my case."

I stood behind her and greeted the rest of them.

Carlisle flipped through his notes. "I'm happy to help. Though I cannot say it's completely solved." He looked around the room. "The family's been briefed on the recent progress."

"I can't imagine how awful this must have been," Esme came forward to offer Elise some sympathy. "We're just so glad it's over."

The rest of the family nodded in agreement.

"What now?" Emmett asked. "We can't remove the venom, can we?"

"Not entirely. But, the diagnosis makes sense," he held up a few charts indicating blood pressure, heart rate, and average body temperature. "Your vitals have always been below the expected mean. The venom is causing mild symptoms of the transformation."

Alice looked at me as she spoke. "So, the only way you would be free from this…"

I completed her thought. "Is if she were to complete the change."

Silence blanketed the living room. Elise looked down, clutching her torso in her arms.

"That is true," Carlisle said. "The venom is already trying to change you, but there isn't enough of it."

"This is perfect," Rosalie cut in. "What more of a reason would you need, Elise?" It was insensitive to say, but definitely something you would expect from Rosalie.

"It makes sense to change," Elise murmured. "It would be you that would do it, Carlisle?"

"Yes," he said. "I would inject you with more venom. As much as possible, really, to make the change proceed quickly. We can all agree that you've suffered enough. But, we do have some heavier pain medication that I've ordered now that we know the cause of your condition. Perhaps give it a few more days to think about what you're asking for. Changing is an irreversible process."

"What is there to think about?" Rosalie said. "You either die, or you're in pain for the rest of your life."

Edward held up a hand. "It's her decision. We will not force anything on you, Elise."

Elise nodded. "I would appreciate the few days."

"Where is Eleazar?" I asked. He'd left so quickly?

"I sent him away," Carlisle said. "The more he's here around Elise, the more there's a risk that he begins to assume the strength of her shield. He isn't able to sense her gift because she's simply blocking him. I do trust him, but I wouldn't want Aro digging his brain any time soon."

"What does he know exactly?" I asked.

"He's aware of Elise's affiliations with the Jovu."

That was still too much. "There's a lot that Aro could do with that information. Especially with their recent raid. It ties Elise directly to those he's about to execute, or worse, put into servitude."

"It's a risk I had to take," Carlisle explained. "I needed his help."

"He knows nothing about your experiments with venom?"

Carlisle straightened, as did the whole family. "Of course not."

The discussion was closed.

"Elise, you can come to any of us for questions about the change," Edward said. "We will do everything in our power to make this a smooth process."

She looked down and smiled. "I'm very lucky to have all of you." She turned around to look at me. "I also want to thank Jasper. He's been slowly introducing me to what it means to be a vampire."

I fought hard to keep my thoughts blank and out of suspicion.

Rosalie crossed her arms and leaned against her mate. "Is that what you've both been running off and doing?"

Alice jumped in quickly. "Yes, Jasper's been teaching her a lot. It's been good for her. She'll be a more well-rounded vampire."

Esme put a hand on Carlisle's shoulder. "Bless Bella's soul, but we're still gaining a daughter."

Carlisle looked up at his wife. "That's only if she wants to stay. Again, no decisions have to be made at this moment."

"She already has a room," Emmett teased. "What more do you want, girl?"

She smiled, then hugged herself closer. "Just a little more time. I just want a little more time."

* * *

Elise took this opportunity to put Esme to work. She said she wanted to taste any and all food that she was capable of making. Her reasoning was that her taste palate had always been limited to a few boring dishes. If she was going to die, she wanted to try all of the food that she could.

"Anything else you would like to experience before your death?" I asked her in the kitchen. She was sitting on the large island counter, watching Esme bustle around in the kitchen.

"I haven't thought much into it," she said. "But the last time I had this conversation, someone died."

Bella. I backed off. "I'm going to get some air, then. Enjoy your food."

As I was walking out, I heard Elise hop down from the counter. She yelled after me. "Can I come? Esme's still cooking."

The sun waved goodbye as we set out on an unkept hiking trail. The grass around us released their delectable aroma, as it had been raining the entire day.

"Your eyes are back to gold."

"I hadn't anticipated this quick of a return, so I'm very glad for that fact."

She shook her head. "You wouldn't have driven me back if you didn't know your eyes were going to be an acceptable shade."

Her perception made my dead heart swell with pride. I examined her slowly. Her body language gave away her nerves. "Besides the obvious, what's bothering you?"

She was quick with her response. "My memory. I'm going to forget a lot, aren't I?"

Not necessarily. "You wanted to forget, did you not?"

"Not everything. Not my parents. My childhood. The memories that matter. Do you remember your family?"

"I had two sisters. My mother passed when I was very young."

"Your father?"

"He was alive the last time I saw him. I didn't go back for my family after I was turned. In fact, I couldn't."

Elise searched my eyes for any indication if she could push. I sighed and continued. She was going to hear this story one way or another, and I would rather she hear it from me. "The vampire who turned me was obsessed with territory. How much do you know about the Southern Wars?"

"Like American history?"

"Vampire history. Covens would fight to control the land in the deep South. It still goes on somewhat to this day. The vampire who turned me was building an army to regain the territories she had lost."

Elise stopped me. "The vampire was a woman?"

Why was that important? "Yes. Maria. She was psychotic."

She looked me up and down. "I can see where you get it, now."

"Anyway," I said sternly. "She kept me by her side at all times. I was the main executioner of the compound, as I've mentioned. Being her second-in-command, I didn't have much freedom outside of the compound."

"What you're saying is that she used you for her own gain. And so you decided you had enough, and left?"

"Am I telling this story, or are you?"

She smiled sheepishly. "Sorry."

"Maria didn't like to keep newborns around for more than a year. She wanted their newborn strength, and when it waded off, she was done with them. So, unless they were specially gifted, it was my job to remove their heads and burn them."

"Which you find charismatic, for some reason."

Her memory never ceased to amaze me. "When you strip immortality away from an immortal, it is indeed charismatic."

"Whatever you say," she sang. "So you killed her, right?"

Wrong. "I haven't killed Maria."

She was surprised. "That's unexpected. I can't imagine anyone using you and getting away with it."

"I think about it every day," I murmured. "If we cross paths, I'm throwing her in a volcano."

She scrutinized me carefully. "That's dramatic of you to say. She makes you uncomfortable."

"I have to admit that she was a big portion of my life. She was a nightmare, but she taught me a lot. She was my introduction into this world."

"And now, you're teaching me."

I smirked. "Trying to."

"In either case, how do we even know if I'll remember anything you tell me?"

We couldn't. "There isn't a definitive answer. We don't pick and choose what we can and cannot carry over, but we can help you remember."

She regarded me quietly. "How so?"

"Take a seat under that tree," I pointed to a large pine. "And I'll be back."

I ran back to the house and rummaged around my room. Most of the room was unpacked, but some of my personal items remained in boxes. I dug out a leather-bound journal and grabbed a pen before heading out.

"Here," I sat next to her on the cool grass. "You should write what you don't want to forget."

She grabbed the journal, flipped through some pages, then looked at me. "What a brilliant idea."

I offered the pen. "Include dates, even times. Write about the color of your mother's eyes, your favorite car, a song you'd never like to forget. Anything. Whatever makes Elise…" I realized I never knew her last name. We'd been together for weeks, and it was such a minute detail that it had never crossed my mind to ask.

She looked up at me. "Adams."

"Whatever makes Elise Adams who she is, write it down."

I peeked at the first page as she dated it with today's date. She wrote: _Today, I told Jasper Cullen my last name._

"Whitlock," I noted.

She asked me what I meant. "My last name," I clarified.

With the realization, she quickly pressed the journal to her chest. "No peeking."

"Just correcting you. I prefer Whitlock as my last name."

I saw her scribble over _Cullen_.

As she wrote, I watched her fingers move across the page. The Earth had quieted down for the day, and the scribble of an ink pen on quality sheets of paper elicited the most serene sounds. I could stay here all night. It was too bad she needed sleep.

"Elise?"

"Hm?"

"You should continue this after your change."

She took a second to finish her sentence, then put her pen down. "Continue writing?"

"More for your control," I explained. "I've used this as a method to practice touch. That pen, while it probably feels pretty solid in your hands right now, will break very easily under your vampiric strength. If you can use it to practice your sense of force, it will help you adjust to living with and around humans."

She smiled slowly. "I hadn't thought of that."

"It's a good way to get accustomed to your strength without toppling trees over."

"No, I hadn't thought of the strength aspect. I'm going to be _strong_."

Didn't she realize that she already was? "Emmett is going to love wrestling with you. You'll have exceptional newborn strength your first year."

She laid the journal down beside her on the grass and pulled her knees up to her chest. "I'll feel what it feels like to have a balanced sense of pain. I'll be able to see these stars you're so obsessed with." She tilted her head to look up to the darkening sky.

"You'll also be able to see these," I turned my arms outwards so she could see the crescent-shaped bites. "You'll see them clear as day."

She took an index finger and traced a few. "It won't change my opinion of you."

"Let's hope. A lot of vampires are put off by it."

"But you wear them with pride. They represent every fight you've won, right?"

I let her explore up my arms, and further up my neck. Her touch was warm and cool at the same time. I wanted more of it.

"Right," I said. "I wouldn't be here otherwise."

"Well, I'm glad you have them, then."

I stared at her face as she concentrated on my skin. "Me, too."

After a while, she pulled away. It was disappointing, to say the least.

"It hurts, you know that," she began. "The pain is unbearable sometimes."

I could imagine. "I've been through it. All of it. Every one of the Cullens can empathize with you on that."

"Is it foolish to think that I'm hesitant about moving forward with it?"

"Yes."

Her eyes snapped to me. Was that not the answer she expected?

"It is incredibly foolish to not change," I said.

"A part of me wants to experience life this way. The Jovu took that from me."

She wanted to romanticize humanity. "I've asked you this, and I will ask you again. What else do you want to experience before you die?"

She rubbed her arms. "My memory is incredibly hazy, but the Jovu took me when I was partially done with high school. I never had the chance to finish, or go to college. Or get married. Have kids…"

"That isn't your life, Elise. Human normalities become a fairy tale to you the moment you uncover the truth about immortal life."

She frowned. "If I left right now, I could do it."

"You can't afford to be this indecisive. It's immature."

She didn't like that. "Are you good for anything besides calling me childish or immature? I'll remind you that I'm _twenty_ years old. I don't have two centuries under my belt."

"I won't put up with it, and I won't let the Cullens be dragged along either. Make your decision. Stop making me wait."

"What are you waiting for exactly?"

I ran a hand through my hair. "For answers. I can't get those answers until after you're changed."

"And if I don't change?"

I stood up and nudged the journal closer to her with my foot. "Keep writing. It'll clear your head."

She stood up. She was too close. "If I don't change, what will you do?"

My eyes searched hers. I tucked a few strands of loose hair behind her ear. I then reached down and grabbed her wrist. This time, she didn't stiffen. She let herself be loose and let me guide her wrist towards my lips. I inhaled deeply, then pressed a small kiss onto her little veins.

"I will make sure that you do."

Then, I left for three days.

* * *

**A/N: Where's he going? What questions is he asking, and what answers will satisfy them? Elise knows it's logical to change. Her diagnosis is clear, but she resents the Jovu for stealing her rightful human experience. Thoughts? Opinions? Likes? Dislikes?**


	20. Old Friends

_Previously:_

_My eyes searched hers. I tucked a few strands of loose hair behind her ear. I then reached down and grabbed her wrist. This time, she didn't stiffen. She let herself be loose and let me guide her wrist towards my lips. I inhaled deeply, then pressed a small kiss onto her little veins._

_"I will make sure that you do."_

_Then, I left for three days._

* * *

**Jasper**

Leaving Elise brought out an unfamiliar anxiousness in my chest. It was a gnawing feeling that made it harder to drive down the interstate. When I finally made it to Nevada, it was mid-day.

I sensed the single heartbeat in the cabin easily.

The first thing I saw was the dislodged door. For a second, it looked like Melissa had broken out. But I was quick to flash back to my lack of control. How had I broken the damn door? Amidst all of the red flags, this was the silliest one. How had I let my strength slip out of my fingers?

My boots made too much noise on the hardwood floor. Melissa must have realized that someone was back inside the cabin. I could hear endless scratching on her door.

"Hello? Is anyone there? Please, I've been kidnapped!"

_Yes, yes. Save it._

I pulled out the silver key to open the door, but I stopped myself. I didn't need to drink from her right now, but I couldn't leave her here for a prolonged amount of time without supervision. It was careless and sloppy to do so.

' _You're sloppy,'_ Elise had said, like she knew best. To her, a little blood left on my lips was the culprit that labelled me _sloppy_. The real sloppiness came from leaving evidence. Did she know the lengths I went to watch my victims? The time I'd spend memorizing their daily habits? Sloppy translated to poor planning, and I never moved without a plan.

Meticulosity was my obsession.

"Hello? I know you're there. Please talk to me."

I sighed. "I'm here."

"No, no, no, no, no," she muttered to herself and I could hear her putting as much distance between herself and her only exit. "It's you. Shit."

I found myself sitting at the exact spot Elise had when she'd talked to Melissa. Thoughts raced through my mind, and I used Melissa's heartbeat as a crutch to put them into rhythm. The beat was my regulatory brown paper bag, and I was hyperventilating.

I sat quietly. How had I let this girl control me? It was Elise here, and Elise there. She was never ending. Always constant. It was bad. Bad, bad, bad. Anxious thoughts tore through me. I had left her with six vampires. Who leaves a human with six vampires? I pulled out my phone and had my finger over Carlisle's contact. Should I call him? Make sure everything is going smoothly? Did he have her on stronger medication? Was she in pain?

Stop.

My concerns had to be about me and me only. That was how I lasted this long. _Where is your sense of self, Whitlock? Have you lost yourself this quickly?_

I let my head land against the door behind me with a _thud._

"Oh my god," Melissa said suddenly. Her heart rate climbed, which didn't help to steady my thoughts. "I know who you are."

I turned my head against the door to listen.

"Your voice…you're the guy… from the restaurant! With that girl!" she gasped. "You killed her, didn't you?"

I ran a hand through my hair in frustration. "Not yet."

I heard her sobbing quietly. I pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingers and closed my eyes. Why was I talking to her?

"She's not dead, Melissa."

She found strength, somehow. "Who knows what you've done with her. You sick fucking monster. You will never get away with this. My family is huge in this town and they will find you."

Why was I listening to this? I wanted nothing more than to snap her neck. I could drain her completely. But that would impact any decision to turn back around to Idaho.

I stopped myself. Why did that matter? The Cullens were used to my absence. Unless the Volturi came knocking, I had no responsibility to stick with them.

"Do you hear me?" she yelled. "You will not get away with this! I deserve better. That girl deserves better."

Elise? Right. She did deserve better. She deserved better than herself. She was indecisive, naïve, and nowhere close to being prepared for this world. The dark realities of life were too much for her. The cabins were too vicious, the dead girls too gruesome. The rose-colored glasses the Cullens offered would satisfy her, but they would never satisfy me.

I was wasting my time. Why did I care if she chose to stay human? The Cullens would take her and she would be the replacement Bella they yearned for. Esme would have someone to feed, Emmett would have someone to play with. Carlisle would pump her full of drugs for the rest of her life. If that was the path she wanted to take she could walk on it by herself, high as a kite on pain meds.

My thoughts slowed, and I felt like I could breathe again. I was wasting my time playing nice with food. She was human, I reminded myself. Much like the girl behind this door.

And this girl was getting on my nerves.

* * *

Ten feet were better than six.

Burying a human less than six feet below ground risked the chance of mutts sniffing them out. I stuck on the safe side and chose ten.

I smoothed the dirt over with my boots, careful to erase any marks on the soil. I should've been satisfied, but I wasn't. Melissa was supposed to feed me for weeks, but she had the worst mouth on her. Her confidence reminded me of Elise. Reckless and mouthy.

Her neck had broken with a flick of a wrist. Elise got the quick death she had wished upon her, which added to the dissatisfaction I felt. Why did it have to go her way?

The dark night got darker as I trudged through the forest. My phone vibrated once. It was a text message from an unknown number.

_Let's meet. Have you eaten?_

Perfect.

I responded quickly. _Nevada._

* * *

I was back to my solitude. The cabin was quiet, and I relished the peace it provided.

It was a couple hours before dusk when I caught the whiff of a foreign vampire. The fire was stocked, and the door was as in place as I could put it without tools. I turned my head towards it in anticipation.

When he pushed the front door open, it pathetically fell to his feet. He examined the mess briefly before greeting me.

"Whitlock," he beamed. "Where in the hell have you been?" His entrance swept a cool, refreshing breeze throughout the cabin.

"Peter," I smiled. "Welcome."

He grabbed a quick seat across from me in the kitchen. His crimson eyes searched mine. "Two years and no contact. You had Charlotte thinking we did something wrong."

Peter and Charlotte were the closest people to friends. But no relationships existed without gain. They owed me for their freedom, and I owed them for their company.

"I've been busy," I said. "What do you need? You wouldn't be barging in here otherwise."

"Military man. Straight to the point. It's what I've always liked about you."

"No," I smirked. "You just liked that I kept you away from Maria."

He laughed, but his tone switched quickly.

"Speaking of," he took a second to examine me. "She sends her regards."

I straightened immediately. This wasn't a regular catch-up. Something was up. "You're talking to her?"

"She's talking to us. The South is stirring," he leaned closer on the table and lowered his voice. "There are talks that she wants to take Texas."

Impossible. "She couldn't even take Texas when she had me."

"She's recruiting. I met with her and her delegates a few weeks ago. I thought you should know."

I stared at him in disbelief. "You're agreeing to meet with her? Are you involved in any of this? Are _we_ involved?"

"We need to be," he said. "If she takes Texas, she'll have the most densely populated region of vampires under her control. She has… bigger plans."

No. She couldn't. "Maria is ambitious but she's not stupid."

"It's not something that we haven't considered before. The Volturi have been terrorizing those regions for centuries."

"Peter, you will keep me out of this."

He raised his hands defensively. "It's not my doing. You have a direct tie to Maria. You have no choice but to be involved."

"Just because we share the bitch's venom doesn't mean we have to follow her into suicide."

Peter held my gaze. "Think about what this could mean."

I avoided his stare. "I can't believe you're pulling me into this."

"This can't happen without you."

"And three years ago, we were in this exact kitchen plotting Maria's death."

Peter leaned back. "Times are changing. People are realizing how outdated the Volturi are becoming."

I regarded him coolly. "Unless there's a clear strategy, I'm out."

"That is exactly why I'm here. I've vouched for you, and I'll do it again. You're one of the few who's gone through the South and survived. Your expertise is key."

"And the Cullens?"

"Keep them blind, for now. Edward and Alice will be useful, but we don't want to raise suspicion."

That wouldn't be the easiest task. "Alice will have to be briefed. I'm not sure how much she can piece together through her visions, but we can't hide this from her. There are too many people involved."

"You've always had control over her. Keep her quiet. Especially around Edward. The less people know, the better. One of Maria's main concerns is Demetri."

Who wouldn't be concerned about Demetri? He was one of the strongest of Aro's guard. His tracking abilities surpassed any vampire's. For that reason, he was Aro's favorite.

It wasn't hard to make the connection to a solution, but I wasn't ready to share it. I wasn't oblivious to the fact that Elise's shield would come in handy to bypass Demetri. To bypass anyone, really.

"I can see the gears turning, Whitlock. Welcome back."

"I haven't agreed to anything." Especially not involving Elise.

"Oh, but you have. We both know you can't resist a good fight. And, you need to up your human intake. This isn't a fight to be won with animal blood."

I narrowed my eyes. "Unless you have some metrics, this isn't a fight to be won at all. Maria may be recruiting, but Aro's been gathering the gifted dead far longer than she's been alive."

His lips turned upward into a small smile. "But Maria's recruits are voluntary. Aro's recruits are indebted to him through vampiric law."

"But who the hell would join Maria voluntarily?"

"Those of us who have had enough with the Volturi," he stood up. "You never responded to my offer for food. I'm starving."

He made his way to the now open threshold and kicked at the door lying on the ground.

"I'll leave you to consider this, though. War is coming, and the Jasper I know would do anything in his power to guarantee his victory." He paused. "I'm not an idiot. You'd kill me if you think it'll give you another year on this god forsaken planet. But that's another thing I like about you. You don't bullshit. Which is why I think we have a strong chance if you agree to be a part of this. That'll show the delegates that this is serious shit."

How did his mate feel about him standing against the Vampire throne? "Charlotte. How involved is she?"

"She'll stand by my decision."

"So, she's used to the psycho you've inherited from dear Maria."

"A mate is a mate. If I kill two or two thousand, she'll stay by my side."

 _And she'll also get you killed_ , _if you're not careful._ "Well, keep Maria's claws away from her. It would be a shame if Charlotte turned into leverage."

He crossed his arms and smiled to himself. "Don't pretend to worry about us. Fight for yourself."

* * *

**A/N: The Cullens and the Jovu aren't always the only picture we need to worry about. Jasper's always conflicted, but this gives him more of a reason to push for Elise's change. But how insensitive does he plan to be about it?**


	21. Aches and Pains

_Previously:_

" _A mate is a mate. If I kill two or two thousand, she'll stay by my side."_

And she'll also get you killed, if you're not careful. _"Well, keep Maria's claws away from her. It would be a shame if Charlotte turned into leverage."_

_He crossed his arms and smiled to himself. "Don't pretend to worry about us. Fight for yourself."_

* * *

**Jasper**

Part of me was disappointed in Peter. His sudden affiliation with Maria was out of character. For years, I had taken him and Charlotte under my wing against her. Had he quickly forgotten her desire to kill them off so quickly? Now, they planned to hold hands and face the strongest coven of them all. It didn't add up. The only explanation was that Maria must have offered him a sweet deal for after the fact. Protection and status were the two most important values a vampire could fight for.

Where did I fall in this equation? They wanted to utilize my expertise in battle. I had fought in the territorial wars for decades, and I had experience dealing with Maria. Both equally demanding tasks. Part of me resented the bitch, but who didn't resent their creator? I wasn't one for revenge, but I would not let myself fall underneath her again. If I were to contribute to the alliance, I would work directly with the delegates. Not her.

Elise.

They needed her more than anything. If they wanted to stay ahead of Aro, they needed a way to block Demetri. Now, Elise was a shield, but how encompassing was her power? If the shield only ranged around her, she was useless except to herself. If she could grow her shield to take in a specific radius, that would be ideal. There were more answers that I couldn't solidify as long as she remained human.

I turned my phone over in my hands and saw a recent text from Peter.

_If you're not convinced, we're meeting in Louisiana in two weeks. Come and make your decision after that._

I played with the phone in my hands, my fingers running over the dent I had inflicted on it. I needed time to collect my thoughts. I needed an appropriate way to let Alice in, and I needed to carefully compartmentalize my stream of consciousness to prevent Edward from digging too deep.

I walked into one of the bedrooms and quickly took a fingernail to the wall. I had to do my due my diligence and honor the dead. Doing so, I heard the vibration of my phone on the kitchen table. Heading back, I picked up. I was popular tonight.

"What is going on, Jasper?" As I had expected, Alice jammed herself into the topic.

I had to ensure confidentiality as always. "Who's with you?"

I heard her scoff. "I'm hunting. Alone. Why do I see Maria?"

 _Because the bitch just won't die._ After explaining all that I knew about the alliance, I waited for her response.

"If there is any way that the Volturi could be taken down… I don't know, Jasper. This is on such a large scale. It seems impossible. The Volturi have been in power for centuries."

I drew on Peter's perspective. "Just because something's been done a certain way for a few centuries, doesn't mean it shouldn't change."

"So, you're positioning yourself with them?"

"I didn't say that. Again, I don't know what they're planning and who they have recruited. They meet in a few weeks."

She sighed. "Yes, and it seems like you're going."

Apparently, I was. "I think we need to keep this between us. Would you do that for me, Alice?"

She hesitated. "This is huge. The Cullens need to have a say."

"And they will," I coaxed her carefully. "Let me find out the details first. Keep your mind guarded. If you need to get away for a few days to bury it, do it. I will not risk Edward exposing this."

Before ending the call, I had to ask. "How's Elise?"

She seemed annoyed at the question. "Fine. Esme's feeding her three times a day. She asks about you a lot."

Did she? "What do you tell her?"

"That you disappear all the time and she should get used to it."

"I appreciate your honesty. Be safe." I hung up. I had to get back to Idaho. I looked around the living room and spotted the duffel bag I had brought with Elise. I grabbed it as I headed out the door. Before leaving, I made sure to put the door back over the threshold.

I spent the next two days taking my time making the journey up North. The wildlife population of Northern Nevada took a significant dip as I hunted more than I should have. The blood, no matter how unappetizing, helped me sort through my thoughts. I took long walks and buried myself in nature. Emmett's jeep was covered in dirt and mud by the time I crossed the border into Idaho.

When I parked the jeep outside of the Cullen property, Elise was waiting giddily on the front steps. As I got out with the duffel bag, I eyed her carefully.  
She smiled brightly at me. "Alice told me you were coming."

Ah, yes. "You mean you specifically asked when I would be back. Using the psychic to your advantage, I see?" We had more in common that I'd thought.

She followed me into the house. "You've been gone for so long. Where did you go?"

I killed Melissa and I might be going into war. "I needed to clear my head. You're certainly in better spirits. I should leave more often."

"No, no," she said. "I'm just very content."

"With?"

"Does there have to be a _with_? Peace is great. You should try it sometime."

I threw the bag on the couch in the living room. "Sure, but what brought the peace?" It clicked immediately. "You're on drugs."

She laughed. It was music. "I'm not high. I'm just not in pain."

"Liar," Emmett came downstairs. "She's _so_ high. I've never seen her this happy. She _offered_ to play Xbox this time. I didn't even have to make her."

"I almost beat him, too."

Emmett put his hands up defensively. "See? High."

Elise rolled her eyes playfully. "He has trouble admitting weakness," she turned to me. "Just like you."

Emmett tilted his head as he examined me. "Jasper's always had a stick up his ass. I'm not sure why you hang out with him. I'm more fun."

"I don't know, he's pretty great. He tells me that everything I think or feel is wrong."

"Real people's person, huh?"

"The best."

I had enough of this. Given the looks I threw at Elise, she understood. After saying her goodbyes to Emmett, she pulled me outside. "You look like you need a walk."

We trailed out further from the property. The further we got, the more alone we were, and the more I needed that brown paper bag. This feeling was easy to subdue when I was further away. Why had I come back?

"I've been spending more time with your family. Everyone except for Rosalie, I should say. She's always gone."

I nodded knowingly. "Typical. She doesn't want to be stuck in a situation where she has to babysit you."

"I don't need to be babysat."

"What do you think I've been doing for the past month?"

She frowned. "You still see me as a child."

"Technically, I am a hundred-and-seventeen years your senior. You are a child."

Her frown deepened and I wanted to kick myself. She tried to turn back. "I'm not sure why I even try."

I grabbed her forearm to stop her. "I take it back. Let's just walk."

She eyed me carefully. "You can afford to be nice. I haven't seen you in three days."

"I'll be nice."

She rolled her eyes. "Not convinced."

She had to be convinced? No problem. I quickly picked her up in my arms and whispered lowly into her ear. "Let me show you how nice I can be."

* * *

When I finally set her down, she was all smiles.

"You always know the most beautiful places," she said.

The light green grass reached our shins and bristled with the wind. Rows of trees spanned either side of the small, empty lake. The sun wasn't strong, but enough to leave glistening rays on the water.

"I just discovered it the other day. Thought you'd appreciate it. How far do the Cullens let you stray from the house?"

She bent down and ran her hands through the grass. "Are they not supposed to let me leave?"

"They're protective. You should've seen how Edward was with Bella. He had ripped out her car battery to keep her stranded."

"That's a little insane," she straightened to look at me. "But you're pretty protective, as well."

"Of what? You? Hardly."

She scoffed. "The only time I spend with the Cullens is when you're away. You've been back for thirty minutes and I've already been carried off."

There was reason for that. "I can't talk to you the way I'd like to when they're around."

"For a brutally honest man, you have a lot of secrets."

She took my hand and brought me to sit with her. The grass parted to make room for us and doing so released all sorts of aromas that she wasn't able to experience. We stared out at the calm water.

There was no one around for miles, and my hands found their rhythm naturally, playing with the ends of her hair. There were no distractions. No Maria. No mind-reading intruders. No Melissa screaming her throat raw. Just us and the humming birds.

The suffocation I had felt slowly dwindled, but the current events still played in the back of my mind. "There is so much you need to learn."

"When will I ever graduate from the Jasper School of Horror?"

"If reality is that horrifying, your skin isn't thick enough to handle it."

She navigated my hand away from her hair and gently placed it on her cheek. "My skin can never be as thick as yours. A little more pressure and you'll bruise it for days. If I so much as punched you, I'd break my hand."

"Well, we can't have that," I murmured. She leaned into my touch and closed her eyes. My chest quickly stopped its aching feeling. My hand slowly trailed down to her neck and I kept it there, feeling the rhythm and warmth brush through her body. Her life source was addicting. Not in the way that I wanted to drink it out of her, but I wanted to sit here and feel every breath and pulse that proved her mortality. Would she be as appealing to me when she's dead?

"It's always necks with you, isn't it?"

I pulled my hand down and grabbed her right wrist. "Not always. I could trace these veins for days."

She watched me. "What a waste of time."

"You're hardly a waste of time," I let myself indulge and take a quick whiff of the blood gushing through her hands and up her arms. Her wrist was close to my teeth, but all I wanted was to memorize its aroma. She was nature's proudest creation, and I adored nature.

Then, she did something that surprised me. She leaned forward and hovered close to my neck. I heard her inhale deeply.

"What are you doing?"

Her face burst into a smile. "I'm trying to see why you do this all the time."

"I don't do it all the time."

She pulled back and grinned. "You don't do this with all of your girls?"

I didn't. "I bite them as soon as I can get this close to them."

"But you don't bite me."

I did want to bite her. But not in the sense she was thinking. "I enjoy this more than biting you."

Her smile disappeared. What had I done this time?

"We're not supposed to be this close, are we?"

No. "Who told you that?"

"The laws of nature."

Interesting. "Nature tells you to follow your instinct."

"What does your instinct tell you?"

A lot of things that didn't make sense. "To leave you in the sun and bathe in the aftermath. To take you to the edge of Niagara Falls and watch the mist drench your hair. To taste your lips to put a name to their color."

She leaned in as she took in my words, and her eyes widened slowly. She whispered. "I've never been to the Niagara Falls."

Our faces were so close it was pathetic to not go the extra inch, but my instinct had two personalities. The one that made sense jerked me back. What the hell was I doing?

I cleared my throat. It was double pathetic. My sentences were garbled and came out way too quickly. "I think Emmett wanted to see you. It's a forty-minute hike back that way." I pointed to the general direction. "If you don't make it back in an hour, I'll send someone for you."

"Jasper!" she protested, but I was gone.

The further I got, the more the aching feeling came scratching back. I didn't care. I needed to get out of here.

* * *

**A/N: For an empath, Jasper sucks with emotions. What do you think of these feelings that are beginning to unravel? I'm always curious about Elise's perspective in these situations. What do you think she's thinking? Feeling?**


	22. Games

_Previously:_

_Our faces were so close it was pathetic to not go the extra inch, but my instinct had two personalities. The one that made sense jerked me back. What the hell was I doing?_

_I cleared my throat. It was double pathetic. My sentences were garbled and came out way too quickly. "I think Emmett wanted to see you. It's a forty-minute hike back that way." I pointed to the general direction. "If you don't make it back in an hour, I'll send someone for you."_

_"Jasper!" she protested, but I was gone._

_The further I got, the more the aching feeling came scratching back. I didn't care. I needed to get out of here._

* * *

**Jasper**

This was not how things were supposed to go. This was certainly not something I had planned.

The further I got, the easier it was to ignore. But every time I went back, it grew stronger as if it was feeding on the absence.

Elise was beginning to have a meaning, and that would get me in trouble. I couldn't afford a little crush, especially not on a human, and especially not now. Besides, it was probably amplified because my feelings bounced back from her shield. Right? Was that how that worked?

The aching feeling fought me. It was pulling me in the wrong direction. This was a mess. I was a mess.

No.

_Focus, Whitlock._

Volturi. The delegates. Demetri.

Yes.

A war to cleanse my brain. I brought out my phone and shot out a text to Peter. It was impulsive, but it made it better.

_Location? I'll be there._

I flipped through all of the books in my bedroom. Fifty minutes after I had left Elise, I felt her heartbeat enter the perimeter of the house.

 _Smart girl,_ I mused. She would always find her way. I didn't want to talk to her. She probably had a million and a half questions, and I never had any answers that would satisfy her. Part of me was nervous that she would come knocking, because I knew I would let her in if she asked. But to my relief, she stayed away. But Alice didn't.

She came in without so much as a courteous knock. "You want to go on a run?" she examined me carefully. "Your pacing is going to wear down the new carpet."

We took off through the backdoor, avoiding the living room that Elise was gracing with her presence.

I took Alice the opposite direction. Instead of South, we climbed up some hills due North. We finally reached the edge of a distinctive cliff. When I tried to turn back to trace around it, she grabbed my shoulder.

"A lot more was supposed to happen at that clearing today."

No, shit. "More importantly, nothing happened."

"You and Elise. The family's already suspecting something."

The run helped my mood, but if she thought a therapy session was going to improve the situation, she was wrong. "There is nothing to suspect."

"You lie to everyone, but you lie to yourself the most. I'm not thrilled that we're not together, but that doesn't mean I don't want you to be happy. The Cullens feel the same way."

Funny. "As someone who killed their future daughter-in-law, they're very lax about me spending so much time with a human. After Bella's death, you would think they would try to keep Elise locked away from my reach."

"They're not idiots. You show so much interest in her. And you don't ever show interest in anything."

How dull did they perceive me to be? "I have a lot of interests, thank you very much. Besides pretty girls with long necks, I write, read, and strum a few chords on a guitar here and there."

She shifted her weight. "You can't evade this forever."

"What am I evading?"

"Your mate."

If thunder had clapped right then, it would've been appropriate. The words she uttered left me completely disarmed. I knew the world would throw all the shit at you at the worst possible time, but I never knew it would be this bad.

"She's not my mate." She couldn't be. She shouldn't be. "She's human."

She rolled her eyes. "Which means you'll feel the pull, but she won't. You feel it, right?"

"No," I lied.

"Your dishonesty is expected, but my visions rarely lie. Although, I'm glad you restrained yourself today."

I was glad, too. "Why is that?"

"If you had kissed her, you weren't going to stop. You were going to bite her."

Now _that_ was a lie. "I most certainly was not going to do that."

"Your venom will always keep you honest. It wants her to change. So, unfortunately, I know that saying is _keep it in your pants_ , but I think you need to worry more about keeping it in your _fangs_."

She was wrong. Everyone was wrong. The world was wrong.

Which was why I had to prove it wrong.

"Peter had mentioned that they need a way around Demetri. I think I know of the perfect way."

It took Alice a second. She stared at me, wide-eyed. "Don't. You don't know what you're doing."

I knew exactly what I was doing. "If she was trained, she'd be one of the most powerful additions to the alliance."

"Have you told Peter about her? Jasper, tell me you didn't."

"I haven't. She isn't ready. She can't fight as a human, and her shield is useless if she can only shield herself."

She looked away. "Stop treating her like she's just a tool in this grand scheme."

"We're all tools. We're all cogs in this glorious murder machine."

"If you turn her into their hands, you will lose her."

I breathed in the fresh nature around us. "If it wins me a war, why should it matter?"

* * *

Alice's words helped tremendously, though not in the way she had expected. I marched back into the living room to face the creature that desperately tried to prop open the void of uncertainty in my chest.

"Elise," I regarded her. She looked up from a book, momentarily dazed at my sudden appearance. She was reading my copy of _1984_. I saw her put a finger on the page to mark her spot.

"Yes?"

"I just want to apologize for earlier today."

She raised her eyebrows just as Rosalie's heels began tapping down on the staircase. "Jasper's apologizing? What an unfortunate day."

Elise ignored her comment and threw a small smile at me. "No need to apologize."

Rosalie took a casual seat on the other end of the living room. "He doesn't deserve the politeness you show him, Elise."

What designer shoe sale had she missed today? She ignored my glare and continued. "What's he apologizing to you for?"

Elise paused and looked at me. "Something about sun, the Niagara Falls, and lips."

Rosalie snickered. "Only you would apologize for being a romantic. _I'm sorry I wasn't an asshole. I'll work on it."_

Elise giggled with her. "I don't think he was trying to be romantic."

Rosalie pressed on. "No? Elise, what do you do on these cross-state getaways?"

 _I kidnapped girls and she watched._ I answered quickly. "We explore different food options and we go on hikes."

"I didn't ask you," she said, then addressed Elise directly. "What kind of food options?"

"Usually within diners," Elise said. It wasn't a lie, and it worked perfectly.

Rosalie had an unconvinced look in her eye. "Where do you stay?"

"Hotels," we both said in unison.

Emmett strolled downstairs to greet his wife. "Stop interrogating them and let them have fun. Elise over here needs to experience the world."

I wanted nothing more than to pull Elise out of here before they continued. They were suffocating.

"So, are you joining the family?" Rosalie implored.

Elise closed her book firmly and placed it on her lap. "I haven't decided."

Emmett frowned. "But I was so excited."

Elise frowned with him. "I know. There's so much I have yet to discover about myself and the world. I don't know if I can do that when I'm permanently frozen in time."

Her romanticism was something we needed to work on.

Rosalie examined Elise. "Jasper can show you anything and everything you need to know. And you wouldn't be as breakable for most of it."

Elise regarded me from afar. "I'm sorry. My decision won't be dependent on your family. I need to make it myself."

Rosalie looked like she wasn't sure if she should be angry or proud. "The quicker you decide, the quicker we can mitigate any losses."

"What kind of losses?"

"If you change, we will need to make arrangements to keep you contained. Newborns are assholes. If you don't change, we need to make sure that the Volturi never get a whiff of our acquaintance."

Emmett piped in excitedly. "But if you do change, the new Xbox comes out next year, and it would be perfect to train your strength on those controllers. You'll break a lot of them, but I'm ready for those losses."

"Jasper," Rosalie said strangely. "What is your opinion on her change?"

Her question left me feeling exposed. "She should do what benefits her."

Elise looked at me longer than she should have. "Yes, he's very supportive of my choices."

"How healthy."

I unnecessarily cleared my throat. "Right, well. Lunch?" I asked Elise.

Rose snorted. "For you or for her?"

Elise got up quickly. "For me."

Emmett quickly tossed me the keys to his Jeep. "Wash it this time."

* * *

When we were a few miles away from the house and freely cruising down the highway, Elise turned to me. "I hate lying to your family."

"Think of it as protecting them from the ugly truth."

"They've known you for decades, but I feel like I know more truth to you than they'll ever discover."

Which was an odd thought. "You must feel special."

I took the next exit. After a few more miles of city driving, I pulled the car into a public parking lot.

"I thought we were going for lunch?"

"We are," I got out. She shut her door and looked out at the open field. We were at the local city park. Humans and their respective dogs covered most of the grass. We took a shady spot underneath a large oak tree.

"I thought we would go somewhere where we both had access to a wide array of food options," I pointed over to the food carts that lined the edges of the park. "There, you'll find all sorts of meals," I then gestured to the rest of the park. "And here, I can pick between animal and human."

Apparently cute, fluffy canines were not on her list of food options. "You can't kill them." And neither were children. "There are kids here."

She traced my gaze to a little girl no more than twelve-years-old. Her eyes widened as she looked back and forth between us.

"Stop it."

I couldn't help the smirk. "You care too much."

"You've killed children?"

She painted too many lines around herself to the point that she was cornered by them. "They aren't my preference. Does the age matter to you? What else matters to you, Elise?"

She shook her head passionately. "I will not let you logic your way through this. You cannot convince me that killing children is okay."

I pulled out a plastic credit card and handed it to her. "Get yourself something to eat."

She took it easily and I watched as she quickly ran over to the other side of the park. As I observed her interact with the food vendors, I couldn't help but think of her reaching out and grabbing their necks. She would twist their head and sink her teeth into their chubby necks and fill herself with their life source. Her eyes would transform into a delicious shade of crimson. The blood would stain her rosy lips. The perfect lipstick.

But no mate of mine could ever hold the sensitivity she presented. It was uncouth. Inappropriate. Unfitting.

She came strolling back to me with a regular hamburger in a paper boat. The credit card came falling on my lap.

"If you make any comment about this burger, I will leave."

So, that's how we would play it. After she sat beside me and took her first bite, she tried to decipher my motives. "So, what horrific lesson will I learn today?"

"I haven't decided."

"Just keep it away from children."

I cocked my head to the side. "So, the elderly are fair game?"

"If you ask me, none of them are fair game."

"Alright," I said. "You pick my next meal."

She took her time to look around. Finally, she pointed at the tree above us. "There's a delicious looking squirrel right on that top branch."

Delusional. That's what she was. "A meal, not a snack."

"Wait, I thought you said you only worked one case at a time."

"I did."

"You already have Melissa."

My silence gave her clear indication of the truth. She dropped her burger into its boat and stood up. "I don't believe you."

I shrugged, watching for her reaction.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You didn't ask."

She fumed. "You're despicable."

I picked up her hamburger and examined it. It smelled alright, but its taste would be gut wrenching. Animal blood tasted the same. "I killed her cleanly and quickly. Just like you wanted."

She didn't know what to say, so she paced around. Families looked at us. A fighting couple.

I put the burger back down. "Why does this bother you so much?"

She laughed painfully. "I don't know. It shouldn't. You don't care. But I care about your actions. I don't know why, but I do. It seems wrong. It _is_ wrong. I can't ever stop you. I can't change you."

I looked up at her from my position on the grass. "Then why are you trying to?"

"There's a part of me that still hopes that I can. I like you. And that's why it sucks."

She liked me. "Well, sorry to disappoint."

She crossed her arms and paced around me. I got tired of her attracting attention and pulled her down beside me. She shook her head to herself. "This morning, I wasn't sure if you were going to kiss me or bite me."

Her perception was eye-opening. "According to Alice, I was going to do both."

Her eyes snapped to mine. "I was joking."

"I wasn't."

She put more distance between us. "I don't want to change."

Her words boiled the venom in me. I felt my eyes darkening as venom escaped into my mouth. I swallowed thickly. "You don't want to change?"

Could she pick out the struggle in my voice? "Not yet. I need time."

Time for what? I stood up quickly, averting her eyes. My own burned with the concentration of venom in them.

"These games aren't for me. Find someone else who'll play with you."

She tugged at my hand quickly, locking me into place. "No, Jasper. The Jovu stole my life from me. I want to live it the way I want to."

Her selfishness couldn't have come at a worse time. "Congratulations on making this all about you."

She seemed offended. "Who else would it be about?"

"You have no consideration for the Cullens anymore?"

"You don't care about them. Why should I?"

Her backbone was alluring. "Tell me a date."

"What?"

"How long do you need to play human?"

She thought for a moment. "A year."

Too long. "Three months."

Now, she stood up. "Are you out of your mind?"

I crossed my arms. "Take it or leave it."

She leaned in close to my face. Her anger was evident. "You can't take this away from me like they did. I will not let you."

Then, she walked away. People around us stared at the dysfunctional couple they made up in their minds. They watched as the strong female made her exit. I waited for the non-existent applause. I hoped they enjoyed the show, because I certainly didn't.

I waited until she left the park and threw herself into the city. I lingered for the next ten minutes, waiting for her return. It never came. And I was tired of waiting.

* * *

**A/N: It's crazy that we're already 22 chapters in, and there's still so much to unravel. How's the vibe treating you? Likes? Dislikes? Is Jasper annoying you as much as he's annoying me?**


	23. Sweet Cream

_Previously:_

_She leaned in close to my face. Her anger was evident. "You can't take this away from me like they did. I will not let you."_

_Then, she walked away. People around us stared at the dysfunctional couple they made up in their minds. They watched as the strong female made her exit. I waited for the non-existent applause. I hoped they enjoy the show, because I certainly didn't._

_I waited until she left the park and threw herself into the little city. I lingered for the next ten minutes, waiting for her return. It never came. And I was tired of waiting._

* * *

**Jasper**

I couldn't bring myself to leave, though there was nothing more I had wanted to do.

The possibility of Elise being my mate triggered an unusual reaction in me. While most vampires would leap at the thought of finding the one being that their venom sang to, I wanted to run away like a coward. Fighting your venom was pointless, but the battle-savvy man inside of me pulled the alarms. My brain was in an endless state of _alert, alert, red, red, death imminent!_ Tying your survival to one person was stupid. And if Alice was right, I needed to find a way to full-proof this situation.

From the way I saw it, it would take her days to walk back to the Cullen residence. This wouldn't be a concern for any regular vampire, but humans had these annoying, persistent needs that distracted them from the tasks at hand. The needs included sleep and multiple feedings throughout the day.

I hated lurking. It brought out a cliché that was all too familiar. But I adhered to it today. I followed Elise as she roamed this little big city. She ventured further and further away from the park, proving to me that it wasn't her intention to return.

She had no money on her. That I knew. She couldn't afford a place to stay tonight or fill her empty stomach for dinner. Or lunch, for that matter, since she had left her half-eaten meal with me at the park.

Her pace was steady as she peered down allies and explored dead ends. I realized that this was probably the first time she'd had this much freedom in a while. She went into a few shops and browsed around for quite some time.

A couple of hours later, the sun began its slow descent, and the rain clouds convened for their daily meeting.

She quickly took an empty seat at an outdoor table shaded by a café's awning, and the rain was quick to follow. If she didn't buy anything, I knew that she would be kindly asked to leave to make room for paying customers. I took that as my cue.

The moment she saw me, she put up her walls with the thickest, grayest cement. The mindless glee left and was replaced with an accusatory stare.

"Have you been following me?"

"No."

"Right, I almost forgot that you were a pathological liar."

I simply gave her a toothy grin as I took a seat across from her. "You think I'd leave you here all by yourself?"

Why was she so angry? "You think I can't handle myself?"

"Settle down, princess. I'm just here to talk."

She examined me wearily, then decidedly leaned back against the metal chair. "The least you could do is buy me dinner."

A few minutes later, Elise hungrily dug away at some pasta and sipped gingerly at her iced tea. When she noticed my gaze, she paused to thank me.

"Part of me knew you wouldn't leave me here."

I would not have. But she couldn't rely on that. "You should always assume that you're on your own. What did I say about blind trust?"

"But it's not blind at all. You're here, aren't you?"

"Once again, you're missing the point. Would you just let yourself shrivel up and die if no one came to take you home?"

"Of course not."

"So, what was your plan?"

She thought for a moment, which gave me the indication that she didn't have one.

I pulled out the credit card I was going to use to pay for her meal. "Look, Elise. You're strong, and you're most certainly not stupid. But little details like this could very easily mean life or death for you. This comes with the unfortunate price of being human," I slid the card over to her. "You may think that I'm a cold, cruel, pathological liar," I paused when she smiled. "But I'm only here to help you enhance your potential. You're going to have to figure out your problems, but that doesn't mean I can't provide the tools that will steer you in the right direction."

She looked down at the card, then back at me. "You're giving me money?"

"I'm giving you a means to survive."

She hesitantly slid the card closer to herself.

"Now, I suggest you pay for your meal and get a hotel room for the night."

"Why wouldn't we go back to the Cullens?"

I sighed. "I need to wash the Jeep, and I'm starving."

* * *

A few unsatisfying deer later, I traced Elise's scent to a regular chain hotel a few blocks away from the central park.

"What was the last name?" The young female receptionist smiled at me.

"Adams," I wasn't sure if this was the last name she had given.

After perusing through her computer, she frowned at me. "There is no one at this hotel with that last name."

_Right, because she didn't have an I.D._ How had she even gotten the room? And how hadn't I thought this through before? Why hadn't I just tracked her scent and climbed through her window? My own ignorance irritated me.

Just as I was going to charm my way to her room, an elevator dinged open and out came our favorite human. Elise grabbed my hand quickly and waved at the receptionist. "Don't worry, he's with me."

As she dragged me back to the elevator, the receptionist called out. "Have a good evening, Ms. Cullen!"

_Cullen_?

Once the doors closed, I asked her. "You picked Cullen?"

Her hand dug through her jean pocket and produced a card holder. She opened the thin metal flap and drew out a paper I.D. "Chloe Cullen. This is the I.D. Carlisle gave me when he checked me out of the hospital."

I leaned back against the wall of the elevator. "So, you do know what you're doing."

"Of course. And I was prepared. Since you've been following me all day, you would know that I walked past a police station. I could just take this I.D. and have them drive me home. A lost twenty-year-old woman surely will be dealt with."

I smiled, and she did too. "Show me to your room."

We walked the long hallway of the third floor until Elise paused to slide the room key card on one of the doors. "Did you wash the Jeep?"

"It'll rain overnight, so I figured I would let that wash it over first. Then, I'll run some polish over the exterior. Emmett lets me use his car, but he expects prime care."

The door clicked open and we walked in. It was a standard hotel room fully equipped with a TV, an overused desk, and a mediocre king-sized bed. The color scheme reminded me of the hotel room in the movie _1408_ : royal, but dull.

I saw a set of sweats and a dark blue T-shirt on the covers of the bed. "I hope you don't mind that I bought a change of clothes from the shop next door. Some toothpaste and a toothbrush, as well. I hadn't planned on an overnight stay."

I waved her off. "Remaining human comes with all of this baggage. I don't see why you choose to put up with it."

She sighed. "I won't bother talking to you about this, Jasper. You will never understand."

Tonight had to be different. We had already fought about her humanity today and I decided to not push it. "Did you enjoy your time in the city?"

"I did. It was nice to be alone. It felt freeing to just observe others live their lives. I must have watched a baker frost cupcakes for ten minutes."

"Next time, you can even buy some."

She nodded to herself. The atmosphere around us calmed. The nighttime, mixed in with the rain, brought a feeling of serenity, and it impacted her mood similar to how it impacted mine. She was less wound up and her walls cracked open.

I sat in the rolling chair by the desk and she made herself comfortable on the bed. We shared the silence for a while until she chose to break it. "I understand my attraction towards you. You're a vampire, and it's your main tool in luring your victims."

I smirked. "How shallow of you to only like me for my looks."

She ignored my comment. "So, it's unwise of you to be so close to me."

I didn't follow. "You're telling me to stay away from you?"

"If you're trying to prepare me for your world, do just that. Anything else is just confusing."

She was incredibly strong-willed. "What counts as _anything else?_ "

She fidgeted with the comforter beneath her. "Things like this morning."

I had already said the words, so I had to stand by them. "What's wrong with taking you to the Niagara Falls?"

"The same wrong that comes with you kissing me."

"But I haven't kissed you. Would you like me to?"

Her eyes were comically wide, and I enjoyed this more than I deserved. She hit the comforter with frustration. "This is my point. You can't say stuff like that. It's not fair."

"Would you answer my question?"

She wouldn't meet my eyes, and her cheeks were a beautiful shade of pink. "Yes. But only because it's your nature to elicit that reaction. All vampires are attractive enough to share the same answer."

Her attempt at generalizing her body's reaction was cute. I ran my thumb over my smile. "I appreciate your honesty."

"And I would appreciate yours, if only you were ever honest."

I sat next to her and grabbed her right hand. She shivered slightly at the sudden change of temperature. "The honesty I give you will only hurt you."

She scowled. "Since when do you care if you hurt me?"

She was right. I was trying to be considerate for the night, but if she wanted to push the conversation, I wouldn't hold back. "Fine. I want you to change and there's a part of me that wants to lay you down on this bed and kill you."

She tried to pull her hand away, but I gripped it tighter. "If that bothers you, it's natural. Your drives seek to keep you alive as much as possible."

"Which is exactly why I don't understand why you're trying to convince me to make that decision. You do whatever you want, and you certainly wouldn't let the Volturi catch you. My death shouldn't mean anything you."

I wished that was the case. I let myself fall back on the rhythm of her heartbeat. "Unfortunately, it does mean something."

"You said you couldn't get answers while I was human. What does that mean?"

I traced circles in her palm. Telling her the possibility of us sharing a mating bond would make things uncomfortable, and it would only bring up more questions than I cared to answer. And I didn't want to make a big deal of something that wasn't guaranteed. "Your shield. I need to know if you can grow it. Is it only there to protect you? Or can you use it to encapsulate others?"

She stared at my fingers on her skin. "Are you being honest?"

"Partially."

"You want to know if I can protect the Cullens?"

"Something like that."

She put her hand over mine to stop my fingers. Then, she took that same hand and used her fingers to trace the bottoms of my eyes. "If you don't feed, you look like an addict. Circles form under your eyes. But they're gone now. And your eyes become more gentle. There are times where you look at me like I'm a person and not food."

"You're not food."

She turned her wrist over. "Sometimes I wonder if you started, could you stop? Damon always could."

Drinking her blood wasn't the issue. It was my venom's desire to push as much of itself into her system. It wanted to know if the mating bond was substantial, and that's the only way it would be sedated. But biting her myself still came with its own risks.

Then, I had the stupidest idea.

I took a fingernail and drew it hard against my palm. My skin cracked and I held my breath at the momentary pain. Venom oozed cleanly.

Elise looked at me, shocked. "What are you doing?"

"You don't have any ulcers or internal bleeding, do you?"

"Not that I know of."

"That's good enough for me," I used my index finger to bring some up to her face. "I want you to tell me what this tastes like."

She looked at my finger, then back at me. "You're serious?"

I nudged my finger closer. She carefully licked my finger, keeping steady eye contact. This was infinitely more delicious than watching her eat.

She considered it for a moment. "Sweet cream."

"I'm not sure what that tastes like, but I'm assuming _good_?"

She nodded. "Very good. I wasn't expecting dessert tonight."

She reached over and grabbed some more with her index finger and playfully licked it off. "Thank you," she paused. "But I don't understand why you did that."

"Me neither. I'd never done it before." And I wondered if it would taste the same to her when she was dead.

"You said you only share venom with mates."

And there it was. Her intellectual ability was a curse and a blessing. "I did. But there's no harm in experimentation."

She took my hand and administered the same treatment I'd provided for hers. Her index finger ran lazily across my healing palm. "Rosalie seemed to be hinting at some things today."

"They don't know anything."

"They probably think I'm crazily infatuated with you or something."

I smiled. "Don't let their opinions impact you too much."

"Right. You don't care, so why should I?"

I cocked my head to the side. "I hope you're not just saying these things to appease me. I hope you truly believe them."

She looked away and let her eyes roam over the floral pattern of the wallpaper. "It's going to take time for me to see things the way you do. I hope you take that into consideration as you take me through this twisted journey."

As she sat in front of me, so delicately close, I admired her for her self-awareness. I admired this creature for her bravery and audacity to say such things. It almost made me feel remorseful for wanting to throw her into the alliance.

"Jasper?"

"Hm?"

"We will head back tomorrow, right?"

I confirmed that we would.

"Good," she breathed. "Carlisle has me on a daily drip of these meds, and he injects them in the morning."

I hummed. "If you just let me bite you, your world would be a better place."

She leaned in so closely that I thought our noses would touch. "You tell me I have no choice, but I clearly have one. You're a roller coaster, Jasper Whitlock."

"The Cullens provide you with that illusion, and I'm forced to go along with it."

"Sure, sure," her tone was mysterious. "You wouldn't change me against my will."

"I wouldn't?"

She was so close. "No."

My hand found a few strands of her hair and twirled them around my finger. I pulled gently. "Don't think for a moment that I would abstain from doing what I need to in order to preserve my livelihood."

"Scary," she whispered through a smile. "I don't buy it. The only reason you haven't changed me is what exactly?"

"The Cullens."

"Bullshit," her breath brushed over my face. "You don't care about them."

"I do care about maintaining appearances."

"You're also uncertain about the capabilities of my shield. But that would only make you want to change me more to find out. I still don't understand why you haven't knocked me unconscious and pumped me with your sweet cream venom."

Jesus, she needed to stop talking. She pulled her hair out of the grasp of my hands then placed my hand on her neck. "Tempting?"

I swallowed hard. "Very."

She leaned forward and pressed her lips on my left cheek, then lingered to speak into my ear. "I don't know why, but you care. And that means you'll at least take into consideration what I want. And that probably scares you."

_You don't even know half of it._

* * *

**A/N: Sharing your venom, Jasper? He can deny it all he wants but his behavior has changed dramatically over the last few chapters. And we can probably thank Elise for that.**


	24. Baby Steps

_Previously:_

_Jesus, she needed to stop talking. She pulled her hair out of the grasp of my hands then placed my hand on her neck. "Tempting?"_

_I swallowed hard. "Very."_

_She leaned forward and pressed her lips on my left cheek, then lingered to speak into my ear. "I don't know why, but you care. And that means you'll at least take into consideration what I want. And that probably scares you."_

_She didn't even know half of it._

* * *

**Jasper**

About two weeks later, I started my trek to Louisiana. A car would've taken thirty hours. Running took me under twenty.

The run was something I didn't know I needed. It gave my senses the illusion of running away from my problems. While that was never an admirable thing to do, it brought with it temporary peace. The further I got from the Cullens, and consequently Elise, the contradictory feelings came rushing back. I felt free yet brutally caged. Physically, I might have been running across the border of Utah, but my mind always trailed back to Idaho. I did everything I could to distract myself. This trip was important. This trip would clear up a lot of the opens regarding the stirring South.

The meeting was held in a large, empty warehouse a few miles North of the outskirts of Lafayette. When Peter and I entered the building, we were immediately met with a group of vampires arranged around a large, broken table. The chairs were mismatched and the wallpaper that dressed the walls was torn to bits. The floors creaked with each movement, and the tall windows were partially boarded up. Some glass lay glittering on the carpeted areas.

It felt like a resistance meeting during the French Revolution.

The delegates consisted of ten members, excluding Peter. I spotted Maria immediately, and the conversation I'd had with Elise immediately popped back into my brain. The urge to throw her into a boiling, hot volcano was incredible. Most vampires didn't feel this way towards their makers, but mine belonged in a special circle of hell. When she met my eyes, an easy smirk formed on her blood red lips. It pleased her to see me, which made we want to turn around and walk back out to where I came from.

From the moment the delegates saw me, they began to question my affiliations. It was a female member who spoke up. "I wasn't aware that the Cullens were joining the alliance."

I was quick to correct them. "Consider my ties with the Cullens relinquished. I am not here representing Carlisle."

The delegates nodded in acknowledgement. A gentleman spoke up. "Peter and Maria both have argued strongly for your inclusion in this cause. You've had vast experience on the battlefield and your gift could be particularly useful," I could feel the room picking apart the scars on my skin. "In the aftermath, we can guarantee a high position for you in the ruling class if you choose to lay your loyalty with us."

Maria picked up quickly. "We had envisioned twelve delegates to carry the vampiric rule once the Volturi is overthrown. All of us would be part of the twelve. The methodologies used by the Volturi are archaic. This change is a necessity."

"What are your plans from here on out?" I asked carefully. There would be no aftermath if they didn't win.

A woman answered. "Maria will be taking in a lot of territories over the next few months, especially in Texas. That will draw a dense population of vampires into the alliance. Most of us are coven leaders of various districts in the South. With Maria's addition, our numbers will be looking very good."

They talked further of any updates regarding Maria's invasions in various territories. I listened quietly as they discussed the number game. The more territories they gained, the more manpower they could wield against the Volturi Guard.

When Peter asked about any developments regarding the issue of Demetri, the delegates took their time to craft an answer. But the answer was far from optimal.

"We will need to focus all of our efforts to target Demetri separately. This would be done months before we can take on anything else. Once he's eliminated, we will have a standing chance against the rest of the guard," a male delegate explained.

The strategy was there, but how many vampires could they afford to spare to carry out this singular attack? If they failed to kill Demetri the first time around, the alliance would be exposed to the Volturi. And if the Volturi expected them this early on, they would have no chance.

I kept my opinions to myself. Today was my day to scope out the organization, not participate. But besides the hiccup of Demetri, this wasn't a terrible idea. They had to make sure that their internal network of members preserved a keen sense of loyalty. One leak to Aro would destroy the whole cause.

When the meeting concluded, the delegates all welcomed me into their circle, though I had made no motion of accepting any position. The next meeting would be in another two weeks, and I was graciously invited back. They appointed Peter as my main point of contact for further questions and upcoming tasks. The meeting was adjourned.

Maria swayed over to greet us. "I'm looking forward to working with you again, Major Whitlock." Her tone made my skin itch in the most unsatisfying way. "It's good to have you back."

The delegates dispersed quickly, leaving Peter and I at the table. He turned over and eyed me carefully.

"I know," he started. "It's not the most preferable situation to be involved with Maria, but this can be incredible, Jasper."

I gave him the truth. "I do see potential, but it's risky."

He nodded. "The Demetri thing, I know. Aro's guard is meant to prevent uprisings just like this. It won't be easy."

"Even after Demetri, we have to face Alec on the battlefield."

"One thing at a time."

But they should never underestimate Aro. "In any case, there should be no movement until Demetri is figured out. What is the timeline?"

Peter thought for a moment. "8-9 months minimum. Maria has to take Texas fully, and we need to iron out this plan. The delegates will be setting up various compounds for training, and they'd like you to be committed to putting them into shape."

That was a good amount of time, and my duties were reasonable and expected. "I'll attend your meetings and provide consultation for battle. I don't want to consolidate myself with the alliance just yet."

Peter smiled knowingly. "That's what I would've expected you to say. But that's perfectly reasonable. As developments show, it might help ease your apprehension. Though, it might be good to give a hint early on that you're planning on fully committing to the cause. Uncertainty isn't welcome here."

Uncertainty was my main problem. "I understand. You do see how Demetri weakens this cause, don't you?"

"Aro picked his guard wisely."

"You'll be wasting a lot of resources on one person."

He shrugged. "There's no way around his gift. What else could we do?"

I threw him a bone. "You could find something or someone that can avert it."

He rubbed his chin. "A shield?" His eyes widened. "Isn't Eddie of yours dating that human shield?"

I was treading dangerous waters. "He was. And now she's dead."

He frowned instantly, rubbing his chin. "That's a shame. How useful that would have been…"

"If she were alive, how would the alliance approach the idea of pivoting to utilize a shield?"

Peter leaned back in this chair. "The delegates would jump on that instantly. If we could bypass Demetri without killing him, our timeline would be pulled forward. We would have more men to tackle the guard. Our risk management numbers would look incredible."

"Overall, a desirable entity."

He nodded quickly. "Absolutely. Of course, the shield would be no use to us as a human. They would have to be turned. Immediately. They also would need time to develop and control their shield. In other words, they would go through exhaustive, extensive training before they're ever incorporated into the plans."

The thought of Elise with flickering red eyes was appealing, but the idea of subjecting her to a compound for endless training left me restless. She would be another tool in the grand scheme of the alliance. I decided to put off thinking about it. I hadn't given her over to them. They weren't even aware of her existence.

"Well," I flicked some dust off of the table. "I suppose we better find a shield."

* * *

"I finished _1984_!" Elise barged into my bedroom the morning after I returned from Louisiana. She threw the classic on my bed and faced me with a tired smile. She had just woken up.

I closed the journal in front of me and slid it to the edge of my desk. I gave her my utmost attention. "What did you think?"

"Creepy. Incredible. Thought-provoking. I've always been negatively biased against older books thanks to my English classes. I should really give them a chance."

I smiled. "I would hardly call that book old. Nonetheless, I'm glad you enjoyed it."

She threw herself on my bed. "You've been gone for _days."_

"Only two."

"I know," she pouted. "Basically forever."

I drew a deep sigh. "Be realistic and relish this time away from me. Have you been exploring the Cullen lifestyle?"

"You mean the one where we chase rabid squirrels and sauté hamsters?"

Her targets were too small. "Ever consider a bear or a mountain lion?"

She grinned. "Baby steps, Jasper."

Emmett strolled in and sat next to her. "Are we taking Elise hunting? Is this what I'm hearing?"

That would be a sight to see. "You can do anything with her as long as you keep her little heart beating."

I focused back on the journal on my desk. Emmett turned to her and spoke instructively. "Now, Elise. There is a certain etiquette to the hunt. If you're going to be one of us, you can't just bite off an animal's jugular and spray your pretty hair with blood. You have to disarm your target, then find the thinnest spot of fur to sink your teeth in. You do not, I repeat, do _not_ want that fur taste. Plus, too much fur can get stuck on your lips."

Elise listened with undoubted intent.

"And the carcass," he continued. "You must diligently and appropriately dispose of it. Burial is an appropriate choice. But make sure it is drained completely so you don't risk dripping excess liquid on yourself. And _never_ wear white."

I hoped Emmett was just pulling her strings. Hunting wasn't a fine-dining experience. It was dirty, bloody, and sticky. You would get twigs and leaves stuck in your hair from wrestling your prey, your clothes would be torn and useless, and their blood would dribble down your jaw and onto your feet.

Elise perked up. "Will you take me hunting, Emmett?"

He ruffled her hair. "Not while you're human. Hurry up and turn so we can do all of this fun stuff."

She pushed his hands away and offered him a tight smile. "You're really one of the best people I've known."

Emmett chuckled. "You too, kid. Don't let anyone break that fight in you. Not even that old man over there," he gestured to me.

I flipped through some books on my desk, but I could feel Elise's gaze on me. "Jasper? He's just a grouchy old man who's actually a teddy-bear in disguise."

"No, no," Emmett said. "You've got this all mixed up. He's the grouchy old man. I'm the teddy-bear."

"Will you both stop talking like I'm not here?" I asked quietly and flicked to a new page.

"I think we upset him," Emmett mock whispered.

From the corner of my eye, I could see Elise nodding. "That's really easy to do."

Were they naturally this annoying? "Get out."

Elise giggled. "Come on, Jasper. What are you even writing, anyway?"

I closed the journal and looked at her. "You're restless. Do you need to walk?"

She gave Emmett a look. "See how he ignores any question I ask?"

Emmett nodded dramatically. "I hear you, honey. And are you a dog that needs to be walked?"

Elise feigned seriousness. "He sees all humans as pets, Emmett. It's only natural he sees me that way."

Emmett tutted me from my own bed. I got up and stood before them, directly addressing Elise. "You're not a pet. Would you _please_ take a walk with me?"

Emmett's eyebrows perked up and he looked at Elise with an expression of anticipation. "Dreamy."

She fluttered her eyelashes at him. "He even said please."

* * *

Elise skipped along the dirt path as we took an early morning hike. I didn't want to admit that I missed her presence, but being around her, especially alone, drew the issues with the alliance far, far away. The only thing that spiked any worry was how wobbly the log was beneath her as she strolled across it.

"Did you kill someone?" Was the first question she asked.

I wanted to laugh. "Is that what you assume I do every time I leave you?"

She jumped off of the log and we continued down the path. "Your track record isn't the brightest."

I shook my head. "I don't do this quite as often as you'd think. Before Melissa, my last planned victim was over five years ago."

"Why don't you do it more often?"

"When one or two people go missing every few years, that's easily buried. But if humans start dying left and right, the authorities aren't stupid. I don't need to start another serial killer case."

She examined the trees as we walked by. "If I ever feel the need to write a criminal thriller, can I interview you to get a good feel for my killer?"

"I'd be happy to help."

She smiled to herself. We walked in silence for a while. She hugged her jacket closer when the wind blew.

"I missed you, you know?" she said.

"Did you?"

"I've had some time to think about this."

I kept a steady, slower pace with her. She continued. "I don't want anything to scare you. Caring about me shouldn't be scary."

How considerate. "Why do you think I care about you?"

"I'm assuming that you've never been around someone who could block your gift to this extent. Maybe there's something refreshing in that idea that you want to preserve. And maybe this is incredibly vulnerable for you, and I understand that. I just," she bit her lip. "I don't want you to be scared of that."

"I appreciate the sentiment."

After a few minutes, she frowned. "That's all you're going to stay?"

"We've established that there's a part of me that cares about you. Now, we can move on."

She wasn't taken aback by my straightforwardness. She expected it. She grabbed my arm to stop me, and I did so on my own accord. Her hands reached up and ran through my hair, picking up a small twig that was intertwined within the curls. She held it up for me to see.

"I ran back early this morning," I explained. She let the twig fall to the ground.

"Where did you go?"

The million dollar question. Her eyes were a beautiful shade of brown against the faded sunlight on the leaves around us. They searched my golden ones carefully.

"To meet some friends."

"Are you telling the truth?"

"Partially."

Her lips thinned to a line. Her self-conflict was evident. With a quick mumble, she made it clear that she was tired and had us veer off the path onto a more densely populated area of grass. We sat underneath the sapphire sky.

"When you leave," she began. "I think of the worst things. I think about what would happen if you never came back."

I turned my arms over. "These scars are from vampires I've killed and battles I've won. It's hard to get rid of me, Elise. It's not your job to worry about that. It's mine."

Her touch was comforting as she traced them. "There's something about this that's so addicting. Touching you like this. Being alone with you. Damn these vampiric attractions," she whispered.

"That's okay," I murmured. "There's nothing wrong with what you're feeling." But there was everything wrong with the way I was.

I ran my hand from her cheek down to the throbbing vein on her neck. Her pulse became the ticking clock that dictated my days and my nights. It was madness. I drew her closer and bathed in her scent. This would define my sensory palate for the rest of my days.

She chuckled softly to herself. "I think I'm suffering from an interesting case of doublethink*."

Her George Orwell reference was intriguing. "How so?"

"I'm accepting you for being a killer, but it goes against everything else that I choose to accept."

"I think that's incorrect. You're accepting me not because I kill, but despite of it. That isn't doublethink; that's sacrifice. You still don't feel that my actions are justified, but you won't let that keep you away from me."

She looked up at the big bright sky and at the mesh clouds that hovered over the sun. "Good. I don't want anything to keep you away from me. Not even myself," she turned to me and spoke sternly. "Though this isn't a lifestyle I would adhere to."

The curls in her hair wrapped around my fingers naturally. I drew a few strands out, straightening them into a line, then watched as they bounced back into weaker curls.

"Six months," I breathed.

Her eyes were closed, but they slowly drew open. "Until?"

"Until your change," I felt her wanting to pull away, but I kept her still. "We've established my feelings regarding you. But you can't stay human. Not if we're like this," I ran my hand down her arm and watched the tiny hairs rise. "Not if you want this to continue."

Her eyebrows knitted together. She looked at me and acknowledged our proximity. She knew I was using our relationship as leverage. But she accepted it. "Nine months."

"Three," I countered.

"A year."

My lips twitched. "This is not how you negotiate."

"I agree. You're terrible at it."

She looked at me indecisively, which was a look I couldn't stand. I reiterated. "Six months. Do we have a deal?"

Her eyes focused on mine. "Are you dazzling me into this or something?"

"Why?"

"Because there's something in me that wants to say yes."

* * *

***doublethink: If you haven't read _1984_ , please do. You'll enjoy it. The reference is easily searchable on Google.**

**And they're starting to blossom into something new. How exciting. Trouble always likes to loom in these times. Unfortunate.**

**What do you think of the alliance?**


	25. Values

_Previously:_

_She looked at me indecisively, which was a look I couldn't stand. I reiterated. "Six months. Do we have a deal?"_

_Her eyes focused on mine. "Are you dazzling me into this or something?"_

" _Why?"_

" _Because there's something in me that wants to say yes."_

* * *

**Jasper**

Elise brought up the conversation a week later with the whole family. In front of the Cullens, she took the commitment to commence her change in six months. I stood in the corner and watched as the family rose up to welcome her. They were gaining a member, but they were also saving their skins.

"Six months is actually a great amount of time," Emmett chuckled. "We'll do all the things you need to experience before everything becomes tasteless and safe."

Elise smiled warmly. "You'll go cliff diving with me and watch as I devour three boxes of Oreos?"

"Hell yeah, sister." They high-fived.

As long as she made the six months and her soul was still inside her body, I didn't care what else she did. The deal was done, and I would have her burning in no time.

It was a good day until Edward pulled me aside. He requested a hunt. Only me. Shit.

When we ran further from the house, I watched him carefully. Edward and I didn't get along well, and any quality time together had an ulterior motive.

"Why did Alice leave, Jasper?"

There it was. I dropped the drained carcass of the mountain lion. It landed with a thud near our feet. "I don't know. Why don't you ask her?"

"She's cryptic with her answers. She won't even tell me where she is."

She was in Alaska. "Then, leave it. She probably knows what she's doing."

He stood before me. "It's about her, isn't it?"

"Who?"

He frowned at my ignorance. "Elise."

She was useful in so many ways. Two could play mind games. "Why do you think that?"

He stirred himself in the direction I wanted him to go. I barely had to do anything. "You think about her a lot. Alice has visions of you two together. Closer. Too close."

I gave him a sad smile. "Jealousy is bitter, I'll give her that."

Edward didn't like that. "Who would have thought you out of all of us would end up with a human."

I scoffed. "We're not together. Alice is stupid to think otherwise." I restrained myself from making any jabs regarding Bella. It was hard, but I did it. "You know me. I'd kill her in seconds."

He laughed bitterly. "I'm surprised you haven't. She must be driving you insane. Whenever I look in there she's always on the surface."

And that's where I would keep her if it would just keep him on the surface.

"She wants me to help her adjust, Edward. I've been doing that for her."

"You don't do anything if it doesn't equally benefit you."

 _Birds, leaves, trees. Fuck._ "I enjoy her presence." Too much.

"Too much is right," he said. "The family's getting closer to her and they like her. But you're too involved and your motives are unclear."

I thought about her and took Edward on the ride with me. "She's powerful and it's peaceful to be around her. Do you see those curious brown eyes? She doesn't know half the potential she has. Her shield is incredible, and she has this fight in her that ignites everything around her. She's astounding."

The stick up his ass couldn't have gone up further. "I'm not an idiot. I know you're blocking me, and I hope that for her sake she stays away from you."

"I haven't done a thing to the girl."

He started to walk away. "Yet. Whatever Alice must have seen, it ticked her off enough to leave."

When I could no longer see him, I regained my thoughts. If you wanted a brain workout, just try linking your thoughts in an endless loop, hoping none of the underlying inner monologue slipped through. Bella was lucky to be dead. Edward was exhausting.

The real reason Alice had left was because of the alliance. Her visions came randomly and the closer I was to the cause, the harder it would be to dissect those visions around Edward. She made the good call to take a break from the family.

In fact, I shot her a quick text. _I appreciate your discretion._

A quick reply came back. _Always._

My fingers lingered on my phone. _Updates?_

The reply took longer than usual. _You'll be leading compound efforts in Arizona. They'll announce it during the next meeting._

Arizona was closer than Louisiana. Good. I tapped away. _Elise agreed to turn in 6._

I didn't get a reply. I got a phone call.

"I know," she said. "You might be onto something with her shield."

"Explain."

She took an unnecessary breath. "Because either her shield grows to cover you, or you're dead in six months. Either way, I can't see you."

It had to be the first. My mind buzzed in anticipation. This was a lead, and a very important one.

"Hold on," she said cautiously. "What are you doing? No. No. Jasper, you can't tell Peter."

It wasn't on the top of my to-do list, but things were falling into place. "I told him we had to find a shield. I'm starting to think Elise is proving herself to be very useful day after day."

I could almost see her shaking her head. "I understand that you want to support the cause, and it's beneficial to the Cullens to overthrow the Volturi, but you can't dangle her life in front of the alliance."

Where was this sudden interest in Elise stemming from? "We finally have a date. A concrete, beautiful one. In six months, maybe six and a half depending on her adjustment period, I could deliver her cleanly into their service. She wouldn't be alone. We would do it together."

"That's a terrible idea."

I switched the phone in my hands. "If I could sit the whole family down and explain what I plan to do with her, do you really think they would push back as hard? No. They want Aro gone. They're just too scared to do it themselves."

"As they should be. The Volturi have been in power for this long because they know how to crush groups such as the alliance. You think Elise wouldn't be scared?"

She would have no reason to be. "She'll be trained."

"She's human. If you think you can create an equal to yourself within the next six months, you're delusional."

I rested my back against a large, rough tree trunk. "She's strong enough to handle anything I throw at her. Though, her moral code could use a little work."

"Your moral code could use a little work," she muttered. "You can't push her too far, Jasper. She's still a living, breathing, fragile creature."

A creature that would surpass anyone I had ever met.

* * *

Elise met me outside as I entered the Cullen premise. She had a look of indifference on her face. "Is Edward one to hold grudges?"

"Maybe. Why?"

"He just came by and told me to keep my distance from you. Is he still upset about Bella?"

No, his melodrama showed when I actively blocked him. "Obviously."

"He thinks you're going to kill me."

"Carlisle will be the one doing that."

She paused to think, then smiled mischievously. "He's scared of you."

"Can we talk about anything else but Edward? I'm too old to analyze the fears that stem from his childhood trauma or his parental neglect."

She grabbed my hand and pulled me back towards the woods. "Let's talk about mine, then. You've never asked about my parents."

"Should I have?"

She seemed hurt by my lack of interest. "You want to get to know me, don't you?"

"I already know what I need to know. Your parents are dead."

Three lines formed on her forehead. "How callous. You can learn a lot about a person from their past."

"I'd rather focus on the present and the future."

"Is this your way of telling me you don't care?"

I ran a hand through my hair. She really wanted to hear it. "You know I care."

"You're pretty bad at showing it."

Did I have to? "I have a lot on my mind."

She intertwined her fingers with mine. Comfort. What an odd, unfamiliar feeling to associate with a human.

My phone buzzed quietly in my pocket. I expected Alice, but it was Peter. _They pulled the meeting to tomorrow. Arizona._

That meant that something happened. As I examined the message, Elise tried to peek. I slid the phone back into my pocket.

"Maybe you should talk about it," she suggested.

"About?"

"Whatever's bothering you."

Bother was the wrong word for it. "I have newfound obligations."

"To?"

"Myself."

She swung my hand gently as we walked. "Obligations you can't share with the Cullens?"

"Yes. Except for Alice."

She nodded. "I'm sure that you've figured this out by now, but I'm mentally impenetrable. Anything you tell me stays with me."

I smiled. "If I didn't know that, I wouldn't be telling you anything at all."

Her eyes were hungry for information. "Tell me more, then. Where do you go?"

Her lips had always been tightly sealed with anything I had told her. Admitting any sort of trust that I felt for her was hard. But somehow, I knew for a fact that she wouldn't betray it. "There is a war coming, and I need to consolidate which side I will be on."

She thought for a moment. "What are the deciding factors?"

"The only deciding factor is which side will win."

"The people on either side don't matter? Do you have friends fighting in this war? Which side will they be on? Will the Cullens be fighting?"

She was too eager to find out. "None of that matters. Always align yourself with the strongest side. Guarantee your survival."

This was difficult for her to swallow. "You're fighting for a common cause, though, right? You'll fight with the side your values align with."

"That's the type of thinking I probably had as a human. Did you know that I fought for the Confederacy?"

She didn't hide the shock in her expression. "That's hard to believe."

"Believe it. I joined the Confederacy to defend the Southern values. What a fucking waste of time. If I had been smarter, I would've analyzed both sides and weighed my options before throwing myself into a blind war."

"You can't choose what you're passionate for. Don't you want to fight for that?"

I pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. "Sweet Elise, you're either alive or you're dead. You'll realize that you have a lot of control over your longevity if you just use your brain."

She disagreed. "Some things are worth dying for."

"Enlighten me."

"Love, freedom, the greater good."

In other words, romanticism and blind passion. "Dying for love is the silliest tropes in literature. If you care about someone that much, why damn them to an eternity without you? That isn't love. Freedom. You'd be dead before you got a taste of that. And what exactly is the greater good? You can be selfless all you want. The world won't reward you for it, and you will die unremembered. More importantly, you will die and that will be it. You won't ever be able to see the outcomes of your decisions. Nothing is worth dying for."

She shook her head. "Is there anything valuable to you besides yourself?"

"Should there be?"

"Yes," she fumed. "If the world were more like you, I would hate to live in it."

There was the fire I was looking for. "Before the Jovu, your only job was to eat, sleep, and study, am I correct? A high school student. You didn't have to make any important decisions. Hell, you didn't even need to think about what you were going to have for dinner the next day. Human life is a fairy tale. Thus, I understand and pardon your ignorance. The life you're stepping into comes with far more difficult challenges than a mathematics final."

She refuted my claims immediately. "You're wrong. Humans deal with their own shit, but our problems are just as important as yours. I don't care what vampiric justice system looms over you to make you so bitter. I don't care that you have to hide from your coven just because you have more in common with Ted Bundy than the average Joe. Suffering isn't a singular, defined line. It's different for everyone. You might be preparing to go into war, but the world doesn't stop so you can fight it. Suffering continues on all levels."

I took a step back to look at her. "Your points are valid."

"What?" Did she not expect credit where credit was due?

I validated her thoughts. "Suffering is unique for everyone. The world won't stop based on my decisions. Solipsism isn't welcome here. I agree. But my point is that you need to be able to handle more conflict than you've had to endure. This world is a lot more cruel and degrading."

She sighed in frustration. "That still doesn't explain why you don't care about anything. You don't have one thing you're passionate about? One thing that you will fight for?"

"I can fight for a lot of things, but I will never die for them," I grabbed her shoulders and looked her straight in her eyes. "Listen to me. People will try to use you. They'll come at you with pretty words and rile you up with empty promises. You cannot let yourself fall prey to that. They will play on your passions and values like they know exactly what you want and they will draw you in and let you die for them. Then, they will walk away like nothing even happened."

Alarm was the tone I sensed in her voice. "Who are they, Jasper?"

"Everyone you will ever meet."

She stared at me for a moment, then let out an incredulous laugh. "Everyone is out to get me?"

The alliance. The Volturi. Me. "Yes. The sooner you see yourself and your worth, the sooner you'll learn to protect it. No one will save you. If Bella knew that, she would be alive."

My phone buzzed again. Elise eyed my pocket. "So, which side will you be picking?"

I drew out the phone. "Mine."

* * *

**A/N: Is she learning and absorbing everything Jasper wants her to? In my opinion, this is incredibly out of character for him. He should just throw her to the alliance and never look back, right? At least that's the logical thing to do...**


	26. Shield

_My phone buzzed again. Elise eyed my pocket. "So, which side will you be picking?"_

_I drew out the phone. "Mine."_

* * *

**Jasper**

Peter wore a smug smile when I took the chair next to him. The delegates convened in an even more post-apocalyptic style, crumbling building in middle-of-nowhere Arizona. The air felt hot and sticky, and I wanted nothing more than to run back up North to the refreshing breeze. But that would have to wait because I couldn't miss the developments that would be presented today.

They had found a shield. It was an impressive turnaround on their end. This was more than enough of a reason to move the meeting forward.

Peter enjoyed this tremendously. I could tell. I felt it. His gloating was understandable. Not days after our conversation, talks of a shield had swarmed the alliance. He took full credit for the idea, which I wasn't too upset about. Recognition was the least of my concerns.

A male delegate walked in with an unconscious human girl draped over his arms. She looked no more than eighteen. She was lowered onto the table that centered the room, and her brown locks spilled over the edge of the table. She looked sadly peaceful on the unforgiving slab of wood, watched intently by malevolent beings. The most malevolent of them all stood from her seat. Maria circled the girl like a lioness targeting her prey.

"How have you confirmed her ability?" she enunciated each word.

The male delegate who still remained by the human spoke. "I am unable to influence her if I maintain physical contact. Her shield works only through touch."

Maria paused, looked around the room, then made the important clarification. "This is William. His gift allows him to instill undeniable attraction in his victims."

William took it from there. "Great for feeding, as you might expect. My influence on her vanished the moment I touched her."

 _Useless,_ I thought. The girl lay limp, vulnerable to our poking and prodding. She certainly had a gift. She showed it as a human. But it wasn't good enough. I looked at Peter, and I knew he could read my doubts. A slight frown ghosted his lips. He was disappointed, as well.

"We can never know the shield's true extent until she is turned," William went on. "Which is why we shouldn't judge too early. Peter, we're leaving the transformation to you. She should be changed within the week. Meanwhile, we will set up camp here to commence initial training for the most recent recruits."

A woman gestured to me. "Mr. Jasper Whitlock, we expect you at camp for your expert direction. But first, perhaps you could support the developments with Peter."

I tore my gaze away from my partner and examined the girl on the table. This time, all I saw was Elise. Brown hair, young complexion. Limp, lethargic, faint. This was her with the Jovu. This was her with Damon.

A burning erupted in my body. My grip on the table tightened. I felt Maria's piercing gaze on my face which forced me out of my panic. _Focus._

I nodded curtly at the woman. "I have a place in Nevada. I think it's best to take her to a secluded location. It's optimal to wake newborns with minimal distractions." Peter ducked his head in approval.

The meeting proceeded with regulatory updates. Maria's troops had reached Dallas and they were on track to capture Fort Worth. All good news.

Once the meeting concluded, Peter picked up the girl and we made our trek up to the Nevada cabin.

"These safe houses have always been such a great idea," he remarked as we brushed through tall grass. "Why don't more people think of this? I'm glad you suggested to keep the girl there. Better than waking up on a table as the most profitable science experiment."

His words meant something else entirely, but my mind trailed to the Jovu. Elise.

_Damon, the faceless vampire, chaining her to an oval table. His cold hands on her skin, feeling her uneven heartbeat. Relishing in his destruction. Tubes tangled up in her arms, connecting them. His venom oozing his way into her body. Madness._

I shivered involuntarily. Peter noticed.

"Cold?" he joked.

_No. Disgusted. Vengeful._

I quickly pointed at the horizon. "This way," I said, and led us through the last patch of trees. The trip had taken hours, and I had monitored the girl all throughout. For a moment, I thought William had been lying about the extent of her shield. I wasn't touching her and couldn't feel a thing coming from her. But I soon realized that whilst unconscious, the source was completely cut off. I couldn't feel because there was nothing to feel. She was knocked out hard enough that she might as well have been dead. If it weren't for her heartbeat, I would've called her time of death already.

The front door fell to our feet when we headed inside. I really needed to properly fix that damn door. I led Peter into the room that had belonged to Melissa.

"I hope she's strong enough," Peter said as he placed her onto the bed.

I absently adjusted the pillow to accommodate her neck. "You do?"

"They'll kill her if she doesn't prove her worth."

I pushed the girl's hair away from her face and examined a few bruises on her forehead. Did they really have to induce this much force? "When will they realize that knocking out a human this way only causes more harm to their brain?"

Peter chuckled. "Not all of us have your sleepy dose we can wield whenever we please. Plus, they didn't intend on her waking up alive."

Right. She needed to be pumped full of venom. Right now.

_I still don't understand why you haven't knocked me unconscious and pumped me with your sweet cream venom._

Fuck. I couldn't do this. I looked at Peter and spoke half the truth. "If I start, I don't know if I can stop."

My buddy patted me on the shoulder. "I know."

Within a second's notice, he pushed me to the side and sank his teeth deep into her neck.

* * *

I found Elise a few miles North of the Cullen residence. She was curled up against a tree, writing passionately in her journal. She tensed for a moment, looked up, and found me staring right back at her. I moved closer, slowly, at the best human speed I could muster. The way she looked at me when she was saw me was addicting. I wanted to leave more often just so I could experience it again, and again.

"I'm glad you're here," I murmured. I was extremely glad that she was here and not replacing Melissa. It was as if I needed proof that she wasn't the one that Peter was condemning.

"Me too. Far, far, away so that your family can't hear every breath I take. Refreshing."

I sat next to her, feeling her warmth surround me. She shut her journal and took my hand. I watched our fingers do their dance before finding their equilibrium.

"I missed you. I wish you wouldn't leave."

I exhaled slowly, then had the stupidest idea. "How about I take you with me next time?"

Her eyes lit up. "You would do that?"

Pleasing her was too easy, and it pleased me in return. "Yes. How about tomorrow?"

She didn't contain her excitement. She swam in it and pulled me in with her. She liked being included. Her glee was contagious. "Where are we going?"

"I have someone I'd like you to meet."

She giggled. "You have friends?"

"I wouldn't say a friend, per se, but I'm confident that you will find this experience rewarding."

She scooted closer to me and rested her head on my shoulder. "Am I meeting someone or buying a timeshare? You make it sound so systematic."

My chest swelled with the intake of breath that filled my senses with her scent. This was peace. The world could have stopped turning at that moment, and I would be content. I looked down at her journal. "What were you writing?"

"Things I'd like to remember."

"It's illegal to hunt unicorns in Michigan. I hope you'd want to remember that."

She turned and looked at me oddly for a few seconds. I threw her a smile.

She gently reached to grab her journal. Shaking her head, she angled herself away from me so that I couldn't see the pages.

"What?" I asked.

"I don't know," she said as she jotted something down, then smiled up at me. "It's like you're a different person every time I look at you."

"You do look at me a lot. I must be suffering from an incredible case of multiple personalities."

She placed the journal down in between us and drew her knees to her chest. I didn't like the space the journal occupied. It kept us apart.

"I like you a lot, Jasper."

She did. I would be stupid to think otherwise. "I can't feel you, but I'm aware of basic human tells."

She sighed happily. "You'd be drowning if you could feel me. Fate is kind."

"Fate is what you make it."

"Oh, stop."

I chuckled. "I speak the truth."

She made a face. "You never speak the truth. And fate is what you make it if you're a vampire. Humans are susceptible to death and it's often out of their control. Illness being the worst of them."

I picked at a branch that hung low from the tree behind us. "With your pains and the cell abnormalities, I can't say cancer wasn't on my mind. That's an unfortunate fate."

"It was definitely a possibility. Just wasn't reality."

My jaw stiffened. "And it will never be. Something as dull and finite as humanity won't take you away from me."

She got that look in her eye again. "Who are you?"

"Jasper Whitlock. At your service," I extended my hand. She took it and used it to pull herself closer.

"No. You're someone else. The Jasper I know is bitter, cruel, and mean."

Her openness made me smile. "I'm all of that and more, sweet pea."

She scrunched her nose. "I hate sweet peas."

Noted. "No sweet pea soup for you, got it. I'll inform the chef."

Elise looked up at the sky. "You hit your head on something, didn't you? Does Carlisle practice vampire medicine? Let's get you checked out."

"I'm perfectly fine," I put my arm around her. "The Earth is warm, the trees are beautiful, the girl smells like the sun."

"The boy suffers from acute dementia."

I suffered from something way worse than that. "The world isn't fair, Elise. I intend to take all it gives me and enjoy it until I can't."

She rolled her eyes. "Congratulations on being the cause of climate change."

I pulled her closer and dug my nose into her neck, just below her earlobe. "You talk way too much. Have I told you that?"

"Yes. And I've told you that you wouldn't like me otherwise." Her breathing turned shallow. It was joyous to watch her try to contain herself, but she wasn't the only one suffering. We were in this together.

"Keep talking," I breathed. "It helps."

"Helps you like me?"

"Distracts me. Keeps me from doing things I can't."

She traced my jawline with her finger. "Since when do you let someone tell you what you can't and cannot do?"

Alice. I bit my inner cheek. "Since they told me how important you are to me."

She drew back slightly. "Someone had to tell you that?"

"I didn't believe them."

"You didn't believe them because it wasn't true, or because you didn't want it to be true?"

It was true, damn it. All of it. The girl, the pull, the damnation that came with it. And I needed all of it. It was all of it, or none of it. Her proximity. Tantalizing, as always. I grabbed her chin and my eyes asked for the permission I told myself I needed. I pulled her face into mine. My lips met warmth, but it wasn't the kind I was expecting. It wasn't her lips that I met. She had turned her cheek.

 _What?_ I pulled away and looked at her incredulously. Her eyes were hard, judgmental.

"Doesn't feel great, does it? Now answer my question."

I stood up. "Are you messing with me?"

"You're asking _me_ if I'm messing with you?"

My temper boiled the atmosphere around us. "I'm giving you what you want."

Her temper was worse. "And what is that? Kissing you? Being with you? You're really doing me a favor, aren't you?"

It wasn't like that. She knew that. She wanted this as much as I did. Didn't she?

"Stop trying to use my emotions against me," she bit out. "You touch me, and it's hard to breathe. I'm human, and you use it. You use it all against me."

"Elise," I stopped her firmly. She didn't listen.

"You're done doing this. You will not force me to wear these stupid rose colored glasses. You claim you hate the Cullens for pulling them off as the latest fashion, but you sure know how to match it to every one of my outfits every day. There is no truth to you, is there?"

The anger inside of me bubbled down, and in its place I felt an odd feeling of pride. She was containing her emotions. She was reasoning through them. She wasn't letting them rule her. More importantly, she wasn't letting _me_ rule her.

She narrowed her eyes. Her voice was fierce. "I already gave up my humanity for you. You've succeeded in taking that away from me. But you're getting nothing else. Whatever bullshit magic you're working to get me to obey your every command - stop it. God knows I want you. I'd be blind if I didn't. But I know there's nothing in there," she pointed at my chest. "That I can trust with mine." She placed her hands right above her heart.

Small droplets of rain fell from above. If nature was trying to cool our anger, it was admirable. As I stood there in front of her, I beamed internally. At that moment, I knew without a doubt that she was more than capable. She saw through the haze that her emotions brought upon her. The world would throw anything at her and she would stand up tall. She survived the Jovu. She was surviving me. And she would survive the alliance.

Edward was wrong. My motives were clear as day. I was created to provide the wobbly stepping stones that would lead her to her full potential. The stones might occasionally sink into the water below, but it would teach her to stay afloat. They might be slippery, but they would teach her to stand her ground. Other times, they might be hot beneath her feet under the sun, but it would teach her resilience. Everything would prepare her for the worst.

And she needed to be prepared for the worst.

Throughout it all, I was ready for her to hate me. Learning was hard. Accepting difficult truths were harder.

But I knew she would understand. She had to.

A mate was a mate.

And a mate would always understand.

* * *

**A/N: Happy New Years, my fellow readers! It's going to be a great year. I can feel it.**

**Speaking of feelings, we got a glimpse into Elise's tolerance to Jasper's bullshit. She likes him, too. A lot. But she knows he's the most untrustworthy being on the planet. How could she let herself fall for such a man? We'll get her point of view at some point.**

**Jasper's always delusional. As always. Even the New Year couldn't change that. Doesn't he know that this is _not_ how to lead a relationship? Clearly not. Also, would a mate really always understand? Hmm.**

**Where is he taking her tomorrow? Who does he plan on having her meet?**

**Also is Damon still around? What about Aro? Has he figured it all out yet?**


	27. Limbs

_Previously:_

_Throughout it all, I was ready for her to hate me. Learning was hard. Accepting difficult truths were harder._

_But I knew she would understand. She had to._

_A mate was a mate._

_And a mate would always understand._

* * *

**Jasper**

"She looks cold," Elise said. She stood as far away as she could from the bed.

I had driven her back to the Nevada cabin, much to her surprise. She had kept quiet about Melissa the entire duration of the ride, but I wasn't sure how she would react to the girl that was currently burning on the bed before her. This was something I had wanted her to experience before she was subjected to Carlisle's venom, and I couldn't have thought of a better opportunity.

"She's actually warmer than you'd think," I took her hand and made a move to place it on the girl's forehead. She jerked away from me when I began leading her closer.

"It's okay," I reassured her. "She doesn't know that you're here."

"What's her name?"

"That's irrelevant," And I didn't know it. "It doesn't matter."

She scowled. "Of course it matters."

I shook my head. I thought we were passed this. "Emotions, Elise. Don't let them do this to you."

She blinked quickly, then moved closer on her own accord. I stood back and watched as she tentatively raised her hand and placed it on the girl's cheek. From where I was, I examined her expression. Uncertain, and maybe even scared. And I knew exactly what was going through her mind.

"You will have a name, Elise Adams. That is your difference." If she was actively comparing herself to the girl in front of her, that was a shame.

She turned to look back at me, then back at the girl. Contemplating.

"You will have a bed," I continued. "And a doctor who has gone through this procedure many times. A whole family will look after you throughout the process. I will be there. And finally, you will be done relying on medication. Immortality. Indestructability. Although, you'd do best if you read the fine print on that."

"Stop," she whispered. "We already have a deal. You don't have to sell it to me again."

Elise ran her hand over the girl's forehead, then circled her slowly. "Should she be screaming?"

"Sometimes, they will. Most often towards the end."

"How much pain is she in right now? Can you feel her emotions?" Elise's breathing got faster, and her heartbeat was more prominent. She was thinking way too deeply into this. I only wanted her to see how peaceful it could seem. That it wasn't agony. Not completely. There was nothing to fear.

I took both her hands in mine. "You will be fine. I promise you."

She smiled at me weakly, but it didn't reach her eyes. "Why am I so scared, Jasper?"

I held her hands tighter. "Uncertainty. But you have no reason to be uncertain."

"Because I have you?"

She did have me. "Because you're strong."

Her eyes peeled away from mine and she scooted onto the bed to sit next to the girl. She grabbed her hand and stroked it slowly.

"In a way, you've experienced more pain that she's ever going to experience within the next three days. You've had venom in you for far longer as a human. She'll only have it for three days maximum."

She nodded absently. I had the feeling that she was only pretending to listen.

It was subtle, but I could see tiny twitches on the girl's face. I reached out a hand to pull Elise off of the bed, but the screams erupted unpredictably. Elise jumped back and I used my arm to help keep her balance as she moved further from her side. She used me for support as she watched the girl kicking and shrieking through the burn.

The girl's screams echoed throughout the hall for the next ten minutes. Elise sat in the kitchen, watching me. "Melissa 2.0?"

"This one gets to live."

"I'm sure you weren't the one to decide that. Why are you changing her?"

I wasn't the one changing her. The man that had bitten her knocked down the front door and greeted us. It was impeccable timing.

"Hello, madam," he grinned, then eyed me. He wore a look of surprise when his gaze landed on Elise. "Jasper."

Peter had left briefly when I told him I needed time alone with the girl. But, in reality, I wanted to introduce Elise to the change. If I brought Elise to Nevada, there wasn't a chance that Peter wasn't going to meet her. I had to get this out of the way now.

"This is Peter," I introduced. "An old friend."

The girl continued to sing her shivering tune from the master bedroom. Elise looked down the hallway, then back at Peter.

"Elise," she took his hand to shake it. "Nice to meet you, Jasper's friend. It's hard to believe he has any friends."

"It's hard to believe, indeed. Especially human friends."

His knowing stare searched my eyes. Elise rolled hers. "He doesn't have human friends. They don't last."

"But you certainly have."

"Not for long. And I'm not his friend."

Had we downgraded or upgraded from _friend_? It was always hard to tell.

Peter simply gave her a small smile. His boots thudded on the hardwood floors as he started down the hallway towards the master bedroom.

I pulled out my phone and typed out an empty text message and then held the phone up to show her.

_Don't mention your shield._

He could meet her, I had decided, but knowledge of her shield would be too dangerous.

Elise nodded, then looked out from the window at the greenery that hugged the cabin. I took the seat next to her and followed her gaze. The screaming died down, and Peter lingered in the bedroom.

"How long have you known Jasper for?" Elise asked when Peter returned. He sat across from us and crossed his boots on the table.

"A few years, on and off. He's helped me with more things than you can imagine."

"Like changing that girl in there?"

"Yes," he said curiously. "How long have you made his kind acquaintance?"

"A few weeks. Why are you turning her?"

Oh, her drilling was tedious. "She's to be used in the upcoming arrangements," I interjected. "Her gift will be useful. She's a shield."

Elise's eyes widened slightly. Peter turned to her. "How much do you know about Maria?"

"All I know is that she belongs in a volcano."

Peter laughed. "What did you do to Jasper to get that out of him?"

She smiled mischievously and leaned in towards him. "If you get him really mad, he'll tell you anything."

"Really? Whenever I do that, I lose two fingers. You must be something special."

She examined her forefinger and thumb. "No, you've got it wrong. That's only because mine can't be reattached. Once I'm dead, everything's fair game."

I stopped them. "There will be no detachment of limbs or extensions of any kind. Peter, I'm expected at the compound tomorrow morning. Keep an eye on the girl. I will be back by tomorrow night. I know you wouldn't want to be alone when she wakes. Elise," I threw the keys at her. "Warm up the car. I'll meet you there."

Once she left, Peter uncrossed and crossed his boots, making that distinctive heavy sound. "I was wondering what had gotten you so riled up. A human? Full of surprises, Major Whitlock. Shame, isn't it? This relationship can't go far if she has a heartbeat."

"The relationship is not what you think it is."

"Right. You're the empath, after all. Who am I to tell you what you're feeling? Oh, and Charlotte sends her love."

* * *

"What's this compound you need to be at tomorrow?"

I produced a phone and threw it on the king-sized bed. Elise and I had stopped in Overton, Nevada, which was the furthest South I would go with her. Even so much as the thought of Maria and Elise being in the same state bothered me.

Our car ride had been quiet. I knew she had a lot of questions, and this was the first vampire she'd met outside of the Cullens in months. She hadn't been fazed by Peter's red eyes, which made my soon-to-be diet change that much easier. Throughout our journey further South, she was mute. She knew I had exposed her to a sliver of my life, so she sat there to process through it: tying information together only to break them apart to attach them to different details. Drawing conclusions on the bits and pieces of the puzzle. Peter, the girl, the compound. Maria. Any conclusions she reached, she didn't share them with me. She only questioned.

"My number is on there," I pointed at the device. "Call me if you're bleeding, dying, or at any risk of either of those. Otherwise, it's off privileges. I will be strictly unavailable."

"Bleeding or dying. Got it. So, where are you going again?"

"Arizona. The hotel has a small restaurant, though there may be more appetizing choices further into the town. The phone has GPS. Go wild."

Elise smiled. "Thanks for not locking me in here."

I wasn't Edward. "Would you stay in the room all night if I told you to?"

"No."

Good. "Exactly. I trust that you can survive in a world of humans for a few hours. You've done it with vampires for years."

She saluted. "I'll make you proud, captain."

"And I'll be back tomorrow night."

She looked down. "That's good. You know, her counter expires in around thirty hours."

I paused and smiled. "That is incredibly helpful information." Even Alice couldn't give me an exact time unless the body was surrounded by clocks.

When I made sure that everything was in order, I pointed again at the phone, then made my way towards the door.

"Wait," she stopped me.

I turned to face her.

"You're leaving now?"

"I need to get there by sunrise. Did you need anything?"

She indecisively looked around the room. She patted her pocket with the wallet and credit card she had, and then her eyes lingered on the phone. "I guess I don't. Have a safe trip."

I rushed up in front of her and landed a kiss on her temple. "Enjoy your meal. And sleep well."

I was gone before she could say anything more.

* * *

I thought about her hair. The flickers of light brown streaked towards the ends. The sun marking her, and her body responding. Any imperfections on her skin ceased to exist when the sun dripped its liquid light onto her. She belonged with it.

I took a step back as a fist flew straight to my face. I grabbed the fist and pulled my opponent over my head, slamming him onto the dirt below. Particles of debris shot up and clouded the area around us. I held his throat firmly in my grip and positioned myself so that the spectators could see.

"Once you have this upper advantage, never let go of their necks. From here, which I will not demonstrate, you can move to remove one arm at a time in order to disarm them, or you may choose to decapitate them entirely. The latter takes less time, so keep that in mind if you're in a timely situation."

I let the man stand up. I pointed at two recruits and they took our place in the dirt. The sparring had been going on for a few hours, and I intervened now and then to point out errors in judgement and suggest next steps.

The compound was just a gathering of cloth tents in a vast amount of space. If there was anything that was in abundance in the South, it was land. The tents were temporary, as structures would be built to better house recruits and the delegates that made their stay. A majority of the space was left empty for the purposes of training. For my purpose here.

Maria stepped out from one of the temporary tents and stood next to me. We watched the two recruits in the middle practice.

"You smell of human. Are you drinking from them again?" She implored.

"Occasionally," I said. The scent that tickled her nose was Elise's. I silently cursed myself for not choosing to shower before making my journey down.

"Not enough. Unless your eyes match mine, it will never be enough. You need your strength, especially in the upcoming months."

The bigger recruit toppled over his partner and held him by his neck. The crowd cheered, then another pair took their place.

"A group of thirty more will be invited in next week," she continued. "I need this particular batch to take some final territories. We're close, Major Whitlock." My dead heart leaped in sudden anxiety at her next words. "How's the shield?"

But she was referencing the girl who was already on her third day of transformation. "She is almost done. We will stabilize her for the next few days before bringing her here."

Her lips twitched with a hidden smirk. Mine twitched in irritation. She walked away, and for that I was glad. After internally damning her for decades, being around her compound of control felt hypocritical. But we were all hypocrites, and that somehow made it okay. We all said things that we didn't mean and did things we said we would never do. It was the nature of humanity I thought I would leave behind.

The major evidence of my hypocrisy was a couple hundred miles away. I wondered what she had been up to. What had she picked for her dinner last night? Had she gotten dessert? Chocolate wouldn't taste as good in a few months. What did she think about when I left her alone with her thoughts? Did she pick herself apart and revel in her own hypocrisies? Did she think about me?

I dodged a detached arm that came barreling towards me. The recruits turned towards me and waited for my reaction. I grabbed the limb and threw it back at the one that was on the ground. It was a female recruit, and her male opponent had effectively disarmed her.

Her frustration hit me quickly. She looked at me with a _well, what did you expect?_ expression and put a hand over her shoulder. I crouched down to her level.

"He may be bigger than you, but that just means he lacks in areas that you gain in," I watched the venom drip down from her shoulder, aching to be reattached to its counterpart. I read the pain on her face. "Even if he has your arm, you will always be faster. Use that as your advantage, because he will always use his strength against you."

I motioned for them to continue and left a delegate member to watch over them. "In an hour or two, disband for them to hunt. Most will have lost a lot of venom. Have them heal. Resume at dusk."

My time today was done.

* * *

When I reached the Northern border of Arizona, I whipped out my phone and dialed the phone I'd given Elise. She picked up on the third ring.

"Jasper," I could hear the smile in her voice.

"I'm on my way back," I informed her.

"Great, will you be coming here or going to the cabin? You only have, give or take, four hours."

And I needed to be with Peter in four hours when the girl woke up as a destructive newborn. The frustration was clear in my voice. "The cabin, but I want to see you."

She cleared her throat. "Why? I'm not going anywhere. Handle the stuff with Peter. You know where I'm at. I'll probably be sleeping, but I'm sure you wouldn't mind."

I started running. "You're right. It's the only time we get any peace and quiet around here."

She chuckled. "I missed you. Handle it quickly."

"I will. Will you stay on the line?"

"Why?"

Branches and leaves brushed by as I slowed my pace. "I've just had a really long day."

"Tell me all about it."

"I'm training a lot of people."

"For this war?"

"Yes."

"Fighting for the confederacy and then vampire territories and all, I expected nothing less."

I switched the phone in my hands. "It's a taxing position to be in. But if I can train them well enough to get through this, the end will be promising."

"But," she said. "You don't like who you're working with. Maria's involved, isn't she? Why else would Peter mention her?"

"Yes," I said gravely. She was sharing the dots she had been connecting. "But, again, the goal is what I need to be focusing on. Not the pesky details."

"You sound like you're on Maria's side. I thought you were picking yours."

"It's not Maria. It's a group of delegates that include her that are leading this cause. And, I _am_ picking my side. I pick the side that ensures my longevity. And by association, yours."

"Mine?"

"There's a war coming, and I can't let you die that quickly, Elise. We have such a brilliant rapport."

"Why do you care about protecting my livelihood?"

"Because I care. Is that not good enough of a reason?"

She fell silent for a while. "So, you're on this side. With Peter and Maria."

"For the moment, it appears so."

"What about your opponents? Have you evaluated what they could offer you?"

"Not yet."

"Then maybe you shouldn't be so quick to judge. Maybe your future is brighter if you're aligned with them, instead."

If the Volturi were to begin slaughtering the alliance, it would be a shame to waste the opportune moment to get out. There was a reason why training was a safe inlet into this cause. I didn't have to fight their battles; I just needed to be on the sidelines ensuring that their pawns moved in the right speed and in the right direction. My face didn't have to be associated with either side, which gave flexibility in the direst of situations. Escaping should always be made easy.

Elise's suggestions weren't ones I hadn't thought of already. But it showed her promise, and that alone gave me strength. "I appreciate your insight. I also appreciate your voice, your thoughts, and your feelings."

"My, my," she tsked. "Is this how you get girls into bed?"

I almost tripped on a protruding tree root. "No. There are much easier ways."

"Are there? Is sex even possible with a human and vampire? Bella and Edward—"

"Edward wouldn't touch Bella for the same concern you have."

"So, it isn't possible."

I was eternally grateful to have this conversation over the phone and not in person. "It is possible. But risky. Some break bones, some puncture lungs, and some, unfortunately, lose a lot of blood. But, most come out with a few long-term bruises, and they're fine."

"Hm."

I smirked into the phone. "Why? Are you interested?"

"I know I may seem to like pain because I choose you as my company but, with delicate matters such as this, I'm not accustomed to such masochism."

In other words, she was curious, yet unsure. Her questioning of the sheer possibility of sex between a vampire and a human indicated to me that the Jovu weren't as cruel as I had predicted. And the fact that she referred to sex as a _delicate matter_ proved to me that she hadn't had much experience in the area. Maybe she had been caught in an adolescent relationship in the first few years of high school, which was in itself disappointing. Or maybe she was blind to all of this.

I wanted to find out all of it, and the venom in me was definitely not making it easier. In the animal world, mating was a physical act. Vampires didn't need to create any sort of offspring, but we did inherit the primal call it erupted in our hypothalamus. Unfortunately, our heart stopped beating but our brain was stronger than ever.

I increased my speed and distracted myself with the darkening sky. However primal and necessary the feelings were, they were barriers that clouded judgement. Elise was fragile, and the things I would very much like to do to her would overextend her physical capabilities. I already pushed her too far emotionally. Physically, I had no right. And this topic needed to be closed. Now.

"Sleep well, Elise. I will see you soon."

Being mated to a human was a bitch.

* * *

**A/N: It's a bitch indeed. Jasper's clearly drawing his own lines here, which is refreshing to see.**

**Hope 2020 is holding up well for most of you, even though the world is quite literally on fire.**


	28. Blood Bags

_Previously:_

_I increased my speed and distracted myself with the darkening sky. However primal and necessary the feelings were, they were barriers that clouded judgement. Elise was fragile, and the things I would very much like to do to her would overextend her physical capabilities. I already pushed her too far emotionally. Physically, I had no right. And this topic needed to be closed. Now._

" _Sleep well, Elise. I will see you soon."_

_Being mated to a human was a bitch._

* * *

**Jasper**

Peter tiptoed around the topic of Elise but never quite hit the nail on the head. His long silences and expectant pauses were irritating, but his nosiness was expected.

I indeed never had human friends. And when Peter walked in to see a living, breathing creature within my radius with no possibility of her being a meal, he had a lot of questions.

The girl's eyes fluttered open a few minutes after midnight, just as Elise had approximated. I felt her confusion the moment I saw her human blood swirl mesmerizingly in her eyes. We didn't have long to marvel at the phenomena. Peter held her down as I tore off both of her arms. She wouldn't be needing those. Dealing with her initial frenzy would be endlessly easier if she had a minimal chance of decapitating either one of us.

Her hunger was fierce, especially after the agony of ripping her limbs from her shoulders. Peter produced two blood bags and stuck them to her mouth. I held my breath as she hungrily devoured them. Her hunger was contagious.

"More," she demanded.

The rest of the blood bags were in the cooler in the kitchen, which she could easily smell. She struggled on the bed to inch closer to the edge, but Peter sat on her legs.

"What's happening to me?" she squirmed. The realization that we had ripped off her arms and that she was still able to maintain consciousness shocked her. Her shoulders moved erratically. If she could claw at the burn in her throat, she would be.

"You're dead, honey. Congratulations," Peter drawled. He reached out to the bedside table where her arms lay and shook one of her hands. "I'm Peter, and this is Jasper."

Her screams were piercing as she tried to comprehend her reality. I felt her horror. I felt everything.

"Shh, shh," Peter soothed her. "You're fine. You're just a little hungry. But if we don't teach you food etiquette now, you'll end up slaughtering most of Southern Nevada."

She shook her head. "I want more of that juice."

"Not juice. Blood."

That earned us more screams. I sighed heavily. "You're a vampire, girl. A new one. We call you newborns. You have too much strength to be left alone, so we will be monitoring you for the next week."

Peter looked at me, and I nodded. I proceeded to test my hypothesis regarding the variation of her shield. Grabbing her left arm from the bedside, I quickly proved it. Her shield only worked through physical contact. But that meant any contact. Even a severed limb.

The girl lay helplessly, staring at us. She couldn't do much without both of her arms.

Peter placed the arms on the kitchen counter. He propped open the white Styrofoam cooler to reveal at least a dozen blood bags.

"Maybe you should have some, too," he suggested.

I planned on making the change to my diet once the Cullens were involved with the alliance. That way, they had no reason to condemn me. It was an easy justification: I needed my strength to protect them.

"Maybe later," I dismissed him. "You'll be good on your own for the rest of the night?"

"Not my first rodeo and certainly not my last. Headed to meet Elise?"

It was the first time he had uttered her name since he had met her.

"Yes," I said simply. "Don't give her any more blood until dawn."

"I won't," he stopped me before I could pick up the door on the ground. The door that we failed to properly fix every time. "You usually don't keep them around for this long. And you most certainly don't tell them about Maria."

I ran a hand through my hair. "She isn't a meal."

"Then, what is she?"

The most dangerous creature that would roam this planet in a few months. Probably the sole human survivor of the Jovu. Someone who meant way too much to me for my own good. So much so that my venom was prepared to end me over it.

The thought of that jolted panic. I was silent for way too long, and Peter most definitely didn't miss that.

"Leverage," he said, and it locked my eyes to his. He threw the same word back at me. I had used it in reference to the most important being in his life. "Be careful."

I threw him a curt nod in acknowledgement. His curiosity peaked, and I could almost read the assumptions he was making.

But Elise was waiting, and I grew hungrier for her presence by the second. My buddy could draw all of the conclusions and explore all of the realities if he wanted. I owed him no explanation. Impatiently, I vacated the cabin.

And the door remained off its hinges, and on the floor.

* * *

It was inching closer to 3 in the morning when I quietly inserted my key card and pushed the door open to the hotel room. I was greeted with darkness and an unconscious Elise.

The moonlight spilled onto the sheets, blanketing her in a white luminous glow. Her mouth was parted, and I watched as her chest rose and fell with every slow breath.

I hoped she looked and felt this peaceful during her change, but I knew it was too much to hope for. I shook my head. She would go through the burn like the rest of us. Nothing could pacify it, and I shouldn't get wrapped up in useless thoughts and what-ifs.

She stirred slightly, and her eyes flew open.

"You scared me," She whispered, and scooted up on the bed to a partially sitting position.

"Expecting someone else?" I teased.

She pulled the fluffy white comforter up to her chin. "I could sense being watched."

I sat at the foot of the bed, placing my hand on where her ankle would be if not for the covers. I squeezed gently. "Your instincts are important. Listen to them."

She suppressed a yawn. "How was training? How's the girl?"

"Systematic, dull, time consuming."

She snickered. "The training or the girl?"

"Both. She's fine. Peter has her."

"Isn't she supposed to be extremely strong? Why did you leave him alone with her?"

I wanted to see you. "We ripped her arms off. She can't quite utilize her strength."

In the dark, her eyes widened as large as the only light source bathing her in white. "You did what?"

"Precautions, sweet Elise. We couldn't risk her overpowering us."

She had no rebuttal to that. Anything that clashed with her morals, she kept to herself. Maybe she was tired?

 _Maybe?_ It wasn't even dawn. She was probably exhausted.

"When did you get to bed?" I crawled up on the other side of her and rested my back against the headboard.

"A bit after midnight," she mumbled. Her eyes closed. "I thought you'd be here by then."

"I'm here now."

She hesitated for a little bit. "Jasper, I'm in a little bit of pain."

Of course. How could I have been so ignorant? As if on cue, my phone vibrated. I dimmed the screen and swiped a glance. Emmett.

_Carlisle wants to know when you both are coming back. He said she's missing her morphine injections._

"I'll take you back to Carlisle tomorrow," I quickly began to respond to Emmett. A hand came up and rested on both of my hands to stop me.

"No, don't end this trip early because of me," she said. "It's really not awful. In fact," She smiled slightly. "It kind of reminds me that I'm human."

She needed reminders? The ticking clock in her chest wasn't enough? Because that was all I thought about.

I flipped to my side to face her and reached over to stroke her forehead. "If my gift worked on you, I would help you sleep through the pain. You don't deserve this."

"I know. In a few months, it'll all be over."

I looked passed her, and out the window. "Exactly."

She whacked my hand away and flipped towards me, mimicking my stature. "So. Finally got me in your bed, huh?"

This again. "It's not my bed. And you seem tired. Are you tired?"

She peered at me with feigned concern. "You seem flustered. Are you flustered?"

"All the time."

"Jasper!"

"What?"

She grinned. "You're flustered."

"And you're a hypocrite."

"Oh?" She batted her eyelashes slowly. Her exhaustion wasn't lost on me. Delirium often always followed exhaustion. It was another trend I had seen in the over-worked new generation of humans.

"You tell me that you don't want me meddling in your physical bubble, yet you speak like that's all you want me to do."

She raised an eyebrow, then scooted closer until her head rested against my chest. "You're a hypocrite, I'm a hypocrite. It's unavoidable. Anyone who claims otherwise is just plain dishonest."

I couldn't have agreed more.

"This is kind of nice," She said, pressing her head closer to me. "You have no heartbeat."

"That's desirable to you?"

"The beating drives me crazy, especially my own. Particularly if I'm trying to sleep."

I chuckled softly. "You're going to love being dead."

"I know. That's what this crazy vampire keeps saying. It makes no sense at all. I think he's obsessed with me."

Obsession was unhealthy. Then again, there was nothing healthy about this arrangement.

"And," she continued. "If you don't mind, please find other ways to subdue me besides ripping my arms off. Please."

That could be arranged. I could think of a few other ways.

My phone buzzed again. Emmett, again.

I grinned as I read his text. "You better get some rest. You're going skiing tomorrow."

* * *

Emmett arrived at our doorstep a few hours after dawn. He was fully equipped with ski gear and a few shots of morphine.

"I brought multiple," he held up the syringes. "Skiing is a demanding sport. At least for humans."

Elise was ecstatic to put it mildly. The adrenaline junkies took the jeep and started their journey to Tahoe City, California. Emmett had wanted to take Elise to do some sort of winter sporting activity and, when he found out we were in Nevada, he deemed was the opportune moment to do so. Elise had her shots, an immortal companion, and another chance to cross off something from her human list. I appreciated Emmett tremendously for taking the lead in her human experiences. It was something I didn't have the patience for.

I handled the appropriate check-out procedures with the hotel and trudged back up to the cabin. My weekend wasn't going to be filled with fluffy white snow and hot cocoa. We had a newborn on our hands.

Peter and I spent the next week breaking in the girl. It was unfortunate that her venom had wiped out her name. She couldn't remember it. We decided to call her Rebecca.

Her hunger got worse as we deliberately starved her, but she would hit a turning point soon enough. The bloodlust was heavy and demoralizing for the first few days as a vampire. If you let them drink whole towns away, they would never get it under control.

After about the fifth day, she drank calmly from the blood bags. The sixth day, we brought her a human.

Her interest piqued immediately as we dragged in an old man Peter had found on the streets. Venom oozed gently down the side of Rebecca's chin. This was what she had been waiting for. Her arms were still detached, so we held the man and slowly dragged him forward. He tried to fight hard against our grip. His words were pleading, even though he clearly had no sense of what was about to happen to him.

When Rebecca was in reach, she didn't hesitate to dig straight into his jugular. It was a fountain of blood, and all I could think about was how much bleach I had to buy to scrub the floors. Newborns didn't know how to properly position their mouths. Their teeth gripped too hard and they couldn't balance the rate of flow of blood to the beat of their inhalation.

"Practice," I muttered, and hoisted the man up further so that her teeth would sink in more evenly.

Fully drained, we let go of the man. He slumped to the bottom of the bed.

"Good," Peter spoke decidedly. "Perhaps you deserve your arms, after all."

* * *

We delivered Rebecca to the Arizona compound. I gave Maria a quick report of my findings with her shield. She ultimately wasn't pleased that Rebecca required touch to activate her shield against her opponent, but the fact that even severed parts of her enacted her gift was a promise.

She intended on ripping her apart and spreading her across the groups to shield them individually. And she would do it without batting an eye.

It wasn't my problem. Hell, it sounded like the smartest move to make in this game. The smartest move if you didn't add Elise into the equation. And that was an equation I kept her far away from.

"So, you've accepted it?" Alice asked. We met up in Oregon where she assumed her second temporary residency. She hadn't liked how the cold impacted the wildlife in Alaska. She claimed it made the animals too reclusive.

"Accepted that I have a mate?"

She smiled. "I see you have."

"You're celebrating, but this is a funeral."

That didn't falter her spirits. "I want to see you transform into the man I know that is inside you somewhere, Jasper. The one that has purpose. One who protects, cares, and fights for his rights."

Empty words. Empty conversations. I had a purpose, and I already fought for my rights. The alliance, if successful, would guarantee a place for me in the new world. If not, I would remain in hiding. Away and out of reach of the Volturi. Non-existent.

"I want to see that you value something other than yourself. I understand that the Cullens are more of a background noise to your daily life."

"They have value."

She quickly shut me down. "That doesn't mean you value them."

Why was this so important? What I thought or felt would not impact the world today. It wouldn't prevent the sun from rising or a battle from commencing. I was just another decaying leaf in this orchard of rotten apples. The color of my roots wouldn't make the apples more or less rotten. They would still end up falling, and others would grow in their place.

Value was relative. Gold had value. It was a form of investment and currency. Humans valued their money. They also saw value in time. It was ticking, constantly winding down. They measured everything by it. A sense of belonging came close behind – a family. They valued the people around them that brought them happiness, peace, and joy. They put value to materialistic things along with experiences they could never partake in again.

Value to the world we knew it revolved around scarcity. The most valuable things were the ones you would eventually lose.

But what was scarce for a vampire?

Nothing.

Which was why the concept of value didn't apply to us. But Alice humanized the world she touched. She wanted an answer.

"I value Elise. Is that what you want to hear?"

She frowned, plucking a leaf from a tree and holding it out to the sun.

"No, Jasper," She said. "I don't think you do."

* * *

**A/N: Call him out, Alice. Do it. DO IT. So, we have a shield. She's been packaged and delivered to the alliance. We have Elise jumping from mountain tops to get her last human wishes out of the way. We also have our beloved, stubborn Jasper. Everything seems in order.**

**I've been working on the later chapters, so apologies for the delay. I just really know you'll like Elise's perspective.**


	29. Falls

_Previously:_

_Which was why the concept of value didn't apply to us. But Alice humanized the world she touched. She wanted an answer._

" _I value Elise. Is that what you want to hear?"_

_She frowned, plucking a leaf from a tree and holding it out to the sun._

" _No, Jasper," She said. "I don't think you do."_

* * *

**Jasper**

The next few months accelerated by quickly. Elise and Emmett spent a good amount of time going off and doing various activities. Go-Karting, ice-skating, horse-riding. They made sure to check off most things that elicited thrill.

Meanwhile, I traveled back and forth between Arizona and Idaho, monitoring training schedules and delivering worthy recruits to the delegates. Maria took Texas. We had a majority in the South. Elise being away with Emmett gave me more time to tend to my needs. In Idaho, I kept with the Cullens and limited my time with Edward. We barely saw each other anymore. Any excuse I could pull to vacate his radius, I used it.

Besides the details, Elise and I spent majority of our time together. I found her in my room more than often, curled up in an armchair, writing away in her journal. She took the change seriously and seemed determined to remember everything. The other day, she had requested newspaper clippings to rip apart and stick onto her pages. She wanted to write down exactly what she was feeling about the current state of the world.

Today, I found her in that exact same spot. My hands clutched a labeled box, and I set it in front of her on the small coffee table. Her eyes lit up and quickly grabbed it.

"Yes!" She grinned, and opened the box to reveal small, aluminum-wrapped chocolates. "I love the hazelnut kind." She plopped one in her mouth, then proceeded to tape its wrapper onto the pages. She scribbled down a note next to it.

I watched her excitement and how it impacted the color of her cheeks. I turned my head away quickly. I was doing it again. I was holding onto these human traits of hers that were going to be non-existent.

Was this scarcity? If so, I hated it. Why did this creature subject me to loss? What right did she have?

"Jasper?"

I looked back at her. None of it was her fault.

"Will you take a seat? You're making me nervous."

I slowly sat in the chair next to her. I was with her in presence, but my mind chugged away at Alice's words. She didn't think I valued this woman.

 _She has value because of her shield. But that doesn't mean you value her_. _If you did, you would be keeping her far away from the alliance._ That was the last thing she had said to me before demanding that I leave.

I did keep Elise far from compound efforts. The closest thing I did was introduce her to a changing newborn that would be used for battle, which was entirely for her benefit. Meeting Peter was going to happen at some point, and we got it out of the way. I didn't see the problem.

I ran a hand along my jaw. Why was I justifying her value to me? After Elise turned, she would be an undying constant in my life. Her scarcity would vanish. Value had no meaning. Alice was instilling these human traits in me that I wanted nothing to do with.

All I knew was that my involvement with the alliance wasn't set in stone. I was still very much in the sidelines. But if the situation required it, I would fight, and she would be there with me. That was the consequence of having a mate. We would do this together, or not at all.

"What are you writing?" I asked.

She smiled slightly, then closed the book. "Just how goofy Emmett looked riding a horse. There's a line between riding and eating a horse, but he seemed very confused."

The months had passed with no real incident. I hadn't introduced her to new dead bodies, any victims in mind, or any vampiric-related training. Instead, she was getting comfortable with the human activities and unnecessary realities.

But the smile she wore when she talked about them almost made it okay to be in an emotional haze.

"Vampires can't get motion sickness, right?" She asked.

"No," I shook my head. "Your inner-ears are what control your balance. When the mechanism in there combined with your sight and touch send conflicting information from your surroundings, that's motion sickness. Vampires have a synced sense of motion. It is impossible to be motion sick."

"It's also why Emmett's better at me at everything," she chuckled. "I'm most excited for running. You can just run, run, run for hours. You like it, too. How would you describe it?"

I hung my head and gave her a smile. "Exhilarating. Freeing. Have you ever jumped off a tumbling waterfall? That's what it feels like."

Her lips parted. "No, I haven't."

The look of hunger in her expression almost made me want to throw her off one to fulfill the desire. I supposed it wouldn't hurt.

* * *

An hour later, I set Elise down on a rock facing the grandiose tower of water that cascaded down elegantly from a cliff edge. It was an hour North of the Cullen residence, and to my knowledge, no humans had been around the area for weeks. This gave us the utmost privacy.

I put down a bag of extra clothing and towels and turned to her. "This is your chance."

"We're jumping down _that?_ " She pointed at nature's persistent water experiment.

"Thirty feet. You'll be begging to do hundreds after you realize it won't kill you anymore. So, do it while it can."

She stood up, determined. "You won't let me die."

"Won't I?"

She threw me a look, then eyed the towels. "It's going to be freezing, isn't it?"

"Another experience you'll miss. We're hitting two birds with one stone. Tell me I'm not better at this than Emmett."

She scowled at my wolfish grin, then unrolled the towel out on the rock. "Maybe this incredibly shy sun will warm it up for me. I wish I had a bathing suit."

"No time," I grabbed her shoulders and turned her around to face her beast. "Go get 'em."

"You're not coming?"

"I'll be right here." I tapped the rock.

She gave me one big nod. She pulled off her shoes and her socks, then tiptoed over to the boulders that climbed up to the top. I watched her footing, hoping that she also did. If she fell, I would catch her. But she didn't need to know that.

She climbed slowly but steadily. She paused occasionally, shaking her hands to relax them from their tight grip. The climb wasn't steep, but it was messy.

It took fifteen minutes for her to take the last step to reach the top. I watched as she examined the route she took to get where she was. She put her hands on her hips and glowed. Not for me. Not for anyone. But for herself. She was proud of her accomplishments, and it made me want her all the more. She hadn't asked for me to run her up there. She accepted my offer of bringing her here, but she led herself the rest of the way. Her self-leadership was enticing.

I took out the clothes she had brought with her for after the fact. The jeans she had on wouldn't dry quickly, so she did best to bring some sweatpants and a simple long-sleeved shirt. I, too, shared the same wish she uttered. Why wasn't she in a bathing suit? She would look marvelous on top of the beast she was conquering.

But my thoughts dissipated quickly. One moment, I could see Elise's feet firmly planted on the rocks on top of the waterfall, and in the next, she was a flash of skin and hair as she threw herself into the depths of the lagoon. The splash was loud enough to push birds out of their resting tree branches. It was a beautiful sight.

I waited for a few seconds, but there was no sign of her except for the foam she left behind on the surface. My eyes watched the waves she created, but she was nowhere to be seen. A jolt ran through me. Her absence tugged at the strings. Without thinking, I jumped into the water.

My mind raced. The drop wasn't severe. There weren't rocks on the bottom. The sand would be the only thing that she could've touched. There were no sea creatures that could've grabbed her. _So, where…_

Suddenly, Elise's head popped out of the water, her lungs gasping for air. Her hands came up to wipe the water from her eyes. She unexpectedly burst open with laughter.

My eyes narrowed, which made her laugh harder.

"Oh, I had you," She said in between her gasps of joy. "You really jumped in after me." She splashed me with a little bit of water. "My savior."

She focused in on the look at my face. Annoyance and incredulity. We treaded the water in silence.

"Oh, come on," She tapped my shoulder. "Would your world really end if I died?"

"Probably," I sighed.

She stopped treading, sunk a little in the water, then realized she needed to move her feet to stay afloat. "Really?"

I turned back to swim back to the rock. She followed close behind.

"I'm sorry," She said when we reached the towels. She grabbed the one on the rock and wrapped herself in it. Her clothes were soaked, and she needed to change. "I shouldn't have worried you."

I waved a hand dismissively and handed her the clothes. "Change before you start freezing."

Uncomfortable silence blanketed the cool afternoon. I turned around to give her privacy. When she was done, she wrapped the towel around her head to soak in the water from her hair. She sat on the rock.

"What ties you to me, Jasper? What aren't you telling me?"

I watched her, water dripping down my shirt. I kicked off my soaked boots and sat on another towel. "Alice was right. I don't know why I ever doubt the psychic."

"What was she right about?"

I held out the palm of the hand that I had cracked open to let her taste a little bit of my venom. "Remember when I did that?" I motioned a fingernail over my palm. "Remember the sweet cream?"

She looked away, eyeing the journal that stuck out of the bag by her feet.

" _That_ is what she was right about."

Her eyebrows nestled together. "Alice told you we were mates? But that doesn't make any sense. I'm still human."

I ran a hand up to slick my hair back. "That's what I keep telling her. You have no venom to motivate you. But mine," I paused to tear my eyes away from hers. "It's more than motivating."

She pulled her knees to her chest, shivering slightly as the wind blew. She was silent. For too long.

I quickly grabbed her journal and pen from the bag and held it out to her. "Write it out. Please. Anything and everything that you're feeling. It will be important."

She snorted. "You out of all people want me to write about my feelings?"

I pressed the items forward. She reluctantly accepted.

What was she feeling? Fuck if I knew. I would take down a million trees to find out. Was she not happy with us sharing a mating bond after her change? Was she scared? How uncertain did this make her? Uncertain enough to refuse the transformation?

No. That wasn't an option. I peered at her from my place on the ground.

She slammed the pen down on the journal and closed it without marking its pages. "I don't know who you are," she bit out. "You do all these things and you say all this crap that makes no sense. And then you come out and tell me you're my mate."

"Alice said it, not me."

"Of course. Because you want nothing to do with me." Her tone was sarcastic. She knew we spent too much time together. She knew how close we had gotten. She was lashing out for no reason.

I stood up and leaned on the rock, right beside her. Our shoulders were inches apart. "You are incredible, Elise. Over the past few months, you've taken everything that I've thrown at you and made something out of it. You've packetized my lessons and stuck them somewhere in your brain, and it's going to make you a better vampire. All I've done is ensure your prosperity."

She played with the bindings of the journal. Anything I said wasn't important to her at that moment. "Are you going to be fighting in this war?"

The question was enough to force me to break eye contact. If I did, she would join me. Was that the reason Alice thought I didn't value her? Because I would subject her to battle? She could handle it. She had so much promise. That wasn't a lack of value. That was pride in her abilities.

I had to get this value talk out of my brain. Why did it bother me this much?

"There is a possibility. But it's uncertain," I told her.

"What about me?"

I pursed my lips and repeated. "It's uncertain."

I searched her eyes for any indication that she wanted to take a step back from it all. That she didn't want to die. I found none of it. But she looked at me with such precariousness that I wanted to reach out and make sure she wouldn't fall off the rock. "I don't know what to believe."

I tapped on the journal. "Write it down. Everything that's going through your head."

She shook her head slowly. "I don't even know what to write. What to feel. How to react. You're cold one day, and hot the next day. The soup I'm drinking keeps chilling my bones, then scorching my tongue. It's all so confusing."

I again emphasized the pen and bound paper. That kind of thinking was something she could definitely write down. Her newborn senses would be strong, and her persona would take time to settle down inside her dead vessel. The journal was my plan of taking her back down memory lane. To remind her how she thought and how she processed the stimuli around her.

Her hand hovered over the lines for a few seconds only to put the pen back down. This wasn't working. I grabbed her instruments and set it down. I took her hands instead.

"Don't force it," I said. "Just look at me. I've taken you through all of my baggage. You've seen the girls, heard their screams, you've slept in the cabins. Psychologically, you've transformed in more ways than you even know. You're stronger because you didn't run the other way. Because you stuck through it."

A small smile crept on her lips. "I should've ran the other way."

"But you didn't," I took a deep breath. "I've brushed Alice off for so long, but I'm seeing that it's useless. The evidence of the bond is blatantly obvious."

This was it. This was vulnerability. And I wasn't a fan. But I swallowed down the panic and reached up to run a thumb over her cheek. Her eyes were a soft brown, and some of her hair poked out from the towel. I gently pulled on the fabric to loosen it and free her wet strands. The towel fell on the dirt, right by the rock.

"Let me do this," I whispered. Her eyes darted to mine quickly.

I smiled when I could hear her heart beat faster. "Don't turn your head this time."

"What?"

I pressed my lips against hers. It was simple, soft, and lingering. The kiss dimmed the anxiety and the entire world. She didn't refuse me. She didn't fight. She kissed back, and that was all I needed. The water splashed into the lagoon, the wind sang with the trees, but we could've been in a basement for all I cared. My venom soared through me. It didn't push me the extra mile to twist her face and sink my teeth into her neck. It let me have this.

She was the first to pull away. Her hand tucked a piece of her hair back behind her ear. She grinned, almost embarrassed. How long had it been since she had been kissed?

Her hand played with mine, and her voice was a sweet melody. "Well, thank you for giving me something to write about."

* * *

**A/N:** **My two cents on this chapter? It's too calm. Too. Calm.**

**That should be ringing red alarms in your head.**

**And on your two cents: Jasper's having trouble with the concept of value. What do you think of his dilemma? Is Alice right? Is he acting only on behalf of himself? Does he care for her enough to put his own life on the line? His idea of mating also seems flawed. But, we'll get to that.**


	30. Higher Powers

_Previously:_

_I pressed my lips onto hers. It was simple, and lingering. The kiss dimmed the anxiety and the entire world. She didn't refuse me or fight. She kissed back, and that was all I needed. The water splashed into the lagoon, the wind sang with the trees, but we could've been in a basement for all I cared. My venom soared through me. It didn't push me the extra mile to twist her face and sink my teeth into her neck. It let me have this._

_She was the first to pull away. Her hand tucked a piece of her hair back behind her ear. She grinned, almost embarrassed. How long had it been since she had been kissed?_

_Her hand played with mine. "Well, thank you for giving me something to write about."_

* * *

**Jasper**

Jubilant.

It was a good descriptor for the world I viewed for the next few hours. Minimal words were exchanged between us. She wrote and I watched her facial muscles morph into the reflections of her emotions. She lay on her stomach and I faced her on my side on the cool grass. As the time ticked by and the Earth prepared for its nocturnal sequence by dimming the lights, Elise's expression transformed into a more strained focus. She was trying to reflect as much light onto her paper as possible, meanwhile fighting her droopy eyes to stay open.

She put her pen down and scooted closer to me. Her instinct told her this would give her warmth, but I was the one that was thermally impotent. I stole the heat from her, but she didn't mind. Her eyes finally gave up the silent battle and she fell into a deep sleep. The journal slipped from her fingers and landed on the soft grass. I eyed it carefully.

Taking a peek would do what my gift couldn't. The thought was inviting, but I stopped my hand from reaching out. If she wanted to tell me her feelings, she would do so on her own accord. Reading her private thoughts and exposing them without permission felt wrong. Edward could learn a lesson or two.

Elise's head rested against my chest. We lay on the towel beneath the starry, moonlit light. Her soft breathing accompanied the slow rustle of leaves of the trees around us. The waterfall gushed fully and proudly at the successful day.

As the night grew colder, I wrapped her in the towel and ran her back to the Cullen residence. I tucked her into her bed and left her journal safely on her desk. As I was shutting the door, Rosalie met me in the hallway.

"It's nice to see you like this."

I arched an eyebrow.

"Content. Attentive. The clouds from your eyes have faded." I fought the scoff that climbed up my throat. The detail she observed regarding the lack of clouds was the absence of a red stain in the gold. I hadn't had a human in weeks. Peter would give me hell. And so would Maria.

"I'll take that as a compliment."

She smiled and gestured for us to head downstairs. I followed her into our dimly lit living room.

"As much as I hate that she steals my husband away, Elise has done a fair job fitting in."

"I agree."

She waited a few minutes for a response, then broke the silence. "Come on, Jasper."

Why did everyone and their mother want to talk to me about Elise? I gave her an impatient look.

A smile played on her lips. "Emmett tells me she likes you. You think they don't talk during their adventures?"

"I like her, too."

She crossed her arms. "Fine. I'm just trying to instigate a conversation about your feelings. Keeping them bottled up is just no good."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm an empath. I think I got this."

I most certainly didn't.

She tucked her legs underneath her. "The way she looks at you, and the way you look at her. You have silent conversations during every family event. You anticipate her needs, she anticipates yours. When you're too quiet, she includes you. She's what you needed for the past one-hundred or so years to nudge you back to life. I hope you've noticed."

 _Nudge me back to life?_ Sentence me to death, she probably meant. "The attraction is there," I said. "The venom sings."

"And it will sing. _Forever_ ," She emphasized.

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Are you congratulating me or damning me to hell? I really can't tell."

She pulled a pillow onto her lap. "Jasper Whitlock, you're the most emotionally unavailable creature I have ever met. If she can elicit these feelings in you, she's earned a congratulations from me. On the other end, I pity her. She'll be stuck with this gray wall for the rest of her life."

I cracked a smile. "Your dramatism is why Emmett stays with you, isn't it?"

"No," she persisted. "He stays with me because he is my mate. Just as Elise is yours."

My hands rubbed my face. I felt like a human who hadn't slept in three days. "Have you been talking to Alice?"

"No. Should I be?"

The vulnerability I felt with Elise at the falls came crashing down on me. It was fine if Elise was aware of the mating bond. I could probably deal with that. But the rest of the world? My skin was cracking and the weak points were showing. It was only a matter of time until Elise would be used against me. I should ask the girl myself. _By chance, does my counter show when exactly you'll end up killing me? Because you will be the reason for my death._

Rosalie waved a hand around me. "Hello? Will you just tell me what you're thinking? What's this about Alice?"

I shook my head. "Alice has reached the same conclusion you have."

"And you disagree?"

I was mute, and she took it the wrong way.

"You never know a good thing until it's gone," she spoke calmly. "I suggest you open those dreary eyes and shine a bright light on what's in front of you. Elise is certainly no Bella, and you are nothing close to an Edward. If anything happens to the girl, you will raise hell on Earth. I see that fury in you. The protectiveness, the isolation. You're scared and you're afraid of how the feeling motivates your actions. A mate is the highest power a vampire can believe in," Rosalie narrowed her eyes at the ceiling. "And besides, if the psychic has spoken, it's prophecy. She's the modern three Fates wrapped up in one tiny little body."

* * *

I watched as Rebecca toppled over in the dirt as another female recruit grabbed her neck. I knew that if I didn't intervene, she would get her arms detached for the third time today. I let her take a break to heal and ordered two other recruits to take the stage.

From the corner of my eye, I watched the newborn. She was getting torn apart quickly and much too often. The irony in that lay in the fact that she would only be useful torn apart. Her shield would effectively be dispersed across key players in battle, but there weren't enough pieces of her to shield everyone. My jaw hardened as I focused on the recruits in the middle. It was a shame. Elise would run four laps over her by the time she crossed her first. The thought erupted pride in me that masked the panic underneath.

Maria smoothed out some particle debris from the newly constructed concrete walls. The recruits had proper shelter and even a den of assorted cannisters of blood. As training intensity increased, Maria decided that it would be more worthwhile to cater their meals and not waste any time on hunts.

Her lips curled as her gaze rested on the newborn who sat quietly at the edge of the dirt, her eyes on the sparring recruits. It was hard to admit, but Maria and I probably shared the same opinion regarding the girl. When I thought she was going to pull me away to talk about Rebecca's permanent role in the camp, she hit me with something that blindsided me completely.

"You smell like that human, again."

Curses echoed through my head. The clouds in my brain were impacting my livelihood, which also impacted Elise. _A shower, Whitlock. It's that simple._ Water washed scents away. Indoor plumbing was a gift from the gods and I just blatantly ignored it. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I had to play ignorant. Stone was my face as I turned to her. "Who?"

"The one you always smell of. She must be a delicious thing for you to keep her around for months."

I went back to examining the fight. I had no obligation to answer her.

"A little birdie tells me she walks around freely. Not as a meal, but as…" She trailed, not completing her thoughts. She did this quite often as a manipulation strategy. Letting the other side's consciousness complete the thoughts enough to fill in the truth. It was brilliant, but it wouldn't work.

But when had birds suddenly felt okay to fly within a one-mile radius of this bitch? She was the furthest creature from Snow White.

"You know that all of the delegates are somewhat watched. You think you were the exception?"

Had I compromised Elise that easily? I wouldn't have missed that. I couldn't have missed that. Suddenly, Elise didn't feel as safe with the Cullens as I had let myself to believe. How many of the nomads that passed through Idaho were bought out by the alliance? Did they follow us through Montana? Nevada?

Maria tiptoed around me. "But your eyes have been the same, if not worse. Tell me, what do you use her for, Major Whitlock?"

It was always about using. You used people, and they used you. It was an emotionless arrangement that somehow kept the world spinning. _Think, Whitlock. Think_. Maria wanted a motive. A smart one. One that couldn't leave any gray areas for questioning. Something that would keep her on the sidelines to my problems.

"She's a resource," I said finally. My thoughts adjusted quickly. You wanted to have someone believe you? Believe it yourself. The rest came easy. _She isn't your mate. She is nothing. Anything but a resource._ "I'm training her."

Her intrigue was evident. "For us? Then why isn't she here with the rest?" She yearned for an explanation on what made this girl special.

I threw her more bones to chew on. "She will be mingled with the rest after she's changed." But why did I keep her to myself? Because my venom sang. I wanted to do anything and everything I could to make her mine. Both were reasons Maria could never know. I needed something better. Something more drastic to shut her up. A justification that would be impenetrable.

A deep breath. "She's a shield." I cursed myself silently after uttering the truth that would shield the dishonesty. "I wanted to test out her capabilities before fully committing her. We don't want another case of Rebecca."

That threw her off, but she maintained her smile. I could see the cogs whirring in her head. "When will she be changed?"

"Two months," I said easily.

Maria crossed her arms. "Good, good. Next time, keep me in the loop. These developments are important to share with the rest of the delegates. Keeps them interested, keeps them supportive. Motivation is hard to come by these days."

My phone buzzed incessantly. I took that as a much-needed excuse to run as far away from her as possible.

"Thank you," I whispered into the phone when I was out of ear shot. I hadn't even looked at who was calling.

"Nice job. You've sold Elise's soul. How do you feel about that?"

I was away from the bitch, but I had ran into the witch. "Alice, don't test me. Not today. I can't tolerate this right now."

She barked through the phone. "Neither can I. Elise probably wouldn't either if she found out you're serving her to Maria on a silver platter."

"Alice," I spoke through gritted teeth. "That isn't happening. Elise sticks with me. Maria can't touch her."

"What if she doesn't want to, Jasper? What if Elise wants nothing to do with the cause? Then, what will you do?"

Was this a trick question? "She's my mate, as you and our favorite blonde barbie doll have confirmed. She has no choice."

"Yes, she does. Your view of a mate is flawed to the tenth degree and it's terrifying. She isn't a robot that's programmed for you to do as you please."

I wasn't saying that. Not at all. I was simply following nature's curse. "The bond, Alice. Her venom would sing the same as mine. She wouldn't want to be anyplace else."

"There is a bond, but she'd do her darndest to break it if she knew all the shit you were pulling."

I had enough. Truly. The phone's screen cracked a little when I hit the end call icon. Alice was wrong. The way Elise looked at me after I tasted her lips was the way she would look at me for the rest of her dead life. If I was cursed with a mate, I would have it committed one hundred percent. I was stuck with her, and she was stuck with me. The psychic had spoken, and it was the truth to be etched into ancient tablets.

I wasn't serving Elise to anyone. The risk would be mitigated because if I fought with the alliance, Elise would do so in a heartbeat. If I ran away from it all, she'd be the one marking the map to our next getaway. This would be our life. We'd stay one step ahead of the game, because the game would use anything against us given the chance.

The phone vibrated persistently again. I should've broken it completely.

"What?" I barked.

Alice was eerily quiet before she spoke. "I'm coming home."

Was she insane? "No, you can't."

"Yes, I can," she kept her voice low, raw with unreleased emotion. "The Volturi are going to issue a hearing with Carlisle. I don't know what they're suspecting or who tipped them off, but I think that gives me the warrant to return to my family before we're torn apart."

* * *

**A/N: Oh, snap. Maria's getting a glimpse into Elise. But for how long had she been watching? And the Volturi may demand a hearing with the Carlisle. What do they know and how do they know it?**

**It's my birthday week, so I've had some trouble finding time to update. Apologies for the delay!**


	31. Freedoms

_Previously:_

_Alice was eerily quiet before she spoke. "I'm coming home."_

_Was she insane? "No, you can't."_

" _Yes, I can," she kept her voice low, raw with unreleased emotion. "The Volturi are going to issue a hearing with Carlisle. I don't know what they're suspecting or who tipped them off, but I think that gives me the warrant to return to my family before we're torn apart."_

* * *

**Jasper**

Freedom.

It was often the easiest thing to take for granted. When it slipped from your fingers, suddenly the daily stressors turned into empty worries, and the pressing matters filled their place.

In this day and age, taking away freedom might mean incurring huge financial debt. Or perhaps the government censorship of the press, with more Big Brother agenda items on the list. Some might argue marriage is giving up your freedom, others would say the recurring 9-5 job.

For humans, those were temporary. Finite.

For a vampire, you couldn't die your way out of debt. And that was the bone chilling realization every immortal would encounter. It was the imminent sinking feeling that stayed with you constantly. You endured. You counted the seconds. Waiting for time to chip off your servitude.

The Volturi set up the game and they played it well. Their vampiric laws combined with Aro's power gave them the right to indebt you to their service. If you were gifted, you were more valuable. If not, your human rights were granted to you, and you were given the pleasure of death.

Neither were desirable fates in my book.

My fingers moved too fast for the phone in my hand to register. The text I sent Elise would elicit a million questioning texts in return, but I just hoped she did as I asked.

_Pack a bag. All essentials. Anything you wouldn't want to leave behind. Hike twenty minutes South. I'll find you._

Every instinct in me wanted her out of there. I didn't know anything behind Aro's motivation to bring in Carlisle, but I didn't want to wait around to find out. Securing Elise would be the first thing on the list of action items.

I ran North until my eyes blackened with thirst. I only picked up a few small animals as snacks because losing time was the ultimate killer. I needed to get Elise away before Alice told the entire family of the imminent threat. If she decided to let her guard down and Edward snooped through her brain, we would be far away to be impacted by the consequences.

I had felt Maria's eyes on me as I ran out of the compound like a bat out of a cave. No matter how much I looked ahead of me, a part of me always wanted to pause and turn around. How closely were we watched? How senseless was I to not notice?

The weather changed incrementally as I crossed state lines. The grass crunched beneath my boots as I slowed to find her. Her scent was easy to pick out. I had memorized it front and back and back to front. Give me a taste test, and I'd gladly pass. When I saw her step out in between two tree trunks with a backpack slung over her shoulder, the world grew brighter. The tightening in my chest released, and all was well. Alive, breathing, and away from danger. There she was.

I quickly pulled her to me. "You wouldn't believe how glad I am to see you."

"Hi," she said sweetly. "Another hiking trip?"

I took the bag from her. "Think, Elise. Read between the lines."

She pursed her lips and her glee vanished. "Urgent. The text was urgent," she looked down. "We're not coming back, are we?"

I didn't speak. I moved. I picked her up and started to run.

"Jasper, stop."

I growled lowly and pushed on. Her eyes were tightly closed, but her hands found my face. "Jasper, now."

My feet came to a stop. She climbed down insistently. "Tell me what's going on."

"We're leaving."

She pulled at the bag in my grip and slung it over her back. "Did the war start? If so, we can't just leave your family."

"No, but the Volturi might know something about you, and I'm not taking any risks."

"In that case, we need to help the Cullens."

" _We_ can't do anything. Alice had a vision and Carlisle will be summoned before the three kings. Aro will judge him in the Volturi Court and gain rights to his brain. You're in his brain. You're in trouble. Let's go."

She didn't budge. "This is your family."

"And you are more important."

A sigh escaped her lips. "Where are we going?"

"Back to Nevada. For now." I would be closer to the compound and she would be further from Idaho. It would do.

My phone vibrated with a call. Emmett. I put a finger to my lips to request her silence before answering.

"Is Elise with you? She isn't here."

I looked at her slowly. "Yes."

Pause. "Alice called. There's trouble. Carlisle might have to go to Volterra. I don't know. Her visions can change over time, but she wouldn't speak out unless she'd been following their decisions for a while." Alice filtered her visions. The recurring ones were the ones she kept track of. The fleeting ones were unnecessary and a waste of time. People made impulsive decisions, then walked back on them all the time. People were unreliable. But not Aro.

"I'm suspecting Eleazar," I said.

"We are, too."

More silence. Emmett's tone was solemn, but hope cracked through. "We'll be fine. We're always fine."

I motioned for Elise to keep moving. We trudged down the forest path. "Elise wanted to see the Grand Canyon. Apparently, you didn't check that off her list."

Emmett's voice was distant, distracted. "It's too sunny there."

"I'll find a way," I said. "Keep me updated." The screen cracked a little more under my grip as I hung up. I needed a new phone. Badly.

Elise eyed the device in my hand skeptically. "We're not going to the Grand Canyon."

"No."

"Why did you lie to him?"

I stashed the phone in my pocket. "Because he doesn't need to know the details."

"Because you don't want them to think you're running away."

I again grabbed the backpack from her. "I would really appreciate if you were quiet right about now."

She didn't care what I appreciated at that moment. "You're suspecting Eleazar? You think he would tell the Volturi?"

"If he was in trouble, yes. No one wants to be caught under Aro."

She ran a few fingers over her lips. "Because he would kill you?"

"If you're lucky, yes. If you're gifted, you'd be forced into his guard until he deems your debt to the law has been paid."

Elise eyed the sky as it transitioned from grayish blue to orange. "You, Alice, and Edward. You'd be forced to serve?"

"If he can find a reason to condemn us, yes. He's probably been searching for reasons for years. Any gift he can use, he wants in his guard. It's what gives the Volturi the immunity they need to function."

"And anything related to me is more than enough of a reason?"

I nodded. "Exposing ourselves to you. Keeping you human after the fact. Carlisle's venom experiments. There is too much that it's unavoidable. Carlisle going to Italy is a sentence of its own."

"Unless Aro doesn't look into his brain."

"The fact that they are making the decision to summon him already means he has some evidence to charge him with. The only question is how he got that information."

Her head shook in dismay. "We should be standing with them. Not running away."

The slowness of our pace did nothing to calm my nerves. I picked her up again and didn't stop until we reached the Nevada cabin. After a few hours, the door greeted us with all its glory right on the floor.

"We have got to get this fixed," I muttered as I set her down.

I had gotten numerous texts and missed calls from most members of the Cullens during the run. When I scrolled through my phone, I could tell that they were furious with my impromptu trip.

Rosalie. _You can't leave now._

Edward. _Did you think this was perfect timing to explore Arizona?_

Esme. _We need you here, Jasper._

Rosalie, again. _Call me._

Wordlessly, Elise began opening the pantry door and any of the remaining cabinets in the kitchen. As she hunted for food, I called the blonde.

"Rosalie," I said. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"You've taken away our only weapon. You can't be that stupid."

My eyes watched Elise scatter around the kitchen. "What do you mean?"

"I _mean_ , we can use her right about now."

I closed my eyes. For just a moment. And I could draw out her drives and motives clearly from her tone and her language. And while they were entirely selfish, it made sense. They wanted her dead. Not in two months, but now.

"I understand," I said simply. I didn't exactly want to hang up, but I did. She had a million more insults and curses to scream at me, but I knew the fear when I heard it. The Cullens would prove their full potential and kill another to protect their coven. It was classic. It was what I had preached all along. They were collectively just a cleaner monster than I was.

"Who was that?" Elise shook a bag of cereal before tearing it open.

"Another hypocrite to join our club."

"We have a club? I don't think we have the resources to maintain such a huge organization."

I sat in one of the chairs. She ate the cereal dry. I motioned for her to come closer. She scooted her chair near to mine and her heartbeat grew stronger. The rush of life pounded through her, and I wanted to swim in it.

"How much would you hate me if I told you we might never see the Cullens again?"

The hand she had outreached to grab more cereal fell back down. "That's awful. But why?"

"It's survival. Being around them and claiming any ties to them is dangerous right now."

She clenched her hands into fists. "I wish affection distributed equally. I wish you cared about them as much as you cared about me. I wish the whole world did the same to each other."

I took one of her fists in mine. "But then, the world would be very boring. The books and movies would be predictable. In fact, I will hypothesize that if all affection were equal, suicide rates would skyrocket all across the globe. Boredom kills."

She withdrew her hand. "The Cullens are good people. I don't want to hear anymore about your scales of justice or your philosophies of the good and the bad. They were good fucking people and they do not deserve this."

I disagreed wholeheartedly. "You think I deserve it?"

She looked at me sharply.

"Do you think I do?" I repeated. "If we stay with the Cullens, I will be there with them. I will serve centuries under Aro."

She grabbed my hand and her mood flipped a switch. "I don't want that."

"The war I've been telling you about? It's against the Volturi. And if all goes well, your precious Cullens would be saved from their fate."

She held her head in her hands. Processing. "That's where you've been going? Supporting this fight against your kings?"

"It's a coup, yes. They have a good fighting chance." Especially with you.

"You say _they_ , but you're fighting _with_ them. Oh, but you won't ever associate yourself with anything. Not a side in war. Not even a family. Why do I bother?"

"I call it strategy."

"I call it cowardice."

Ouch. "Your emotions appear to be very drastic today. What else is bothering you?"

She put down the bag of cereal on the table and crawled onto my lap. With her face scrunched with worry, she placed a chaste kiss on my lips. "I'm terrified."

The scarcity of the situation wasn't lost on me. Time was suddenly important. The heat of her lips would be gone soon. The beat of her heart would stop singing forever. The warmth of her skin would be replaced by clean, cold porcelain. The Volturi were actively making their decisions to indebt the Cullens based on evidence I desperately wanted to find out. I wanted to tear Eleazar to shreds for putting Elise into danger. For imposing urgency. For cornering me into scarcity.

Time was an abstraction, but it was also very real. Ebbing and flowing, and controlling.

Rosalie was right. Elise would be incredibly useful as a vampire right now. Especially if her shield could grow and encompass others. The Cullens watered the dying plant, and now they wanted to reap the harvest. Two months were a joke. They needed her now.

Was she ready? Not with her current state of mind. She showed undying value to the Cullens and she fought me every step of the way. Yet, she was terrified. She used her emotions as a clutch to mediate her fear, but it wasn't working.

"You can't do this," I said sternly. "You're terrified?" I put her back on her chair. "Do something about it."

"What?"

"Feel. Scream. Shout. Whatever. But propose a solution. Otherwise, you're whining and going in circles."

She narrowed her eyes. "You're so insensitive."

"That's no way to talk to someone who's keeping you alive," I threw her a smirk and got up to grab the door. The breeze was getting stronger and blowing into the cabin.

"Maybe I shouldn't be alive."

That stopped me quickly. She said it. Not me. "Repeat what you just said."

She got up and stalked closer. If I had been human, she would've been the vampire. Her voice was dangerously low. "Maybe I need to die." She cocked her head to the side, exposing her neck. Her nose brushed over mine, and her eyes searched mine intently. "I think you agree."

"What are you doing?"

"You have eyes. You have ears. Why do you keep asking questions?"

My teeth wanted to bare and snap. They wanted to be deep inside her skin. I bit my inner cheek.

"You're quiet. Why?" Her face was innocent, but her eyes were another story.

"You don't know what you're asking."

Her hand trailed up and down my cheek. "I have no right to ask for anything. You're the vampire. You wouldn't care. You'll take what you want. Why haven't you yet?"

I swallowed venom. "Because you wanted two more months."

"I did? So, who was I talking to a few seconds ago, and who am I talking to now? Neither have anything in common. One is an insensitive prick, the other has this incredible amount of emotion that glosses his eyes over and makes him forget how to breathe."

I reeled myself back. Fuck. "I need to eat."

"Sure. Hide behind that."

I grabbed her wrist a little too hard, but she didn't complain. Her eyes were challenging. I wouldn't break her wrist, but why did she seem like she wanted me to? Why was she testing me? She wanted me to kill her? Why?

I breathed in the pumps of blood rushing through her veins. The hazy consent I saw in her combined with the surge of venom was enough to drive me to a frenzy. I needed blood, but it wouldn't be hers. Not tonight.

"I've been meaning to tell you," I said. "I need a change in my diet. And now that the Cullens are out of our lives, it will be an easier transition."

"They are not out of our lives."

I stepped forward and backed her into the counter. "I wonder. Will the red in my eyes bother you when it's not masked behind the yellow?"

"New trick, same dog. Nothing about you scares me."

I kissed her neck and held back my teeth. "You're a danger to yourself. Your survival instincts should kick in."

"And do what? Run out of here? I'd rather not give you the satisfaction of my adrenaline."

My head buzzed with hunger. If blood was the dry salad, the adrenaline was the sweet dressing. "I'm thinking brunette. Early twenties. Pretty blue blouse."

"Why blue?" She breathed as my lips traced up her jaw.

"Blues and brunettes. They go together."

She placed a hand on my chest, and my mouth stopped. "Go eat before you eat me."

I leaned back and admired her flushed cheeks. "Eating can take on many different forms. Which did you mean?"

"Killing, draining. That sort."

I hummed. "Surprisingly, that definition isn't as fun as what I had in mind."

She rolled her eyes and slipped away from between me and counter. "You'd break me."

"Only a little."

Her moodiness was back. Was it the recent change of events or the sexual frustration? It was always hard to tell. She pointed at the fireplace.

"Light this and leave. I don't want to see you unless you've showered. Maybe brush your teeth, too."

I grabbed the door and propped it up with my grip. "Elise Adams, you will take me as I am. Blood soaked and satisfied. Red stains on my shoes, on the carpet. Walls dripping with gore."

"In other words, you're terrible at this and you leave behind evidence."

I grabbed some firewood from outside and arranged the fireplace accordingly to her wishes. The heat penetrated the room, and I could see the tension from her muscles relax.

She curled up with a book on the couch and a glare directed straight at me.

"Don't be so cold," I grabbed her chin. "Enjoy the fire while it still feels this good. And I'll enjoy this blush while it's still able to fill your cheeks."

She swatted my hand away. "Get out."

The door was broken, but in place. I ran out to find my unplanned meal.

* * *

**A/N: If Jasper can help it, they would never see the Cullens again. He's stubborn. Elise judges him for abandoning them in their time of need.**

**Is Elise really willing to sacrifice herself for the good of Cullens? Would Jasper let her?**

**I don't know, guys. This is going to be one hell of a ride.**


	32. Museum Exhibit

_Previously:_

" _Don't be so cold," I grabbed her chin. "Enjoy the fire while it still feels this good. And I'll enjoy this blush while its still able to feel your cheeks."_

_She swatted my hand away. "Get out."_

_The door was broken, but in place. I ran out to find my unplanned meal._

* * *

**Jasper**

My eyes brought a new meaning to the descriptor of blood red. I caught my gaze on a large puddle of water on my run back and admired the concentration of deep crimson diluting the yellow.

When I returned to the cabin, Elise was soundly asleep. I produced a small battery pack and plugged in her phone.

I had gotten a text from Peter to meet up and I planned to fulfill that task before Elise stirred awake. Her phone was quietly draining the portable battery, guaranteeing our communication in case of any emergency. There was always a part of me that was reluctant to leave her here especially if I was crossing state lines. But I hadn't caught a whiff of any vampires within a fifty-mile radius, so I reasoned through the situation. She was safe, and she could reach me whenever she wanted.

Peter met me a few hundred miles North of the compound. His eyes were freshly reddened by a recent meal, and he regarded mine with intrigue.

"More than one milestone to celebrate this morning, hm?" He grinned.

I certainly wouldn't call my change in diet a milestone. The two human girls that had to die for it last night wouldn't call it that either. "What's the other milestone?"

"Maria's found a shield."

My eyes darted to his quickly. "A shield?"

He could sense my alarm. He wasn't stupid. A hand came up and ran along his jaw. "Now I just can't figure out why you would lie to me about it."

I held my gaze straight, meeting him head on. "I didn't lie to you at all."

"You withheld the truth. Denying your dishonesty is how you'll play this game?"

It worked plenty of times. "Why does it matter, Peter?"

"It matters because I think you're in quite the situation here, Mr. Whitlock. You told Maria you'd deliver this girl in two months, but she's promising the delegates a newborn shield in three weeks."

Thoughts were a hurricane in my brain. Was she referring to Elise? Was there someone else? Maybe she had found a different shield. I asked the stupid question. "Is there another shield?"

His lips dipped and formed a slow frown. "No, Jasper."

I took a few steps back, flinching slightly at the branches that snapped beneath my boots. Maria was going to have Elise turned at her discretion. Without my cooperation or my input. The corners of my eyes were seeing red, and I needed to get out of here. "I need to go."

He grabbed my arm and unknowingly I flipped him over my head and onto the ground. He quickly threw his hands up in surrender. "I'm not trying to stop you from protecting her. Let me come with you."

It registered to me that I had him in a choke hold. I relaxed my grip and let him up. I mumbled out a quick apology and gave him space.

"I get it," he said sincerely. "I was the same with Charlotte. Especially at camp all those years ago. You know I did everything I could do to keep her away from Maria."

His comparison of Elise to Charlotte wasn't lost on me. I motioned North, and we started on a brisk walk. "What will she do? Ambush us and bite her?"

He gave me an incredulous look. "I can't believe you even told her in the first place."

"Maria had me followed. She knew about her already."

"You went further and told her she was a shield. Which, congratulations by the way. You have one hell of a human there."

"I didn't need her suspecting any sort of," I paused. " _Bond_ between us."

"Strictly business."

"Exactly."

My instinct wanted to be beside her. To make sure she was safe. To make sure no one could get their teeth near her. I stopped in my tracks, and Peter stopped a few steps ahead of me. An idea dawned on me. Without much thought, I blurted it as an action item.

"Peter, I need you to go back to the compound. I need you to tell Maria that she will be changed within the week."

Peter took a pause of his own to examine me. "Are you sure?"

No. "Yes."

"She's going to want a reason."

Yes, she would. "The girl's ready. Just tell her that."

"Is she, Jasper?"

My gaze hardened. "Go."

* * *

Elise was exactly where I had left her. The blanket was bunched up at her feet, so I lengthened it out to cover her.

I sat at the armchair beside her and waited. The blanket warmed her body and her skin transitioned from a cold pale to a warm hue. She sighed in her sleep and snuggled in closer to the soft fabric.

I worked on filtering the storm in my brain. It was a tornado wreaking havoc through my synapses, which were firing at an alarming rate. A week. I had to do this in a week.

As if reading my thoughts through her slumber, Elise stirred and kicked off the blanket towards the edge of the couch. I watched her eyes flutter before fully opening. She turned towards me instantly, as if she was making sure I was there.

She did a quick double take at my face, but didn't comment on my eyes. "Good morning."

"Same to you. Sleep well?"

"Barely," she rubbed her lower back. "I wish it was warm enough to sleep in the other rooms. On an actual bed."

"You don't want to sleep on those beds."

She arched a tired eyebrow. "Murder, murder, murder. You need a new angle to you. It's getting boring."

I could do a new angle. "Do you know that you mumble my name in your sleep?"

She blinked a few times and rubbed her eyes. "You're lying."

"Am I?"

"I need coffee."

I bowed my head graciously and gave her privacy to properly wake up her body. The nearest espresso bar was only twenty miles out, and I returned promptly with a cup of milked coffee and a bagel. She had on fresh jeans and a T-shirt, the blanket was folded carefully beside her, and she was combing through her wet hair from her shower. She eyed the cup of coffee in my grip.

She looked at me with utter gratitude as she accepted my offering of truce. Her lips curled into a satisfied smile after taking a sip from her favorite beverage.

But she straightened herself quickly, as if remembering my remark from earlier. "Do you say things like that just to get a reaction out of me?"

"Like what?"

She mockingly deepened her voice. " _Elise, you sing my name from the tops of the mountains in your sleep."_

"I just like how your body reacts," I placed a hand on her lower back and applied pressure with my fingertips. "Your posture is strained, can you tell? Fix it and you won't be in this much discomfort."

She lengthened her spine against my hand. I trailed it further up to her shoulders. "Bring these down. Your neck should be long and not hiding in them. Lot of humans suffer from these simple pains that can be avoided with some mindfulness of how your body exists in space."

She gave me a wicked smile. "Is this what Jennifer from Seattle taught you? The wisdom of yoga and mindfulness."

My hand moved up from her shoulders to her neck. My favorite spot. "No, but I do learn a lot from my victims. Observing humanity is fascinating. I should write a book."

"You should. Jasper's twelve-step program to a better life: How the way you're sitting is killing you. New York Time's Best Seller."

I chuckled. "Your smart mouth is something I will never get tired of."

"As long as it doesn't sing your name while I'm unconscious, we're good."

My fingers danced towards her chin, her cheeks. "Why is that so bad?"

"It's embarrassing."

"No," I whispered. "I'm flattered."

The hunger in her eyes weren't for food. She kissed me gently. It should have been completely innocent, but the kiss grew deeper and her hands tugged on my face, my hair. They ran down my neck, trailing over crevices of scars. Her wet hair was on my shirt, staining it with dark spots. The stain on my brain grew darker as well. I wanted to do things to this woman I couldn't do. Not without hurting her.

Her lips were slightly chapped from the dry night, but they were warm. My teeth loved the proximity to her neck. I counted the seconds to pull away and let her breathe. When I did, my teeth drew me to her neck, and I couldn't help but nip gently. Her breathing was addiction. I wanted to revere at the effect I was having on her.

It was a feeling I was used to. Sex was easy with humans if they were going to die. Their bodies reacted pleasantly until the very end when they either broke or I lost the battle and drained them completely. The test of my control was half the fun.

But this wasn't a test, and my control wasn't full proof.

Her hands ran tantalizingly down my shoulders and my arms. They reached up and pulled my lips back down to hers. This was getting harder by the second. Vampires couldn't be breathless, but I wanted to stop and breathe. The inhale-exhale rhythm was ruined and my control wavered.

We couldn't go further. Not yet.

My words came in between kisses. "Let me kill you and we can do this."

She pulled her face back, her cheeks flushed with a rosy tint. Her hands still held my face and her eyes were closed. "What?"

My words felt like manipulation, but it was the most honest I could be about the situation. "I can't touch you more like this when you're human."

Her eyes opened and she bit her lip. "I know. I'm sorry."

She was sorry? "It's not your fault."

"I need to respect these boundaries. It can't be easy for you."

It wasn't. I tugged at her hair. "It's unbelievable how much I want to touch you, Elise Adams."

She smiled coyly. "I've been upgraded to a museum exhibit. You may look, but you'll get kicked out if you touch."

I teased back. "I'd take that risk, but your body wouldn't be that happy with me."

She shrugged. "I'd be okay with a few bruises."

"And a broken bone, twisted neck, and not to mention having to order a new bed. It's such a hassle, sweetheart."

Her smile dimmed. "Did you have sex with the human you killed last night?"

"No."

"Have you done that before?"

"Yes."

She nodded to herself, swallowing the information. "I appreciate your honesty."

I watched her closely. I could read the jealousy in her eyes. "I won't anymore."

She looked at me uncertainly. "But it's something I can't give you."

But soon she could, if she wanted. I took her hand. "And while it makes wearing tight jeans an ordeal, it's beyond your control," I searched her eyes. "I haven't mingled sex into my hunts for a while now."

"Because…" she trailed. Her tone was interesting. It was as if she didn't want to know details, but a part of her was dying for the information. Even though the information could hurt her.

"Because I have a mate."

She drew her eyes away from me, but I could see the sense of a small victory in them. She got up to grab the bagel and brought her coffee with her. She stood in the kitchen, working her way through her food. Her hands reached for her backpack and drew out a few syringes. Morphine shots. She arranged them on the table as she plopped bits of bagel in her mouth.

As she sipped her coffee, I stared out the window. How would I do this? She needed to die. And I needed to be the one to bite her. Absently, my teeth bit my inner cheek. While the thought of having my venom soar through her veins instead of Carlisle's was appealing, my pass rate was significantly lower. I pulled out my phone and texted Peter.

_Hope Maria is pacified. Come to Nevada. I can't do this alone._

I scrolled past all of the texts I had been receiving from the Cullens. One in particular, however, stood out. I ran a gaze over Elise before tapping it open. It was from Carlisle.

_I received information. Trying to investigate. Call me._

I stood up and walked towards the window. Morning rain pattered against the glass. It was nature's delicate alarm clock.

Carlisle picked up immediately. "I finally got the invitation from Aro."

I spoke lowly. "They're calling court hearings _invitations_ now?"

He ignored my jab. "It wasn't Eleazar that spoke up. I don't know who this vampire is, but we're trying to track anything about him. Any affiliations, associations. Edward's been contacting covens trying to figure out who he is."

An outsider? "Does he have a gift? Mind reader nomad passing through?"

"We don't know," he sighed. "But his name is Damon, and that's all we have."

* * *

**A/N: Alright. Key players are making their way in.**

**The Volturi, Damon. You wouldn't like this story if I didn't do this to you.**

**Until next time.**


	33. Scratches

_Previously:_

" _It wasn't Eleazar that spoke up. I don't know who this vampire is, but we're trying to track anything about him. Any affiliations, associations. Edward's been contacting covens trying to figure out who he is."_

_An outsider? "Does he have a gift? Mind reader nomad passing through?"_

" _No," he sighed. "But his name is Damon, and that's all we have."_

* * *

**Jasper**

My hand lowered with the phone, my fingers absently pressing the end-call icon. I blinked at the droplets of rain that cascaded down the windowpane. The world was once incredibly simple. You could argue it was simple enough to be dull. But there was nothing dull about this news.

"Who was that?"

I turned around to face Elise. Her question lingered around us for a long time. It wasn't uncomfortable or awkward. Tense was a better word for it. The peculiar aura crackled around us like electricity. My mind began to draw strings, tying events together, isolating others. And the creature in front of me was the center of it all.

"What's wrong?" She had just injected fresh morphine into her body, and she moved to dispose of the syringe. Her movements were simple, innocent. Her doe eyes were wide and concerned. I watched with incredible awe at the tenacity she held.

I grabbed her arm to stop her, and she dropped her syringe. A minuscule amount of blood slapped onto the carpet. I breathed in deeply, then fought to hold my breath. She looked at me with confusion, alarm. The strings around her tightened. Evidence surfaced, and everything was mapped. Carlisle's illegal activities were mentioned only a handful of times in the past fifty years. One of those times were with Elise. And the only string that tied Damon to that information came from her.

I needed answers. My mind began making assumptions around the dilemma, but the pure truth would provide the only satiation.

"When did you last see Damon, Elise?" My voice was low, but dangerously calm. I needed all of the information delivered cleanly and concisely, with no misunderstandings.

Her eyes darted to the droplets on the window and ran from my gaze. "Before I met you."

My jaw hardened unwillingly. "When was the last time you had contact with him?"

Her eyes widened and her neck bobbed with a swallow. I couldn't feel her emotions, but I could see the physical tells. Anxiety ripped through her, releasing cortisol and drying her throat. She swallowed a few more times. An obvious indication of fear.

It was not the reaction I wanted to see. I moved forward and she receded. I moved until she had nowhere to go but into the wall behind her.

"When?" I emphasized, my arms trapping her against the wall.

Her breathing hitched, but not in a good way. "A few months ago."

My breath fanned her face. "You're telling me that you've been in contact with Damon after Carlisle took you in?"

Her eyes darted back and forth between mine. "I didn't – I didn't have a choice."

Rage bubbled up inside, pushing to be let out. The strings were tightening, but they were tightening around me. When had I let myself get into this mess? Who was this girl? And why was I only meeting her now?

"Jasper," she pleaded. "What happened?"

 _You happened_. I moved away from her and paced around the kitchen. Nothing made sense. The world darkened, and the only light I told myself I could rely on was just another photoluminescent crutch. She didn't shine. She stole the light from around her and reflected it back. It was fake illumination.

Elise stayed pressed against the wall and watched me.

"The Cullens are being put on trial because Damon went to Aro," I hissed.

Her hands came up to her mouth. "No."

I was in front of her in an instant. "What have you done, Elise?"

She looked up at the ceiling, pressing her lips together as she fought to withhold the tears in her eyes. I grabbed her chin and adjusted her head as one would do to a camera on a tri-stand.

"I—I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

They were empty. Empty apologies. The moment she uttered them, a hole the size of my fist appeared right next to her in the wall.

"You didn't tell me _anything_ about what was going on." And that was the part that stung the most. The Cullens were in deep shit, but the source of it all had been with me all along.

She shook her head frantically, ignoring the giant hole the wall. "I wanted him gone, Jasper. I broke the phone after I found out what he did to me."

Phone? There was a phone? "You were in _constant_ contact with him?"

"He said—" she swallowed. "He said that if I did this, he wouldn't kill me. He would let me go."

"What exactly would you call what you did? Be very specific," I growled.

"Jasper," she closed her eyes tightly. "Please."

"Be _specific,"_ I pressed.

"He wanted me to find out what I could. But I cut contact –"

I needed the confirmation, and she was babbling. I gripped her chin harder. " _Did_ you tell him about Carlisle's venom experiments?"

She bit her lip and nodded as best as she could with my grip in place.

My breaths came out heavy and a small part of my stream of consciousness monitored the rate at which the drop of blood was drying on the carpet. I turned away from her and willed my eyes to turn back into bright crimson instead of the deep black color they currently took on.

Nothing made sense. Who was Elise Adams? How sincere were her words? How could she let out the one thing that would condemn Carlisle? How could she be so naïve?

But I was way too familiar with her naivety. I swam in it. I had done my best to drive her away from it. The failure weighed me down. All threats were vampiric, but I had made the mistake of underestimating this human.

I swallowed the venom that filled my mouth. This was bad. The Cullens were one thing, but this was personal. The situation completely and utterly blindsided me. There was no plan. No anticipation. The control I thought I exercised over our lives was just an illusion.

"I knew a mate would be disappointing. But I never imagined it would be this bad."

My words stung. I could tell. She let go of the fight and let her tears stream freely. She didn't dare move away from the wall.

"I didn't know it would come to this."

"It doesn't matter," I snarled. "You should have told me."

I didn't see what gave her the courage to be fierce, but her sudden turn of emotions was enough to give anyone whiplash. "Should have. Could have. It's the past. You've told me to stop thinking about the past."

Was she insane? "Yes, you ignored the past and brushed away your mistakes, but you did nothing to mitigate any upcoming threats. You left loose ends and paved way to uncertainties. You moved without a plan."

"I can't believe he went to the Volturi," she whispered.

"Are you hearing me?"

"I can't believe this," she rested her head against the wall in defeat.

"Have you learned nothing?"

"He's a horrible, horrible person, Jasper."

She reasoned through Damon's actions in such a way. Would she be as reasonable with mine? "So am I, Elise."

She put the Cullens in danger. She threatened my livelihood. Most importantly, she threatened her own. Unwillingly, our lifelines were bound together, and she brought great risk to our survivability. Unacceptable.

Her safety would only be guaranteed as a vampire, and the only thing standing in between that and her humanity were my teeth. I moved slowly to stand before her. The tears left wet lines on her cheeks. I brushed them off with my fingertips.

"I hate it when humans cry," I murmured. "Impulsive and a waste of water."

She sniffed and wiped away the unshed tears in her eyes. It was as if she was willing herself to not cry with the fear that it would make the situation worse.

I placed my arms above her and beside her, trapping her between the wall and my body. She had given me the ugly truth that I needed to hear, so she would get the same in return. "I need to kill you."

Her eyes showed me her fear. Her vulnerability spilled over, overflowing her glass. "I never meant for this to happen. Please–"

I shook my head slowly. Did she think I was going to kill her in the sense that I had killed Jennifer or Melissa? "I hope you're aware that killing you means ending your human life and starting your immortal one. Do you really think I would let you die without me?"

She shivered when my hand caressed her cheek. "Jasper, no. You don't want to do this."

"Yes, Elise. I've been wanting to do this for quite some time."

"But Carlisle –"

My hand went down to her neck and held her head firmly against the wall. "Carlisle is gone. He does not exist for you anymore. Your medical consultant is me, and it is my venom that will kill you. Do you understand?"

Her hands reached up to grasp at my hand. "You wouldn't do this against my will."

My lips curled. I repeated her words. "But I'm a horrible, horrible person, Elise."

"I don't believe that."

"That's a mistake on your part."

She pushed herself closer to the wall. "He planted me there. He wanted me to find out about your family. I knew nothing otherwise. I had no idea what he was going to use the information for."

"Did you assume he would've used the information for good?"

She closed her eyes. "Don't do this."

"The past is the past, right? Since you did nothing to cover your tracks, it's my job to do so now."

She peered up at to decipher what I meant. "And how will you do that?"

I shined a mocking smile, showing all of my teeth. "I've already told you. You need to die. The venom that's already in you needs to be populated to increase their numbers against your human cells. We've had this discussion with your precious Carlisle, haven't we?"

I leaned forward and stole a kiss from her trembling lips. Her heart rate elevated steadily, and it was music to my ears.

She pushed me away with all of her strength. One of her hands clawed at my hand around her neck, and the other pressed against my chest. She fought until her hands were raw.

"My skin is too hard compared to yours. The more you hit yourself against it, the more skin layers you shed, and the closer your blood comes to the surface. I would think twice about doing that with a vampire at this proximity."

"Stop it," she sobbed. "Let me go. I want to go."

She wanted to leave? All I was doing was pulling back her death date by two months. How was that horrible? "I gave you that opportunity months ago, and you failed to walk out the door. You've lost your chance."

She pursed her lips, tears streaming at a faster rate down her face. "I was wrong," she said. "I should've left."

"Should have. Could have."

She turned bitter. The tears wouldn't work, but perhaps she figured anger would. "I've been so wrong. You don't belong with people like Damon. You're worse. Liar. Traitor. Manipulator. He was all of those things, but at least he didn't show me that he cared."

My fingers twirled around a strand of her hair. "One day, you will realize that I'm doing this because I care."

"Lies." Her voice was ice. Her hands fought harder against me. "Let me go."

She wanted to be let go? Fine. I loved a chase, and the adrenaline that pumped through her was already addicting. I leaned closer into her ear and whispered lowly. "Run, Elise."

"You're a monster," her voice shivered with emotion.

"This is easier for me if you hate me. I'll give you a three-minute head start."

The moment I released my grip, she ran over the door on the ground and out the doorway. When she vanished out of sight, I began a slow, steady walk. I followed her into the forest.

* * *

Her feet wobbled on the uneven terrain as her sneakers pounded on the dirt. Her anxiety probably spiked, but so did mine. I took in unnecessary breaths and still felt that I was hyperventilating. The reality of the situation crashed down on me. I needed to bite this girl, which was an effortless task I could do in hypothetical sleep. But the caveat was that I needed to keep this one alive after the fact.

Her pace slowed as branches and leaves scraped her. Her skin turned red from the scratches, but they weren't deep enough to spill blood. She fought away the trees as they tried to hold her back. Finally, it looked like she had enough. Was she giving up that easily? Maybe she realized that running wouldn't get her very far. She reached a clearing and looked around the maze of trees around her. Her chest heaved from the physical exertion or emotional turmoil. Perhaps a combination of both.

She couldn't see me. I gave her the three minutes I promised.

"What do you want?" she screamed at the wind. "What are you using me for?"

I held myself back. She was tying together her own strings. Two minutes, thirty seconds.

"You're going to turn me because you need me." she swallowed roughly. "My potential is what you care about. Not me. Never me. You see the value in me and will do everything you can to use it, but you only value yourself."

Two minutes.

She paced around the clearing, rubbing the scratches the trees had inflicted on her. "You tell me you're a liar. A monster. And I never believe it. You justify your actions in your brain, and I justify your justifications. It's so fucked up."

One more minute. She looked around at the sky, her eyes welling up with tears. "In fact, you're anything but a liar. You've been telling me the truth about yourself all this time, and I just never believed it. Was this just another deeper layer of manipulation?"

Thirty seconds.

"I can't believe I ever cared about you. How was I so stupid? You kiss me, you push me, you give me journals to write in. You tell me I'm never good enough, then you look at me like I'm the only thing that's ever good enough," she spoke at nothing. Her hands shook steadily by her sides. "Who I cared about and who you really are – they are and never will be the same person."

I scooted in between trees and stepped into the clearing. She took a few steps back when she saw me, her eyes widening gradually.

"You talk too much," I told her. The confidence she used to hold herself high shone brightly against her fear.

"Yeah? Put an end to it."

I smirked, pushing my hair back against the wind. "Only for three days."

"Or forever. If you fail."

I wouldn't fail. She had to live. There was no other way.

I inhaled deeply, eying her skin where the trees had grabbed her. "You're almost bleeding. Almost. Thank you for the delectable pre-course aroma."

Her eyes fixated on the scratches on her arms. I could read the idea that swarmed her before she implemented it. I grabbed her right arm in an instant, preventing her from scratching at the inflictions. It was a rookie mistake. Intentionally putting yourself into danger in a situation like this was desperation.

"Making yourself bleed to get me to lose control? I thought you weren't suicidal."

"Suicide is walking this Earth for eternity with you."

She knew exactly how to bite back. Figuratively. "My venom's not even in you and you've already become so bitter," I tsked.

She yanked at her arm. "You're stalling. Just kill me already. I did the run; I hope the chase was as satisfying as you've dreamt."

It really wasn't. Her hair was tangled up in knots, and she had a big scratch running from her temple to her jaw. The expression that stared back at me emphasized her loathing. Her eyes were reddened from the tears that flowed slowly without her control. It wasn't a picture you'd like to paint of your mate.

My thoughts jumbled. If she egged me on, this was easier. If she begged and pleaded, that was when the doubt set in.

"You're not doing this to protect me. You want my shield," she said. "That's all you've wanted."

I could indulge her detective work. "I can't win this war without you."

She narrowed her eyes. "The mate thing. It's a lie, isn't it?"

 _We both wish it was._ I licked my lips. "Let's find out, shall we?"

My grip on her arm tightened, my senses focusing on the adrenaline pumping throughout her body. Prey. Food. Sustenance.

_Mate. Equal. Lover._

No, no, no.

_Animal. Blood. Kill._

I growled lowly and pulled her head to the side with her hair, forcefully craning her neck.

She whimpered at the pain. I could see her veins pumping her blood frantically through the delicate skin on her neck. Her voice was above a whisper, and it chilled me to hear the words. "I will never trust you."

Her free hand clawed at my arm that tugged at her hair. I placed a small kiss on her neck. "At least I've taught you one thing."

And then my teeth broke skin.

* * *

**A/N:** **Oops.**

**What are the implications of Jasper's impulsive decision? How far will he go to regain the control he feels that he's lost?**


	34. New Perspectives

**Elise**

* * *

**Meeting Carlisle**

* * *

Black.

Disoriented.

Unknowing.

I was used to this feeling. Blank spots in my memory were normal.

Now, I would wake up, spend a few minutes racking my brain of what I thought had happened, and then move on. More and more I would find that stressing over the past was pointless. Especially when you couldn't remember most of the details.

But now, it was different. I wasn't in my bed. My arms were tangled with tubes and there was a faint beeping sound. A clinic? Hospital? I wasn't at base anymore, and that spiked panic. I looked around, trying to strain my neck to see if anyone else was in the room. I closed my eyes and tried to lead my brain down a familiar path. What had happened? Why was I here? How did I get here?

My limbs felt stuck to the bed beneath me. Moving them required an immense amount of effort. It was as if my bones weighed three times the weight I could handle. What had Damon given me? My eyelids fought to stay open, but they lost the battle. I was back to black.

But I woke again to light. It was too bright. My eyes tried to adjust when I heard someone talking.

"Would you like the lights off?"

 _Yes. Please_. I felt exposed. Looking over the bed, I saw the back of a white coat. When he turned around, he held a medical instrument, but that wasn't what alarmed me.

His skin was pale, and he was dreadfully beautiful. The greatest indicator of trouble.

He stepped towards me and I shrunk back against the bed. "I'm Dr. Cullen."

_Doctor?_

"Don't worry, this won't hurt one bit. Would you mind sitting up?"

He looked at me kindly, which in itself felt like a joke. This vampire with his golden eyes and genuine smile was a doctor? What universe had I woken up to? I stared at his instrument.

"Why do you need that?" It was the first time I'd spoken for a while. My voice cracked, and my lips were unbearably dry.

"I need to make sure you're breathing properly," he smiled at me. "May I?"

This was ridiculous. I knew what the device did, but why did he need it? "You can hear my breathing just fine. What's going on here?"

"Excuse me?"

Did this vampire not know he was a vampire? I fought to get up, but a belt held me down. I shouldn't be here. "I want to leave."

The man offered me water. I didn't trust it. I couldn't risk being drugged.

"Stop acting so nice." It was fake, I was sure. Was this a test? Who was watching me? What reaction were they looking for? "I want to leave. Either kill me or let me leave."

He paused with a frown. "Let me get some assistance."

The panic set in. Reinforcements would just up the vampire to human ratio. Never a good a sign. "No, stop." He turned to look at me. "Your eyes should be red."

The shock on his face was almost comical. Had I just confused a vampire? That was a first.

"I-I'm sorry. I'm not sure what you mean. Please, take this time to recover. Your body's been through a lot. I will check back in tomorrow."

I sincerely hoped he wouldn't return tomorrow. If this was a hospital, it couldn't just be infested with vampires, could it? Where were the humans?

I let myself drift off to the sound of my heartbeat on the machines. The creak of the door opening woke me, but I kept my eyes closed. Was he back? I opened my eyes slightly and saw a woman scribbling frantically on a clipboard. A nurse?

I opened my eyes wider. Human.

"Oh, good," she said. "You're awake." She seemed tired. What time was it?

"Now, sweetie. I need to learn your name. Can I get an emergency contact? We couldn't find a wallet on you."

I looked around the room, then back at her. An emergency contact? "I don't know what you mean."

She stopped writing and pushed down her glasses to examine my face. "Who do you want to come pick you up once you're discharged? We also need to collect your insurance information."

Damon would have surely thought of this. I wouldn't dare give his name. "I don't have anyone."

She put down the clipboard and messed around with the machine. "Are you over eighteen?"

I nodded and watched as she replaced the big bag of IV liquid with another one.

"I'm sorry," she said. "You're a legal adult, which means we can't do much on our end. What was your name?"

Was it important? "Does it matter?"

She didn't like my attitude. "I need to fill out these forms. You will receive a bill for this treatment, and I need to know who to send it to."

"Elise," I said.

"Elise what?"

"Elise Adams."

She kept eye contact long enough to let her annoyance shine though. She handed me a remote. "Press this if you need help using the restroom."

I spent the next hour watching the IV bag drip down into the plastic tubes. It was calming. Constants were always calming, and I lacked a lot of them in my life. My eyes began to droop, but they were wide open when I spotted a shadow against the wall. Before I could turn my head, the figure came into view. Bright, red eyes with a mischievous edge. Now this was a vampire who knew who he was.

"I thought you forgot about me," I said.

Damon flicked the IV bag with his finger. "Now why would I do that?"

He produced a small device and held it up for me to see. "This is how we will communicate."

It was a small phone. Not high end, but not the crappiest either. A charger was wrapped around it.

"I will text you twice every day for status. If you don't hear from me, something's gone wrong."

He threw it in my hands. I felt the cold metal against my fingers.

"Damon, what happened?" I always mindlessly asked these questions, but answers to them were a dream.

"Doesn't matter. I'm planting you here. You've met Carlisle, I presume?"

My brain fought hard to keep up. Carlisle? "Cullen? Dr. Cullen?"

He nodded. "He will take you in. He has no choice. Find out what you can."

What? "You want me to go with him?"

"You wanted to earn your freedom? Here's your chance."

My heart leaped. "What do you mean?"

"I want you to dig through their dirty laundry. You will respond to the two texts I will send you every day with any status updates. Besides that, if anything comes up, you will contact me immediately." He came closer and grabbed my chin in between his thumb and index finger.

"There are a lot of very important people counting on me. Don't disappoint me."

And he was gone.

* * *

**Meeting Edward**

* * *

"It's you," I managed to get out at the sight of Carlisle Cullen the next morning. The documentation said I had been pumped with oxycodone. Too much of it. If Damon hadn't been careful, he would have killed me.

"Good morning, Elise. How are you feeling?"

I examined the doctor. This was the man I was here for. The man Damon wanted to know more about. But who was the other?

"Who are you?" I looked at the other beautiful creature in the room. Copper hair, piercing golden eyes.

"This is my son," Carlisle said. He said his name was Edward, and he stared at me too much for it to be comfortable. I looked away.

"Edward," I played with the name. "Vampires can't breed."

"No, but we are a family."

I had never heard the words family and vampire uttered together. The feelings the words brought out were completely opposite. "I want to leave." _And please, take me with you._

The pair exchanged looks before Carlisle spoke. "You can't. I have to release you myself, but I think it would be valuable for us to chat for a little bit."

Was I supposed to convince them to take me? How many seeds had Damon planted? What did they already know about me? Blood. Blood was always a good topic to start off with. "If you want a taste, I can just donate some blood and we can be on our merry way. If you prefer drinking from the source, that can also be arranged. But please, just make it quick."

What was I saying? Their eyes were golden. Vampires' diets reflected directly on their eyes. Red meant recently fed, black meant hungry. Golden meant…

"Never mind," I corrected myself. "Your eyes aren't red. You obviously don't drink human blood. How do you bear working here?" Blood lust was the sole driver for a vampire. This doctor worked at this hospital and pretended his blood lust didn't exist?

He grinned at me. "Your blood doesn't appeal to me. And my family feeds on animal blood."

There were more of them? "An entire family? Of vampires?"

"Yes," he nodded. "And we'd actually like to take you in for a few days."

This wasn't hard. Damon was right. When was he not right? There was a certain desperation I could sense from Carlisle's tone. I took my time with the cup of water he had handed me.

"What do you say?" he asked. "Would you like to contact your parents first?"

The fact that he assumed I had parents stung. It was normal to have parents, and my life had been anything but normal for the past few years. My hand gripped the sheets underneath me in frustration. "No," I said. "How long do I have to stay?"

"However long you would like. No harm will come to you. You have my word." His word? That was supposed to make me feel better?

 _This is fine_ , I told myself. _It'll always be fine._

The little boxes I had created in my brain were sorted chunks of unprocessed information, and I happily stuck the reality of this situation in one of them. Compartmentalization was how I had survived for this long, and it would define how long I would survive from here on out.

* * *

**Meeting the Cullens**

* * *

It wasn't hard for me to be checked out of the hospital. Carlisle obviously had a lot of say in how this hospital operated. They led me to a car, which was odd. They could run, could they not?

"Where are we?" I asked as Edward pulled out of the parking lot.

They told me that we were in the small town of Forks, Washington.

It worked for them, I supposed. The clouds were always present, and the area had a dreary feel to it. The commercial areas began to diminish as we made our way into a more residential part of the town. We veered outward to a secluded patch of land. After a few more minutes, a sizeable residence peeked from the hill tops. Of course, they were loaded.

I braced myself for the presence of more vampires. A house of this magnitude probably warranted way more of them than I cared for. Carlisle and Edward escorted me into their home.

Once inside, Carlisle, whom I presumed was the coven leader, wasted no time in commencing the introductions. The three vampires in front of me examined me closely. One with a muscular build, one who could pass for a soap opera mom, and one with golden locks. They all shared the golden undertones in their irises.

Their house screamed modernity. Everything had its place and looked immaculate. Did vampires or a very prominent movie star live here? A passerby would probably hang out at the front of the property, dying to snap a picture or snatch an autograph of the mystery celebrity.

This was nothing like base. The décor was tasteful, and it didn't smell of bleach and blood.

"You don't look scary at all," I remarked. Was that inappropriate to say?

My gaze finally rested on the being that didn't belong. The human.

Numbers were all I could see, and they were erratic. Her count lingered on a specific date, but it wasn't set. What were the decisions she was making? What was she going to do that would end her entirely? Would one of these people be the one to do it? Would they do the same to me?

"It's their eyes. Welcoming, right? I'm Bella, by the way," she extended her hand to me. _Bella._ I didn't take it. My mind raced a mile a minute. The Cullens were not as innocent as they seemed. They kept a human.

"You're their human?" I asked. Damon had wanted me to invasive. I could do invasive.

"Oh," she smiled uneasily. "I'm Edward's girlfriend."

A vampire and a human in a romantic relationship? My eyes darted between Edward and Bella, trying to make sense of the possibility of their nature.

"Okay," I said. But this was not okay. The girl probably didn't know any better. They were completely and utterly beautiful and they could do whatever they wanted with her. She couldn't fight them if she tried. She couldn't even fight one, let alone five.

I further examined their sanctuary. My eyes lingered on the modern décor that made up the living room, and I couldn't help but gawk at the plates of food placed perfectly on the kitchen isle.

The soap opera mother told me to grab anything I'd want. I stared at her in disbelief. What charade was this? "How many humans are you keeping here?"

The blonde spoke up. "Just you and her."

Who was all of this food for, then? I noticed their mannerisms and how they held themselves. It was like they were fighting to preserve their humanity. But they had none. Why were they pretending?

"I see," my eyes found the blonde. "You're one of those covens that attempt to mimic human life."

"We don't attempt," the muscular one effused. "We've mastered our art," he glanced quickly at the blonde man. "Mostly."

If it was their goal to act and appear human, the blonde seemed to be at the back of the race. It was obvious that it didn't come natural to him. He was as still as a statue, and his breathing was noticeably uneven. I looked at him, still confused about the game they were playing. The gaze that met my eyes hardened.

"Anyway, I'm Emmett," the muscular guy pushed forward and extended his hand. I decided to play the friendly card. My arm extended out to shake his.

"Damn," his arm vanished quickly. He commented on my skin's temperature, and I let him know that I was perfectly alright. Poor circulation was the explanation I always gave myself.

A few minutes later, they had us convene in the living room. I grabbed a piece of toast to satiate my stomach. It felt like I hadn't eaten in days and I savored every moment of it. I hadn't even realized that I was being spoken to.

"Elise, we weren't able to find any records of you. There's no link to a set of parents, or even a birth certificate," the leader said.

 _Of course_ , I thought bitterly. Damon would have taken care of that. "Is that really your business?"

They told me that they would be delighted to take me in. "But we believe we can help you better if we know you."

They wanted to help me? "My name is Elise, and I am not suicidal." I held Carlisle's gaze. "I guess I took a little too much pain medication, but I wasn't intending on dying." Rather, Damon wasn't intending on killing me. Which was a pleasant surprise.

They questioned me about my second statement. I gave them the truth.

"My body hurts sometimes."

And the doctor took that as his cue to open my chart. Did they take insurance? Because I had nothing that I could pay them with besides the food that they craved. They surely still craved human blood, right?

Carlisle proceeded to drill me on my symptoms, all the while making quick notes on a notepad. I watched him, partially annoyed. No matter where I went, I would always be the observed.

The tested. The experimented. My tongue got the best of me. I snapped too often for my own good. "If you were going to be my primary care provider, I would've rather stayed at the hospital. I'm here because I can't fight you. You don't like the fact that I know of your existence, I get that. I wish I could cleanse my brain of your existence, but I can't. I would offer you my blood in return of my gradual freedom, but I see that you don't follow that lifestyle."

An uncomfortable silence blanketed the room. I didn't want to be here as much as they didn't want me to be alive. They hid it well under their hospitality, but I was a threat to them. Anyone with basic understanding of vampiric law knew that.

They went on to describe how Bella was family. They considered a human to be part of their coven? Who were they fooling? Not me. If they were really as nice as they seemed to be, they would let me go. The thought of it brought unrealistic sensations of hope, which was dangerous.

"So, I can leave?" I clarified. Would they agree to let me walk out that door? Or would they watch as I rolled around in my false sense of freedom, only to pounce on me when I reached the garden fence?

Carlisle played on the fact that I had that freedom, and that it wasn't false. He described the guest bedroom they had prepared for me and even offered to look into my symptoms.

The fact that they wanted me to stay made this too easy. "I knew I could get you in a lot of trouble."

Perhaps it was the way I played with them that caused the angry forces to condemn me. Perhaps my feign reluctance didn't go over well with the fates. They wanted me to depend on this coven, I supposed, so they shot me with pain. The oxy wasn't here to keep me afloat any longer.

I folded over instantly, clutching my body. I held onto the dream that the harder I gripped myself, the less of it I could feel.

"I'll stay," I gritted through my teeth. It made it all the better, in a sense. All they saw was a girl who despised them, but also a weak, sick girl in dire need of their help. Yes, I wanted to stay. I needed to. The pain was just the icing that brought the whole cake together.

* * *

**A/N: We'll need a trip down memory lane for the next few updates.**

**I'm curious to see how well this will be received by you. Some of you had intense reactions to Elise's choices the previous chapter, but let's see how those opinions will hold through the more her perspective is unraveled.**

**Reminder: Jasper's world is his own. We can lift his twisted veil that he's thrown over us. For now.**


	35. Drawing Lines

**Elise**

* * *

**First Conversation with Jasper**

* * *

I got too comfortable.

The guest room they provided for me was twice the size of the room I had shared with three others back at base. Large windows adorned the walls, letting in sunlight and views of the beautiful Pacific Northwest landscape. The marble bathroom I had to myself had endless hot water for me to indulge in. The bed could have been made out of feathers for all I knew. It was a major upgrade from the stiff spring mattresses that my back was used to cramping against. Unknowingly, Damon had bought me a weekend getaway at a spa. Except this was the longest weekend of my life.

I brushed my hair slowly, letting the droplets of water ease out. Hot showers were rewards at base, and rewards weren't given often enough. They had claimed it was better for our immune system and skin to drench ourselves in ice cold water. But they weren't human, and they had no right to such claims. Cold showers were the devil's waterfalls and no one could convince me otherwise.

I pulled out the phone from my back pocket and read the only text on the screen.

_Status._

I bit my lip as my fingers tapped away. _Day 2. They have a human. But they claim she is part of the family._

I never got any replies. I only hoped he got mine.

Placing the phone securely underneath the queen-sized mattress in the room, I padded down the hallway. The grumble in my stomach told me I needed calories.

I hovered at the top of their grand staircase and peered down at the open kitchen. A familiar gaze met mine.

"Good morning." The blonde man from yesterday greeted me. "The doctor left to grab you your meds."

A vampire was doing errands. For me. I couldn't help the small smile on my lips. I skipped down the steps and my eyes focused in on the coffee machine. I sighed to myself. Hot showers _and_ coffee? This _was_ the spa.

I immediately tried to grab the carafe from the machine, but the force that held it back jerked me to a stop. Why was it still taped? Had they just bought this? Did that human not drink coffee? In that case, she was the real monster.

"We've had that for two years, and no one's used it," The blonde clarified.

How amusing. They bought all of these gadgets for show. Their kitchen was filled with unnecessary machinery, while the Jovu practiced absolute minimalism. If it wasn't critical to our survival, it didn't have a need to exist.

I prepared the machine and left to find the coffee grounds. The blonde vampire was extremely helpful in this process. He even got out the milk.

"Thank you," I threw him a smile. "How did you know?"

He didn't respond. He only examined me closely. This was the one with the unusual approach to human behaviors. He tried too hard with his breathing, which made his chest rise and fall with exaggeration. But he also didn't try hard enough, because I could probably count the amount of times he blinked within an hour on my fingers.

Letting him sway in the corners of my thoughts, I commanded myself to enjoy this cup of coffee. My first sip was heaven. I let the delectable aroma into my senses. It had been years since I had smelled, let alone tasted, fresh grounds.

Oh, they didn't like that. Whatever forces that deemed me unworthy of pleasure made their appearance. I was smited, once again. My body had a way of reminding me of my humanity. Pain was a good tool for that. In a world of vampires, it was always beneficial to be aware of your human qualities. Getting wrapped up in immortality easily made you forget how susceptible you were to everyday things. These pains in my body kept me grounded. Seeing the positivity through the haze of pain made it better.

The blonde man grabbed my arm. His sudden kindness felt wrong. It was so odd that I told him to stop. He persisted on keeping me steady, letting the pain wash over me. Then, it was gone. It always faded. That was one thing I could count on.

The Jovu didn't touch us unless they were hungry. I was used to cold skin on mine only with the sensation of my blood flowing out of my body. This man's cold hand was on my arm, but my blood remained where it belonged. I noted the obscureness of that.

I took a few deep breaths and returned to the sanctuary provided by my mug.

"How was your morning?" I made small talk. They acted like humans, so they had to bear through the worst trait we imposed onto our selves. The small talk.

He ignored it. "Does that happen often?"

I looked down at myself. Quite often. "Is there a problem?"

He narrowed his eyes. "You seem like you have some problems."

 _And you seem more like a robot trying to pass for a human being_. "Who doesn't?"

He didn't like the way I skirted around his probing, but he remained adamant to get something out of me. "How long have you been with vampires?"

"A few years."

"You must like us enough to still be in contact."

My eyes danced around the kitchen, then met his. A frown tugged at my lips. He was surely joking, right?

"You don't just walk away from vampires. What was your name?"

"Jasper."

It was more of an unusual name than Edward. I had known many Edwards, but never a Jasper.

"That sounds like a dog's name."

If he didn't like my comment, he hid it well. I continued. "You seem like decent vampires. You have a system here. There's the father figure, the brothers, the mom. I don't quite see how you view Bella. Is she really the girlfriend?"

My skepticism amused him for some reason. "Edward's girlfriend."

"And he doesn't drink from her?"

He stepped a little closer with interest. "Should he?"

Yes. Maybe. Why else would a vampire keep a human? "I think so. I don't know. I'm not a vampire."

"We're vegetarians," he repeated Carlisle's point. "We're on an animal diet. Hence, why our eyes aren't red."

 _Got it, thank you_.

"I know. Does it taste good?" The fridge called. I needed more sustenance than milk and caffeine. My feet automatically led me on the hunt for food.

"No."

It was short. It was sweet. It was unexpectedly honest.

I returned with my sustenance. Carbs. I took a bite out of the slice of bread. "Then why do you do it?"

He eyed my food with a certain disapproving stare. "If you put something on that it might taste better."

His assumption was only valid through the parallels he drew between our drastically differing worlds. "So you're saying if you lather a squirrel with some human blood, you'd be content?" I lifted the bread up in front of him. "And, wrong. I happen to like the taste of bread by itself. You don't like the taste of animal in any situation."

A small smile crept onto this statue of a man. "I haven't tried marinating my squirrels. Are you offering your blood for this experiment?"

 _Never._ My body didn't like my answer. A wave of agony washed over me.

Through deep breaths, I excused myself out of Jasper's presence.

* * *

**Preparation for Bella's Party**

* * *

"Can I leave? Take a walk? Anything?" I was begging for release. The light that cascaded from the clouds mocked me through the tall windows of this gigantic house. Claustrophobia was something I had grown accustomed to with the Jovu. But this time, I had a choice. I didn't need to accept being stuck inside.

Jasper was more than eager to accompany me, and I wasn't complaining. The chaperone made sure I didn't get lost. At least that was what I put in the little boxes inside of my brain instead of _the chaperone accompanied his prisoner._

I admired the way my skin prickled with the breeze. The Earth welcomed me back to life. It was the feeling of freedom, but not entirely. After all, I was keeping pace with the vampire next to me.

My thoughts centered around the human. Her count had stabilized. That meant she was going to die.

"How old is she turning?" I asked.

Jasper gave out the information easily. "Eighteen."

He pried for my age in return. An answer for an answer. That was the game.

Bella only got to live eighteen years, while they got to live forever. It wasn't fair. It never was.

I noticed him staring at me, and my eyes lowered quickly. The way he scrutinized my expressions left me feeling exposed. "Sorry. Thank you for taking me out."

Showing outward respect and kindness, no matter how insincere, was the way I learned to control the game. Vampires were just stronger humans with a poor choice in appetite and stronger egos.

Jasper proceeded to indulge me with more answers. I soon found that the event that corresponded with her death was her birthday. It was ironic and deeply depressing.

I dug further. "How's her life been so far?

But Jasper seemed annoyed at the topic of Bella. "Fine. She reads a lot of classics. Very Edwardian upbringing."

 _Edwardian_. I hoped that was a good thing. "Is she happy? You feel, right?"

He confirmed that he did. "She's content. She's been nervous because of her party."

 _As she should be_. Some humans could tell that they were near the end. I wasn't sure how, but perhaps it was a gut feeling. "What does she want to do in the future?"

"I think she wants to study English."

Was that it? "Does she want to change?"

"Yes."

"When?"

"That's up to Eddie. Why the curiosity?"

I gave him my reason. We were mortal and it all ended too quickly.

"It's relative. A century to me is a year for you. A century for you is your whole life."

He spoke utterly devoid of emotion. His sentences were poised, but systematic. It was as if he had no regard for the quick death of humanity. He followed up with that fact that Edward wouldn't change Bella until their marriage.

And that was the end of that. Bella would die. I would know about her impending demise. And I couldn't do anything about it. I was merely a human in this arrangement, and humans had no say in the fluctuations within the vampiric world. Either she would die from a health complication or through the hands of a vampire. Given her age, the first didn't seem as plausible as the latter. She was surrounded by vampires constantly. The risk was already there.

I wanted to know more about this man next to me. He'd been eager to talk to me and keep me company, which was a change. The Jovu touched us on the occasion to feed, but conversation was rare.

I didn't talk to my food, so why should they?

But the Cullens treated me as something more than food. Not just a wrist and a neck. Although, I had made sure to examine Bella's wrists and both sides of her neck for any indication of bite marks. The Cullens carried the same air of perfection the Jovu had effused, which was why the suspicion arose in the first place. Scarring was easy to prevent if they were careful. They could all have been drinking from Bella for all I knew, just not enough to impact their eyes. Did they all marinate their animals in Bella-blood? Was that why they owned a crock-pot?

"When did you join the Cullens?" I asked my chaperone.

He told me about Alice. Alice Cullen. His partner, and the reason why he was brought to Carlisle. He expanded on his empathic powers, which momentarily made me self-conscious about my own feelings. But that quickly ended. I knew he couldn't feel me.

"So, your power," I pried. "Does it have any limitations?"

His spiel was almost premediated. "I can feel and amplify. Usually, people are overwhelmed if they're around me and I don't actively sort through their emotions. If I don't deal with their feelings, they bounce back on them hard."

"I don't feel that way. Are you dealing with my feelings?"

"No. I'm not."

It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't a blatant admittance of truth either. No, he wasn't dealing with my feelings because he couldn't feel them.

Pain. I grabbed onto the first thing next to me. Jasper. He held me easily as I focused on my breathing. It would wash away soon. _Just breathe._

"Would you like to go back to the house?"

I refused. I refused for this to break me. He ended up apologizing for something that wasn't his fault, but his concern was appreciated.

"You weren't responsive when I asked about this before," he said.

I wasn't responsive and I still wouldn't be. The root cause for my problems didn't exist. The pain ebbed and flowed, but I had no answers. Talking about it would get me nowhere.

I balanced myself on my two feet. Before I let go of his supportive arm, I noticed a few marks glistening with the intermittent sun. I had never seen marks on a vampire before. The striking difference of cracks against perfect porcelain skin was mesmerizing. "You have crescents here."

Those must have been the magic words, because it triggered something in him.

"Yes," he said simply, and marched on. I tried my best to keep up. What history did he have with these marks? Each of them reminded me of the sharp, toenail moon. My intrigue spiked.

We kept walking. I knew he was withholding information from me. This was the game, and we had already established that no information would be given without payment.

"I don't know," I told him. "I have no clue."

"About?"

"Why I collapse like that."

"How long has it been this way?"

Forever, it felt like. "For as long as I can remember."

"Is that why you're staying? For answers?"

I paused. He had just pieced together the perfect cover. I went along giddily. "Hospitals are garbage. Carlisle showed me that he was trying."

He asked if the pills helped.

"Yes. No. Somewhat. In the moment I will do whatever it takes to make it stop."

"Is that why you ended up in the hospital?"

I looked out at the horizon, away from his piercing eyes. "Yes," I lied.

Our time was up. He grabbed me in his arms, as we had discussed. Being touched with permission was a novelty and I accepted it graciously.

"Elise," he said before taking off. "Not crescents. Scars."

* * *

**Talking to Bella**

* * *

I anxiously pulled out the phone from under the mattress and saw Damon's message.

_Status._

I stared at the screen. What could I say? These people were just _normal._ They acted unabashedly human.

My fingers were slow and hesitant as I typed. They _are vegetarians. They have a human, but she is in a romantic relationship with one of them._

I knew he wanted more, I just didn't know why. Questioning Damon's motives were never in line with keeping your sanity. The less you knew, the better. Just follow what he said and do as you were told. That was how you remained alive. And this was how I would earn my freedom.

I heard footsteps in the hallway. The phone went back into its hiding place.

"Knock, knock," Bella greeted me. "How are you adjusting?"

I plastered a smile on my face. "I'm adjusting well, thank you."

My eyes wanted to dance to above her head, but I did my best to focus on her eyes. Her count ticked, and ticked, and ticked. Down… down… down…

"You must be excited for your party," I said. Small talk was good. Distracting.

"Not really," she gave me a sheepish grin. She invited herself into the room and took a seat on my bed. The phone beneath her spiked my anxiety, but I swallowed it down. "I'm not a big fan of surprises."

I wasn't either. The phone was on silent, I reminded myself. Unless an invisible force beckoned for her to reach out and stick her hand in between the box spring and the bottom of the mattress, we would have no surprises. "But you're turning eighteen. That has to have some merit to it."

"I suppose," she drew out. "The only big event I really care about is the one with Edward. It involves a white dress and a form fitting tux."

 _Get married tomorrow. Save your life._ "How long do you want to wait until you're married?"

Her eyes lit up so quickly that I wanted to look away. Dear God, I couldn't do this.

"A year. Edward hasn't proposed yet, but we're thinking maybe a year."

"After that, you'll change?"

And, she would. If she only got married. What a stupid barrier to entry. She tried to empathize with my pain and asked if I would be alright to attend her party.

Could I bear attending a celebration for her death? I felt like a fraud. I asked, instead, of her family.

"Mother's in Arizona, and my dad's here. You?"

I didn't matter at all at this moment. "Dead. Will they be coming to your party?"

She looked like she wanted to pry, but held herself back. "No. I like to keep them away from vampires as much as possible."

I mentally screamed at her to run. I couldn't stop this, but I could grant her a last wish. That was honorable, right?

Her last wish was consuming an excessive amount of alcohol, and I was her fairy god mother. I had to be. Who else would step up to that role?

Apparently, Jasper. After Bella left, I quickly found him in his room. He had heard, and he even offered to change the drink list for tomorrow's gathering.

I smiled slowly, hoping he picked up on my appreciation.

I wanted to leave and mentally prepare myself for Bella's day, but he coaxed me into staying. His room smelled of old books and leather. It was comforting and unsuitably inviting. I gave in. My eyes lingered on the rows of books. Some were brand new, but most looked old with tattered bindings. He had read them probably more than once. He let me take the time to soak in his sanctuary, but my mind only raced with the reality of tomorrow's event.

Distractions, distractions. Oh, yes. The two other members of the Cullens had returned from their trip. Jasper's partner and Emmett's partner. "I don't get great vibes from your sister."

He gave me a knowing stare. "She's a bitch to everyone."

This family clearly felt the love. My tongue took an automatic route to respond. It was brain vomit. "I think she acts that was because she's scared. Anger is almost always a byproduct of fear. And I'm here. She's scared of what that means for her family. I can't argue with that."

A pause is what I earned from him. "You know so much for what you are."

My word vomit impressed him? "For what I am?"

"Do you think Bella has even half the perception you show?"

 _Say kind things. Unless a miracle comes out of nowhere, it's her last full day on this planet._ "I'm sure she's a very smart girl."

He didn't seem to agree. "Why do you think that?"

It was obvious, wasn't it? "Why would a vampire waste his time with a dim-witted human?"

He didn't care about Bella. He was trying to dig deeper into me. "Edward has his type but that's beside the point. You've been exposed to my world more than most humans I've known."

Was that something I should've worn around my neck like a prize? This wasn't something to be proud of. "It comes with a price. I never asked for any of it. If you could give me the chance to do it all over again, I would run the other way. Not that I ever had an option to run."

He leaned forward. "Who, Elise?"

Damon. His people. "They were disbanded. I think they're all dead."

I hoped they were. If Damon was the sole survivor, I had some advantage. The thought of him made me feel sick, and the reality that was Bella's birthday piled more anxiety on top. I picked the cowardly route. "I don't feel well. Would it be terrible if I skipped the party tomorrow?"

It wouldn't be terrible for me. But it would be for her. And I didn't deserve to witness more death.

* * *

**Bella's Death**

* * *

I could hear music. It was sickening.

I had spent the entire day in my bedroom playing the pain card. The chatter of the party below wouldn't leave my ears. I willed myself to sleep, but counting sheep only made me visualize Bella's counter.

_Go out there. Take Bella in. Take her in until her count stabilizes to another date. Make an excuse._

It wasn't my business. I had no right to intervene in their lives. Damon had stuck me here as an observer. If I impacted the experiment, I was tampering with it. That was condemnable in the scientific world.

I heard a crash and shot up in my bed. Screaming. Growling.

Yes. It was one of them that would do it. Which one?

The music shut off. The ruckus left the building.

I reached down to grab the phone from the mattress.

 _Status._ He had texted hours ago.

I frowned. _Their human is dead._

As I moved to hide the phone, the screen turned on again. A reply.

_Are you ok?_

My eyes widened in shock. He wanted to know that I was okay? But he wasn't asking to know how the death had impacted me personally. He was just curious if they were planning on killing me, too, which would surely impact his plans.

_Yes._

I should've texted him that I wasn't sure. Because really, I didn't know if I was going to be okay. My head pounded with the adrenaline that rushed through my body.

I hid the phone and padded downstairs. My feet slowed as I took in the destruction that was supposed to be the living room. Glass. Everywhere. Dented walls, a broken window. The presents were a mess on the ground. The only thing that stood tall was the layered birthday cake.

It was sad.

I took a deep breath and followed the trail of blood on the carpet to the broken window. Whoever killed her had ran off with her. I assumed the rest of them trailed behind. Were they trying to stop him? Or were they all in a frenzy?

I receded back into the room.

A few hours later, I woke to more destruction. It was very early morning.

"What?" Someone said from outside. "What are you doing?"

I peered out the window, but I was facing the wrong side of the house. I tiptoed down to the living room where the previously dented wall was now a gaping hole.

"She wasn't your mate." I heard Jasper speak. "If she was, you would've killed me. Or if you couldn't, you would've been begging for me to rip you to shreds and light a bonfire."

I shiver erupted throughout my body. Jasper had done it.

I opened the front door. The scene in front of me felt foreign. The Cullens didn't seem particularly upset with Jasper. At least not enough to isolate him completely. Vampires could show this much value to each other?

I hadn't even realized that I was crying. For Bella? For the kinship bond I had just witnessed? Was this the reason Damon wanted to infiltrate them? Because this was what made them strong. They banded together no matter what the circumstances.

The family gradually dispersed. The tension between Edward and Jasper remained, but they acted in truce. Once Jasper was alone, I veered closer.

His eyes were a dashing red. His dirty blonde locks were dirtier. The mud stuck to him and held on. His clothes were tattered and his shoes had gashes in them. But nothing about him looked broken. Behind it all, there was a gleam in his eye. Had he been wanting to do this for so long? When had he last tasted a human?

At that moment, I realized that I knew nothing about this man. But I had to tell him. I had to tell someone. Maybe then, the burden would be lifted. It wouldn't be my problem.

"I need to say this," I hesitated. The wind blew. I realized I was still in a thin layer of pajamas. He moved with instinct to drag me back into the house.

I stopped him. My sentence came out way too quickly, and I hoped his vampiric hearing filled in the gaps. "Jasper, I knew that Bella was going to die."

But, he didn't respond. He only left for a few seconds to grab me a jacket. The kind gesture wasn't lost on me.

Jasper directed me further from the house. I clutched the garment close to me against the cool morning and peered sideways at the man that had fulfilled my predictions. Bella's killer.

My mouth started a tangent. I didn't know how to say this without seeming absolutely crazy. "I knew it," I kept repeating.

When Jasper was satisfied with our destination, he stopped me and directed me to sit on the grass. I noticed how he kept his distance from me. As I sat in the morning dew, he picked a boulder a few feet away. His eyes averted mine.

Wait. He was nervous. Of course, he was. He had just killed someone. But, in a way, so had I.

I started to babble. It was something Damon hated.

He finally held up a hand to tell me I wasn't making any coherent sense.

I had to make sense. This had to be clear as possible. "It's a ticking clock that winds down."

I watched his expression, or at least the parts that he wasn't trying to hide from me. He cocked his head to the side. "Is this a feeling or visual?"

"Visual," I bit my lip. "Do you think I'm crazy?"

He stood up quickly. "I just _killed_ someone, and you're concerned that I think _you're_ crazy?"

_Yes. Killing is natural to you. Predicting expiration dates on mortals isn't natural for humans._

"You see, what, a death counter?" It was well put. I peered at him from under my eyelashes. Why did I care so much about what this person thought of me? I inwardly scowled at my childish concerns.

"Essentially," I explained. "Imagine that on every human you see an expiration counter, except that count changes, I assume, depending on their decisions. It's dynamic. Every human has a countdown, which is fitting, obviously. We all die."

He tied the dots together in his head. "So, you knew on Bella's birthday that it would be her last."

I looked away. "It stabilized for the last few days. I didn't know if it would change, but I hoped it would."

He didn't say anything for a while. "You can look at me," he finally spoke. "Look at my mistake."

 _Your mistake?_ "I didn't stop it."

"I didn't stop myself either. Hell, I feel great. The view is gorgeous, and I have a newfound strength and desire to run the entire continent of North America."

This was it. This was the man I wanted to see. The one who didn't tear himself apart because of his nature. The role he played with the Cullens was just that: a role. A script. How much of it was true? How much of it was an act? He didn't really feel that much remorse for his actions, did he?

"It's your nature," I said simply.

"Does it make you upset?"

Why would it? What made me upset had nothing to do with him. "I make myself upset. My body makes me upset."

He knew what I hinted at and he closed the distance between us. He let me grip his hand as a wave of agony washed over me.

_Breathe, breathe._

_Done._

"I feel insane," I expressed.

But Jasper wouldn't have that. He drew his parallels. "Edward probably felt insane the first time when the voices crept into his brain. Alice has seizures for a vampire; her visions disable her. I'm overwhelmed by others' feelings before they even open their mouths. We're all a little bit insane."

He mentioned Edward. The person who probably felt the deepest impact in all of this. I asked what he would think.

Jasper was quick to dismiss my concern. "It doesn't matter. She wasn't his mate, and he already got out his anger on me. Now it's only a matter of time before he goes over to her dad and makes up some story."

I learned about the ultimate cover-up strategy, and I learned about the wolves. With the constantly dynamic environment of myth turning into reality, the existence of the dogs weren't a surprise. It was more of an _oh, okay_ acknowledgement.

Jasper and I shared a moment of silence. For Bella? For her soon-to-be mourning family? I didn't know. But I liked the silence. It wasn't difficult or awkward. Natural. Until I saw him lick his lips.

"A little peckish?" I asked.

"Habit," he smirked.

I tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear. "How long had it been since your last?"

He didn't hesitate in his response. "Five years, three months, and six days."

 _Damn_. Was teasing him appropriate at this moment? "You better reset that counter."

He went along with it. "Fourteen hours, twenty-two minutes, and three seconds."

I had to know. "Who did you kill before?"

Jasper paused for a moment. He had no obligation to answer, but a small, barely noticeable smile crept on his lips. He told me about a girl named Jennifer Creighton, where he met her, where she lived, and just how great she smelled.

Weren't vampires possessive? I bet Alice would've been slightly bothered by the way he talked about her. But Jasper soon clarified that they weren't an item anymore. I offered my condolences regarding the news.

But, back to his kills. Jennifer had to be a mistake. But his eyes showed anything but regret. If I didn't know him any better, I'd expect him to wear a gold medal with Jennifer's name etched in on it to show the world.

I asked the important question. "Was Jennifer a slip-up?"

"They're all slip-ups."

His tone begged for me to dig deeper. He wanted me to analyze his inflection, his drawl. Was he lying? Was he being truthful? How deep of a game was this? All I knew was that if it had been an accident, he wouldn't know this much information about the girl.

"That odd," I challenged. "But you've been to her apartment? And I didn't know vampires and yoga mixed."

He narrowed his eyes. "You don't believe me?"

I didn't. Not one bit. "You don't seem the type to cry over his victims. Do you ask your slip-ups their full name before draining them?"

He blinked. Once. Twice. "There are a million responses I could give you, Elise, all with perfectly tied in excuses. Here's one. I'm the weakling in the family."

Excuses. They were excuses. Lies. There was nothing weak about the man in front of me. The anxiety mixed with the adrenaline. Was pushing him stupidity? Probably. "But you're not. You're the strongest of them all. Who was your previous kill and how long did you stalk her for?"

Did he mean to lick his lips? "You assume all of my slip-ups are female."

"Are they not?"

He shifted his weight, offering me a different illusion. "Assuming they weren't slip-ups, how would I keep that from the Cullens? Besides, Edward's the teacher's pet who would rat me out the moment he got inside my head. Let's not even begin to talk about getting around Alice's visions."

Was he trying to throw me off? Did he regret his victims? Did he want me to think so? He was wasting a lot of his time trying to veer me onto this path. His words and his tone were conflicting. His words said to let it go, but the edge to this voice made me want to dig deeper. But I didn't believe him. Nothing in me did.

"Okay, Jasper."

But then, he did something that surprised me. He offered me more. "Sometimes, I stray loose from the Cullens."

Yes. I looked up at the sky. I wasn't an idiot. Jasper was a vampire, and the Cullens were too specialized for his tastes. There was a rebel in there wanting to dye his hair red with blood and adhere to his true nature.

"You are a vampire. You plan your hunt and you go for it."

He shook his head. "How do you know anything about us?"

"I was part of a disbanded coven. When you're with vampires, you learn about vampires. If I threw you in a lion's den you would be super observant about their daily habits."

He scowled. "No, I would be a very happy vegetarian vampire."

He despised the life the Cullens led. "You hate it, Jasper. Why don't you leave?"

Jasper went on to say something about veganism and health. Animal blood was healthier than human blood? His sarcasm tried to mask his annoyance. Had I pushed too far? Why was this a sensitive topic?

"Stop it. You're stronger than this."

I _had_ pushed too far. "Yes, I am."

And then, I was flying. No, I wasn't moving. But he was. With me.

I could feel my heart beat faster. I closed my eyes tightly and waited for it to be over. Vampiric speed wasn't smooth if you were haphazardly taken on a ride. I just prayed to keep my stomach acid in my stomach.

I opened my eyes when he slowed. My eyes met a little house. No, smaller than that. Perhaps it would classify as a cabin.

"You're the perfect victim," he said lowly and brought me inside. His tone chilled me to the core. "I don't feel your misery. I don't feel your sadness. If I killed you, I wouldn't feel anything."

His retaliation was curious. But I was more focused on landing softly on the unsatisfactorily hardened couch. Was I in danger? Probably. But he had just killed a human. I doubted he could go forward with digging my grave so close to Bella's death. The Cullens were forgiving, but to what extent? "I'm sensing you're angry."

He paced. And paced, and paced. I watched this man transform from the quiet, brooding Cullen member, to the vampire huntsman planning his next meal. And his next meal was me. "You don't have parents, or anyone who would worry. I watched Jennifer for a week. Her parents were across the country, and they didn't find out for days afterwards."

It wasn't just the blood. He found his thrill in the hunt. He was a vampire. One who was far away from the vampirism the Cullens practiced, and closer to another I had the least pleasure of knowing.

Jasper went on. He spoke loudly and proudly of his accomplishments. He preached his actions like a savored sermon. When would I get on my knees and praise his deadly worship?

Finally, he crouched down to my level. "Tell me you're scared."

Of him? Perhaps. He could kill me with a flick of a wrist. But vampires exercising their power over me was something I had grown accustomed to. He wasn't anything special.

"You like this place? I have a dozen like this across the country. Some are more pleasant than others."

A dozen? This man was truly living a double life. I shrunk back slightly on the couch. "Do the Cullens know?"

Not as a whole, apparently. No one except for Alice. "You?" he asked me. "Will you tell?"

My lips pursed tightly as I examined him. It was easier to comply than be caught in any situation with a predator like him. "No."

He praised me. "Diplomatic. You sure know how to deal with vampires. Tell me, who gave you this much practice?"

Easiest answer all day. "Damon." Which reminded me. I needed to check the phone and tell him I had found the psychopath in the family. _Damon, I think I've found your brother._

"I suppose he didn't teach you to stay out of our personal business. You pry like it's your right."

I didn't do a damn thing. "I speak for what I see. You don't belong with the Cullens. You belong with people like Damon."

I caught the glint in his eye when he asked me more about him.

Jasper had showed me a more honest version of himself, so he deserved some partial truth in return. "He was a true vampire. I'm not sure if he's dead, but he's the one that pumped me full of oxy."

He caught on to my previous lie quickly. "You said you took it yourself."

"We both can twist the truth into something easy."

He pulled me up from the couch and led me to a room. He showed me the timeline that made him who he was. The tallies remembered his history, made up his present, and showed potential for the future. I gazed at the hundreds of lines on the walls. My hands absently went up and traced them. He didn't hide these. Not from the right people. He wanted them to see.

"You need to add one," I said. Bella had died in his hands. He had to honor her. This was his way of doing so.

"Two is a better number," he slowly etched in one line, but kept his hand raised against the wall. He watched for my reaction, and the realization set in. Me? He would risk killing me? I didn't think so. If he was going to kill me, he would have done it already. And the fact that he hadn't painted the walls with my blood spoke millions.

He wouldn't kill me because he had already taken Bella. I reasoned that he would need to wait a few months or years before it was acceptable for him to _slip-up_ again. And if he was as self-righteous as he seemed, he wouldn't kill me for the risk of losing my potential. "You don't want to get rid of me. I have enough potential to be valuable."

His next comment hit a nerve. A deep one. As much as I tried to draw a line between him and Damon, it was hard when their sentence structures were identical. "You don't have to die to give me a taste."

Vampires were all the same. I bet the Cullens had the same sort of arrangement. It was all a façade. Was Bella really just a soon-to-be bloodbag? That was probably all I was. My anger came out quickly and uncontrollably. "You're no different than the others. Be original. Those were Damon's exact words."

Surprise was always a delicate emotion to read on a vampire's face. You couldn't easily surprise one of the most alert creatures on the planet. "He drank from you?"

He did. The base was just one big winery, and Damon was the owner with unlimited access. "He drank from all of us."

The banter, no matter how incredulous, distracted me from the pain. But it was getting worse, and I had the chance to make it better. "Now if we're done, I'm going to miss my dose if we don't get home soon. Take me back."

Jasper frowned. "You need to start talking, Elise."

Was I not doing just that? "I am talking. Have you been listening? Take me home."

"Is reality too much for you? You asked for it."

He couldn't be more wrong. "I did. And it was just as expected."

As he ran me back to the Cullen property, I let my thoughts flutter through my mind uninterrupted. Being whisked through the air at vehicular speeds left you no other option. My hands tightened around his neck as I felt the wind chill my bones. Or was it the conversation? Perhaps it was the realization that everything was indeed not what it seemed. I barely knew Jasper, but today was an intriguing step forward. Unexpectedly, he showed me a secret piece of himself, and I couldn't figure out why. Was it a threat? Or was it a friendly whisper and a plea for trust?

No. There was no way I could trust this man. But I could definitely play along.

* * *

**A/N: Elise seems to be driven by her persistence to survive. What does earning her freedom mean? Jumping out of the vampiric world and returning to a normal human life? It's a naive stream of consciousness. Perhaps she hasn't thought all of this through.**

**For those of you who like Bella, I'm sorry that you have to read her die twice.**


	36. Mismatched Colors

**Elise**

* * *

**Her Mortality**

* * *

_You don't want to die, Elise. You're just scared. And once you're changed, you can go after Damon and whoever else that wronged you._

I dug my fingers deeper into the soft pillow. Sleep wouldn't come. My mind was racing a mile a minute, deciphering the information Jasper shoved into it. I was in danger. No, I was always in danger. But now it wasn't just Damon. Would the Cullens kill me? Was it all just an elaborate ruse? These were questions that I asked myself daily, but now I was incredibly uncertain.

Jasper had openly told me that I had to die.

I sighed heavily. And I had basically asked him to kill me right then. _So much for you being suicidal, Adams._ If I was going to die after all this time, and it wasn't even Damon doing the actual killing, what was the point? Just take me now and get it over with.

_You can go after Damon and whoever else that wronged you._

What a dream. What a crazy, beautiful, fantasy. I sat up and looked out the window and into the deep sky. If they changed me, could I do it? Could I end the one creature who stole my future?

I held my head in my hands. I didn't want to die. I didn't want to live in a world where vampires existed. I certainly didn't want to be one of them. I wanted normal. And I would fight for normal. And once Damon got what he wanted, I could have it. Nothing else would matter.

 _That's the beauty of immortality._ More like immorality. There was nothing beautiful about these creatures. In fact, once all of this was over, I wanted to move as close to the equator as it got. Fun and sun were both things you could never associate with a vampire, and if that's what it took… _ladies and gentleman, I am moving to Brazil._

I rolled over to the side of the bed and dug around for my phone. My teeth chewed absently at my lower lip as I read the cold, robotic text I had received for the evening.

_Status._

I sighed. The Cullens had figured out the Jovu's existence quickly, which intrigued me. They were a resourceful coven with their allies, but they were independent enough to live in isolation.

My fingers moved slowly. _They know about the Jovu._

I never expected a reply, but I got one a minute later. _What about_ _me?_

My lip endured a harder bite. The truth was that the Cullens didn't know about Damon. But Jasper did. And if the picture that the Cullens painted of themselves were true, Jasper didn't belong with them. Not one bit. And for some reason, it made it okay to lie. Because it wasn't a lie. Jasper wasn't a part of the Cullens. Not in mind.

 _No._ I responded. And it felt good.

* * *

**The Move to Idaho**

* * *

I was stuck in the backseat in Carlisle and Esme's vehicle. Technically, I had made the silent decision to join them instead of any car Jasper resided in. I needed time away from him to think. And after the stunt I pulled yesterday, I wasn't sure what he thought of me. A weak, pathetic human who wished desperately to be killed? An ignorant girl who knew nothing about immortality and dismissed the possibility without consideration? _Teach me_ , I thought. _Teach me, damn it._

The car ride was long, and I felt a twinge of awkwardness every time I had to ask for bathroom break. They treated my requests with immediate attention and provided quick resolution. If they were annoyed by the gas station stops, they did a grand job of hiding it.

"How are you adjusting, Elise?" Carlisle met my gaze through the rear-view mirror.

I threw him a small smile. "Pretty good, thanks."

"No, thank _you_ ," Esme said gently. "We appreciate your patience with us as we investigate this case."

I released a heavy sigh. "I'm just happy that I'm out of there."

"We bet," Carlisle's eyebrows knitted together. "We're glad that we can help."

"You're safe with us." Esme reached back and patted my lap like a loving mother would. My eyes fixated on her pale hand, then they darted to the window. This was odd. How could a vampire preserve this much humanity? It was beautiful. Why couldn't they all be this way?

Esme's remark about my safety should have made me feel better had it not been for my conversation with Jasper. His adamant words regarding my change stuck with me and they held on. I couldn't shake off the feeling that this family image was a sham. That Carlisle and Esme were going to take the next exit, pull into the nearest woods, and start biting me. I shivered slightly.

"Cold?" Carlisle asked.

I nodded slowly. He turned on the heater.

My hands absently played with the smooth leather texture of the backpack they had given me for my items. I didn't have much, but they suggested that I pack any toiletries with me from the guest bedroom. The phone that tied me to Damon was stuck underneath all of that.

The soft hum of the radio drew me into my own mind. _Humans don't have the capacity to control the chemicals in their brain as much as we can. If you choose to forget, you can forget._ Was that really true? Could I exercise selective memory? Could I forget the insanity in the white rooms? The screams of the subjects? The agony of the humans around me when they realized that there was no turning back? That this was their permanent reality? Could I decompartmentalize my brain and still be sane enough to live a lucrative life?

Then again, it could be different. I had survived the Jovu. Damon made sure of that. He was my final obstacle to my freedom. My definition of freedom remained in terms of my humanity. Could that change? Could I accept immortality and take my fate into my own hands? I gripped the backpack tighter, mentally wanting to crush the phone and end it all. I was a puppet and the master that pulled my strings promised me freedom if I fulfilled his task. But if the strings fell limp, anyone had the power to grab them before me. Anyone with sharp teeth and a poorly managed diet of blood.

I chewed on my lip, which grew increasingly chapped the colder it got. My thoughts raced and my heart pumped. Vampirism was always a possibility. If I wanted to control my own strings, vampirism was the only option.

"How are you doing back there?" Carlisle asked.

_Great thanks, dad. Just having an existential crisis._

"I'm good," I got out. "How much longer?"

"An hour max."

I rested my head against the window. There was a lot to think about.

* * *

**Elise's Deal**

* * *

Jasper took me out on a walk as the sun began to set. He had me tour the foundations of the new house that the Cullens were building. And while that was cool, I wanted to talk to him about my proposition.

_If you promise to answer my questions to the best of your ability and provide me with enough information to make an informed decision on my circumstances, I will consider changing for the Cullens._

Yes. I needed information. If I was going to make a decision about immortality, I needed answers to any and all questions. This couldn't be an impulsive decision. I needed to know what I was getting into and if I would be okay going through with it.

"You never gave me answer," I pressed. We walked side by side on a green pathway.

He examined me closely before responding. "You act like you have a choice. Your deal means nothing to me."

The air from my lungs left in record time. I felt like I had been punched in the gut, and Jasper didn't stop. His punches turned into kicks, and he pulled out a knife with the words he spoke.

"You don't realize how good you have it for a human in your position. Ending up with the Cullens was one of the best things to happen to you. Now, you'll be good, and you will repay the Cullens for their hospitality. No one else would have treated you with the generosity they have shown you." He stopped in front of me. "There is no deal because you have no other choice."

The Cullens did expect something in return. But I hadn't asked for them to investigate the Jovu. They had offered. Angry tears filled my eyes, but I blinked them away. They wanted me to die. They were just too nice to say it.

But their messenger was anything but nice. "After the house is built, I suggest we begin arrangements. You'll have a room comfortably to yourself to complete your transformation."

Unbelievable.

"Say something."

No. I wouldn't die for Damon. I wouldn't die for the Cullens. I would die for me. "It will happen on my terms, if it even happens."

He went onto be the asshole I was discovering he was. "You've been dealt your hand, and now you learn to deal with it."

Why did I have to listen to this man? "Did the Cullens just decide that you were my main point of contact in this negotiation?"

His head shook in frustration. "It's not a negotiation. The Cullens know nothing."

Hold up. "Nothing? I thought you would have had this discussion with them."

"Nothing leaves between us. We've agreed on this."

That meant the Cullens didn't know about Damon. They didn't know about my proposal. They didn't know that I had considered immortality as a way out.

"I need to talk to them."

His touch was unexpected, and my body froze instantaneously. "Nothing leaves between us."

My eyes trailed down to his hand on my arm. His grip was hard, and if he held on any longer, it would bruise. He either didn't know his own strength, or he was outright threatening me.

"I know," I said softly. "This isn't about you. You're inherently selfish, and you project what you want onto your actions. I need to know how they feel about killing me."

His hand was gone, hanging loosely by his side. It looked like he didn't know what to do with it, so it dangled freely. "They feel the same way. Empath."

How could he know that? He hadn't even told them. "I don't trust you."

He crossed his arms. His tone was arrogant, if put lightly. "The Cullens are the masters of selfish. They're scared of consequences and they want you dead to protect their family. They've survived this long at the expense of each other."

The picture Jasper painted was incongruous. The colors were mismatched, the textures differed on the quadrants of the canvas, and whatever was framed looked more like spit than a masterpiece. He was trying to sell me spit.

In his perspective, the Cullens were just the usual selfish beings who only used each other for one common goal: survival. He spoke with distaste as he described Carlisle's decisions to turn each member of the family. Jasper's pessimism was odd. Sure, people banded together for protection, but feelings of connection, respect, and love developed from those bindings. It was called family.

My perspective annoyed him. He didn't like being challenged, and it was probably not in my business to do so. But I wanted to. I needed to. He gave away information about the Cullens openly and without constraint, and pushing him this way made him talk.

In a way, this arrangement was beneficial to both of my dilemmas. In Damon's case, I could probe Jasper regarding his family. In my case, Jasper's insights into the vampiric world would give me a solid idea of a life I had never considered the possibility of.

Jasper's eyes were closed, and a hand came up to stop me. My mouth liked to babble, and it was getting to him.

"Isn't it basically your job to be in tune with your emotions?" I asked.

He regarded me coolly. "I am very much in tune with mine. Yours is another story."

 _Ding, ding, ding._ I needed him to say it. "When we were playing in your cabin, you said you couldn't feel me. Tell me more."

He crossed his arms. "Your feelings are hard to decipher."

I smiled. "And that means?"

"You disappoint me. I thought you were at least a little above average in your intelligence."

Always with the jabs. My smile grew wider. "I just wanted to hear you say that your gift didn't work on me."

He clapped mockingly. "Are you satisfied?"

"Quite," I quipped. "I knew I was a shield, but I never knew its extent." Which was partially the truth. I knew Damon wanted me for my shield, and he wouldn't have planted me in a house of gifted vampires if he knew I'd be exposed the moment the mind reader infiltrated my thoughts. My worth was equated through my shield, and I would always cherish it as the reason for my survival. Without it, Damon would've snapped me like a twig long ago.

After popping two pills into my mouth, I examined Jasper through the corner of my eye. He was reserved, rigid. Reluctant? Restless. I couldn't think of any more R-adjectives.

I had annoyed him, and that should've scared me. "Stop acting so frustrated," I said instead. "I'm the one that's signing her death sentence."

His lips curled. "Signed. You've signed it and you're continuing to dig your own grave."

I asked him about death and dying. He had nothing to say but cruel embellishments. "The feeling of a human dying is euphoric, Elise. I've made this clear during out play date in my cabin."

The cabin experience had been an interesting one, and I had learned so much from Jasper in such a small amount of time. His perspective of the Cullens was telling, and something was bound to come out through his negative stance of their lifestyle. Could this be it? Was Jasper the key to all of my discoveries?

I inquired about his cabins. He told me that the closest one was located in Montana.

"The cabin would be a three-hour car ride," he eyed me curiously. "Maybe another time."

That possibility was good enough for me. My curiosity persisted, and so I asked about the state of his victims. Would I step into the cabin to blood dripping from the ceiling? Were there dead girls buried in the backyard? Did I ever want to shine a black light in the kitchen?

I pushed forward when he dismissed my question. Personal was always better. "Would you kill me in your cabin, or would I be dead before I reached the kitchen table?"

He paused, a slight smile forming on his lips. It made me think he wasn't serious with what he said next, but you could never be too sure. "It could go either way. If you suddenly learned to stop talking, I could probably be okay taking you to the cabin and showing you around before taking a bite. If I couldn't get you to shut up, I'd drain as much of your blood as I could do induce consciousness, and then you'd be chained to a wall for a couple of weeks as I withdrew blood. I have to maintain my eye color, as you know."

Decide. Plan. Execute. He lived two lives with those three basic steps. His eyes were never quite identical to the rest, but they weren't anything close to a bright red, which seemed good enough for him. And it didn't seem like the Cullens were complaining about it. I wondered what lie he must have told them for the unusual tone of his eye color.

His gaze was challenging. He had just planned out my death in the most blasé tone I had ever heard.

"You can't drain me, though," I stared back. "That would defeat the purpose."

"Once a vampire starts, it's one of the hardest things to stop."

Vampires, too, were challenged by adversity: themselves. It made me feel better about being human. "You all walk around like some high and mighty beings but your impulse control is just as bad as ours. I thought you had full control of your minds."

He chuckled. "If we had full control of our minds, the world wouldn't be chaos. We retain some human attributes as we change. No one can tell which of your human traits you'll carry over, but your personality as a human can very well reflect your ability as a vampire. Carlisle owes it to his human counterpart for his patience and control. I, unfortunately, cannot say the same."

No. He couldn't. This man was anything but patient. At least, that was the Jasper I had met recently. The one who took what he wanted and lied through the rest. But the fact that he was here with me was contradictory to all of this mess. Either I was his next victim, or he enjoyed my company enough to indulge me. Bella had sworn it was the latter with her experiences with vampires.

Look how that turned out for her.

* * *

**A/N:** **Elise is effectively trying to hit two birds with one stone. Getting information for both Damon and herself will prove valuable if she's successful. She's still increasingly skeptical about the Cullens, but she seems more comfortable around Jasper. Could this be because he's shown her the side of vampirism that she constantly expects from every vampire?**

**Thank you for reading, all.**


	37. Explorations

**Elise**

* * *

**Montana**

* * *

I proceeded to pack a small bag for our impromptu trip. Jasper's sudden desire to take me to Montana was unexpected, but I agreed without hesitation. More alone time with him meant more answers for me.

I checked the phone quickly before packing it. _Status._

I thought of my words carefully. _Completing the move to Idaho._

My fingers remained hovering over the screen, wanting to type more. But I held myself back. I didn't need to tell him anything about my whereabouts. I just needed to tell him enough to keep him content, and that only involved any business with the Cullens. My arrangements with Jasper didn't qualify.

Thirty minutes later, I watched Jasper weave efficiently through traffic as we made our way East. He had graciously stopped by a fast-food joint to grab me lunch. I clutched the brown paper bag as we sped by long stretches of barren fields.

"You should eat." He looked at me longer than anyone driving a high-speed vehicle should.

I opened the bag and sniffed the contents. "No," I crinkled my nose as my belly flopped. "I can never eat in cars."

Not as a baby, not as a grown adult. Food and motion did not go together. I would make a shit vampire.

"That's fine. We're only two hours out, and you'll have a lovely kitchen table all to yourself."

"And you can have my dead body all to yourself on your lovely kitchen table."

He tapped lightly on the stirring wheel. "I don't even like eating in the kitchen. Some clans do. Some pick a human for the night, drain her, and funnel her blood into an elegant dispenser. Then, they sit around a large dinner table and pretend they're drinking wine. Some even pray before."

The absurdity of his descriptions was almost comical. His choice of wording was what caught my attention. "Why is it always female?"

He straightened his back. "I let my personal preferences seep into my language, I apologize."

Why did he play it off so quickly? "Again, why is it always female?"

His eyes remained focused on the road, even though I knew he could just look at me if he wanted. "They're sweeter."

Were they? I drew my own parallels, hoping it would help him open up. "I like milk chocolate over dark chocolate because it's sweeter."

He liked that. "I think that's precisely why women are sweeter. You consume more chocolate than males."

"I haven't had chocolate in years. You talked about prayer. Are vampires religious?"

This time, he did look at me. "Are humans religious?"

I couldn't help my dumb smile stemming from my ignorant question. "Sorry. Are you religious?"

A hand reached up and ran against his jaw. "I suppose I was as a human. Not so much now. All the books say I'm going to hell and that I'll be condemned by God. Once you start playing God, you stop thinking about that."

Did he just say that he was God? "That's so egotistical."

"It's the truth. Are you going to ask about my political views next? Because this is not how you make friends."

Me? Friends? With Jasper? Amusing. But what was more important than my improbable friendship with Jasper was the Cullens. I asked him about what he had told them about our sudden departure.

"The Cullens like that I'm distracting you. Frankly, I don't think they'd care if I took you away for a few days."

Jasper was a vampire, so I suppose he was distracting. It was in his nature. I asked him what they thought I needed to be distracted from.

"Leaving."

My eyes widened in surprise. The fact that a whole coven of vampires seemingly went through all of these hoops to make sure I stayed was unbelievable. "So they think that I am free to leave and that I have a choice in my change."

"Sure."

Was that true? "I think I like them better."

All I earned was a scowl. "You only like them because of the lies they tell you. Everybody believes in free will and choice until they're threatened. If the Volturi comes knocking on our door, you'll be the first one to go."

It was like he was as skeptical of them as I was. His claims erred on the side that the Cullens would always pick themselves over anyone else. Over me. If they got into trouble with the law, they would turn me over to the authorities. How would that work? Would I be in vampire jail? Could humans even be in vampire jail?

"I'm not really sure how to feel," I expressed.

The road suddenly became bumpy beneath us as I realized Jasper had pulled off the main road. "Think about it later. I want to show you something."

I counted the trees that passed by as we went deeper into isolation. I should've been irked by the growing silence and emptiness around us, but I was eerily at ease. The sight that welcomed me commanded me to set my shoulders back and take a deep breath. When Jasper stopped the car, he informed me that he had to run me the rest of the way. My eyes were stuck on the beauty of the landscape in front of us.

I had to get out of the car to be closer to it. "Jasper, this is amazing."

"I'm glad you like it."

The sunlight danced on top of the water, and I wanted to dive in. It looked warm, welcoming, and private. The grass around us was overgrown. No human infrastructure had touched this portion of land. I looked back at my chaperone, only to see him staring back at me. My eyes trailed over his skin as the intermittent sun glowed around him. Biblically, he looked like the definition of an angel. The marks on his skin were highlights against his pale complexion. It didn't hurt his appearance. It was unique. It made him interesting, yet confusing.

"What do you think?" he held out his arms, catching more of the light.

But rest assured, even the devil was once an angel. "It's odd. Seeing the most dangerous predator in the world shine… confuses me."

He receded his arms. "Sunshine does suit you."

I peeled my gaze away from the calm water back to his.

"It does wonders to your hair and complexion. Enjoy it while you're not a constant beacon."

My hand automatically when up to adjust my hair. My eyes lowered and I felt heat on my cheeks. It was barely a compliment, but it made me feel oh-so self-conscious.

We hung out in quiet paradise for a little while. Jasper was close, yet distant. He let me enjoy the outdoors, but he kept a few feet between us at all times. He watched me dip my toes in the freezing water, then smiled when I realized my mistake. I returned to his side quickly, and his smile vanished.

"I've never seen a sight like this," I told him.

"If you're patient enough, you can find a lot of treasures like this. Humans tend to stick to their hiking trails and camp grounds." In other words, he didn't come here to kill. Prey didn't hang out here.

Soon enough, he picked me up and ran me to his cabin. Prey didn't hang out here, either. Prey was brought here. If that fact hadn't been reality, the cabin actually seemed welcoming. Jasper even mentioned that the electricity was still hooked up, which comforted the goosebumps on my skin. Were they from the freezing water or Jasper's cold touch on my skin?

The inside of the cabin still held onto the cold weather. Jasper left to fix that. I looked around the empty living room and the adjacent kitchen. Reluctantly, I placed my bagged lunch onto the kitchen table, silently examining the surface for anything suspicious. My finger drew a line on the wood and picked up some dust. Or was it previously shed skin cells? I put that thought away quickly, pulled out a chair, and opened my bag. Sustenance.

I munched away at some fries. The burger remained untouched. Another chill ran over me as I hugged my jacket closer. The quietness of the cabin was getting to me, and I wondered what was taking a vampire so long to flip a switch.

"Jasper?" I called out and left my food post. I found the door that had stairs leading down from it. I called out his name again.

"Coming," he called back.

I quickly saw him appear on the staircase, his eyes a darker shade.

"Do you need more food?" he asked.

I slowly stepped back towards the kitchen table, eyeing my provisions. I took my seat. "No, thank you." I looked back at him, but his coal eyes were directed straight at my neck. "But I think you do."

The silence was choking. I swallowed like prey would. "If you need to leave, I can stay and wait for you." My words hoped he got the message that he should probably find someone else to snack on.

I blinked, and he was in the chair next to me. His heavy hand rested on my shoulder, his fingers trailing my neck. I felt his thumb press on my jugular. "You should go outside more often," he said. My brain tried to calm my furiously beating heart while trying to decipher the odd combination of his words and actions.

"What are you doing?" I stuttered.

"Exploring," he said simply. "Your pulse has always been so weak."

"Jasper—" I leaned away as far as I could, but his grip held me where he wanted me.

"I've always been so hesitant in touching humans unless I knew they were dinner. You bruise so easily. If I just –" I felt him squeeze my shoulder. "Will that turn purple tomorrow?"

He relaxed his grip, probably expecting my adverse reaction. My feet found courage and pulled me out of my chair. "I am not some experiment you'll keep overnight." My hand absently came up to squeeze the ache in my shoulder. "Go eat."

He wore an unusual smile. "You're more annoyed than scared. It's fascinating."

Why wasn't I scared? My body was. My heart pumped adrenaline throughout my body, but my mind fought hard to compartmentalize the situation. I hastily asked which room I would be taking.

"You probably wouldn't want to go peeking around into the rooms downstairs. I suggest you take one up here."

My hand on my shoulder fell limp, and I could almost feel the color leave my face. Dead girls? Severed limbs? Bloody carpets? "What's downstairs?"

He slowly got up as if about to say something, but then brushed passed me to the bookshelf behind me. I followed him, but he seemed to only care about the dusty old books. After a minute, I pressed forward. "Jasper. What's downstairs?"

His tone was bland. "I don't know, Elise. Go find out."

My eyes narrowed at his ill-mannered temperament. How could he go from one persona to another so quickly? "Just because I don't give in to what you want doesn't mean you can treat me this way."

He whirred around to me instantly. His murderous persona came out. "You don't decide what you give or not give. If I wanted to drain you, I would have done it by now."

I should've stepped back, but I stepped closer. He didn't scare me. He made me angry. Not because he was a complete and utter asshole, but because he spewed threats that meant nothing for absolutely no reason. He pulled the vampire card when he didn't get his way. "Good job. You have to throw these empty, forceful statements to prove your strength. Bravo. Thanks for bringing me here, but I hope you never do again."

After grabbing my bag, I picked one of the rooms and slammed the door behind me.

My eyes blinked furiously to ebb the tears away and my breaths came out in slow increments. I needed to calm down. I sat against the door and pulled my feet against my chest, my eyes finally examining the empty, desolate four walls. The window was shut tight, but I could see the darkening sky from where I sat.

I quickly opened my bag and checked my texts. The latest that I received tonight was still unread. _Status_.

I typed back quickly. _Nothing new_.

I leaned back against the door. What was I doing here? I had let a vampire take me out into the middle of nowhere. I pathetically eyed the wooden desk next to the mattress. If I broke off a leg and drove it through Jasper's chest, would it kill him? That would also make me a murderer, wouldn't it? But I would probably be doing the world a service.

Jasper hadn't killed me. Yet. But his desire to do so showed glamorously tonight. He wasn't perfect. His hunger would always get the best of him. I thought about the way he had sniffed me like you would a fresh bowl of aromatic soup. He had rested his cold fingers on my neck, the way you would measure out cuts of fresh beef before firing up the grill.

My eyes drooped. I didn't know how long I sat there, but I heard a firm knock on the door behind me and a very annoyed Jasper followed. "I'm leaving these sheets here for you. You don't want to sleep on that mattress without a barrier."

I thudded my head against the door in acknowledgement, then counted the steps he took towards the basement. What on Earth was down there? When I was sure he was gone, I quickly opened the door and retrieved the _barriers_. I eyed the bed warily as I put the covers over the cold mattress. My stomach churned at all the possibilities, but I reminded myself that my mind was the worst enemy. Sorting through all of the _what ifs_ would drive me crazy. Two-hundred girls could have been slaughtered on this bed, and it would only hurt me to think about it. So, I didn't. With a blank, tired mind, I let myself lay on the bed, waiting for tomorrow.

And tomorrow came quickly. I had slept like a dead person. Keeping up with Jasper was exhausting.

My stomach rumbled and I felt nauseous by the lack of food. I cursed myself for not finishing my meal the other night.

I could smell the steaming cup of coffee before Jasper had even knocked. I cautiously approached the door and cracked it open enough to peek through at the vampire. He'd gone through a change of clothes and, more importantly, wore a pleading expression as he held out his white flag.

I looked at the cup of coffee and paper bag. I asked the important question as I mostly hid behind the door, as if that would save me. "Did you eat?"

He nudged the food closer to me. "I had a nice run-in with a bobcat." Which also explained his change of clothes.

I grabbed his offerings and shut the door straight into his face, greedily sipping at the steaming beverage. My eyes closed and I ignored the whole world.

"I don't think I deserved that," I heard him say.

I took another sip. "You deserved that and so much more."

The two bagels helped ease the nausea in my stomach. The coffee helped me relax. I disposed the remnants in the kitchen, then eyed the dead guy sitting at the kitchen table.

He broke the silence first. "Are you done?"

The coffee was great, though the bagels were a little stale. "It was good. Thanks."

His arms were crossed firmly against his chest, like an angry parent who glared at his child distastefully because they had missed breakfast. "No. Are you done with your attitude?"

My _attitude?_ His niceness surely disappeared quickly. "You're seriously bullshitting me, right? You tried to eat me last night."

"I did nothing of the sort. I wouldn't –"

I held up a hand. The aggression I had felt last night hadn't melted away with sleep. Perhaps sleeping on a sketchy mattress had kept me on edge. "Right, right. You wouldn't need to try. You would just eat me. Because you're a vampire, and I am a human, and our power dynamic is incredibly mismatched. And you somehow don't think I know that. You think it's your job to _remind_ me of how minuscule I am compared to you."

He only stared back at me as I caught my breath. "I wouldn't eat you."

I blinked. "What?"

"I was just going to stay I wouldn't eat you."

My hands found my hips. "It didn't seem that way last night."

His answer came out cleanly. "I hadn't hunted, your heart pumps blood. You were hungry, you slammed the door in my face."

He was insane. "Those are not equal scenarios."

"Point being, there's a common frenzy we both share regarding food." _Common, my ass._ When I was hungry, I felt nauseous. Anything Jasper felt bordered around murder.

"Mine isn't a danger to your life."

"I wouldn't eat you," he insisted.

"You ate Bella."

He didn't like that I brought her up. "Because you cared so much about boring Bella. Sure, your blood is also appealing. But, unless I was locked away and starved for decades, you wouldn't be my first pick for dinner."

I rolled my eyes openly. "Thanks, now I feel safe."

Unexpectedly, he smiled. "If _this_ out of all places makes you feel safe, then by all means."

Had he not caught onto my sarcasm? "You're so confusing."

He expanded on his thoughts. "And you're more valuable than Bella. Hence, why you're here and she is not."

I took a seat across from him. "Valuable?"

He told me that in his experiences with humans, they had always failed to adapt to an environment that predominantly consisted of vampires. He used Bella as his prime example. But I shot him down quickly. An environment of vampires who practiced true vampirism as opposed to what the Cullens practiced were two different extremes. Bella hadn't been prepared for this. The Cullens chose to adapt to human life, rendering Bella's need to adapt to vampirism obsolete.

"How are you feeling?" he asked after a while.

"Fine."

"Not what I meant," he said. "What does this place make you feel?"

The cabin was supposed to make me feel something? Did all empaths ask these questions? "It's shelter. So, I suppose it adds an element of safety. It's warm, cozy..."

He shook his head and stopped me. "I didn't ask what this place was. How does being here make you feel?"

Scared? No. Happy? No. Confused? Probably. But why did it matter? "I'm sorry. I've never considered questions like these."

He leaned back in his chair and opened up his worldview. He described the cabin and its serenity. He touched on the rain, grass, and the overall peace the aura brought. The stillness of nature was addicting to him. "While you may see these cabins as places of tragedy, I use them to be alone. Among other things, of course."

His feelings were pretty, but how you felt about something rarely kept you alive. I shared that thought with him. "I don't know a lot about you and how you've lived your life. But at some point you stop thinking about how you should feel and start thinking about how you should survive. What I feel, good or bad, doesn't mean anything if I'm dead."

His eyes bore into mine, a small smile on his lips. If I didn't know better, I would say he liked my answer. "I respect your will to live," he said eventually. "This also makes you inherently selfish. I brought you to one of my favorite solitude chambers with a heater. Now it's your turn to tell me more about the Jovu."

He wanted to open that jar of pickles? I sighed, and demanded more coffee.

Once I obtained my life juice, I opened the jar. "It took me a while to convince myself that I wasn't going to die each day. They had us in these rooms with long beds and disgusting fluorescent lighting. I'd wake up in those beds and think: _is this my last day?_ Then we'd wait for visitors. A Jovu member would come, pick one of us, and take us out to the dining room. Some didn't like to bite, so we gave blood. Others took our wrist directly. They were very meticulous. After each feeding, we'd shower and moisturize thoroughly. No marks or scars left behind. They were very weird about that. Our diets were clean. I suppose they wanted us healthy for feeding and healthy for the testing."

He suggested that perhaps the Jovu were covering up their procedures by keeping us unscathed.

"Or," I added. "They could just kill us and effectively get rid of any proof. I hoped they would, but it was rare that they'd go to that."

He asked about their motives, and I couldn't answer. "There are a lot of blanks in my memory where time just passed, and I recall waking up randomly in my bed. They put us under for sure."

He paused. "I can see why you were very confused when you first encountered the Cullens."

I appreciated his empathy. "I didn't know what kind of operation the Cullens were running, and I was admittedly terrified to find out."

Jasper inquired about my knowledge of other covens and if I had any other contact. The only other coven I had even heard of were the Jovu, thankfully.

"Why did you agree to change so suddenly? You were drastically against it."

I hadn't agreed to anything. "I laid out an agreement which you openly rejected. But then, you proceeded to hold up your end of the deal that you never agreed to in the first place. So I'm not sure where we're at with that."

He cocked his head to the side. "So, how many questions do I have to answer for you to change?"

His questioned implied free will. "I thought I didn't have a choice."

He smirked. "Hypothetically."

I looked away. "You're unbelievable. I will decide when I've asked enough questions."

He wasn't happy with that. "That's seems unfair."

I folded my hands on the table and gave him a tight smile. "Nothing is fair, Jasper. Especially for _lesser_ beings like me."

He straightened in his chair. "If you're looking for me to tell you otherwise, I would just be lying to you. I have a clear advantage. Though I would argue your shield is astounding."

And that's what would keep me alive, once again. Jasper equated my worth to my shield, just as Damon did.

Jasper tapped his hand on the table. "You should know that Carlisle is doing everything that he can to confirm the deaths of the Jovu members. Including Damon."

Hearing his name out loud ran a jolt through my veins, as if uttering it would summon him. "And?"

"A few are confirmed, but not the majority."

I swallowed. "And Damon?"

"We can't know for sure."

I hadn't realized that my own fingers were also tapping on the table. Jasper never failed to notice. "He won't get to you," he reassured me. "The Cullens will not let that happen."

 _He already has_. I averted my eyes. "The Cullens have already done so much. It's only fair that I turn, right? You said it yourself."

"As a girl who's hell-bent on survival, I think you're missing the point. Your chances of staying alive increase exponentially as a vampire."

He was right, damn it. Only, he was brave enough to say it out loud. Unlike me. "And I wouldn't be in pain. And I'd be strong enough to fight back. It takes three days?"

"Give or take. The average is three days. Your transformation would be more comfortable than most. You'd be in a bed with a doctor watching over you for the duration of your burning. Most of us didn't have that luxury."

I hadn't viewed my turn as _luxurious_. "How were you turned?"

He seemed to quickly recede into himself. "On dirt."

"I thought Carlisle would've at least gotten you a mattress or something." Preferably one with no gruesome history.

His words came out in stern staccatos. "Carlisle didn't turn me."

I wanted to pinch myself. _Of course_. "Who was it?"

"Unimportant."

His reluctance to speak only made me want to push. "You got those scars around that time, huh?"

"We're not talking about this."

I huffed. "And you're not answering my questions."

We stared each other down, but Jasper surprisingly decided to be insightful.

"The vampire who turned me is as good as dead. There is nothing to talk about."

And that was all I got. He pulled his phone out and I watched as he fiddled with it. He looked up at me quickly and informed me that we were leaving tonight.

"Lame," I said. When he wasn't trying to eat me, Jasper proved to be helpful. His insight into vampirism shone bright lights into my eyes. Was I seriously considering this change?

"You don't like the Cullens anymore?" he asked me.

"It's not that," I explained. "They're great. It just gets a little too much sometimes. Esme cooks three different courses for one meal. Carlisle examines me almost daily. Edward won't ever shut up about his vinyl collection. I thought the CDs were enough, but now he's moved onto his vinyls."

Jasper chuckled. "You can see why I leave. But since you made it clear that you never want to be back here, I don't think I can help you."

That wasn't fair. He'd been trying to eat me when I'd said it. "No, I really like it here. Please don't say that."

His expression warmed, showing me that he enjoyed my outburst. And because of that, we would be planning a trip to Nevada.

* * *

**A/N: Ups and downs. Elise is working through the decision of her change. Damon is still listening in on the Cullens. Jasper is continuously a jerk. Sometimes.**

**Thank you for reading. Be safe out there during these tough times. For those of you that are stuck at home, I hope this story gives you some temporary distraction.**


	38. Soft Fingertips, Rigid Nails

**Elise**

* * *

**Exposure Misconduct**

* * *

The Cullens had allocated a gorgeous new room for me in their perfect, grandiose new house. When I was escorted in, Esme gestured royally at the fresh drapes, emphasized the polished marble in the bathroom, and described with excruciating detail the origin of the bamboo sheets that adorned my bed.

I threw my bag against an empty bookcase and watched Esme leave. I released a huge breath only after I heard her delicate feet pad down the staircase.

The room was big, and I felt swallowed by it. The windows were large, but my mind morphed them into prison bars. Cold, gray, and meant to be gripped in hysteria. I rubbed my arms to comfort my sanity. Reaching for the phone in my bag did not help.

 _Status_. The persistent one demanded.

I typed slowly: _The Cullens have settled into Idaho for an indefinite period of time_.

 _And your twin brother almost tried to eat me, but he reasoned through it well enough, so that's fine I suppose._ But I didn't type that. Perhaps _twin brother_ was too close of a comparison. Damon was cruel, and whatever was in his self-interest was always his priority. His intentions were always clear. Jasper? He took me away from the Cullens – for what? To keep me sane amid their overbearing tendencies? Or to lure me out and prep me for his next snack? No. He wanted me to change, so he couldn't take that risk. Bringing me out to his cabin wasn't to season me for his next roast. He wanted to make sure I understood the underlying situation—the situation the Cullens were too nice to put forward.

I had to die, and he would make sure of it.

I took a deep breath and hugged myself closer. I put that thought deep into the back of my brain and threw on a smile. I found Jasper in the room next door and teased him that he would be easily accessible during my death due to his proximity.

Jasper certainly didn't like being teased. He sternly informed me of Carlisle's deteriorating mental health, which was surprising to say the least. Vampires were physically impenetrable, but their minds were fair game to the realities of depression and anxiety.

"The sooner you change, the better for him. Until then, pick your words carefully, and make sure you know who's within hearing range at all times."

His expectations were unrealistic. But the sooner I changed, was it truly better for Carlisle? For the Cullens? Or was it better for Jasper? I eyed him warily. The Cullens would be in danger for keeping a human. If I changed, that danger would be eliminated. Jasper probably didn't care about that, though. I meant something different to him entirely. I wasn't a risk to be eliminated. I was power.

Jasper gestured for me to sit in one of his armchairs while he took a seat on his new bed. Noting the similarity of this room to his previous one, I could tell that he enjoyed the singular seating, preferably next to a window. I knew he read a lot, and I would bet this arrangement was going to be one of his prime reading spots.

Jasper blinked a few times. Sometimes too slow, sometimes too fast. His hands rested on his knees, then smoothed out the sheet underneath him.

"The Cullens have a lot of baggage," he started. "The more things pile up, the more we can be accused of misconduct."

My ears perked up at the mention of the term _misconduct_. "What else is there?"

His hands stopped their movement on the sheets. His words came out uncontrolled and too quickly. "Carlisle uses his venom to heal patients."

My eyebrows rose in awe as I processed the sentence worth of information Jasper baited out. While the Jovu had enforced a strict medical setting, it wasn't for the good health of humans. They had used us for their own debatable agenda. Carlisle's motive, instead, was to heal and protect. My heart swelled at the thought of the man. I wanted to hug him and give him a Nobel prize.

When Jasper stared back at me, I was surprised to meet a frown. This was not good news.

"Why is that so wrong?" I asked.

"It's a miracle cure that modern-day science cannot prove. If people start asking questions, there is no way out. This falls under the exposure misconduct."

Exposure misconduct? There was a man using his magical venom to better humanity, and it was considered a _misconduct?_ How selfish could this Volturi be? And it wasn't lost on me that the term _misconduct_ went hand-in-hand with the raid of the Jovu. Would the Cullens be raided, too?

"How can they not see how pure his intentions are?"

Jasper knew he wasn't getting through to me easily, so he picked a different angle. "If you killed someone, your justice system would charge you with first degree murder. If that someone was a sex offender, would the system judge you differently?"

Most definitely. "They should. I just removed a disgusting person from the world."

"Your personal justifications for your actions don't matter, because you will always judge yourself based on your reasoning. Yet, you will continue to judge others based on their actions. The law will do the same."

He wasn't wrong. My feelings about the matter wouldn't be a deciding factor in the verdict. Jasper tied that to Carlisle's case, where the morality of using one's venom to heal humanity is positive, but the law wouldn't take that under consideration when deciding his fate. I was curious about Jasper's morality. "So, when you kill someone, what is your reasoning?"

He stuck with his case. "Does it matter? You'll judge me for the act of killing, not my reasoning behind it."

"I want to know your reasoning."

His tone was bored. "Hunger."

And it was a boring answer. I suggested that he could expand his meal choices, and he reiterated that animals were not satisfying.

"You could drink from humans and not kill them."

Jasper felt incredibly passionate about refuting my suggestion. His arms flailed wildly as he tried to make a point. "I can't wait for you to experience the soothing pleasure that human blood brings to your burning throat. When you feel that, you will never want to stop. Your Jovu were incredibly disciplined."

My Jovu were psychotic. "Yes. Some couldn't drink from the source because they had killed a few of us. So, we donated blood for those vampires. What's wrong with drinking blood from a bag?"

"Everything."

I wanted to growl at this vampire. "My point is that you don't have to kill to fill your stomach."

Jasper stood up from his bed and sat down in the armchair beside me.

"I'm sorry. Are my murderous tendencies bothering you?" he asked sweetly. It could have been endearing, considerate. But not with the context of those words.

"Don't be a jerk. I'm giving up my life for you."

His teeth shone through his damn smile. "Who said it was for me?"

I was over him. "It's heavily implied. None of the Cullens have pressured me besides you."

And I had the last word.

* * *

**Nevada: First Visit**

* * *

Eleazar reminded me a lot about Carlisle. He was attentive, cautious, and showed sensitivity towards any pain I felt throughout the medical evaluations. Jasper surprised me when he had chosen to stay during the blood work. I wasn't a fan of needles myself, but staring at his tightly clenched grip on his book helped me focus on something other than pierced skin. A part of me had imagined the scenario of him leaping up and grabbing me, dragging me out of the tall windows, and running me straight into the forest. It was the classic Bella scene. When Carlisle had lifted the needle away and secured the blood, Jasper's eyes had snapped up to mine, as if he could visualize my imagination. His expression had been mischievous, and I wanted to talk to him and pry out the words running through his brain. But Jasper had only nonchalantly gone back to his beloved book.

A few hours after that, Eleazar and Carlisle had finished their invasive tests, and I was comfortably snuggled up in the passenger seat next to my biggest distraction from it all. It was dark, and the medical procedures had left me sleepy and exhausted.

"You should sleep," Jasper said from beside me, his hands expertly guiding the car through traffic.

Sleep was fine, but Jasper and I were alone. And I got to be the questioner.

I asked him about his car, which was seemingly an innocent question. He told me that it was Emmett's and that he didn't own a car, but our conversation took quickly took a detour down murder lane.

"I've never had the money to buy one," I said, which was true. "What's your excuse?"

"Cars leave evidence and they're hard to get rid of."

My tired self couldn't make the connection. "How is that important?"

"You are all very squishy. Your blood gets everywhere."

I turned to look at him, expecting a signature smirk, but he simply looked ahead onto the road, as if he had just casually mentioned his favorite sports team.

I tried to reason through it. "But no police force could ever catch you."'

"Anything supernatural should stay out of the public eye. Less risk. It's harder for vampires in this modern day and age. Everything's online."

And that probably gave the Volturi the chance to tighten their grip on their rule. Damon had mentioned the vampiric rulers to me once or twice, his tone always laced with distaste.

"How much do you know about them?" Jasper asked.

Not much, but enough to acknowledge the threat. "There are three of them, right? And you said their laws were more guidelines than absolute."

Jasper nodded. "Three leaders, but the Volturi is comprised of a large network of vampires. They have guards everywhere who attempt to enforce their _guidelines_."

Damon had always been wary about any discussion regarding the Volturi. The Jovu were guilty in the eyes of the three kings for what they did to us. And that would've been respectable from my end if the charge had been for endangering humanity. But the Volturi had disbanded them for the risk of exposing their race, not for the blatant disregard for human decency. Either way, they had raided the experiments, and I supposed I should be grateful. But the fear was reasonable. Damon got me out, and he was able to save himself. Was he a hunted man? Probably. But what was his gripe with the Cullens?

I frowned and turned the conversation back to his family. "Carlisle's really shaken up about them, isn't he?"

He began to tap his hands on the steering wheel. "Carlisle's old, Elise. He's been around the Volturi for some of his life. He lived with the three leaders for a while. He knows how they work. Aro, who is widely accepted as the sole leader, can read your entire life, memories, and thoughts just by touching you. If you get caught by any offense, it gives him the right to invade your thoughts."

Had the other members of the Jovu been killed on-site or dragged back to the three kings? Had their thoughts been invaded? Did the Volturi know about me?

"And with that, he can find other things that you did wrong," I said slowly. "They won't accept that Carlisle heals humans?"

"Not with venom. Though, Carlisle is very cautious with the procedure. Usually, he uses it as a sealing agent externally, so it never makes direct contact with the main arteries. You don't want to accidentally turn your patient, but that would take a lot of venom."

This was a miracle. I shook my head at the idea of having the ability to seal wounds, heal cancerous cells, and reconstruct damaged tissue. And it was a secret mission; you couldn't tell anyone. And all of these people were capable of this miracle. Even Jasper.

"So, if I fell down and scraped my knee," I looked at him. "And I managed to survive you, would you use your venom to heal my knee?"

He wouldn't, which surprised me,

"Sharing venom is intimate," he explained. "I'm surprised that Esme is fine with Carlisle doing what he does."

Fascinating. "Intimate?"

"If you're drawing venom, you're usually fighting to the death. The only exception is mating."

We spoke more about the concept. Venom. Sharing. Taste? It was a brand-new door I was peeking through.

"How do you know if you have a mate?" I asked.

"It's more primal than you think," Jasper went on. "Vampires and humans share the drive of survival. Our bodies make it a priority. To you, it's the chemicals that are released during your fight-or-flight response, or your desire to procreate with someone who can prove to you that they can further your species. To us, we can't have offspring in the human sense, so a mate is supposed to help us prioritize the spread of venom. That is why a lot of mated pairs start covens."

Carlisle and Esme started their clan, their mating bond drawing them together to turn others. If you peeled apart the inherent complexity of venom, this was simply the vampire reproductive system.

"So, it's just companionship?" I clarified, honing into the idea of mating.

"It's a little more complicated than that, and it makes us weaker."

What? No. "Did I hear you correctly? Weaker?"

"Your mate is the person you will die for. No one else can replicate the pull that a mate can. When a human falls in love, it can last for a day, a decade, or perhaps their whole life. When a vampire finds their mate, the underlying bond is infinite and unconditional. Humans can't achieve that level of connection."

Jasper had this all wrong, and I was the human. "All because your venom needs to spread," I teased him.

"Seriously. If you dig underneath it all, that is the only purpose of this impediment."

He was being too dramatic about this.

"What is the purpose of finding something that all of your enemies could use against you?"

"I think you're looking at this the wrong way," I said. "There's always a trade-off, I understand, but having someone that you can always rely on is such an important factor to your survival. There's a reason why our bodies crave companionship. That emotional connection is there for a reason."

"You can't pick your mate, Elise. Your venom decides, and you're stuck with the pull. The emotional connection is always secondhand."

Secondhand? "You don't have to romantically love your mate?"

"The pull you feel to your mate will elicit some sort of romanticism, but it's not required to sustain the pull."

The clock read 2 AM, and my eyes were closing. My brain fought the tiredness with frustration. Jasper didn't deny himself the pleasure of human blood like the Cullens did. But the Cullens figured out the whole mating thing, and Jasper was denying himself the primal right of a mate. What was with these people and denying themselves their basic needs, wants, and desires? Which was why it was nonsensical. Stupid things made you happy, and Jasper deserved at least that.

"I hope you find your mate, Jasper," I stifled a yawn and closed my eyes. "Contrary to what you think, I think it'll make you happy."

* * *

The next morning, the dead guy and I left the car behind and approached the Nevada cabin on foot. The morning was calm, but Jasper wasn't. He seemed agitated, conflicted. He had trouble helping me down a slope of dirt.

Once inside, I decided to question him about it. "Why are you so nervous about touching me?"

His hands perched on his hips, his tone defensive. "What makes you say that?"

"You carry me just fine, but small things like that require a lot of your concentration."

He shrugged. "It's not my fault that you break easily."

His dismissiveness was annoying, to say the least. "I think that if you perhaps stopped thinking so hard, it would come naturally to you."

"What would?"

I scoffed. "Being gentle."

He busied himself quickly with the menial task of arranging canned goods on the kitchen counter. "It's not in my nature to be gentle."

It wasn't in his nature to be anything positive. He was delusional, and so was I. But I didn't give up. "You said it yourself. Your minds are powerful. You can teach yourself anything."

He gave me a look, and I held out my hand. "Here, let me try."

I grabbed his hand in mine. Slowly, gently. My eyes watched his. "Do you feel how much pressure I'm putting on you?"

Did he realize that his lips were parted? He didn't say a word.

"It's light enough that you can barely feel it," I gripped a little tighter. "Yet firm enough that you know it's there. Now, you try."

When I dropped his hand, I was startled by how quickly my hand was engulfed back into his.

"Easy, there," I effused. I felt him cautiously relax his grip.

"Better," I coached. "Just don't think."

When I looked up, the most pleasant smile met mine. "You're pretty brave for trying to teach a one-hundred and thirty-seven-year-old man how to touch things."

 _One-hundred… and what?_ I was pretty sure my mouth hung wide open. "You're _how_ old?"

Jasper's grip was gone as quickly as it had came. He dug through the pantry. Did he feel uncomfortable about his age?

"1860?" I pried.

He corrected me. He was born in 1863. Then, he sidetracked the conversation to lumberjack fantasies. I watched him chop wood for a while, munching on some of the snacks he had packed with us. When I went back inside for the bathroom, I rummaged through the duffel bag and pulled out my phone from the folds of my jeans. I locked the bathroom door.

The toilet cover came down and I fought a shiver as I pulled open Damon's text.

_Status._

I had an update. I did. I fought to keep from biting my lip, because I was sure I would draw blood. Jasper was too close for any of that.

My fingers typed. _Carlisle_

Then, they deleted. They tried again. _Venom_

I puffed out air and flushed the toilet to keep my timeliness. Finally, as I turned on the tap, I typed: _Business as usual._

I wasn't ready to tell secrets that cut this deep. If Jasper was truthful about the consequences of Carlisle's actions, this would mean great trouble for a man whom I believed deserved a Nobel Prize.

I dug the phone back into my jeans in the duffel bag, making sure not even vibrate was enabled. My eye caught sight of Jasper through the window.

I sighed internally. What sort of power would _dirt on the Cullens_ give Damon? What did he want to accomplish? Why didn't I want to tell him anything?

Jasper paused his chopping, threw down his axe, then proceeded to arrange the chopped wood in a pile. I went out and sat next to my half-eaten plate of snacks. I smiled teasingly at the pale lumberjack. "You've hunted, right? I don't want another episode."

"Yes," he threw a log. "A bunny had to die so that you wouldn't have to endure any unwanted vampiric interactions."

A bunny did _not_ die. "You didn't kill a bunny. That wouldn't have been enough for you anyway."

He lazily laid down next to me, examining the sky. "A bunny, a few deer. One mountain lion."

Now I couldn't tell if he was kidding or not. "You kill that many animals to be normal around me?"

His gazed lowered to the horizon, which was beautiful from our spot around the cabin. "Not at all. Your blood isn't that appealing. It isn't hard to be around you."

I flipped my hair. "I love being called unappealing."

"It's important to take criticism well."

I swatted him lightly, keeping my face straight as I felt the pain of punching cement. Why did his skin look like soft marble? Because soft marble didn't mean he was soft.

He asked me about this concept of a singer. A pop singer? An opera singer? A shook my head at the term.

"Every vampire has at least one singer," he said. "As in, someone who's blood _sings_ to them. It's the most delectable blood a vampire will encounter. Bella was Edward's singer. "

Every vampire has mate, every vampire has a singer. I looked at Jasper. Did my blood sing to him? Was that why he was often so reserved? No. His self-control wasn't that great. No, again. I couldn't make that assumption. He just didn't care that he killed. Perhaps I was one of his singers, and he exercised great self-control around me.

Then, Jasper asked me about Damon, and my spine straightened. "You said Damon drank from you regularly?"

The words _Damon_ and anything synonymous to _drinking, blood, and feeding_ triggered a Pavlovian conditioned response to protect my wrist. My fingers ran over the veins on my right wrist, assuring it that it wasn't going to be sliced open with unforgiving teeth. I swallowed. Damon had always picked me, but Jasper was trying to tie that to a deeper connection. "You think I was his singer?"

"I have no evidence of that, but it's a possibility. He showed favoritism towards you. If you were his singer, his self-control was honorable. May I?"

I hadn't even realized that he had asked me for permission. I slowly raised my hand closer to him. I was locked in place the moment his hand wrapped around my veins. He reassured me quietly that he was only examining. His fingernails weren't sharp, though they were sturdy enough to carve into thick walls. They didn't carve into me, though. They traced my veins. It was an electrifying feeling running up my arms, all the way up to my shoulders.

"Let me know if I'm putting on too much pressure," he whispered, and my brain was a mess. A vampire was touching me with my permission. He fingers danced on top of my veins, making sure he wasn't hurting me. My blood remained inside my body. His teeth remained far away. I leaned into his touch, relishing in the feeling of consent, safety, and belonging.

But then, it was gone. He let go. "You're not my singer. That I know."

The absence was like cool water being poured over my head. I resumed massaging the wrist he had gently tormented. The neurons in my brain were firing – unbalanced, disorganized. Confused. Then, Jasper thanked me, and I was in a deeper puddle of confusion. I asked him what he was thanking me for.

He was thanking me for letting him practice. "You aren't dead, yet. It's a good sign of my self-control."

Putting his fingers on my skin, above my prominent veins, was a test of his self-control? His fingernails could have easily dug through, and drawing blood would've been no issue. I could've been a pretty red fountain on this beautiful crisp afternoon.

But his nails didn't dig in, and his teeth weren't bloody, and his belly was still filled with the bunny, a few deer, and a mountain lion.

I stared at him. "I'm confident that you won't kill me."

His body language, previously at somewhat of ease, was now wound up tight. He leaned closer and towered over me. "What instilled that confidence in you? It doesn't matter. Never rely on it. Never trust anyone."

He was a drill sergeant shouting out orders, questioning his unknowing soldier.

"Not anyone? You don't trust me?"

His eyes were blank. "I don't have to trust you. You have no power to harm me, so my trust in you is irrelevant."

The electricity was gone, and so was the Jasper that occupied the space next to me a few minutes ago. The vein-obsessed lumberjack transformed into a defensive, detail-obsessed accountant.

I ignored the fact that he called me a weak, harmless creature. "But you're saying that I shouldn't trust you. Why? You've been very good to me."

"That's the worst reason to trust someone."

Was he refuting my reasoning to trust him because he believed he wasn't good to me? That he will not be good to me in the future?

"Why are you so reclusive?" I asked, annoyed.

"Why are you so naïve?" he retorted.

I inched away from him. "I don't understand you. You seem like you want to be my friend. You even act like it sometimes. But you always just want to teach me a lesson or prove that I'm not good enough."

And he continued to obsess over my wording. "Humans and vampires can't be friends. I'm here to make your transition into the vampire world smoother."

I hugged my knees close to my chest. "Lucky me."

But he didn't grab onto my sarcasm. "Absolutely. I haven't stuffed you in a closet and left you to rot. I think that's very lucky."

A huge breath of air left my lungs as I laid back on the grass next to him. My head rolled over to meet his narrowed eyes. _What are you thinking?_ "You're doing that thing again where you use your _murderous tendencies_ to scare me."

He averted my eyes and fixated on the sky above. "Is it working?"

"No."

But Jasper's Bundy* vibes were all talk and no action. Was he as terrifying as he made himself out to be?

* * *

***Bundy - Ted Bundy, a serial killer in the 70s who favored young women.**

**A/N: I apologize for the delay in updates. The world is hectic, and I hope all of you are managing through it.**


	39. Logical Decisions

**Elise**

* * *

**Melissa**

* * *

The car ride back from _Rudy's_ was silent, as my brain fought hard to understand. Jasper had brought me out for dinner, but it hadn't been for me. My stomach rumbled, but his throat burned. Which was worse? He drove us back to the cabin silently, occasionally looking over at me for any indication of a reaction. I kept my arms folded across my chest, defensive. I wanted to defend her. Melissa. She didn't deserve this any more than I deserved the Jovu.

"If you keep me distracted, I won't killer," I heard Jasper say. My eyes shot him three bullets, and my mouth reloaded three more.

He wanted to teach me a lesson? Because his lesson plan was completely botched. "If you starve as a vampire, you'll experience a frenzy. If I starve, I just die. Those are two drastically different consequences."

"Good observation," he smiled. "Though you should consider that a starved vampire will do anything for a drop of blood. The resulting frenzy can expose you and get you killed by the authorities."

"Just don't get caught, right?" I muttered, glancing over at him. He certainly had the skills to evade the authorities. He certainly could sedate his thirst through animals. He certainly could avoid a state of frenzy This wasn't about that. He killed because he wanted to. This was his game.

I sighed deeply. "Don't kill her, Jasper."

"Are you offering me something better?"

Yes. A million times, yes. I was already in this mess, and no one deserved to take my place. I almost smacked him with my wrist, urging him to pick me over his clueless waitress.

The little hairs on my arm shot up when I felt him smile against my veins. He rejected me quickly, pushing my wrist down to my lap.

"I offered. You didn't take it. Find something else to eat."

His resolve never wavered. "I want Melissa."

We went in circles and we got nowhere. He called me disappointing, and I pointed a mirror straight back at him. He tried to talk about the stars, which I was convinced was his only passion in life besides stomping over human decency. Then, as if my opinion of him couldn't dive deeper into the ground, he left me in the middle of the forest in the deep of night with no dinner.

I heard animals slither and scurry around me as carefully navigated through trees. My anger was unprecedented; being angry at a killer for showing psychotic traits was a waste of energy. But I couldn't help my frustration as it grew bigger and stronger each step I took, fighting against sharp branches, and shivering against the cold. The wind was unforgiving, and the world around me quickly turned wet. By the time I saw the front door of Jasper's cabin, I was drenched.

Jasper couldn't feel me, but I made sure he clearly understood my feelings at that moment. But, of course, he ignored me.

"Stand close to the fire," he instructed. "You might get sick."

"I might get _sick?"_ I looked at him disbelievingly. "Or perhaps a bear could have attacked me? I could've fell, and broken my legs, or a serial killer could've had me chopped up in carefully labeled bags."

Except the only killer I should be worrying about sat comfortably in his perfect little living room.

"Did any of those things happen?" his tone was calm. It made me angry.

"You're delusional if you think this is how to treat someone. Who am I to you?"

He got to his feet, and I squirmed at his closeness. My wet clothing and the lack of warmth his body provided made me uneasy.

"You are Elise. A bright, wonderful young woman who has exceptional talent, yet still has trouble with emotional attachment."

Emotional attachment? Fuck, sure. Sure, I probably had issues with emotional attachment. I didn't have parents, close friends, or a future. My friends probably thought I was dead; the local police most likely had stopped looking for me. Anything and anyone that showed any bit of resemblance to my past life probably drew my attention. As my mind tried to hold onto the memories, it also tried to look for similarities and latch on. Yes, I wanted to protect anyone who had a chance of being thrown into this. Because when you were this deep into this mythical world, you weren't allowed to get out.

The food prophet in front of me kept trying to convert me.

"In time, you will learn that animals and humans are very alike. The chicken burger was no different than Melissa."

But his revelations were not welcome. "The chicken burger does not live or breathe, and has no concept of life. It's dead."

Jasper simply shrugged. "Melissa was dead to me the moment I decided she was mine."

Just as how I was dead the moment Damon had made the decision to take me. I called him what he was. "Congratulations on being a psychopath."

Jasper, instead of showing any hint of offense, sat down gingerly on the couch and patted the spot next to him. "Let's talk about that."

I was wet. I was tired. I was hungry. "I don't want to talk about anything with you."

But he didn't care. His twisted sense of reasoning was too convoluted to the point that you couldn't poke a hole through it. He had a way of telling you things in rollercoaster order, where all you could do is sit there and absorb his words, and try to urge your brain to process and sort through the fact and the fiction. It was exhausting, and my head hurt.

"There is no good and bad, Elise. The justice system will condemn you for your actions, but none of the defines your character. When you let yourself emotionally attach to someone based on these binary definitions, it means nothing. You need to get ahead of the defaults that your brain will try to push you towards. If you don't, you will be stuck trying to make logical decisions based entirely on your emotions."

And soon after ending his lesson, he left. He left to kill Melissa.

The front door slammed shut, and I leaned back into the couch. I looked out the window, and a jolt of energy ran through me. What would he do if I left? Was he lingering outside, waiting to snatch me in case I tried? I stood up, eyeing the door. I took a step forward only to sit back down. No. Trying to leave would get me nowhere. I waited ten minutes, then went into the bathroom. Reaching into my bra, I pulled out the little phone. I waited for it to boot up, as I had it switched off to preserve battery. Finally, I opened the latest message.

 _Status_.

I placed the phone down onto the sink ledge, its light glaring up at it me hauntingly. I placed the toilet seat down and took a seat.

Jasper would take Melissa's life tonight. Not because he needed to teach me something. Not because he wanted to prove himself. He would kill the girl because he had been planning it, because it was his natural understanding of life. And who was to say that not all vampires had this desire? Certainly, Damon did. So did Jasper. The Cullens? Their casual, near-perfect adaption to human life was eerie. A part of me couldn't help but question their odd motives, because mimicking your prey was a very effective hunting strategy. But even if they weren't all killers, I couldn't guarantee my safety with them. Yes, any family would put themselves first. And yes, I was not family.

Today, Jasper had showed me his sweet destruction first-hand. And I wanted no part of it. I would not spend the rest of my days, immortal with the Cullen venom, running through small towns, and luring humans to cabins.

And the only way out of it?

_You'll be stuck trying to make logical decisions based entirely on your emotions._

There was nothing wrong with that. I was human, damn it. Human.

I picked up the phone.

 _I have something._ I replied.

My fingers tapped away. The venom, the patients. Carlisle. And after a long while of spewing my knowledge, I got the response I had been dreaming about.

_Nice work._

Jasper said to trust no one. He was right. Damon was the only wall I had to hike over. But after that, I would be free and far, far away from all of this.

* * *

Melissa wasn't dead. Melissa was here.

And as her screams grew stronger, a dark part of me wanted her dead for teetering my headache into a migraine. I didn't think people my age could have migraines.

I did my best to coax her through the door. Jasper had locked her into the room late last night. This morning, Melissa had woken up in screams, and Jasper, being the responsible kidnapper, just up and left. And thus, I was left alone with the girl I had too much in common with. The more I heard her pleas, the more anxious I got. This was terrifying, and I had no idea what to do.

I pulled my knees further into my chest, focusing on my breath. But my heart wouldn't calm down when the man behind all of this appeared in the hallway. He walked closer to me, and I felt myself push against the door.

"He's here," I said helplessly, worsening Melissa's reaction.

Jasper shook his head at the girl's outbursts. "What are you doing?"

"Keeping her company." I refused to make eye-contact. "She's traumatized, Jasper. She reminds me of someone."

She reminded me of myself. The Jovu weren't kind, and I wasn't the most logical. Yes, my first few days were filled with panic screams. For some reason, we believed that screaming and crying would always get us out of things. Perhaps us women never had the chance to grow out of being babied. As a baby, if you screamed and cried enough, you'd probably get what you want. Or we all shared the same defense mechanism regardless of gender. When I got out of this mess, I planned to see a psychologist to ask these questions.

Jasper wasn't experimenting on Melissa. But she was here to feed him, and she was here against her will. The people who cared about her would find her missing soon, and another family would be torn apart.

"Her throat's beginning to hurt from the careless screaming," Jasper whispered as I watched him utilize his gift. "She'll need a break before she starts again."

He was putting her to sleep.

"I don't agree with what you're doing here, and I really would rather you kill her. This isn't nice," I murmured.

Suddenly, the man next to me started a low chuckle that bubbled up into a full-on, whole-hearted laugh. Had I missed a joke? I eyed him curiously.

He calmed himself. "I'm sorry. This is the weirdest situation I have ever been in. And I've been alive for more than a century and a half. I can't believe I'm having this conversation with you."

I couldn't believe I was here. "That makes the two of us."

"She's falling asleep," Jasper spoke quietly. "She's expelled a lot of energy, and her brain will want to shut down into sleep for recovery. I don't have to influence her as much to keep her asleep."

This was messed up. "I should be running away from you," I said abruptly. "I should be setting her free, or trying to at least. But I know it's pointless. You'd hunt me down before I could do anything."

Jasper couldn't agree more. "You're smarter than that."  
Was that a compliment? "I'm smart enough to know I wouldn't make it. Being on this side of the door means I get to look out the window, but besides that, I'm no different than Melissa."

Since my captor had denied me food last night, I hunted down the paper bag he had brought back for me. The coffee was a nice touch.

Jasper followed me into the kitchen. I had made him upset.

"You're not Melissa," he insisted. "Don't compare yourself to her."

I took a long sip from the paper cup of coffee. "Then what am I?"

"You've lived with yourself long enough to know who you are."

What? Was he avoiding the question?

"No," I pushed. "What am I to you?"

He crossed his arms. "Power, protection, potential. Not in any particular order."

He was so full of shit. "You see me as power, but you make me feel absolutely powerless. Protection? I can't even protect myself. There's no potential in any of that."

Jasper came close, his voice red, passionate, and angry. "You know damn well how strong you are, Elise. I will not let you discredit yourself."

"I'm not strong enough to save Melissa from you. I wasn't even strong enough to save Bella."

That hit a nerve. He told me I was wasting my time worrying about humans that didn't matter. "Why do you do this to yourself?"

I didn't back down. "Maybe, just _maybe,_ because I'm human?"

Was he quick to forget my beating heart? I grabbed his hand and placed it right by my jugular as a reminder. "I'm not dead yet, Jasper. You seem to forget."

He stared at me for so long, I wanted to hide from his gaze. His touch ran upward, onto my face, and over my lips. I was in a petri dish, and he poked me with utensils as he stared at me through a microscope.

"You're never scared," he whispered. "You're just so stubborn."

I was scared. I was always scared. I pushed his hand away.

"I don't know what you're doing, but you seem very confused." I swallowed the lump in my throat and told him everything he needed to hear. I wasn't protection. There was no treasure chest of potential he was searching for. I had no power. "This is a vampire-human arrangement, and those only end one way."

"And what way is that?"

Wasn't it obvious? "Melissa's way."

He didn't like that. His demeanor changed from defensive to protective. "There will never be a timeline that exists in which that will happen to you. Not anymore."

Was he kidding? As long as I had vampires in my life, it could all happen. And it would never stop. I challenged him with that.

His response was shocking. "Leave," he said simply. "You can leave."

I stood, rooted into the ground. I didn't know what to say. "What?"

"Go," he insisted. "If you think you're a prisoner. If you think you're held here like Melissa, I'm giving you the opportunity to leave."

I rolled my eyes. He still held the strings. "How gracious of you to grant me the opportunity."

Determined, he walked over to the front door and held it open. Except the top hinge popped out of place. His strength was intimidating.

"Go," he emphasized. His outburst was curious, but I was smarter than that.

"This is a test," I said, my hand coming up to wipe a few tears off of my cheek. There was no way this man would ever grant me freedom this easily. Yet, his protective demeanor was curious. I put it into the back of my brain to think about later.

I moved closer to him, examining his destruction. "You broke the door."

He went on to break it completely. "Always finish what you've started."

While he focused on securing the door against the wall, a stain on the corner of his lip caught my eye. I moved closer to get a better look. "I'm not failing another lesson," I told him. Because failing lessons cost me food, and that would hinder my ability to think, which was unacceptable. When I was close enough, I reached my hand up to his face, slowly, as if asking for permission. I used my fingernail to dislodge a fleck of dried blood from the corner of his lips. I scolded him lightly on his food hygiene.

"You should clean up after you eat. It's unbecoming of an organized killer like you."

He stood up straighter. "I believe we like to be called serial killers."

I had some knowledge in the area. "You do have the Ted Bundy type."

He beamed. "You think I'm a charismatic enough villain to envoke Bundy?"

I reminded him that the infamous killer had also stalked young women in Seattle. He proposed that I become his secretary. The relationship that was unraveling between us wasn't standard. No, it was inappropriate. But that didn't mean it wasn't interesting. Whether the _opportunity_ provided was a test or not, Jasper struggled with the idea of freedom. Particularly, mine. The conflict was evident in his eyes. There was a part of him, no matter how small, that wanted to firmly defend my capabilities.

And there was an even smaller part of him that believed in my freedom.

* * *

**A/N: She's a skeptic, and she's seeing two new sides to Jasper. One, the killer. Two, the defender. Her dislike of vampirism, fueled by her lack of knowledge and immense uncertainty, has cornered her into spilling secrets. I dislike how much she trusts Damon to set her free, but trying to make logical decisions based entirely on our emotions is something we're all guilty of.**

**Her perspective is refreshing for me to write. I am enjoying this trip down memory lane, and I'm excited for newborn Elise.**


	40. Pancakes & Bubbles

**Elise**

* * *

**Venomous Cells**

* * *

The Cullens were too good to be true. Had I been right to be cynical about them?

I felt that I could never repay Carlisle's efforts in diagnosing me and exposing the Jovu's experiments. In Jasper's eyes, I owed them my change. But they seemed perfectly content to let me make my own decisions.

I lay down on my bed, feeling the heavy pain medication take over. Carlisle had appeared in my room with a shot of morphine early this morning, and my uneasiness around needles had quickly subsided. The burn had subsided quickly. Rather, my senses had dulled quickly, and I remained burning. My anger at the perpetrator of my pain, too, remained.

The leather-bound journal rested beside me, filled with my thoughts of last night. It had been a good day up until Jasper's sudden departure. He had left me with the looming promise of vampirism, and it filled me with dread.

With the thought of dread, my hand reached down to dig underneath the mattress. The undeserving vampire who wanted my attention remained persistent.

 _Status_.

I gripped the phone, my hands shaking slightly. Was it the rage or the morphine?

 _Bastard_ , I thought _._ I had burned and writhed in agony for too long. As I found pain relief and answers through the Cullens, Damon deserved nothing for his inhumane experiments. He knew about what he had done, and he had kept me alive for his games. Or was his plan to change me after he got his dirt? No. He wouldn't touch me. He couldn't. The Cullens had invited me into their family, and they wouldn't let that happen.

Was this my new armor? I sighed. It had to be. My future with Damon was always uncertain. But this time, I had a way out. Damon was getting nothing more out of me.

Tucking the phone in my bra, I headed downstairs. The Cullens loved their tall windows, and so did I. The sun wished me a _good morning_ as I descended the stairs, showered in gold.

"Are you hungry?" I heard Esme from the kitchen. The smell of eggs and toast infiltrated my senses.

"I am," I grinned, leaning against the island counter. "Is it alright if I take a little walk before breakfast?"

"Sure, will Jasper take you?"

I paused, taken aback by her lack of awareness. "Jasper left."

She only shrugged. "Are you alright going alone? Oh, dear. You don't even have a phone."

She shut off the stove and went over to the living room. "We should get you a phone. Here, grab mine for the meantime. Give me a call if you need me."

I grabbed her phone and slipped it into my back pocket. "Where is everyone?"

"Exploring the wildlife, grabbing a few snacks." She tucked a hair behind my ear gently. I searched her eyes. Had she not gone because of me?

"You know, Esme. You don't have to stick around to watch me."

"I know," she smiled. "I do it because I want to. Besides, I'm on chef duty."

I wanted to give this woman a hug.

* * *

I basked in the warmth of the morning. Idaho was cold, but the sun was forgiving. I picked a trail and followed it, trying to paint a mental map of my surroundings. Jasper and I had walked these trails endlessly, but our conversations were a whirlwind. I wished I had paid more attention to the paths. I followed the sound of running water, pulling out the phone from my bra. I examined the trail for any rocks, and I grabbed the sharpest one I could find that fit into the palm of my hand.

After a few minutes, I came upon a stream of water. I placed the phone on the dirt and, taking a deep breath, I raised the rock above it. My paranoia spiked, and I prayed to any and all Gods that no vampire was in hearing distance. That no vampire was hiding. That no one was watching.

I slammed the rock down onto the phone, cracking its screen. I hit it a few more times, flipping the rock over occasionally to find a sharper end. Finally, I could see the internals of the phone. I removed the battery, careful not to puncture it. Shaking, my hands pulled apart some bits and portions of the device, throwing it into the water to be carried away.

Empowered, I reached back and grabbed Esme's phone. I released the breath I had been holding, looking over my shoulder for any stalkers. I texted.

_On my way back. Pancakes?_

* * *

Esme delivered, and the pancakes were buttery, fluffy, and soft. The eggs and toast made it a complete breakfast. Good food with the combination of the lack of pain put me in great spirits. When Emmett returned from his trip with the rest, I didn't hesitate to race with him on his Xbox.

"You're actually good at this," he laughed as his car whizzed passed mine.

"When I'm not doubling over, sure."

We ended the lap with me close on his tail. He lightly high-fived me.

"You're getting better, sport. Keep it up."

I looked over at his controller. "And you've only dented the right controller stick this time. You're getting better, _sport._ "

"Hey," he grinned. "I'm not perfect."

Humble. What a humble vampire.

"Do you need an intervention, Elise?" Edward walked in. He straightened his hair and threw me a smile. "I can get you out of this."

"I think I'm capable of saying no. Aren't I, Emmett?"

He chuckled in response. "Whoa. Hasn't Jasper taught you that you can never say no to a vampire?"

Was that a jab at this brother? "He didn't say that," I thought for a moment. "Not exactly."

Edward crossed his arms. "Don't listen to our brother. His negativity will drown you."

Was it negativity or realism? I got up and returned the controller to Emmett.

My knees ached from sitting for the whole two hours of game time, so I suggested a walk. Edward examined the weather closely before agreeing.

The moment we made our way onto a trail, I knew I wanted to write about this experience. Edward kept at least a two-foot distance from me continuously. He let me cross narrow paths first, always demonstrating his gentlemanly air. His hair seemed to never be impacted by the wind, which was interesting, because Jasper's hair was constantly thrashing around with nature. Did Edward use product? I mulled over this for too long.

"How is everything going, Elise? How are you liking the family?"

I blinked out of my thoughts, then offered him a smile. "You are all very pleasant. I don't know how I got so lucky."

"It's true," he cocked his head to the side in consideration. "We _are_ an unusual bunch. But in a good way, and I hope you see that. We want you to feel comfortable, safe, and secure."

His words seemed sincere, but the alarm in my head made a singular warning beep. A lot of people wanted you to feel safe before hurting you.

"The morphine is amazing. Carlisle is amazing."

"We all aspire to be a Carlisle," he said. "He's the role-model you should aspire to be as a vampire."

"The vampire Bill Gates, huh?"

He nodded playfully. "Sure."

We shared a laugh.

"I know you wanted some time to think about all of this. Is everything making sense? Do you have questions that I can answer?"

Edward was the professor who had office hours every day, assigned homework that covered the chapters he had lectured about, and allowed for extra credit on exams.

"I think it's all making sense. Jasper's been helping me."

"How's that been?"

Jasper was the professor who had office hours once a week, his homework covered unrelated material, and he would rather die than let his students have two points of extra credit.

"It's been good. He's very," I scrambled for the right word. "Realistic."

"Perhaps dreary is a better descriptor."

I eyed him. "You don't have the highest opinion of your brother."

His tone made me think that he knew something about Jasper's unusual hobbies. "He doesn't have the highest opinion of me, either."

"That's what it's like to have a brother though, isn't it?"

"I suppose. Do you have siblings?"

The fact that he phrased his question in present tense made me oddly emotional. "I don't. Only child."

I saw him nod, a little awkward. I knew he wanted to ask about my parents, so I saved him the trouble. "My parents are dead, as far as I know."

After the Jovu brought you in, one of their spiels were about parents. They would make it clear early on that we would have nothing to go back to, which I supposed helped maintain a uniform test sample. Emotionally, they wanted us at the same level. And it was a pretty low level.

"I'm sorry for your loss."

And I really appreciated that. "And I'm sorry for yours. What happened with Bella was –"

"It happened. Nothing we can do. And things like that are something you must eventually learn to brush off."

Edward was saying that death was a natural part of his existence. But the same could be said about humanity. But then again, brothers rarely killed their future sister-in-law.

"Is that something you hold against Jasper?"

He pursed his lips. "We all make mistakes. I've slipped countless of times. Sometimes, it only takes one drop of blood to set you off. It's – I'm sorry, is this too much?"

 _Too much?_ I didn't even realize that I was laughing. Edward looked at me quizzically.

"No," I breathed. "I'm sorry. I just – no. It isn't too much."

Edward caught on, apparently. "I get it. You've been spending a lot of time with my brother."

I nodded, so he continued. "Is he making some good points? You know, beside the pessimism."

"I'm learning. He did say that I would kill. And I wouldn't have a choice."

Edward turned us around back towards the house. "That, unfortunately, cannot be sugarcoated. You will unwillingly kill others."

 _Unwillingly being the key term here._ "Do you feel that you're going against your nature by not killing me?"

Edward smiled, showing his bright teeth. "I do not."

"Are you being honest?"

His eyebrows knitted together. "Why wouldn't I be? Do you think Jasper isn't being truthful with you?"

Jasper was being way too truthful. "No, that isn't it. It's just hard to believe, I suppose. It seems like vampires were meant to kill humans."

"Are humans meant to pollute and destroy the Earth? Are humans designed to be selfish? There are a lot of arguments you could make here. Sure, some humans are less environmentally conscious, but there are many others who plant trees on the daily. We aren't all the same."

And Jasper wasn't even on the same level as the Cullens. He could've been an entirely different species.

Not all vampires were the same, but Jasper's cynicism was toxic. His push to question anyone and everything stuck. Edward was sweet and sincere, but the Jasper in the back of my brain told me to stop and question his intentions. I sighed, feeling a headache coming on.

"Thank you, Edward. This was nice."

The house appeared on the horizon. "It's nice talking to you, as well. When Jasper's gone, be sure to find me."

I stopped. Why did his absence matter? "Why only when he's gone?"

He shrugged. "You seem too distracted otherwise. Am I wrong?"

"No," I said. "I never realized how much time I spend away from the rest of you."

Edward smiled solemnly. "Maybe now's the time to pay attention to how you allocate your time. My brother may give you useful information, but too much of him can be overwhelming."

* * *

Alice enjoyed reading, but she usually flipped through magazines. She was active, bubbly, and always had something to say. Her optimism and good mood was something that I examined closely. The wires that had tied her to Jasper didn't hold, and it was easy to see why.

They were different. And I was able to gain a deeper understanding of this every time we spent time together.

"...for this particular brand, the couture line is different in Germany. And I've never been able to figure out why." Alice was curled up on the couch across from me, flipping through some channels on their flat screen.

"You know," she turned to me. "I even went to Germany to trace the designer."

"You went to Germany just to stalk a designer?"

She laughed. "Stalk? I'd call it close observation. The man was an enigma."

"Was?"

"He died in 1993," she sighed. "I've never been able to figure out his obsession with the Germans. He was French, you know."

I didn't know. Was this the other side of immortality? The side where you chased pointless things to pass the time by? Instead of planning murderous adventures, you chased designers across Europe in order to reveal their deepest, darkest secrets?

"I've never been to Europe," I told her. "Do you travel a lot?"

"A lot. Internationally, mainly. When all you have is time, it makes it easy."

My hand played with the Xbox controller on the couch with its dented side. "All Emmett has is time and his touch is still a tad heavy. Is this something you have to develop over time?"

"Are you concerned about self-control as a vampire?"

I was. While Jasper didn't seem to care about who he hurt, I knew that I would.

"Well," she drew out. "It comes with being strong. Practice is key, and it might take a while. Carlisle can guide you through some exercises that could benefit you."

I chewed on my lip. "Jasper said to practice with pens."

"Which is a good technique for gentle touch. But holding a pen isn't the same as carrying a bag or dragging a suitcase. There are different levels of touch that must be practiced. Especially when in contact with a human."

It dawned on me that it must have been difficult for these people to touch me. "Even a simple hug could be dangerous."

"Exactly," she smiled. "We don't get to have a lot of practice with humans."

Except for Jasper. He had plenty of practice. But Alice already knew that, and I wanted so badly to ask her about everything. How much did she know? How much detail was she subjected to?

"So, you and Jasper have been traveling, as well, no?"

I looked up to make sure that she wasn't bothered by this. "After being stuck in suburbia, getting out in nature has been a nice change."

"I bet," she said. "Is it going alright? Do you want to run screaming yet?"

Her tone was light, and I was sure I was the only one in the house who knew the true weight to her question.

"I think it's going fine. I am sorry to hear about your fall out, though."

Alice didn't even flinch at the thought. "Jasper and I are very dissimilar. Actually, a lot of vampires band together more for companionship than anything else. It gets lonely very quickly, especially on our time scale."

It was hard to fathom how long these people really had. It was an infinitesimal amount of days, weeks, and months. They were the lifetime of the universe, while I was the age of the Earth. As a human, I would come and go in the blink of an eye. On their clocks, I was just the tick of a second.

And that made the situation gain urgency. I felt constricted to make a decision about immortality. Because it was my decision. I would call the shots.

"That's very eye-opening, Alice. Time is important when you worry about your mortality."

My insignificance triggered my depersonalization, and it was frightening.

"As Carlisle said, you shouldn't hurry to make a decision," she said. "There are things you would be giving up for this life, but I'm sure you've considered that."

"Even so," I murmured. "Once I'm in this mess, it feels that I could never get out. It feels like vampires would follow me around for the rest of my life."

"If I told you right now that there would be no repercussions for backing out, would you do it?"

I couldn't. Jasper wouldn't let me.

"I don't know."

All bubbles and unicorns aside, she looked at me deeply. "I think that's something you need to figure out."

* * *

**A/N: We rarely got Elise interacting with the rest of the Cullens without Jasper. Thoughts?**

**Also, the world remains in chaos. I hope everyone is doing their best to stay safe, and I hope I can continue to provide some distraction during these tough times.**


	41. Shattered Glass

**Present**

* * *

The pain ended numbingly. It felt like another shot of morphine, taking my body under and covering it with a protecting sheet. A band-aid. It covered the pain, but the burn was still within.

My consciousness returned into a foreign body, and my eyes blinked open.

Distorted magnification.

I watched as a dust particle floated above my cornea and landed straight into it. I felt my fingers twitch in sudden response to get the intruder out of my eye, but my pain receptors weren't working. My nerves welcomed the dust particle. It wasn't danger.

Why wasn't it danger?

I blinked a few times, hoping to move the particle to the corner of my eye. It had to come out eventually. The dust could scratch my cornea, and nobody wants that pain.

My hands examined the bed beneath me, feeling the threads come together to form the sheets. I saw muted light through the boarded-up window next to me and concluded that it must be day.

Confused at the surroundings, I sat up. The speed of the movement disoriented me.

Suddenly, my senses expanded, hitting me with an exhausting amount of information.

I heard water flowing. Looking around for a running sink or a dripping pipe, I couldn't identify its source. I soon realized that it was outside, past the forbidden window.

Animals.

I traced the ceiling for bugs, hung over the bed to make sure that no furry creature hid beneath me. Again, the sounds weren't coming from this room.

But I was focused on the beyond when I should've been focused on the near. There were people here. My instincts told me there were more than just one.

The door to the room was cracked open, and I could already hear footsteps on the creaky wood below.

A blonde man appeared at the doorway. My eyes shot to his, and I instinctively backed up to the headboard, the wood crushing against my back. The man stepped in, his arms cautiously lifted. Did he think that I would run? Did he know that I couldn't escape if I tried?

No one escaped vampires.

"Elise," he said. "Hello."

I swallowed. "That's my name."

Hearing my own voice pleased me. My hand absently went up to my throat to verify that it was mine.

The vampire simply nodded, inching closer. He took a seat at the furthest end of the bed, and I appreciated the distance between us.

"Elise, what do you remember?"

My eyes closed at this question, searching, remembering. I dug through the archives of my brain, but everything felt scattered, mismatched. Unrelated.

"I was attacked."

The man nodded some more.

Had I been attacked by a person? An animal? A mix of both? All I could think about was the sharp stab in my shoulder. Had something ripped my arm from its socket? I gently cradled my right arm, testing its movement.

But a thought dawned that sedated me. I looked at the man. "I survived."

In return, he gave me an uneasy smile. "You did."

I looked back at the headboard that I had crushed, noting how flimsy the material was. The man examined me closely, and I sat patiently, awaiting any information. After a while of uncomfortable silence, I noticed how parched I was.

My throat automatically swallowed, trying to ease discomfort. "Can I have some water?"

He only frowned, remaining still. Did they not have water?

"Please?"

He shook his head. "Water won't help you. How do you feel?"

I twisted around in my body, testing my legs and my feet. I clenched my hands into fists, then spread my fingers wide. "I'm fine. I will be better if I have some water."

The man sighed, then disappeared. He returned with a glass half-filled with water. How long had I slept for? Recovery took a lot out of your body, and I needed to stay hydrated. This vampire, obviously, couldn't know that.

I reached out my hand. He hesitated.

"Give it to me," I insisted.

He held up the glass, hovering. "It won't help you."

I scoffed, eagerly watching as he placed the glass in my grip. But as soon as I held it, it was gone. A deafening noise erupted from my hand, my palms coming up to cover my ears. The glass had shattered.

I had broken the glass.

I blinked at the variably sized shards on the bed. My chest, instead of heaving with the sudden scare, remained still. I looked at my hands, frightened by their drastic capability. The man stood, watching me with caution.

"I'm sorry," I said, still in disbelieving awe. "I'm sorry I broke your glass."

The man didn't say anything. He started to pick up the remnants from the bed. I quickly held out a hand to stop him.

"I _was_ attacked, wasn't I?"

He nodded, moving to pick up a large shard.

"I didn't survive. Did I?"

He dropped the glass, then looked at me. "You did, Elise. You're here."

I forced myself to take a breath, but the unfamiliar substance filling my lungs erupted panic in my chest. Oxygen. Humans needed air to breathe.

I held my breath, desperately searching for the tightness in my chest and the ache in my lungs. It never came.

I opened my eyes as wide as they could go and counted the seconds. The seconds turned into minutes after I realized that they didn't sting with lack of moisture.

I grabbed one of the biggest glass shards on the bed before he could.

"Am I dead?"

I expected my hands to shake, but they were eerily still. Before he could respond, I dug the glass into my palm.

I waited for the warmth of blood. It was stupid to call upon blood with a vampire in the room, but I needed to know.

The glass only chipped against my skin.

_No, no, no, no, no…_

"Oh my god," I whispered.

"Look," the man grabbed the glass from me. "You won't be able to think clearly until you have some blood."

I backed further into the headboard, damaging the wall behind it. "Who are you? How do you know my name?"

"She doesn't remember?" Another man peeked in from the doorway. Darker hair, firm build.

"Who are _you_?" I demanded.

"Don't scare her," the blonde man said, exasperated. He turned back to his friend and grabbed a bag of deliciously smelling liquid.

The color and consistency were undeniable. This was blood, and I needed to ingest it. Survival. I accepted the bag and stuck the opening in my mouth. It was cold, and that bothered me. Couldn't they have heated this up?

But the soothing in my throat was more than enough to shut me up. My eyes fluttered to a close as I inhaled the sweet juice.

When nothing more came out, I demanded for more. The blonde man took the empty bag from me. "No more for now. I hope that helped with some of the sensory overload."

It had. "Why can't I have more?"

"We need to talk. You probably have questions."

And they wouldn't give me more blood because it was a reward mechanism? Did they think I was an animal who needed treats to do tricks?  
"I want more," I growled. My feet understood my thirst. I ran out of the room and into another. This place had low ceilings and I soon felt claustrophobic. How long had I been here for? When I turned into the kitchen area, I saw the rest of them. They stood from the kitchen table, their eyes fixed on me. I eyed the front door for a quick escape, but before I could move, four of them had me on the ground, each grounding one of my limbs. I thrashed violently, trying to free myself of their tight hold.

"Elise," the blonde man came forward with his friend. "Do you not remember us? Any of us?"

Were they crazy? "I don't know any of you! Let me go!

"Get her more blood," a female said, pointing at a cooler. "Elise, if I give you this blood bag, will you please listen to us?"

I dropped my fight at the mention of blood. The four vampires held onto my limbs, but they let me sit up. One of them grabbed the bag and held it against my mouth.

The blonde man took this opportunity to speak. "You do not remember us, but we took you in as a human. This is my family," he gestured around, then finally landed on me. "And you are part of it. My name is Carlisle."

He proceeded to introduce the rest of his _family._

When I drained the last drop of blood from the bag, I looked around at the coven. Why had they taken me in? A human? "Did you drink from me?"

" _We_ didn't," Rosalie, the blonde female, snapped.

"What does that mean?"

Carlisle, the leader, crouched down to my level. "Do you know anything about your attacker?"

"No," I frowned.

"Carlisle?" Edward prodded with concern.

The leader spoke uncertainly. "You've been through a lot, Elise. Psychologically, and physically. You've always sought to protect your mind, and you've probably had your methods to process a lot of difficult situations. I believe the venom took this opportunity to protect you further."

I snatched my arm away from one of them to sit up further.

"Does the term _Jovu_ ring any bells?" Edward asked.

_Oh, fuck._

My emotions began to spiral.

White rooms. Blood. Moisturizer.

Syringes. Disorientation. Darkness.

Damon.

"Maybe the venom didn't protect all of me."

My mind had only protected me from this attacker, and it left everything else. It left Damon. How could anyone be worse than him?

I blinked.

_Of course._

My attacker had to be Damon. What had he done to me that merited complete annihilation of my memories?

"Was the attacker a male or a female?"

They confirmed that he was a male.

And then I asked the most important question.

"Is he dead? Did you kill him?"

Silence.

"Did you kill him?" I pressed.

"We were too late. We had to take you and run," Emmett explained.

Panic burst through me, my human reflexes taking over. "He's going to get me. Why didn't you kill him?"

"We won't let him get to you, kid," the big guy looked at me solemnly.

Why did it matter? I had lost the battle for my humanity. What more could he take from me?

"I have one more question," I gazed around the room. "Why are your eyes golden?"

They all smiled back at me.

* * *

My thirst never felt sedated, and I knew I had to work on calming my mind out of the frenzy. Immortality didn't fix all of your problems. It piled more on.

The Cullens didn't kill humans, which made me feel more at ease with their family. They showed me their ways of vegetarianism and their delicate shadowing of human behavior.

Where had these people been when the real vampires took me from my family?

I stopped myself. I couldn't let those thoughts persist. My human life was a thing of the past. The venom had made it clear that I have a clean slate. But why couldn't it magically clear my rememberances of the Jovu as well?

I supposed beggars couldn't be choosers.

Emmett sat with me in the wilderness, letting me practice my sensory depth. He described the animals he could hear a mile away and let me seek them out for myself.

"You were programmed to hunt. As a newborn, you're bombarded with a lot of triggers all at once, and we need to let you focus on a few things at a time."

I nodded, my eyes closed. "I hear water."

"Do you hear the squirrels on the tree branch, above the water?"

My forehead wrinkled in concentration. "Maybe."

"The water is pretty prominent. The squirrels are quieter, but you can practice selective hearing. Try again."

Growing frustrated, I opened my eyes. The big guy grinned at me.

"It'll take time," he coaxed.

It was day two, and I already felt overwhelmed. "Emmett, what was I like as a human?"

He held up a hand as he reached into his pocket. From his phone, he pulled up his gallery.

"Here we are in the living room," he showed me a selfie that we'd taken.

My cheeks were rosy and my eyes were glossy. My smile looked genuine. I was full of life.

"Here we are in the living room, with the Xbox," he pointed at the game that we were playing, then spent the next few minutes describing the plot and setting of the adventure.

"In this one, we're skiing in California," another selfie of us in the snow.

"I didn't even know you could ski in California," I murmured, examining both of our smiling faces in the picture.

My mind couldn't comprehend how normal these pictures looked, with the exception that Emmett's skin color was closer to the white snow than mine.

"You were fun. You still are."

I smiled, and it felt good. "Thanks. I'm sorry that I don't remember."

"Not your fault. We can always make new memories."

This had to be the most optimistic vampire I had ever met.

* * *

There were a lot of questions left unanswered. My constant preoccupation with blood had blinded my sense of reasoning. As I learned to hunt animals and temporarily fight my hunger cues, my thoughts became clearer. I could hear the squirrels _and_ the water. I knew that the thunderstorm reeling in from three miles away would bring animals running in my direction. The sound of a bear's paws on the dirt outside of its cave a few miles out rang dinner bells.

Swallowing the uncomfortable itch in my throat from partial satiation, I found myself back at the little house after a quick hunt.

"For a family this big with an endless opportunity of financial gains, you sure choose to live frugally."'

That statement was a light jab at their living situation. The house was falling apart. Water leaked from the ceilings during the rainy night, and the floors creaked and ached with every step. And why were the windows boarded up?

"We don't choose to be here," Alice said carefully. "It's circumstantial."

Carlisle had invited the family to convene. They had important matters to discuss, and they concluded that day three of my newborn life would ease me into the conversation without my senses overloading. I believed them. Somewhat. I still felt attacked by high intensity movement and sound. I panicked when I heard a mountain lion growl near my face. Alice's loud happy clapping irritated me to the point of pouncing. Cell phones beeping and buzzing drove me nuts.

"Circumstantial?" I asked.

"It's a tricky situation," Carlisle began. "And we want to keep you in the loop. You are and have been part of this family, and consequently have impacted our lives as we have impacted yours. Unfortunately, the vampire who attacked you was once part of this family."

Had Damon sustained a relationship with the Cullens? Was I wrong with my assumptions that Damon was responsible for my death? After all, my suspicions were all based around loose connections.

"He isn't making this easy on us," Edward said. "Him and his allies are trying to track us down. We're a hunted coven."

"So, trust us when we say that our standards of living are beyond this," Rosalie gestured to the moldy ceilings. "We've had to resort to temporary safe houses to deter the trackers."

My attacker had turned me, and now the family who had saved me from him was in danger. But the attacker was part of this coven? It was all jumbled.

"Why did he turn against you?"

"He wanted you," Edward said simply. "He's been working with an alliance meant to spark a revolution, so to speak. Are you aware that you are a shield?"

My lips parted at the mention of my gift. "Yes. I still have it?"

A light laughter swarmed the room.

"Have it?" Emmett chuckled. "It's more prominent than ever."

"I can read minds, Elise," Edward smiled patiently. "But I can't read anyone in this room. As a human, I couldn't read yours. But your shield has expanded with your transformation."

"Which is why you were attacked," Alice murmured. "He needed your shield to be stronger for his alliance. He needed you to turn."

The betrayal this family had to go through angered me. Even though I had truly known them for three days, the blatantly obvious connection we retained was undeniable. They knew so much about me, yet I knew almost nothing about them.

Damon certainly had the capacity for betrayal. His character was readily primed for this sort of behavior. But I needed to validate my assumptions.

"What was his name?"

The family tensed. This was a wound they were trying to heal as well.

And they walked over all of my suspicions.

"Jasper," Carlisle said. "Jasper Whitlock."

* * *

**A/N: If you thought the 'blonde man' in the beginning was Jasper, I'm sorry. They need to be apart for a little while.**

**Now that we're in Elise's brain, we really don't know much about what happened after Jasper bit her.**

**We only have the Cullens to confirm or deny the events of the past.**


	42. Happy Campers

Previously:

_"What was his name?"_

_The family tensed. This was a wound they were trying to heal as well._

_And they walked over all of my suspicions._

_"Jasper," Carlisle said. "Jasper Whitlock."_

* * *

**E** **lise**

I climbed the roof of the little house and sat beneath the darkening evening sky. I tried to convince myself that the burn in my throat would dissipate if I could put a little vertical distance between my sharp teeth and the living creatures on the ground. But now, I was closer to the birds. And while they were smaller, they were just juicy enough to be worth it.

I sighed. The amount of wildlife I had reduced in a day was catastrophic. Nothing felt like it could sedate me.

I noticed Edward strolling out of the woods and invited him to join me. We sat in silence.

Alice, soon, came out of the house and sat on the grass below.

"When will it get better? Because it doesn't feel like it ever will," I complained, irritated.

I had walked the Earth as a dead killing machine for seven full days. I expected that with time, the burn would be easier to manage. Out of pure desperation, I had stuck my face in a lake to inhale as much water down my throat as I could to soothe the burn. I ended throwing up all of it in front of Esme. There was nothing more graceful than a puking vampire.

"You _are_ better," Edward smiled. "Better than Emmett when he was at this stage."

"How was he worse?"

"We weren't in a very isolated location when he turned. He found humans too quickly."

I hadn't found any humans. "Then we can't compare until I'm in the same boat."

"Touché, young one."

A light sprinkle of rain began pattering down on the roof beneath us. I frowned at my dinner prospects as I watched a few animals clear away. All I could think about was food.

Being bound to the limitation of animal life for sustenance was unsatisfying. The blood bags that were tossed at me during my initial newborn hours were sweet nectar, but these animals were bitter tonic. I could feel my body's demand for human blood, and denying it was upsetting.

"What are you thinking about?" Edward threw a pebble at a tall tree, and we watched it fall through its branches, occasionally catching on a leaf or two.

"Humans."

"Don't. It'll drive you crazy."

"It already has," I murmured. "If I kill one, how do I bounce back?"

Edward shook his head. "It isn't a matter of if, but when. You may not remember me saying this, but you _will_ kill. But when you do, it's never the end."

"How many have you killed?"

This made him uncomfortable. "In the double digits."

It could've been ten or ninety-nine, and he clearly didn't want me to ask. "What about the family?"

"Carlisle is the only one with the clear slate, as far as I know."

"Wrong," I smiled. "My slate is white and shiny. No blood stains yet."

"Yet," he smiled in return, but his eyes remained sharp.

I shifted towards him. "There isn't a single part of you that thinks I can avoid killing humans?"

He sighed. "It's hard, Elise. Harder than you can imagine. We all suspect that Carlisle has some sort of gift of patience and aversion to blood. He's truly an odd ball in the vampire community. And you," he looked away. "Your background only makes you more susceptible."

"What does that mean?"

He opened his mouth, then closed it. He'd momentarily forgotten how to speak. Frustrated, he looked down at the front lawn where Alice sat, watching the same sky. She looked up at him with a tight expression.

Finally, words tumbled out slowly. "You've spent quite a lot of time with Jasper. We aren't sure what sort of impact he's had on you."

Why did that matter? "Just because your parents weren't the best at raising you doesn't condemn you for a life on the streets," I argued. "And if he was deliberately trying to shift my consciousness towards his agenda, how could you not read his mind? You should've been able to read his intentions, right? My shield didn't protect him when I was a human. His thoughts should've been an open book."

Edward took in my words, but his answer was already prepared. "He didn't need your shield. He usually kept me out with thoughts I'd rather not think about. He's very skillful at manipulation, which is why we weren't sure what to expect when you turned. He may have not been able to influence your feelings, but Jasper's reach is strong. He doesn't need gifts to get his way."

This man sounded awful, but Edward should've persisted. It was almost like the family saw all of the signs but ignored it. "How did you even let him into your family? It doesn't make sense."

Edward gave me a sad shrug. "People are often not who they say they are."

I caught Alice gazing up at us. I waved at her, but she looked away.

"He can't reach me anymore, and I don't remember him. Any influence he might have had on me died when he killed me."

"We hope that's the case."

It was. As far as I could tell, no one was controlling my thoughts, actions, or feelings. It was all me. Their worry was pointless.

"You said I spent time with him. Tell me more."

Alice's head snapped up at my request.

"He took you away from the family a lot," Edward spoke slowly. "There was a degree of possessiveness that none of us could explain."

"Edward," Alice warned. My eyes darted between the man next to me and the girl shooting him daggers from below.

"Jasper is dangerous, Elise," Alice quipped. "You should consider yourself lucky that you don't remember him. Anything more you want to know will only harm you."

Nothing could harm me anymore. Wasn't this the point of being dead? "How can Jasper harm me any more than he already has?"

She stood up. "Death is not the worst thing that can happen to you. As a week-old newborn, I can't expect you to understand that."

I didn't understand the ice in her voice. "What's worse than death?"

"Servitude," Edward replied, drawing me away from her. "You want no part in the war he's trying to start."

"I don't know anything about this war."

"It's a war he won't win, and he will be indebted to the law for his treason. He was going to drag you down with him, and probably the rest of the family."

How could somebody so seemingly deceptive also lack the intelligence to realize the consequences?

"He doesn't sound like the type of person who would blindly dive into something unless he was certain of the outcome."

Edward narrowed his eyes. "Are you defending him?"

Was I? "I'm just saying that it doesn't make sense."

Alice looked like she was about to say something, but she froze. Her eyes rolled back, and she crouched onto the ground. I watched, alarmed. The girl looked like she was having a seizure.

Edward grabbed my wrist, preventing me from jumping off the roof to get to her.

Then, it ended. She stood up from her crouch in alarm.

"Emmett stepped out of the boundary. We need to get out of here."

* * *

My shield ranged about twenty feet in radius. This was a very small space for seven vampires, and hence why a lot of my training would revolve around expanding my gift. Otherwise, we would all go stir crazy within a constant forty feet of each other.

We ran for miles. From the sun's movements, I was able to discern an Eastward direction. We fled the entire state of Idaho within a few hours of Alice's vision.

We gathered in a clearing in Northern Wyoming. My eyes traced animals as they scurried away from us, sensing danger.

"You need to be more careful," Rosalie fumed at her husband. Her words were laced with anger, but her eyes showed me her fear.

Emmett had hunted too far out of the range of my shield. Thankfully, Alice took on the job of constantly monitoring Jasper's decisions, so we were able to remain one step ahead of him.

But this was exhausting.

"He knows we went back to Idaho. He'll have trackers sniff out the cabin. We'll have a few hours at most before they turn East towards Wyoming," Edward said.

They taught me that water was very effective at throwing off trackers. We found a small lake and dove in. Each of us dripping wet, we ran South, straying far from any visible trails to avoid humans.

But humans rarely followed their own rules.

Soon enough, I caught the smell of the candy that would sooth my aching throat. My feet stopped moving. It took me a few seconds to realize that the family hadn't noticed.

This was Freud's id in action. I didn't care about the people in front of me. All I cared about was the one with the heartbeat two miles West.

By the time the family had realized my absence, I was gone.

Trees whirled by. I hated how slowed down I felt from the weight of my wet clothes. My irritational side blamed Carlisle for making us jump into the lake.

There.

The bushes I stood behind tickled my legs. I watched the human fumble helplessly with a cheap tent. He was no more than fifty years old with hair peppered lightly with white. The items surrounding him was a frugal man's camping kit. He even had a small fire going by his two backpacks.

Then, I noticed numbers above his head. A two. A four. Sixteen? I soon realized this was a counter. As my mind raced with ways I would drain this human, the counter fluctuated. My desires got the best of me, leaving the thought of the numbers behind. I needed this.

I took a step forward with anticipation.

But the next second, I was flying back twenty feet.

Emmett. He pinned my arms down and kept me in place. Twigs and leaves fell onto my face, my hair. I fought hard at his strength, growling ferociously at the man who had interrupted lunch.

"This isn't you," Edward's voice. "You will not kill a helpless camper."

I fought harder. The burn in my throat denied Edward's remarks. Soon, I was being carried away by both gentlemen.

Southward. Away from lunch.

I wanted to rip their heads off.

* * *

The family had been out of my range again due to my quick detour attempt at lunch. We took another dip in a dirty lake and ran East.

I hadn't said a word to anyone. I should've felt ashamed, and I knew they wanted me to feel regretful. In turn, they gave me their silent acceptance, patting me on the head like a child. _It's okay. You'll do better next time._

They were weird about it. Or maybe I just read too much into their behavior. In either case, I didn't like their method of dealing with the situation. They behaved like patients with disordered eating who craved the food around them, but refused to eat it. Instead, they judged others who did.

But I soon realized my own hypocrisy. I judged them for their lack of adherence to their nature, but I stuck with them because their morals aligned with mine. Killing was wrong. But my instincts told me otherwise.

Frustrated, I remained mute. My body betrayed me, and it was sickening.

After a few hundred miles of running, we paused by a lake. I had dried off from our previous dip and hoped there wouldn't be yet another reason to mask our scents.

While the rest took this time to hunt for food, I had to remain put to not move the location of my shield. They counted their steps to make sure they were never out of my boundary. Edward and Carlisle stayed behind, and I certainly did not feel like being lectured about my recent actions. And thankfully, that was not what they had in mind.

"We should practice a little bit," Carlisle started. "Your shield has more potential than you think."

Potential. The term rang memory bells.

"It does," I agreed, breaking my silence. "How do we make it better?"

"Gifts are like muscles. The more you train them, the stronger and more capable they become. If you don't work on them, they'll revert back to their initial state."

They said we would wait until the family returned, and then we would begin. Edward and Carlisle would run to the outermost measured point of my shield to monitor its expansion, if any.

"Practice thinking about a little sphere inside of a cube. You want that sphere to expand inside the box, and you want to see it big enough to touch the sides of the cube. There are many other visualizations that you can consider, but you can start with this."

After the family returned, Carlisle explained that we had stopped with proximity to this lake in case of any fluctuations of the shield during our experiments. Alice was instructed to sit by and monitor Jasper and anyone else he could have contact with. If she saw any action on his part, we would take a dip and run. He explained that as I focused in on my shield, Carlisle himself would start taking steps out of the range, and Edward would observe if his mind opened up to him. If not, that would mean that I was doing something right.

The feeling of my capacity expanding was a unique, addicting feeling. It was almost as if I could feel the power surge through me. The sphere in my mind expanded, breaking the four walls of the cube that tried to contain it.

After thirty minutes of pure visualization on my part, Carlisle was able to take twenty steps out of the initial boundary before Alice stopped us. It was good progress, and my shield was expanded to a 60 foot diameter. I was permitted to train on my own, but we wouldn't risk testing the improvement of the shield for a while. The family intended our next destination to be one of relative permanence.

With another quick bath, we changed up our direction and ran straight West. California finally greeted us after days of travel.

* * *

Ants.

Emmett picked one up with his thumb and forefinger and showed it to me. I looked at him, dumbfounded.

"Are you going to eat it?" I watched the little guy crawl up his fingers and onto his palm.

He laughed. "Nope, just picking them up. Try."

He was trying to train my touch. Sneaky. I looked down and examined the dirt. Spotting one, I reached down.

"Wait –"

And my fingers quickly turned sticky. I wiped the blood on the dirt, dazed at the speed in which I had obliterated the creature.

"You're moving too fast," Emmett said. "Watch."

He slowly reached for the insect and picked it up.

I smiled at him and mimicked his speed. I barely felt the creature with how light I tried to hold it. With all of my focus, I hadn't realized Rosalie's presence. With a harsh clearing of her throat, my reflexes crushed the tiny guy. I silently blamed her for my loss of control.

"Can I spend some time with my husband?" she asked, her arms crossed.

I rubbed the stickiness of the dead ant on the dirt in front of her. "We're stuck within 60 feet of each other. Even if you're not talking to him, you're basically still hanging out with him."

"I didn't ask for this," she snapped. "I would've preferred to stay in Idaho in our actual home, living our actual lives."

"I woke up to this," I defended. "You can't shift the blame onto me."

"Alright," Emmett held up his hands. "I know I'm pretty awesome. No one has to fight over me."

I giggled while Rosalie's eyebrows dipped even further than I thought physically possible.

Her anger was unwarranted, and I was still pissed that she made me kill the ant. "You should've left me to die with Jasper. Then you wouldn't be in this mess, would you?"

With her jaw tight, she narrowed her eyes at me. No one said a thing.

"Would you? You certainly wouldn't be on the run from a man who wants me. If it so pleases you, maybe I should just let him get me."

Emmett stood and took his wife's hand. "No, Elise. That's not what she means."

"I'm tired of this as much as any of you, and I'm only a few weeks dead."

The entire family could hear us, and still no one responded.

"What? He'd put me through a war? If he's going to stop harassing you, and we can all be free of this 60-foot prison, why isn't that better?"

Silence. It was irritating. My questions were clear; I was speaking English, wasn't I?

Finally, Carlisle stood beside Rosalie, looking down at me. They all looked down at me and my pile of black ants.

"It isn't better," Carlisle said grimly. "We aren't only running from Jasper."

And at that point I knew that people didn't have to lie to you for them to lose your trust.

Withholding information was just as bad as dishonesty.

* * *

**A/N: Elise has had to take information directly from everyone and believe it as fact, since she doesn't have her memories for the truth. What have the Cullens told her vs. what have they refused to mention? How did Jasper lose Elise after biting her?**

**Here, I kind of like Elise's thoughts as they shift away from the biases the Cullens throw at her. She's questioning their explanations and their way of life, and she's slowly starting to think for herself.**

**Hope everyone is doing alright on this messy planet.**


	43. Geometry

Previously:

_"It isn't better," Carlisle said grimly. "We aren't only running from Jasper."_

_And at that point I knew that people didn't have to lie to you for them to lose your trust._

_Withholding information was just as bad as dishonesty._

* * *

**Elise**

My hands efficiently plucked fur off of the small squirrel's body, making for a clean incision for my teeth. The more animals I hunted, the more I found ways to get around the small unpleasantries. I increasingly hated the texture of fur on my lips.

With the squirrel completely dry, I dug a little hole and gently placed it under the ground.

I honored the dead, and I was proud of it.

"You're quiet tonight," Esme smiled at me, gesturing at my burial. "You know, lots of vampires still believe in ancient gods and goddesses. Sacrifices like these are common in some covens."

I didn't believe in them. "This creature tried to sedate me. Sure, it mostly failed. But it tried. I think it deserved a proper burial."

She bowed her head and sat next to me. "I know you're a little on edge, and I understand. I just hope you know that Carlisle only does what he does for the good of the family."

I shrugged. "I don't appreciate not being told half of the story."

"Understandable. May I tell you why we're hunted by the Volturi?"

"Please."

Her smile remained as she talked about Carlisle's experiments. She highlighted his desire to heal humanity, and the risks that followed.

"He is a brave man," I murmured finally.

"That he is," she nodded. "I want you to feel like a part of this family. As a human, you were very happy with us, and I want to see that again."

"My human self feels so far away. Nonexistent."

"She exists with us. We've known her, cared for her, and we've done our best to protect her."

I smiled bitterly. "Not enough, apparently."

A small frown graced her lips. The light in her eyes dimmed, and she couldn't look at me.

Esme's sadness should not be permitted. I rested a hand on her forearm.

"But you couldn't have known," I quickly added.

"We should have known," she shook her head. "Jasper's always been – I don't know – _quiet._ He liked his space. His gift, empathy, gave him the ability to observe emotion. He never had to make any effort to understand anybody. His gift did that for him. But then, you came in, and we could all tell that he was frustrated with you," she smiled sadly. "He definitely liked you. You brought him out of his room and gave him purpose. At least, I like to believe that. When Jasper and I went on hunts, I _saw_ that change in him. I _loved_ that change. I thought it was going to be different."

She squeezed my arm in return.

The entire family had lost Jasper, but Esme had lost a son. I reached in and grabbed her for a hug. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," she whispered. "Your humanity was yours, and the decision was yours. I'm sorry he took that from you."

I nodded, blinking at anticipated tears. None came.

"I believed that you were very good for him," she looked at me. "But we weren't all that comfortable with him around you. Not after he killed Bella."

Bella? Why did that name sound familiar? "Tell me more. Who's Bella?"

"Edward's girlfriend," she explained. "She was human."

Damn.

I looked over at where Edward sat. He wore a frown and avoided my gaze.

"Jasper killed her?"

Esme nodded slowly. "She cut herself when she was intoxicated. It was on her birthday."

"That's unacceptable," I didn't mask the anger in my voice. "And you still let him stay?"

"We all have slip ups, Elise," Edward interjected sternly. "If we removed family members every time someone killed a human, Carlisle would be the only Cullen remaining."

"She was someone you cared about though, wasn't she?"

Esme gripped my arm tighter. "I appreciate your empathy, I really do. It isn't often that vampires retain their emotional capacity when they turn."

I shook my head. Yes, the girl was dead, but so was I. And I was the one who needed to live through the aftermath. "I can't believe you let him take me."

"You went with him," I heard Rosalie shout from up above. I looked up and saw her lying lazily on a thick tree branch. "You wanted to go with him. Why would we stop you?"

"Because I was human," I said, incredulous. "Because I couldn't have known better."

"Please," she scoffed. "You couldn't get enough of each other."

Was I hearing her correctly? I withdrew my arm from Esme. The question itself was nonsense, but I knew I had to ask. "Were Jasper and I romantically involved?"

"We don't know," Esme sighed. "He had a lot of interest in you."

"Too much," Edward muttered.

"But that was because of my shield. My _potential_."

"Perhaps," Esme frowned. "In either case, what he did was wrong."

Carlisle appeared, wiping a small dribble of blood from the corner of his lip. He sat next to his wife, and smiled at me.

"In either case, you are safe."

* * *

The Cullens were running from the Volturi. I was running from Jasper. My shield protected us all from the people who wanted us.

The Cullens risked servitude, and by their argument, so did I. Prosecution by the higher powers was a risk if the Volturi were to catch us, or if we went through with the war.

But it still didn't make sense. Any baggage the Cullens had carried was theirs, so the Volturi could do their worst to them. But me? Why was I running?

Why was Jasper Whitlock such a threat?

All I truly knew about him was that he had killed me for his personal gain. Did that make him a bad person? Yes.

But should we always run away from bad people?

Alice plopped down in front me with an indecisive frown. I looked at her, bored.

"Can I help you?"

We'd been in this section of the forest in middle-of-nowhere California for a week and a half. I was getting claustrophobic in open nature. That mere thought made me uncomfortable.

"Yes," she said quickly. "I saw something about Jasper."

I silently hoped that he found us so that we could move again. "What happened?"

"He wants to talk to you."

I heard light laughter. Emmett looked down at us from a tree. "And how is he planning to do that?"

"He wants her to find a payphone."

Louder laughter. "Sure, and while we're at it, we can let her hunt down the thirty humans nearby."

Thirty? I wouldn't kill thirty. Maybe just one. One bad person.

"How do you know, Alice?" I asked.

"Jasper knows how my visions work. He can make a random decision and leave a note. And if he's lucky, I'll be able to read it given a clean angle."

Apparently, this was important for the whole family. We all sat in an immediate circle, summoning some sort of reasoning.

"Why does he want to talk to her? There's nothing to talk about," Edward began.

"He knows he can't find us. He must be up to something," Alice frowned. "I don't know if I want to take the risk and ignore him."

"What harm could he do? You said it yourself. He doesn't know where we are," I argued.

"We have allies," Carlisle muttered.

"The Denalis," Edward agreed. "Is Jasper capable of hurting them?"

Alice. "Jasper's capable of anything."

This was stupid. The item under discussion was a _phone call._ This man couldn't hurt me if he tried. "I'll talk to him."

Eyes stared at me invasively. Then, they began talking all at once, their voices mingling into each other. Weren't my newly primed senses sharp enough to distinguish between their words, or did I just not care?

I stood up. "Which direction is the nearest town?"

More talking. No action. Being ignored was agitating.

I sighed, picked North, and started walking.

"I'm going this way," I announced. "Stay within thirty feet. Because you know, that's how geometry works."

* * *

Perhaps it was it was the romanticism of conversing with the man who had taken my life, or the boredom that came with being stuck with six neurotic vampires. I found myself excited at the thought of this endeavor. Change was good. In times like this, I yearned for it.

The reluctance the family showed was curious, though I did understand. Payphones were generally located in central places, and central places were filled with humans. The town we had come across was definitely less than central. But I should have anticipated how hard this would be.

The burn was unbearable. It was the thirst of a lost voyager in the dessert, seeing mirages of endless aquamarine pools of sweet water. It was the hunger of a starving beggar: penniless, but surrounded by endless consumerism.

I closed my eyes, willing my stream of thoughts to diverge away from the desire to hunt.

I had a purpose. I needed that payphone.

Opening my eyes and holding my breath, I nodded at the Cullens. They watched me closely as I took a few steps forward out into an empty street. It was around three in the morning, but I could still smell all of the humans sleeping soundly, unprotected, in their homes.

The town was small, and it looked like there was some effort to maintain it, but not quite enough. The sidewalks had chipped cement, and there was some sort of graffiti tagging on the nearby bus stop. The payphone I had spotted was inside of a booth with shattered glass. As quietly as I could muster, paranoid of attracting human attention, I stepped inside.

I lifted my hand to grab the speaker, remembering to focus on my touch. My eyes caught Emmett's gaze a few feet away, and he gave me a thumbs up.

 _Light, light. Gentle._ I barely felt the plastic in my hands.

I entered the phone number Alice had given me, careful not to push on the worn-out metallic switches too hard.

And it rang.

I waited in silence, looking over at where the family was stationed.

I was glad they were here. The support helped. And the task at hand distracted me somewhat from the steady heartbeats around.

Finally, somebody picked up.

"Hello, sweetheart."

The voice was deep and smooth; it was warm honey as it melted into hot tea. When had I gotten so good with my descriptors?

I swallowed, not realizing that I had to speak. Speaking required the vibration of your vocal chords. Vibration required force. Force required air.

I breathed in with my mouth, careful to not inhale through my nose. "Is this Jasper?"

"Is this Elise?"

Surely, he was joking. "You _know_ it is."

"I do. I know you very well."

His claims meant nothing. "You wanted to talk to me."

"Yes," he drew out in consideration. "How are you?"

I blinked, not expecting casual banter. Actually, I wasn't sure what I was expecting. "Fine."

"I don't think you are."

"What do you mean?"

"Well," he said. "You're in the middle of a little town filled with delicious snacks. You are also a very young newborn. I'm sure _fine_ cannot encompass all that you're feeling."

My attacker was keeping track of me through pure assumptions and calculated knowledge. He knew my age because of when he had killed me. He presumed that I was in a small town because he knew the Cullens would never take the risk of going for anything bigger.

"If you're trying to gauge my progress as a vampire, I already have six teachers following my every move. Actually," I paused. "The blonde and the pixie want nothing to do with me. Make that only four."

That made him laugh. "I think that their teachings are a little too conservative for my taste."

"I don't like to dive into politics."

"Yes," he murmured. "Not good for making friends. And I certainly want to be yours."

I cocked my head to the side. "I don't think we would make good friends. Anyways, I think we've fulfilled our end of the bargain –"

"Have you killed anyone?" he interrupted.

I shifted my weight. "No."

"As expected. It seems that we have to visit food class again. You've had trouble with that in the past."

It irked me that I knew nothing about what he was saying. "Are we done?"

"With?"

"This conversation. You wanted to talk to me, so we're done."

I heard him sigh. "We really aren't done, Elise. I don't think we ever can be."

"I'm hanging up now."

"No," he said quickly. "Go to a nearby convenience store and obtain a disposable phone. Or send one of them to do it. I don't care. I need to be able to contact you."

He was obviously insane, or he thought we were dumber than rocks. "You'd track us down in a minute."

"I would give you my word that I wouldn't, but I know you wouldn't believe me. At least, I hope you wouldn't believe me."

This man was utterly confusing. "I don't believe you."

"Good. Buy the phone. They are untraceable unless you make a phone call. If there's any communication, you turn it off, and you run. Simple."

He was teaching me how to evade him. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I know that this is the only way I can talk to you."

Why did he want to talk to me?

"But –"

"I have to go," he said hurriedly. "You should also know that while payphones are anonymous, their location can still be tracked. From this three-minute phone call, I can already see that you're in Northern California. I would start heading East unless you want to take a dip in the Pacific."

"I don't—"

"Run, Elise."

And then all I heard was the dial tone. I dropped the phone and let it hang from its rubbery wiring.

_Run, Elise._

My mind raced with something I couldn't put a finger on.

_Run, Elise._

I shivered involuntarily. The feeling was foreign and unexpected. The phone call could be characterized the same way.

_Run, Elise._

My hand came up to my throat. Had he strangled me? My hand brushed over my shoulder. Had he broken my arm?

_Run, Elise._

I wanted to know everything.

And I already knew my first question.

Who the hell was Jasper Whitlock?

* * *

**A/N: Jasper's a mystery to her. But in a way, Elise is a completely different person to Jasper. I think it's curious that certain people/phrases are starting to jog her memory, even faintly.**

**What do you think of the Cullens and their relationship with Elise? How much of the story do they really know?**


	44. Lioness

Previously:

_I wanted to know everything._

_And I already knew my first question._

_Who the hell was Jasper Whitlock?_

* * *

**Elise**

Emmett was the kind soul who ended up at the convenience store, very much so against the family's wishes.

"If it keeps the Denalis safe, so be it." He handed me the phone with a charger wrapped tightly around it. I was meticulous to the point of paranoia, not trusting my own grip. But the trend showed that if I barely felt something, it wouldn't break.

With that, I kept my touch as light as possible. I texted Jasper's phone number to make sure that he had the contact information he required. Doing so, I saved his number in the contacts.

_The Bad Man._

That made Emmett laugh.

Jasper had said East, but we ran North to the state of Oregon. I disagreed with the directionality. Jasper would know that we would pick any direction over his suggestion. He also probably assumed that we wouldn't dare step into the Southern territory where he was located. And _taking a dip in the Pacific_ wasn't on the top of anyone's list.

That meant that he knew where we were heading.

"But," Emmett countered, putting a finger up to his temple. "What if he thinks we're heading East because North is too obvious?"

I didn't know. I couldn't. This game was ridiculous.

I monitored the little phone like a hawk. It remained powered on until its battery died, and Emmett kindly took it to a public library in one of the surrounding Oregonian towns to keep it charged.

Unless there was any communication inward or outward, it was untraceable. And part of me should've questioned that, but the desperation in Jasper's voice had stopped me. The family, too, had minimal objections to keeping it alive.

They were against the whole principle idea of having the phone in the first place. But their allies meant something to them. And if maintaining contact with Jasper kept their friends safe, they reluctantly complied. Though it didn't stop them from voicing their opinions.

Carlisle. "We have to be cautious. There has to be an underlying motivation that we're not seeing."

Edward. "We're not idiots. He'll use that phone in any way he can to find us."

Rosalie. "We can't afford the risk with that device. Warn the Denalis. They can protect themselves."

But weeks went by and nothing remotely interesting happened. The phone would remain in my pocket. I would take it out every few days to let Emmett charge it at a nearby town, and then we would go back to nothing. No communication from my killer.

Until a month into the silence.

* * *

The day was calm, silent, and as plain and typical as any other day in bright, beautiful nature. We moved around Oregon for quite some time, trying to find a secluded spot with plenty of wildlife to keep us fed. We stayed in the greenery, lurking far in the outskirts of the towns we passed. Humans needed to stay away from me, but it wasn't always that easy.

Especially not this time.

The scent engulfed me before the screams.

"Somebody! Help!" The voice was weak, cracking at the edges.

Nostrils flaring, I deduced the direction. My mind reeled, taking charge of me and everything I believed in. The hypnotic anticipation of satiation was blinding.

I looked at the family.

They wouldn't stop me. I wouldn't let them.

My feet were the only part of me that knew what they were doing. _Run, run, run._

_Run, Elise._

I followed the scent of sweet nectar for miles. It was fresh, clean. New.

It was out in the open. Above flesh. Over skin.

"Please!"

I didn't need the sound to direct me. The human's smell was intoxicating.

 _Finally_.

A man. No, he was barely one. A young adult. He was sprawled in the middle of the clearing, unmoving.

He had cuts and bites in his skin—around his wrists, his neck. There was a huge bleeding wound on the side of his face, and his shirt was soaked with blood.

And it was divine. The aroma was enough to move my feet closer.

"Elise!" I heard distant voices. Angry. Angry at me for desiring what my nature offered me.

The human attempted to slide away when I was in his sight. His terrified expression turned petrified, though he seemed less than coherent. His life force pumped out of him, wasting away on the ground.

I stood by his head, then circled around to his feet. Like a lioness trapping her prey, I danced around my food. I couldn't decide how to enjoy this. Giddily, I waited for someone to stop me.

No one did. No one could.

Then, I felt the vibration. The phone.

It rang its shrilling tune.

Worst timing.

I ignored it. No one—not even he could take this from me.

I bent down and grabbed the human's shoulder to pull him up, and he screamed.

 _Oops_ , I thought. _Light, light. Gentle._

The phone persisted, and it was distracting me from my objective. Between the panting meal in front of me and the ear cramping phone melody, my senses were on overdrive. Frustrated, I pulled out the phone with my other hand and answered the call.

"He smells great, doesn't he?" Jasper's voice came through smoothly, provokingly.

My hand let go of the human and he fell back down to the ground, his face twisted in pain.

"Have you killed him yet?"

The human groaned, breathing heavily.

"No," I tested, leveling my voice. My mind jumbled. The blood, his voice. Everything was distracting.

"Why haven't you?"

I swallowed the ache in my throat. How did he know what I was about to do? What I was doing?

"How are you seeing this? Where are you?" I looked around.

"You forget the extent of your shield," he tutted. "You're making so many mistakes. Your first was not killing the snack we've left you. You deserve it."

I stepped away from the human.

_Shit._

This was a trap.

"Where are you?" I demanded into the phone. I watched as the human began to crawl away slowly, applying deep pressure onto his chest with his free hand.

"Not as close as I'd like to be."

I blocked the man's path, glaring down at how animated my food had become.

"Elise!" Voices rained down from behind me. My instincts told me to grab the food and run, but the logical side of my brain stopped me.

The family appeared, alarm etched in their features. They were all safely inside my shield.

But there was something missing.

Rather, someone.

"Edward's gone," Alice said hastily. "They took him."

And I immediately could guess the culprit. I put the phone back to my ear. "What did you do?"

As if expecting my question, he had his answer prepared. "I needed a mind-reader. Thank you."

And he hung up.

I stared at the five vampires in front of me in complete awe.

Had it been minutes since I had left them? Seconds?

"Eight vampires," Rosalie spat. "He sent eight vampires to bring him in. We couldn't fight them."

And they had found them because their location had been exposed. Because I wanted to sink my teeth into flesh that wasn't just a patch of fur.

"He planted him." I gestured to the bleeding human. "For me."

Carlisle knelt down and checked for his injuries.

"Now do you understand how dangerous he is?" Alice asked, brushing her shoulder against mine.

I stared at Carlisle as he worked. This was on me. This was all on me.

"I'm sorry." I looked at Esme, watching her sorrowful gaze at her husband.

The human flinched every time Carlisle tried to assess his cuts. The doctor sighed.

"He's been bleeding for a while. His ribs are misaligned. His heart could pierce any second."

"Can you—can you fix him?" I went back to holding my breath, backing further away from the blood.

"Not easily," he frowned. "Start moving East. I'll take care of this."

Esme grabbed my arm, pulling me away. "What does that mean?"

"It means he'll put him out of his misery," Rosalie muttered.

I had forgotten about the blood, the sweet scent, the undying hunger. This human was beat up and left out here to die as a diversion. How many vampires had already feasted on him? How many blows had he endured to his chest, his stomach?

Angrily, I took out the phone.

Jasper answered in a heartbeat.

"Sweet Elise," he drawled. "I thought you'd call sooner. And you haven't left Oregon. Another mistake."

"Stop it," I growled. "Was it worth it? Taking this man's life for a stupid game?"

"This is war. Hardly a game."

"I don't care," I bit. "Using my newborn thirst as an advantage to take Edward was a cheap move."

"I needed something and I took it. How is that so bad?"

I shifted, irritated. "You knew we would pick North."

"No," I could see his wicked smile through the phone. "It could've either been North or East of California. That's something to keep in mind—always keep land available on all four directions. Coastal states only narrow down your choices."

He was strategic, but we already knew that. He had men scouring for us in both states. How many humans had he beaten up and bruised to catch my attention?

But more than humanity, this was about family.

"Why do you need Edward?

"He's gifted."

No shit. "What will you do with him?"

He sighed. "He'll have his own little room with his own little books. I'll even throw in a piano if it stops his sulking. He'll be fine."

"Jasper, you will not hurt him."

"Why would I? Do you think I go around hurting anyone I come across?"

"Yes," I snapped. "I think that's exactly the kind of person you are."

He didn't like that. "I think you need to get to know me before you form those kinds of opinions."

I looked at the dying human. Was that what I had looked like when I was on the edge of two worlds? "I don't want anything to do with you."

"We've reached this stage quicker than I'd anticipated," he paused.

I counted the seconds of silence.

"If you're thinking of breaking that phone, don't," he finally declared. "If I can't reach you, Edward dies."

I wanted to scream at his nonchalant tone. "This is bullshit. Why do you want to talk to me? Just tell me that. Tell me what you want."

"You."

I hadn't realized that I was pacing. "I'm not fighting in your ridiculous war."

I heard him shift. "How much have the Cullens told you?"

"Enough to see that the arrangement is a death wish."

"Oh, Elise," he spoke fondly. "You can't accept what they say at face value. Edward is safer here than out there with you."

"How?" I demanded. "How could he possibly be safer with you?"

"The Volturi is a common threat. With me, you have a fighting chance."

"Jasper," Rosalie grabbed the phone, desperation leaking from her voice. "You can't stand against them. Carlisle knows the extent of their guard."

"Do you think I would step into this mess without absolute certainty? Come on, Rose," Jasper chuckled. "Come to Texas. Come into our central base. You won't be harmed. I gain nothing from hurting you."

No one spoke. The gears were turning, and I found myself scared at the decision the Cullens could be making. Were they going to take the bait? Would I go with them?

"Besides," Jasper pondered. "I'm not sure why you're protecting her. She's the reason you're in this mess."

Eyes darted to me. If I hadn't had natural vampiric balance, I would've stumbled down to the ground at the sudden intensity. I shook my head. Me?

"I don't know what he's talking about. I don't remember..." I sputtered.

"Of course she doesn't," Jasper said. "But Damon remembers you, Elise. And you've caught the Volturi's attention. The threat, therefore, is mutual."

The mention of Damon threw me off. I took a few steps back, my brain desperately opening mislabeled boxes with nothing but spiderwebs inside. Nothing made sense. Nothing connected.

"I don't—" I eyed the family. "What happened?"

"I think you need to have some conversations with the Cullens. Perhaps after you vacate the state."

I took the phone from Rosalie.

"I know nothing about what happened after the Jovu," I insisted into the speaker.

"Figure it out. And the rest of you need to declare your alliances."

Jasper knew all of the answers I wanted—he had to, and he held back. This was his unnecessary, childish game.

"Damon told the Volturi about me? As a human?" I prodded. "Why? What does that have to do with the Cullens?"

"Alliances," he repeated, ignoring me. "Show where your loyalties lie, and you can stop running."

"Jasper," I growled. "I don't _remember_."

"Maybe that's for the better."

"No. I need to know."

"Alright," he acknowledged. "Come here, and I'll tell you everything."

He wanted everything and everyone at his feet. "Stop playing with me. I'm not your toy."

"But are you theirs? Either you let people control you through what they think they know, or you start coming to your own conclusions. Pick someone to hold your strings, or it will be done for you. You cannot rely on the Cullens for a lot of reasons, and you can't rely on me."

"Why are you against this family?"

"It's not so much so about them, but more about you. After they figure things out, I'm not certain they'll want you around."

I didn't understand anything. My memories ended with the Jovu.

I remembered the feedings, the white rooms, and the helpless screams. The pain. I remembered the burn.

Was there an attack? I recalled being escorted out – no, carried out – of the Jovu base.

The rest didn't make any coherent sense.

"I don't understand," I muttered, my gaze searching the eyes of my companions.

"Betrayal is a hard pill to swallow."

The line went dead.

When I looked up, I met Carlisle's hardened gaze. And as soon as I saw his expression, I noticed the encirclement around me.

The lioness turned to prey.

And the predators were not animal, nor human. Naturally, they demanded answers.

"How do you know Damon Vouvali?"

* * *

**A/N: A guest reviewer asked how long updates took. I've noticed that I push out a chapter within 1-2 weeks.**

**Hope everyone is safe and well.**


	45. Shackles

Previously:

_The lioness turned to prey._

_And the predators were not animal, nor human. Naturally, they demanded answers._

_"How do you know Damon Vouvali?"_

* * *

**Elise**

I had never claimed to be perfect.

Always a curse and never a blessing, perfectionism kept far away from me.

And as a human, I had always steered far from it.

When I was eight, I had lied to my mother about the cookies on the kitchen's window sill. Fresh, warm, and as soft as can be, I'd sneak them to the garden for my forbidden feast. After I was found out, she had made an extra dozen the day after. Surprised, I had followed her into the kitchen, amazed at the reward she'd been prepared to give me. The reward was that I had to finish the entire plate.

I couldn't even think about the word _dessert_ for the rest of the week.

When I was ten, my grandfather caught me peeking into the stockings during Christmas Eve. I had told him that I'd dropped my hair clip in one, and couldn't recall which. Needless to say, he hadn't been convinced.

My presents were returned that year.

When I was fourteen, a boy told me that he loved me.

I believed him.

Now, I faced a group of individuals who demanded justifications for those imperfections. I was sure that the last few months of my human life weren't optimal—but the details were lost. Gone. So, I stood on trial for things I had no recollection of.

"I knew him. I knew Damon because he ran the Jovu. The last thing I remember—I was being carried away, and out of the base. Presumably by him. You said the Volturi had raided them?"

Carlisle nodded cautiously. "Disbanded entirely for human testing. How would Damon know about the venom?"

That was the part that made no sense whatsoever. "I don't know."

I sensed the word that was swarming around in their heads. Jasper had done his best to stick into their consciousness.

Betrayal.

Just what had I done?

"Look," I began. "I don't know why Damon went to your kings to rat you out. I don't know what happened, or what I did. I'm sorry if anything I've done has led to any of that."

"This couldn't have been a coincidence," Alice murmured. "Carlisle finding you in the ER? A human impenetrable to our gifts…"

"Elise," Emmett looked at me urgently. "Think. What do you remember? Fuck, you must remember _something_."

"Maybe she _does_ remember," Rosalie sniped. "But she just won't speak."

No.

"I don't," I whispered, closing my eyes, helplessly searching through the jumbled storage. Half of the boxes were empty, and the other half were burned to a crisp.

"All we know," Carlisle said grimly. "Is that you are the only one who has any relation to the man who is destroying my family."

What was the connection between Damon and these people? How did I bridge that gap?

"There's no point," Alice said. "She won't remember, she won't know. But we can't let this slow us down."

"But we can't keep running like this," Esme sighed. "Not forever."

"What can Jasper do for us, Carlisle?" Rosalie said impatiently. "He has Edward. He probably wants Alice. Does he need more bodies to throw into battle? And in return, what do we get?"

"We can't know what he needs us for other than Alice's abilities. But, given his protection, the whole alliance would be on our side. That only leaves the Volturi, who still remain a big threat."

"Alright. The alliance loses the war. Now what?" She retorted.

"We hope Jasper's instincts are correct, and that doesn't happen."

They were putting their whole livelihood on one person. What they were considering would put their survivability in the reigns of a family member who had already lost their trust. Was I the only one seeing the problem in this?

My phone buzzed with a text.

 _Leave Oregon_.

Jasper was adamant about us not remaining in the state. "He wants us to leave."

Carlisle took a deep, unnecessary breath. "Tell him we're going South."

My head snapped up to meet his eyes. "Is that your final decision?"

"I think it has to be," he said, hugging his wife closer to him. "He has Edward, first and foremost. We can't be enemies to two opposing sides. And we simply can't run forever."

We were dead. Of course we could keep running. Forever.

I tossed the phone lightly in my hands. "You were quick to talk him down all this time. Now you're clambering to his feet?"

"I don't think you should have any opinions on the matter given the circumstances," Rosalie glowered, her husband holding tightly to her arm.

I bit down a growl and raised my hands in mocking surrender.

My fingers were light on the plastic keys. _Coming South_.

Another text flew in seconds after.

_Head to Washington to the old estate. Mailbox. You cannot come down here without it._

And we immediately started our trek North.

* * *

It was clear that my view on the matter held no weight on the Cullens' decision. They were going to deliver themselves to their hunter with their hands already tied. And no matter what I said, nothing would change that.

The Cullens would be used at Jasper's disposal. And as a person who seemed to have no sense for human decency and family loyalty, how could any of the Cullens rely on him to keep them safe?

The entire journey to their estate was silent as I trailed behind them, feeling guilty for events that vacated my mind. It was a phantom guilt, and I felt resentful towards them for letting me experience it. The silent judgement I felt emanating from them ousted me as an outsider.

Their home was gigantic, and after only a glimpse from the outside, I knew that the small cabin was definitely not up to their standards. Not wasting any time, Carlisle shot towards the mailbox.

It had taken us mere hours to hike up to Washington from Northern California. Not even mail could have made it from California to Washington in that amount of time, let alone from further South. Jasper had known that there would be a possibility of the Cullens joining him. How long ago had he sent the contents of this package?

Ripping it open, Carlisle pulled out a plastic bag filled with…

"Oh, god," I winced, staring at the little limbs piled into a cluster. "Fingers?"

"Seven," Alice noted. "One for each of us. Minus Edward."

What was this? A scare tactic? A threat? "Why would he send fingers?"

Carlisle examined the bag closely, then looked up at the family. "I believe he has found a shield."

"A shield? Like Elise?" Emmett stepped forward to peer closer into the contents of the plastic.

"A shield only functional through physical touch."

"He—" My hands found my mouth. "He ripped off their fingers to give you protection?"

"He wouldn't want us to lead the Volturi to the alliance," Alice said, starting at the bag. "He needs us protected."

"A note," Carlisle dug beside the dead flesh to pull out a folded card. " _Just in case,_ " he read.

I closed my eyes. He had anticipated this.

The family wouldn't need protection because they had me. The fingers were rendered obsolete around my shield. But they wouldn't have my shield, and Jasper had planned for that.

Because I wasn't going.

Carlisle extended the bag. "Everyone take one. This way, we can safely leave Elise's perimeter."

"How considerate," Rosalie remarked, reaching in and grabbing a grotesque amulet of protection.

This was savagery, but I supposed people did anything for survival.

Carlisle distributed the fingers, which looked undeniably feminine. If Jasper could tear me apart to protect his army, would he?

"We need to travel through the midwest. It's not a good idea to revisit the pacific coast," Carlisle planned, taking in input from the family. "We need to make this quick."

Their feet moved, but mine stayed firmly where they were.

"Elise," Emmett smiled. "Let's go."

I shook my head regretfully. "I suppose this is goodbye."

Emmett's smiled dimmed. "You're not coming?"

All eyes were on me, and I wanted to stick my head into the ground to avoid their stunned gaze.

"I don't want to be a part of this. Especially not with him."

"Elise," Alice frowned. "I'm not sure if that's a wise decision."

"Why else would he send you those fingers? He knows there's a chance I wouldn't cooperate. I don't want to play into his stupid game. He turned me to use me in his grand scheme, and I won't give him that. Besides, I obviously have my own skeletons to sort out. You deserve the truth as much as I do."

Carlisle's indecision was clear. "This won't be goodbye. You were turned by a Cullen, and for that reason we cannot abandon you. You are a part of this family, no matter the circumstances. If you choose to leave, that is of your own accord."

He was speaking to me, but it sounded like he was convincing himself of the words. He was absolving himself of the perceived fatherly abandonment.

There was a conflicting aura around us. I could tell that as a human, I was accepted into their clan. As a vampire, the mention of the memories we'd shared were sweet, but they meant nothing without evidence. My mind was blank, and I knew that the Cullens were capable of holding back information.

At the end of the day, I didn't know them, and I didn't know anything about my place with them as a human.

And for that reason, this didn't hurt.

"I'm keeping this phone," I told them. "Please don't hesitate to call."

Emmett stood before me. "I'll miss you, kid. I know you're doing this for you, and I'm behind that sentiment. Go figure this out."

He drew me in for a hug, and his scent became ever so familiar. I let myself be engulfed in that feeling. The feeling of remembrance.

I took my leave soon after making sure they had their required protection.

Quickly.

Efficiently.

I took Jasper's advice and left the state.

* * *

I trailed Northern Idaho for the next few days, taking down animals as I went, leaving behind a collection of dead wildlife. The sun was setting, so I took a quick feeding break upon a high cliff. The sunset welcomed me.

My phone buzzed, taking me away from the moment. I sighed, reluctantly peeking at the device.

"Hi," I spoke unwillingly.

"Where are you?" He was mad, but that was impossible. I hadn't done anything.

"Idaho."

I heard him sigh heavily. "Why would you tell me that?"

"Because you probably already know." He surely could trace this call by now.

"Why aren't you with your _family?_ " He spat out the last term like it was the most disgusting bite of a meal he had.

"We went our separate ways. They took the kids, I took the house. You know how it goes."

"Don't play with me," he warned. "I expected you here."

"Why would you send them severed limbs if you thought I'd come crawling to you?"

"Is that what you think I want?"

"Yes. You're obsessed with somebody I barely even know. I don't know who I was for the past few months. I don't know who you think I am. Any relationship we had is gone."

I heard him suck in a breath. "I'm aware. How did the Cullens handle the conversation?"

"I think they figured it was useless to pry on things I wouldn't remember."

"Good," he murmured. "Perhaps that's for the best as well."

My curiosity peaked. Was it a bluff? Or did this man know information about me that would unravel me completely?

"What is it, Jasper? Why won't you tell me?"

He paused for a little bit before responding. "It's the only thing I have to entice you. Besides threatening the livelihood of the Cullens, this missing piece in your mind is the only way I can coerce you to see me."

"Maybe you shouldn't kill the people you want to see."

This was a sensitive subject for him. "I'm not talking about this over the phone."

"Alright," I quipped. "Then we don't have to talk at all."

* * *

I chased the sun for miles. Hours. Days. I could run as freely as I desired, not limited to keeping a safe proximity to others to ensure their protection.

This was freedom.

And as I explored the deep forests and hidden caves of the Northern United States, I let myself relish in the independence immortal life granted me.

But soon, I felt the shackles tack onto my feet and my arms. My body moved slower around the perimeter of little towns and camp sights. I wanted to explore. I wanted to delve into civilization and seek proper sedation. I fought my limbs as they slowed me down, baiting me to stop and smell the roses.

The frustration came quickly as my thoughts began to clash. Two halves of my brain wanted separate things, and now with the Cullens gone, I had no distractions.

I wanted to feed.

I growled, putting a firm hand over my lips and nose.

_You will kill. You won't have a choice._

Edward had said something similar, but it wasn't Edward's words that echoed in the deep, forgotten darkness of my brain.

I cursed and commanded my legs to run as far away from civilization as possible. I dove back deeper into the woods.

I hated the feeling of control slipping through my fingers. Would I be a prisoner to my thirst for the rest of my immortal life?

The phone that I had ignored for days found its way into my hand. Indecisively, my finger hovered over the dial button on the most recent contact.

Something inside already made the decision and pushed my finger down.

"Since I don't quite have anyone to talk to, I'd like to see if you could help me sort through something."

I heard distinct growling and grunting from the background as he seemed to walk further away from other vampires. "I'm listening."

"I'm drawn to these towns around me. I know I want blood that's not from a furry friend."

"It's your nature."

"I'm sure. I don't know what to do about it."

"You give in. You need your strength."

Why did I expect a different answer? "I don't want to kill."

"You will."

"I don't think it's right."

"It is."

Annoyed at his short, curt responses, I sneered into the phone. "Are you busy?"

"No. We've just had this conversation countless of times, and I'm disappointed to see that you've learned nothing."

In his mind, he was the all-knowing king, and I was the street beggar. My indignation was completely warranted. "I'm sorry—should I be upset for disappointing you?"

"I won't tell you how to feel, but I will tell you to steer clear of the Pacific Northwest. It's Cullen territory. Why would you stay there?"

"I like it here."

"And I liked the color of your hair in the sun. But we all don't get to keep the things we deem precious. Leave, Elise. Pick up a human while you're at it."

Sun? Precious? Me? "Who am I to you?"

When he didn't respond, I had to look back at the screen to make sure he was still on the line.

"Hello?"

"A bright," he paused, and I noticed the hoarse change in his tone. "Wonderful…young woman. Who has exceptional talent, yet still has trouble with…emotional attachment."

A compliment with constructive criticism. "It seems that _you_ have trouble with emotional attachment."

"Emotional I can deal with. It's the physical part that's annoying."

What even was physical attachment? "I'm not sure I follow."

"You don't have to. It's not something you should concern yourself with. It seems that the Cullens haven't been completely honest with you, as expected. They send their love, by the way."

They had made it. Safely. "How are they?"

"Reunited with their mind-reader."

I bit my lip. "They're safe?"

"Yes. But you are not. I know exactly where you are within a 10-mile radius. Start moving. And blood. You need real blood."

My eyes narrowed at his words. "Why do you do this? Tell me to starve. Tell me to stay weaker by ravaging animals. Tell me you don't know where I am. You could easily come and grab me in a few hours if you wanted me that badly."

I only heard the distant crackle of wind on his side. Was he running?

"Alright. Stay where you are. Grab a few squirrels. I'll see you in two hours."

He ended the call, and my feet were free of their shackles.

I was headed to New York.

* * *

**A/N: Elise is on her own, and that's probably a double-edged sword.**

**The world is still in chaos. I hope these chapters continue to serve as a healthy distraction.**


	46. Forbidden Apples

Previously:

_I only heard the distant crackle of wind on his side. Was he running?_

_"Alright. Stay where you are. Grab a few squirrels. I'll see you in two hours."_

_He ended the call, and my feet were free of their shackles._

_I was headed to New York._

* * *

**Elise**

The rain dripped persistently down alleyways, over worn-out bus stops, and into cracked concrete. The early hours of dawn meant emptier streets, desolate shopfronts, and a lack of the usual city commotion. This was the perfect time.

The Big Apple.

As a human, I couldn't recall of a time I had ever been to the city. Media had built any opinion I held of New York City, and that wasn't saying much. An hour earlier, I had stood at the perimeter of the city, holding my breath and only making small strides closer to civilization. I learned that while holding my breath brought a tinge of annoyance, it dulled my sense of smell to the level I needed— which was no smell at all.

I wandered, carefully watching the sleeping homeless on benches, sidewalks, and stone stairways. My phone buzzed silently in my pocket. I ignored it. I had come this far into the city without incident, and that was thanks to the lack of smell I induced upon myself.

But the phone persisted, as it always did. I felt call after call syphon into the device, vibrating endlessly in my pocket. My eyes locked in on an alleyway with oversized dumpsters, and my brain clicked in understanding. In an instant, I was surrounded by pounds and pounds of rotten food.

And I took a breath.

I winced at the overwhelming scent, but it was better than a frenzy. I couldn't smell a thing but sour milk and spoiled fish. I pulled the phone out, hoping to make it quick.

"Hello?"

"You're not in the Northwest."

"Correct."

"I told you to stay put."

Had he run for miles to find me? "Did you actually look for me?"

There was a pause and a clear of a throat. "I sent some men."

 _Of course_ , I thought. _The mighty king and his subjects._ "What a waste. You should've known I wouldn't have stayed."

"There are things that I keep assuming about you that I can't confidently assume anymore."

"Because you killed me?" I baited.

"Because you don't know me."

I rolled my eyes, eying the bags of stinking waste. The setting was appropriate for any conversation with him. "If I dull my senses, I can be in the middle of a huge city, and not worry about losing control."

I could hear the frustration in his voice. "Give in, Elise."

"If I blanket smells, I also reduce the risk."

"You need blood."

"I'm right next to four very large trash bins. Why don't they teach you this in vampire school?"

"You will kill."

And he was a broken record. "Don't you have better things to do than call me?"

There was a long pause, and an agitated sigh. "Thank you for reminding me that the world does not revolve around you."

And he hung up.

I raised my eyebrows at the phone, wondering what had went wrong in his day to make him so…miserable.

And then I heard it.

Screams.

I focused in deep concentration, drawing out the direction. It was still dark, but I could see the sun trying to pull itself up over the city.

_"No—no, no. I didn't mean—"_

It was a feminine voice.

My feet carried me towards the pleading female, my breath firmly held in my lungs.

_"I didn't know—I don't know who that was. Please—"_

And then there was a slap.

And that was when I ran.

I was greeted with a grim, dark, city corner. The streetlights blinked with malfunctioning bulbs, but my vision was perfectly crisp in the dim morning hours.

I saw a man and a woman. Tears were streaming down the woman's face, and anger melted from the man's.

"Please, Justin—" and the man's hand came down once more on her cheek.

My breath escaped with my words. "Stop."

Justin turned around, squinting at my silhouette. His hands let go of the woman and I watched her slump against the rough concrete. Her helplessness ignited fury in me. I watched the numbers float above him, the digits jumbling together and changing erratically.

"Who the fuck are _you_?" Justin began to advance on me. His hair was poorly gelled, his white skin gleaming sickly with the fading moon. "This is between a man and his wife. Stay back."

My eyes darted to the woman, writhing in pain. Justin couldn't hear, and she probably expected I didn't either. She whispered softly. "I'm not his wife."

And Justin's counts stabilized to mere seconds.

I saw him move to strike me, and I panicked. My hands came up instead, swiping hard against his face. I was too strong. That was enough to break skin.

I took a few steps back, my eyes darting between the two humans, my rage simmering inside.

Justin's hands came up to his face, dabbing his fingers on his cheek and his forehead to feel the blood. All I could stare at was the unbelievably alluring rate at which the liquid danced down his skin. It glistened under the flickering streetlights. The scent was amplified two-fold, and I wanted to bathe in it for eternity.

"You bitch—" he screamed, but I heard nothing. The only sound was my feet against the pavement as I charged. My hand gripped his hair, tearing some out of his scalp as I held his head to the side, exposing his neck. My tongue came up in anticipation, licking ferociously at the streaming lines of blood. The moment the nectar made its permanent residence in my taste palette, the game had changed.

I changed.

My teeth didn't hesitate to sink down into his neck. I worked to fill the void of months of unsatiated hunger.

 _Yes, yes, yes._ I glowed. Justin whimpered against me as I drained him of his life source, adding to mine.

I was delirious with pleasure.

But as I let him go, relishing in my accomplishment, basking in the reward mechanism my brain offered me, my eyes locked with the woman's. Her gaze twisted in pain and shock as she looked down to the man dead and pale at my feet.

I swallowed, not feeling a burn. Why was there no burn? Was this what I had needed? Why had I ever denied myself this gift?

The woman moved ever so slightly. She inched closer to me, crawling to the best of the ability.

But her face was swollen, and her lip was busted open. A small bit of blood pooled near the corner of her mouth and I growled. I watched her counter fluctuate at a faster speed, no doubt caused by my lingering threat.

"No. Stay."

She obeyed, flinching at the sound of my voice. She swayed, slowly making her way up to her feet.

I hadn't realized that a hand was over my mouth and nose, sealing the scent of her blood. My frenzy was now more controllable, but her blood was still on the surface. And she didn't deserve to die.

"Thank you," I heard her whisper, looking at me wearily. She never turned her back on me, no doubt extremely disturbed by my actions on her… boyfriend…friend…acquaintance…

Attacker.

It didn't matter what he was to her. My feet nudged his corpse, my pride swelling at the payment for injustice.

As she stumbled away, I kept holding my breath. I watched her as she reached the end of the street. But before I could turn away, I heard a yelp. My eyes darted to where she would be, but she wasn't there.

Wind gushed around me and I noticed a foreign scent. The force of air turned me around, and I saw the woman as she grasped painfully at the hands around her neck. Pale, dead hands.

"Now what have you done?" The man murmured, smirking at me with bright red eyes.

* * *

The control shifted.

I had killed the man who presumed he held the reigns of this woman. But this predator wouldn't die that easily.

"Let her go," I commanded, willing myself to stare into the crimson depths of the vampire in front of me. But my eyes trailed down to the blood now running from the woman's lips down to her chin. I looked above her head, watching the count steadily. It was rated in minutes.

The vampire's dark hair bristled with the wind as a finger came up to scoop up the drop of blood. He sniffed it lightly before licking his finger. "Why haven't you killed her, little bird?"

 _Little bird._ I wasn't sure if I should've been insulted or charmed by the nickname. "I saved her."

"Oh no," he trailed, delicately pushing the woman's hair to the side to gain easier access to her neck. "She cannot be saved anymore."

I took a step forward. "What do you mean? Let her go."

He tsked. "You've exposed yourself. Has Jasper taught you nothing?"

The name fouled my language. "Who the fuck are you?"

"An old friend."

"Not of mine. Remove your dirty hands from her neck."

"You've become attached," he noted, examining the woman. "But she can't be let go. She knows too much."

I stared at the pleading expression of the trapped human. She began clawing at the man's hands. "I know nothing," she whispered erratically. "Please—"

The man's hands tightened further, choking her and preventing speech.

I didn't know what to do, so I did what worked earlier. I charged.

The woman was let go, barreling dangerously to the ground. The man used my momentum against me and threw me over his head. I landed less than gracefully against a building, cracking the stone. The woman gasped at the sight, nursing her left wrist on the ground.

"You don't want to do this," the man warned. "I'll lose two fingers if I hurt you. Maybe more."

_Two fingers._

_Whenever I do that, I lose two fingers._

_Whenever I do that, I lose two fingers. You must be something special._

My brain exploded with the words, but I had no imagery associated with it. Who was this man and how did I know him?

"You called me special," I breathed, making my way to my feet. "Who are you?"

He cocked his head up, examining me closely. "You really don't remember anything."

"I only know the Cullens. You're not one of them. Your eyes…"

"And your eyes, too. Would you like to look into a mirror? You're gorgeous. The red suits you, little bird."

As he spoke, I placed myself in front of the cowering human, which only amused the man further. "What is your name?"

He crossed his arms, considering. He shrugged to himself, as if coming to a decision. "Peter."

A voice echoed. _This is Peter. An old friend._

My brain came to life slowly, but surely. I felt crazed by the new information, no matter how jumbled and small. I wanted to know more. I _needed_ to know more.

"I'm —"

"Elise," he completed. "Pleased to make your acquaintance again."

He knew me. He had information. I was sure of it. "How did you find me? Did Jasper send you?"

He held up his hands. "One problem at a time. We need to deal with the one behind you first."

I stepped forward protectively. "No."

"Use your brain," he demanded. "You don't want to give the Volturi another reason to chase you. You've been exposed, and you need to kill the witness."

I swallowed instinctively, breathing in the scent of fresh blood behind me.

"Kill her, and I'll talk to you."

I growled in frustration. Everyone held knowledge over me and it was dangerously tempting to obey.

"This is what Jasper would want, isn't it?" I said bitterly, eying the human.

"No," Peter said easily. "You've already given him what he wanted by draining that man. This part is just covering your tracks."

I crouched low beside the woman. Her teeth chattered in fear, her eyes wide and alert. I held my hands up gently, willing her to calm down.

"I'm sorry," I told her lowly. "I should've been better. I should've taken that man and killed him elsewhere. I shouldn't have let you see anything."

She shook her head, frantic. "I won't tell anyone how you— I won't tell anyone what you are."

I frowned, wanting to trust her. I wanted to set her free. But Peter was right. This wouldn't do.

I took her face in my hands, carefully wiping her tears with my thumb. Her counter fell to less than a minute, and I knew it was because of me.

I closed my eyes. "This will not be painful," I soothed her. "It will be okay."

My hands shook with infinite, dark power. The curse of vampirism was not never-ending immortality. It was the strength. I could ruin anything and everything with a touch.

And I did.

With a snap, I twisted the woman's neck as her counter hit zero. My fingers, ignoring the trail of blood, came up to shut her eyelids. With a swipe, her eyes were closed as she took upon the shape of slumber.

I turned back to look at Peter. "Tell your _friend_ , it's done."

He frowned at me. "You didn't kill her to appease him. You killed her because you have an instinct. It's called survival."

"I saved her to kill her," I muttered. "Where's the glory in that?"

"You felt the glory," he declared. "The blood. The hunger. The anger. The _bliss._ "

The drastically conflicting emotions ate at me. Peter described the euphoric feeling of feeding and I agreed wholeheartedly, but the remorse over the death of an innocent woman gnawed at my being. My morals.

Where did my morals lie as a vampire?

I felt Peter breeze past me to linger over the dead man. "Come. Grab her. We need to dispose."

My arms wrapped around the woman. Even though she was at least a decade older than me, I picked her up with comical ease.

"Can we bury her?" I held her close to me in a bridal grip.

Peter turned back to me with the man over his shoulder.

"Yes, little bird. We can bury her."

* * *

**A/N: Jasper's connections are making their way into her life. I wonder what's happening in the background. What do you think of Elise's experience with human blood? What about her decision to end the woman's life? Does survival always come first?**

**Stay safe, speak up for your rights, and stay healthy.**


	47. Chances

Previously:

_My arms wrapped around the woman. Even though she was at least a decade older than me, I picked her up with comical ease._

_"Can we bury her?" I held her close to me in a bridal grip._

_Peter turned back to me with the man over his shoulder._

_"Yes, little bird. We can bury her."_

* * *

**Elise**

From her license, I was able to discern that the woman's name had been Mary. Peter dug a sizable hole the width of her folded body, and I gently placed her into Mother Earth along with the piece of plastic that identified her.

As I stared at the pale corpse, I felt miserable. "Shouldn't we call the cops?"

"No. We never call the cops."

Mary would disappear from the face of the Earth, and her family would be left in complete darkness regarding what had truly happened to her.

Peter pushed a heap of dirt into the hole, and I absently patted it over smoothly with my foot.

"Would you like to go back into the city?" He asked me.

I stared out into the horizon, scanning over the distant city's skyline. We had trekked far into the outskirts of Northern New York to commence the burial.

The slight burn in my throat returned, but it wasn't as intense as before. While that brought comfort, I still hadn't rightfully processed the murder of two individuals.

"Maybe I shouldn't be around humans for a while," I told him uneasily.

"I think that's the exact opposite of what you need to do. Come."

He grabbed my arm and began to lead me back towards the direction of the city. I dug my heels into the dirt. "I _killed_ two people, Peter."

He stopped suddenly. "Look, girl. Whether you want to kill or not, surrounding yourself and familiarizing your senses with humanity will make it easier. Running away isn't the solution."

"But the Cullens—"

"Kept you far away. And what good did that do? Denying yourself will lead you into frenzies. You had almost killed two humans in the woods, you drained one this morning, and another had to die out of pure carelessness. You didn't even drink from her."

I blinked, and my tone turned accusatory. "So, you _are_ Jasper's little helper. Does he update you on everything I do? Are you here to drag me to him?"

"Good. Good questions. Jasper's my friend. He only updates me about you because he needs to vent. I have no orders to bring you to him."

I frowned. "Then why are you here?"

"Because of shit like this. I'm pleasantly surprised that you've only drained one human. The Cullens have always done a poor job handling newborns, and I half expected the restrictions to drive you nuts. The fact that you haven't taken out villages yet is commendable."

Another vegetarian cynic. "You don't like the Cullens?"

"If they don't touch me, I don't touch them. Regardless, I've maintained peace for Jasper's sake."

"You're the first person I've met who hasn't verbally torn Jasper apart in the first five minutes."

He smiled. "And that's why your opinion of him is negatively biased. But don't get me wrong. Jasper's an asshole to the tenth degree. He's a pain to deal with, especially when he messes up."

"He messed up?"

"He takes it very personally. Especially with you. You weren't supposed to wake up to anyone but him, and it was supposed to be very different. He had plans for your adaptation and training."

I jerked away at the implication. "Training for… battle?"

"Jesus, no. Just plain vampire etiquette."

That was nonsense. Unless the Cullens had been straight out lying, Jasper certainly had ulterior motives. "But he does want me to fight."

"He wants you to be able to fight. That doesn't mean you will."

I shook my head, not entirely understanding my role in this game. "Why does he want me, Peter?"

"That's the thing, little bird. It's the difference between want and need."

That made no sense. "He's manipulative. It's unfair that he withholds information."

He chuckled. "It's unfair that you're running away. Give him a chance."

"He killed me."

"Not without reason. There was a plan, and it backfired. Then he lost you. Imagine how hard it's been on him."

Was he hearing himself? He was trying to get me to sympathize with my murderer.

"Are you saying somewhere along this mess, I had agreed to change?"

He thought for a moment. "Yes. You had agreed. You had a deal to change in a given amount of time."

"So, when he bit me, it was planned."

He held up a finger. "That's where things went wrong. He bit you ahead of schedule. It was impulsive, and very unlike him."

And there was a clean, crisp word for that he did. "It was murder. There was no consent."

"Call it what you want." He pulled out his phone. "And call him because I'm not your middleman."

Peter handed me his phone and motioned for us to walk back to the city. I accepted the device and scrolled through his recent calls. I wasn't surprised that they were mostly to Jasper.

I peered at the man leading the way in front of me as the phone rang.

Jasper answered in mere seconds.

"Peter," Jasper's tone was stern, commanding. Typical. "The delegates want the seven Volturi members tracked. Eastern Virginia, heading South. I'm sure you know that Charlotte arrived yesterday. She isn't liking the camps. Maybe you can talk some sense into her."

I found my voice. "I don't know who Charlotte is. Why doesn't she like these camps?"

I heard a thud on the other end of the line, and then the whoosh of air. I listened to the wind for a few more seconds before I heard his voice again. "Elise?"

"Hello," I spoke grimly, eying my companion. "I've found Peter."

Jasper didn't seem happy about that. "Put him on."

Peter looked back at me with a grin, shaking his head.

"I don't think he wants to talk to you."

"It's an order," he growled.

The intensity of his voice brought chills down my spine. I held out the phone for Peter to take, but he kept on walking.

"Jasper—" I began into the phone.

"It's careless of him to let you use his phone. Conversations are heard and monitored here."

Peter only shrugged.

"He doesn't seem to care about that," I murmured.

"No," he agreed. "He doesn't. What is he doing with you?"

So Jasper really hadn't sent him. "He helped me clean up a mess."

"And what mess would that be?"

My voice lowered, as if to deny him the satisfaction of the slip in my diet. "A human one."

Instead of the gloating I expected, I got silence.

"That's— that's really good, Elise," he finally sighed into he phone, his voice heavy. Exhausted. How could a vampire be tired?

"Have you eaten recently?" I found myself asking.

He ignored my unwarranted concern. "Peter has things to attend to, and you are not accompanying him."

I wanted to bite back hard at the command he spewed out, but Peter grabbed his phone.

"And why can't she come with me?" Peter baited with a smile.

"I want her nowhere near the Volturi, Peter. What do you think you're doing?"

Peter's demeanor shifted. "Well, my friend, I'm doing exactly what you should be doing. This young woman has no training in real vampirism. Her only experience comes from prancing around with your Cullens. All in all, I would say her knowledge is in the _negative_."

"Peter," Jasper snarled. "I have responsibilities."

"Not my concern. Come and get her or she's accompanying me to Virginia."

And then I watched him hang up on Jasper with a flick of a finger.

A smile trickled onto my lips at his rebellious nature, and he noticed. He returned the smile with bright white teeth. "You like hanging up on him too, huh?"

I nodded, glancing at his phone.

But Peter's mood shifted quickly. "Well, keep yourself in check. Hundreds of miles have wedged themselves between the both of you. The phone calls, you can escape. But the real thing? Hope you've got strong legs."

And I felt a redundant breath leave my lungs in utter panic. The words Peter had said came together and finally made horrific sense. "He's coming, isn't he?"

He pulled me back towards the city. "He better. I really don't want to take you to Virginia."

"What's in Virginia?"

"People who will take you far, far away from him." He turned to look at me. "And that's why it's the perfect threat."

Then firmly, he grabbed my arm. "I know you want to run. You've finally been granted the strength to outrun vampires. I get that. But you're running in the wrong direction. Give him a chance."

* * *

The city of New York woke up with dawn. Taxis, busses, private limos. The streets were filled by 6 AM.

As the first streaks of sunlight illuminated the groggy city, Peter and I stepped into a chain hotel. He handed me a card and his license.

"You're doing all the talking."

Incredulous, I tried to hand him the pieces of plastic back. "You're kidding."

While I felt more sedated than ever, the light itch at the back of my throat was still a burn. If I couldn't hold my breath, would I tear through the lobby staff?

"I don't kid, little bird. If you don't want to live in the woods the rest of your immortal life, you better start interacting with the food."

My eyes trailed to the woman behind the counter. Early thirties, horrible perm. She was occupied with the magazine in front of her. Before I could walk over, Peter handed me a cheap pair of sunglasses. "Gas station quality, sorry. Your eyes are pretty stinkin' red."

I watched him slip a pair on before we began stalking over to the counter.

"Hello." I threw on a bright smile. The woman flipped a page on her magazine, then looked up.

Instantly, she cleared her throat, pushed the latest Hollywood gossip aside, and straightened her blouse. My eyes locked in on her mouth as she wetted her lips and swallowed, prepping herself for conversation. Her neck bobbed delicately and I felt a spark start a small fire in my throat.

"Welcome! How can I help you today?"

Peter gestured to me, and I quickly put the two cards on the counter.

"We'd like a room, please."

She accepted the payment and the identification, glancing at Peter more than once to verify the match. Her long, red nails tapped lightly on the keyboard as she inputted the information.

"Are you both from out of town?" She asked casually.

I looked at the I.D. that read _Texas,_ then directly at her throat _._ "Yes."

"Well." She handed back the cards. "I think the South is _gorgeous._ None of this rainy, cloudy, depressing vibe. The weather isn't the only thing that's warm. The people—I can't even begin to tell you how much I adore Southern hospitality—" she was completely ignoring me, her attention locked and loaded on Peter.

But her words were only a slight vibration above her drumming heartbeat. After a few minutes, I had an accurate BPM reading, and I could trace the veins running up and down her neck.

At some point, I heard Peter clear his throat and I saw his hands reach over to grab the two keycards the woman had produced.

"Thank you," he smiled meekly at the woman, then grabbed my arm to drag me away from her slender neck.

"You can't do that." He nudged me into the elevator.

I watched the doors close, my mind still counting the woman's soft heartbeat.

 _"_ You can't look at them like you're going to eat them."

I scoffed. "She was looking at you the same way."

That straightened him. "And they will. We are incredibly attractive to the human eye. It's our strongest bait we can use against them."

My eyes widened.

_You use it all against me._

"Say that again," I said quickly.

"What? Our looks are the perfect bait that we can use against humans?"

_You touch me, and it's hard to breathe. I'm human, and you use it. You use it all against me._

The words came with strings that I was desperate to tie.

"That's what Jasper did didn't he? There's no way I would have agreed to becoming a vampire under normal circumstances. Any deal he conjured up between us was probably pure vampiric manipulation."

Once the elevator doors opened, Peter led us to our room. "You're saying he used his vampire magic to get you to cooperate."

The door clicked open with the key card. "Exactly."

"And given this loose assumption, how does that change the picture of him you've drawn in your head?" Peter gestured for me to lead the way into the simple, blue-accented hotel room.

"It doesn't," I sighed. "I'm still trying to decide if I ever want to see him."

"Let's consider the internal factors then. We can never know how you felt about him during those times."

"Why does that matter? Why should I make logical decisions based entirely on my emotions that I don't even remember?"

Peter sat on the wooden chair next to the heavy desk, and I plopped down on the king bed, sensing a bit of strange deja-vu from the positioning.

"Your emotions are the only thing you're considering, little bird." He stared at the ceiling. "If you had any logical reasoning, you would be with the Cullens in the South, basking in Jasper's offered protection."

A frown tugged at my lips. "It makes sense to run from the people who harm you. I don't see the emotional drive behind that."

"Considering the people out there who can truly harm you, Jasper is the least of your concerns. You're running because you're scared of the unknown. And so is he."

My eyebrows came together, and Peter pushed on.

"If he wasn't scared of the consequences, he would've taken you by now. Contrary to what you've been led to believe, that phone in your pocket can be tracked at all times—I'm not really certain why you took his word otherwise."

My hand dug into my jeans and threw the device onto the bed next to me. I eyed it plainly, almost expecting this reveal.

"He doesn't know what he'll find when he finds you. You're as much as a mystery to him as he is to you."

I bit my lip. "He knows me. He claims he does."

"He has no idea what to expect."

I peered at him through questioning eyes. "And your role in this…"

"There is something between you two that will inevitably bring you to each other. I'm just here to accelerate it. I'm tired of dealing with him."

My eyebrows shot up. "Something between us?"

"Unbelievable, I know. But tell me something," he leaned forward, throwing his index finger towards the phone. "Why haven't you tossed that thing if you were so keen on evading the man?"

Easy. "He said he would kill Edward if I did."

"He wouldn't. He needs him."

"The Cullens know I have this phone. They can contact me if they need me."

His drilling wouldn't stop. "How much do you _really_ care about the Cullens, Elise? Judging from the fact that you know practically nothing of the past few months, they really haven't told you anything."

I felt like a stubborn kid trying to push the blame away from me. "Neither has Jasper."

"The phone," he insisted. "Toss and run. Never hear from him again."

My hands found the stupid thing and it burned my soul. "You're frustrating."

I looked up to meet his mischievous grin. "Then, it's working."

* * *

**A/N: Is Peter a good mentor? Or will speeding up the natural course of events do more harm than good?**


	48. Crimson Delights

Previously:

_"The phone," he insisted. "Toss and run. Never hear from him again."_

_My hands found the stupid thing and it burned my soul. "You're frustrating."_

_I looked up to meet his mischievous grin. "Then, it's working."_

* * *

**Elise**

"You'll be hungry tonight." Peter unraveled a charging cord for his phone and plugged it firmly into the wall. "What's for dinner?"

His words bounced off of the walls around me as I stared intently at the girl in front of me. Eyes red as wine, beautiful to a flaw. The mirror showed what the humans saw. I was dead. But man, I didn't know death could look this good.

"Tonight?" I murmured, transfixed by the movement of my jawline and the flutter of my lashes. "I ate last night."

"You're a newborn. You'll feed everyday for at least the next year."

I tore my eyes away from my own and stepped out of the bathroom. "You're asking me who I'm killing tonight."

Peter fiddled with his phone as I fiddled with my anxieties. The two halves of my brain commenced a battle of morals, need, and necessity. Peter was right. I had taken two human lives last night, but that wasn't the end. Because I knew that the thought of sinking my teeth into a furry beast made me want to gag.

As I sorted through the events of the previous night, I began analyzing where I stood regarding the deaths. I knew Mary's death was inexcusable. But Justin's death wasn't something I felt guilty about, and that was the key to the dilemma.

"Criminals."

Peter looked up.

"I'll target criminals. Thieves, rapists, serial killers."

Amused, Peter smiled. "Have you always been this picky with your food?"

"No, but I've never had an identity crisis trying to decide between sushi and steak."

"You aren't the first one to limit your diet to a specific moral code, but it's a step. Stay away from animals and I'll approve."

And just like that, we had come to an odd, mutual agreement. As long as I kept my eyes red, he didn't care what I put into my body.

"You're in luck—big cities always have their section of scum. It won't be hard to match your criteria."

"I'm sure the world is littered with terrible people, Peter."

He leveled with me. "Depends on your definition of terrible."

Wouldn't the world have one very specific definition of the term? "People who kill or torture the innocent with no remorse. Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin…"

"Me, my wife, Jasper…" he trailed. "Your definition is weak. I kill to keep myself fed regardless of who it is. So does my wife, and so does Jasper. Do we feel remorse? Would you feel sad that you ate a lamb chop?"

My eyes rolled on their own accord. "It's a shitty question."

"But reasonable, yes?"

"Not at all. You can't compare the actions of a human to that of a vampire."

"I agree. But you can compare humans to animals, and it's incredible how alike they are from the perspective of a vampire."

His words echoed and transformed.

_In time, you will learn that animals and humans are very alike. The chicken burger was no different than Melissa._

My eyes widened substantially. "Who's Melissa?"

"Hm?"

"Melissa. Someone was comparing Melissa to a… chicken burger."

"On a TV show… a book… what are you talking about?"

"No, I think I'm remembering pieces of conversations."

Peter stared at me, intrigued. "Given the context of our conversation, and the specific comparison in what you're remembering, Melissa was most likely a human. The Cullens would never show this sort of sentiment towards a human, but Jasper definitely would. You're remembering Jasper."

I wrinkled my nose and peered up at my companion in the dusty, stuffy hotel room. "By the tense used in his words, I'm assuming he killed this Melissa person."

He hummed in response. "Melissa, Jessica, Alexa, call them whatever. They're food. He must have been teaching you how to survive. Given this inner battle you're demonstrating as a vampire, I'm sure as a human you've fought him hard on his thoughts regarding the subject."

I shook my head. "I don't even understand how a vampire and a human can get into a heated debate, as if it's the most casual thing they could do. How did Jasper ever have the patience to not kill me early on? How did any of the Cullens keep me around?"

"I can only speak for Jasper when I say—it wasn't easy, and not for the reasons you think."

"Peter the Cryptic. They should name a crypt after you," I grumbled.

"That makes no sense."

"Oh, are you talking to yourself? Nothing you say makes sense."

"Careful there, little lady," he teased.

"I thought I was _little bird_."

"Not so little anymore. In a matter of less than 24 hours, you've made the decision that will save your life. Humans obsess over their diets for longevity, and vampires should do the same. Animal blood will not keep you sustained or help you fight."

"But enough about this." He stood and peered through the tightly closed curtains. "This little square has a lot of shadows. Let's explore."

And before I knew it, Peter and I had our first day outing in New York.

* * *

The sun was setting by the time Peter pulled me into a club. After roaming shaded streets, conversing with street vendors, and observing humans in city traffic, we had a day filled with human lessons. Instead of dulling my senses, Peter dared me to take deep, full inhales of the sweet scent of humanity. Since my impromptu change of diet the night before, the burn wasn't unbearable, which meant that my body was stopping the punishment caused by my restrictive dieting. I found myself being able to fully converse with shop owners, street magicians, and food vendors without the inherent desire to kill them.

But this wasn't easy.

The humans smelled good, but beyond that, I had a full view of their lifespan. As scenarios ran through my mind, I watched their timelines fluctuate to my desires. The amount of power I held over their delicate lives was addicting and monstrous. The years would turn into seconds as I pictured my hands around their broken necks, my teeth deep in a vein, forcing the hands on their biological clocks.

Music blared as Peter led us to the bar and ordered two drinks. The bartender winked at my friend as I glared back at her.

"Relax. She's dinner," Peter whispered lowly.

"Your wife cool with this?"

That only earned me a laugh. "Cute. You don't have to protect my marriage. The only way Charlotte gets rid of me is if I'm dead."

The woman Jasper had mentioned the phone was Peter's wife.

I raised an eyebrow, stirring the vodka lime that I wish I could drink. "That sounds intense."

"Vampiric relationships are different. I can't expect you to understand them just yet."

I shrugged. "How would being married to your wife be any different now than if you were human? Besides the chances of you conceiving."

"Our senses are amplified, meaning we feel stronger. As a result, our bonds are stronger. The strongest bond we can achieve is that of a mating bond."

I snorted. "Mating? Like animals?"

"Deeper than that. With mating, there's a pull. Imagine an invisible rope tied to your body, contracting and expanding but always bringing you back to one person. The pull commands, you obey."

And his words echoed… slowly, morphing…

_You can't pick your mate, Elise. Your venom decides, and you're stuck with the pull._

"And it's… a good thing?" I looked at him skeptically.

"You don't think so?"

The boxes stashed under the subject of _mates_ were of minimal count and mostly filled with negativity. "I think Jasper talked about this with me."

Peter pushed his drink forward and indicated for the bartender to add something to it. The human came by and added a shot of gin. I silently watched her counter fluctuate.

"You make them know you're here, and that you're interested. Keep drawing their attention to you." Peter murmured, then turned back to me. "I'm surprised Jasper's talked to you about mating."

"He was trying to teach me about this world, was he not?"

"Yeah…" He tapped my drink with his finger. "Touch the glass to your lips to make it look like you're ingesting."

I obliged. "Well, anything I know about mating makes me want to run the other way."

"As expected." He raised his glass. "He's the wrong teacher for the subject. How do you expect someone to teach you the course when they haven't been through it themselves?"

"Jasper doesn't have a mate?"

I watched in horror as Peter grabbed his drink and downed it in one go. I remembered inhaling lake water into my stomach and puking it all back out. How would a mixture of sugar and alcohol sit in our bellies?

Peter whistled for the bartender, and the human almost hypnotically took off her apron and began to wind around the bar to join us.

"It's time to eat," he whispered to me. "Pick one, and I'll meet you right here when you're done."

"Wait," I hissed. "You're not coming with me?"

The bartender smiled seductively at Peter as she leaned against the bar next to him. Peter grabbed her hand.

"It's all you, little bird."

* * *

As the night grew darker, more humans began stumbling through the door. The club was almost at capacity, perhaps even a little over. The music reverberated through the bodies, persuading the masses to dance with frilly drinks loosely grasped in their hands.

I scanned the crowd and glossed over the bodies moving in sync to the music. I looked over at the groups of people clustered around tables, yelling loudly to have conversations over the booming bass. Their counters ticked mockingly above them.

And then a man caught my attention. Early thirties, clean shaven. Dark hair, blue eyes. He was attractive for a human, but that wasn't what had caught my fascination. His counter was in _minutes._ I looked at him deeply, wondering aimlessly at the probability of my gift. Was I destined to kill this man? And could I just so easily avoid fate by leaving him alone?

But he didn't leave me alone. He sought me out and sat at the stool beside me at the bar. His lips wore a smile, a few shots of alcohol lingering on his breath. "Can I buy you a second drink?"

His neck bobbed and with the low number ticking above him, I was hooked. I half expected my stomach to growl in hunger, but my throat burned instead. "Yes."

"But you haven't even finished this one," he smiled cockily and nudged my glass closer. "What's your name?"

"Elise," I gave him a smile back. "You?"

"Brad. You from around here?"

"No, just visiting."

He nodded, putting his card down for a drink. I watched him interact with the new bartender and wanted too badly to grab his hair and sink my teeth into his shoulder. But he didn't fit into my moralized category of food. I couldn't do this.

"Hey," he said suddenly, pointing over my shoulder. "Do you know that girl?"

I turned my head over to the dance floor, scanning dozens of girls. "Which one?"

"The blonde."

There were at least seven blonde women swaying to the music.

My senses tingled as I felt Brad shift next to me. I turned back to him, immediately sniffing out the change in the air. The scent wafting from the drink was undeniably different than before, and I knew what he had just done.

Looking down at the vodka lime, then back at him, I put on a grand smile. Following Peter's ritual, I grabbed the glass and chugged its contents, earning a very satisfied look from Brad.

The foreign liquid inside of my body definitely did not sit well, but I was not going to let the feeling ruin this. I leaned into Brad and whispered, "I don't need another drink. Finish yours and let's get out of here."

That shot him into high gear. He followed suit with his own drink and we were gone. I playfully dragged him a few blocks out, passing strangers in the night. The moon was big and beautiful, awaiting justice to be served. I smiled up at the sky, my hand firmly in Brad's.

"Where are we going?" He asked mischievously.

I pulled him into an alleyway and threw him against the wall. His breath hitched as I drew closer, my lips hairs away from his. I felt his excitement on my hip, and his longing was evident from the way he held me, pushing me closer.

"Did you expect me to fall into your arms?" I whispered.

"What?" He murmured, running his hands up and down my body.

"The drug you slipped into my drink—would it have blacked me out or simply made me compliant?"

My words seemed to have sobered him up, because his ministrations halted immediately. He straightened his shirt. "You're crazy. I don't know what you're talking about."

I pushed him back into the wall. "How many girls have you tricked this way?"

"You're fucking insane." He pushed off from the bricks and tried to make his way out of the alley. I grabbed him and threw him harder against the wall.

"What the hell?" He looked at my hands, analyzing the inhuman force. I tasted the fear in his voice.

I had him by the throat the next second.

"You're disgusting," I spat. "How dare you take advantage of women?"

I felt him choke in my grip, so I lightened it. "Speak."

"They enjoy it," he croaked.

The force that bashed him into the bricks was unnecessary, but I couldn't help myself. The back of his head began to bleed, and I watched the slow, continuous streams of blood run down his neck.

"I asked you a question. How many?"

He remained mute, his face scrunched in the pain of a rising concussion.

"How many?" I demanded.

"Twelve."

"You should rot in prison," I sneered. "But I'm very, very hungry, Brad. And you picked the wrong night to prowl on young girls."

My fingernails dragged long cuts down his arms, and I marveled at the sight. He would bleed for me, and he would feel the pain. He screamed when I dug my fingers into his neck, so close to his jugular. So close to ending his life. Instead, my hands found his wrist. I brought it up to my lips and sunk my teeth, lapping lightly at the elixir.

"What—" he writhed against the wall. "…are you?"

No witnesses, no liabilities. Only one death tonight. A well deserved death.

In his final moments, right as his counter ticked down the seconds, I grabbed his head and let my teeth guide me to his pulsating artery. This was the real cocktail of the evening.

Brad slumped down onto the cold, wet ground. I picked up his body and carelessly threw it in one of the giant dumpsters in the alleyway over. A well deserved burial.

I caught a glimpse of myself in a shop window and wiped some blood off of the corner of my lips. With a smug grin, I swayed back onto the street.

* * *

The club was a block away before the disgust swept in. I ducked into a dark corner and spewed the contents of my stomach into a trashcan. The vodka lime was stained with blood and definitely did not make for a pleasant smell.

The beauty of New York was that no one cared about the puking party-girl on the street. They all went their merry ways.

Peter was exactly where he said he would be. I took the stool beside him.

"I can't believe I drank that vodka lime."

His eyebrows shot up. "You did?"

"I followed your lead!" I defended.

"Yes, and then after my meal, I promptly excused myself to the bathroom and removed it from my body. I didn't drink it for my liking, but you have to sacrifice some comfort to blend in. How was your dinner?"

My mood brightened instantly. "I've fed. I've served my justice."

"Who was our unwitting criminal?"

"A rapist."

"Good one."

I bowed my head and let my eyes wander aimlessly into the crowd. But they quickly stopped at the door.

There was a man with striking red eyes.

My eyebrows came together and I nudged Peter. "Is that him?"

The man at the door met my gaze and examined me silently.

"Who?" Peter turned to trace my line of sight.

The man gestured towards my direction to someone outside of the door. The person outside stepped in slowly and his piercing eyes landed on mine.

And the world stopped turning.

My heart sank to my stomach.

My hand grabbed Peter's and pulled. "We need to go."

But he didn't budge. "That's not Jasper," he announced. "What's wrong?"

"I know that man. He's bad news," I urgently grabbed his arm, which moved him a little bit.

"Elise—"

The nightmare conjured itself right before me. My hand dropped from Peter's arm as I stared helplessly as both vampires moved through the crowd until they stood before us.

"Yes, Elise." The man from outside smiled sinisterly. "What's wrong?"

"Peter, this is—"

"Damon Vouvali." Damon introduced himself with an outstretched hand, but my buddy didn't take it. He only looked at me and uttered the word I was waiting for.

"Run."

And I most certainly did not need to be told twice.

* * *

**A/N: It seems like we're seeing everyone but Jasper himself. I wonder where he is, and what he's up to.**

**Words/subjects are triggering little snippets of memories, which is very interesting. I'm curious to see if Jasper's presence would push for a more substantial memory release. Thoughts?**


	49. Killer Companions

Previously:

_"Damon Vouvali." Damon introduced himself with an outstretched hand, but my buddy didn't take it. He only looked at me and uttered the word I was waiting for._

_"Run."_

_And I most certainly did not need to be told twice._

* * *

**Elise**

I was grabbed.

Hard.

Damon's companion held me against him before I could move, his body disgustingly pressed against my back. And the devil himself leaned in towards my ear and whispered.

"Don't cause a scene. Move."

Peter kept calm and followed us as we left the club. His meditative behavior was incredible, and I wished to carry the composure he did. But the moment the cold night air hit my face, I began thrashing. The man held onto me firmly and pulled me into a shaded alley, Damon and Peter following close behind. I could hear them easily.

"How do you know this woman?" Damon asked.

"I found her. Dying."

"And you turned her?"

"She was already turning."

Once we reached the end of the alley, the man held my arms behind my back and straightened me to face his boss.

"This is Graham." Damon introduced his goon. "Stop fighting him. I just want to talk."

My body tightened further, coiled and ready to pounce the moment Graham let go. But he never did.

"I'm quite honestly surprised that you're alive," he began. "Well, as alive as you can be."

My mouth opened to respond, but only venom came out. I spat directly onto his smug face.

His finger came up to swipe the wetness from his cheek. With a wicked smile, he positioned the same finger in front of my lips, and I shifted sharply against Graham.  
"You'll lose that finger," I snarled.

His wet finger held my chin instead. "It's incredible how much you've changed physically. Mentally, you're still the pointless fighter that you were. But I want to thank you for your cooperation. I couldn't have earned my way out without you."

My eyes immediately darted to Peter, searching for answers. "What are you talking about?"

"Your little spy work with the Cullens—I'm impressed how long you survived. Though our communication cut pretty abruptly… but details are details."

He must have read the confusion in my face, because he seemed to have expected a different reaction from me. "You do remember, don't you?"

I pleadingly looked at Peter for guidance. For confirmation of Damon's words. For anything.

"You don't," he trailed. "But you clearly remember me. Fascinating."

His eyes examined me like I was a test subject, and it ignited rebellion in me. "I know what you did to me. You're sick."

"It's just science. Call it enlightenment."

"I was in agony."

"A small price to pay for a breakthrough. I expect gratitude for the strength of your shield. I gave it to you."

My eyes narrowed. "My shield?"

"Let me explain. Our trials had the purpose of creating a catalyst within the body. With small traces of venom, we could trigger premature powers. It's incredible. You were one of my more successful experiments."

"You took us from our families to poke and prod us… and you consider this a gift?"

He let go of my chin sharply. "Your powers are mine. Your immortality is mine. And you've only recently began repayment, starting with your rendezvous with the Cullens."

His references to the Cullens stirred something nauseating in me, and I knew it was anything but good.

"What did I do?" I whispered.

"As I said, your spy work was commendable. I needed dirt on the family, and your infiltration was systematic, timely, and incredibly valuable."

_You wanted to earn your freedom? Here's your chance._

_There are a lot of important people counting on me. Don't disappoint me._

"You did this. What gripe did you have with the Cullens?"

"Nothing," he shrugged. "But the Volturi wanted them for their own reasons. It was a trade. Their freedom for mine."

I was a key player in the Cullens' demise. Somewhere in my time with them, I had been the infiltrator who revealed their most secretive operation. Jasper might have lied his way through his time with them, but I was the definition of deception. Did the family know about this? They couldn't have. They never showed any inclination of mistrust.

"The Volturi persecuted me for my work, and I lost a lot of family members. But through you, they've seen the potential of the testing. The recruitment process is easier if they can sense the gifted without having to kill them, and there's the added bonus of strengthening the power, and even triggering secondary or tertiary powers."

"We were _rats,_ " I snarled. "It was torture. Inhumane."

"No," he considered. "The venom was just the encouragement your body needed to grow."

I wanted to show him just how much growth I could demonstrate, starting with ripping his eyes out. "I never wanted this. None of us did."

Peter raised an eyebrow to me, gesturing to the man who held me in place. He made me aware how much Graham's grip had relaxed as his boss spoke.

"I'm still waiting for a beautiful thank you from the beautiful woman."

He wanted gratitude? "Go to hell," I spat. "That's all you get."

"Vicious," he tsked. "Your disobedience will not be tolerated by Aro. You see, you've caught the attention of the king, and he'll grant me high immunity if I deliver you."

At Damon's words, I saw Peter nod towards his head and flex his fingers, making direct eye-contact with me to deliver his plan. I lowered my eyes in acknowledgment and relaxed my fight against Graham. Unconsciously, so did he.

"You can't push me around anymore," I egged him on. "Our power dynamic is leveled."

"Not at all, Elise." He moved close to me, his heavy scent tickling my nose. "Power isn't defined by physical capability. It's status."

The moment I saw Peter jerk towards Damon, I kicked my right leg back, twisting so that my knee came into contact with Graham's groin. And once I felt that the shackles were absent, I ran.

And from the way Damon was decapitated, I knew my buddy would be okay.

* * *

I reached the outskirts of the city, but my legs pushed harder.

I couldn't stop.

There was a girl who lived through the last few months that I had never met, but we shared the same body. Except her vessel had been burning and broken. Mine was solid as steel. Her feelings and emotions were observed by the outside world, and her actions altered timelines to change the future. She was real, and I simply couldn't ignore her.

The consequences of my actions still applied whether I remembered them or not.

From what Damon claimed, the Jovu had been a facility for vampiric scientific development. The development they sought was enhancement. They wanted to seek out powerful vampires before turning them, and igniting their bodies with traces of venom acted as a catalyst for their powers.

Damon was responsible for triggering my two gifts. He justified my kidnapping, endless physical torture for testing, and degradation of mental health with the rewards he had given me. And he still demanded payback.

He had used me to earn his freedom

And I had used the Cullens to try to earn mine.

My feet pushed on, over rocks and toppled logs. The rain sprinkled, then stopped. I heard animals scurry in the dark, doing their best to avoid my path. I ran for hours, watching the sun rise and set.

Pangs of guilt swarmed me. Starting with my business with the Cullens and ending with deserting Peter, my emotions were out of control. Peter was more than capable to protect himself—that I knew. But betrayal was a sensitive subject, and I didn't know if I could take such an accusation from him.

I saw rays of light glimmer from the edges of mountains. Dusk was slowly and surely arriving. I looked over the tops of the trees, picking the direction of darkness as my heading.

As I pushed forward, I heard it.

Thunder.

The sound was deafening, and my vision turned black for the briefest of moments.

I clashed with a wall and found myself thrown to the ground, the weight coming down with me. I kicked hard at the thing that dared to drag me down. But my kicks slowed when I realized that the pale wall was a person.

A man.

A man with red eyes.

As a vampire, you didn't just run into other vampires. Our senses were too strong and predictive for anything of the sort. How had I crashed into a vampire so carelessly?

I crawled back quickly, finding my footing. "I'm sorry. I don't know where my mind was."

The man stood up and brushed the dirt off of his jeans. His hand ran through his dirty blonde locks, and his eyes remained bewildered, indicating to me that he didn't know where his brain had been either.

I breathed in a deep breath of fresh nature, drawing in some of his scent in the mixture. I looked at him as I tasted his spice in my lungs. It was pleasant, and I caught myself staring for too long.

"You—uh—have some twigs in your hair." I moved closer to be within arms reach. A force sprung me up on my toes to pluck some of Earth's trinkets from his hair. His strands felt like silk wrapped around my fingers, and I found myself withdrawing quickly at the odd feeling. "Have you been running for long?"

When he spoke for the first time, his voice was rough. "Longer than you can imagine."

His careful eyes darted between my fingers and my face. "Why are you running?"

I wanted to laugh at the stranger's question. "I'm being chased by two psychopaths. I think the better question is—why am I not running?"

"Two?"

Even I couldn't believe it. "Yes."

My hands found my hips, and my eyes locked in on the shattered glass on the ground. "Oh, no—" I bent down to pick up the remnants of a phone. "I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it. Are you okay?"

I shook my head. "I broke your phone. I should replace it. Here—have mine for now." I placed my device into his hand securely. My hand brushed against his as I did so, and I felt the air leave my lungs as his cool touch ghosted over mine.

"Are you sure you don't need this?" He examined the phone closely.

"It's yours." The phone held no use for me anymore. I had no incentive to contact my killer—any information he held over me was already mine. Jasper's allusion to my condemnable past was out in the open.

The vampire uncertainly took the phone and pocketed it. He didn't look at me for a while, which was a shame. The cogs in his brain were turning, and I found myself dangerously curious about what he thought of me. His expression reflected mine—conflict and wonder. My eyes silently explored the cracks in his skin, and it only made me want to ask more questions.

_Why were you running?_

_Where were you going?_

_What happened to you?_

But I had decent etiquette, and figured small talk was the way to go. "Are you from around here?"

But before he could answer, we both heard my phone vibrate in his pocket.

"Perhaps you do need it." He handed the device back to me, and I saw that it was Peter's contact flashing on the screen.

I answered quickly with a breath of relief. "Peter—are you okay?"

"Yes. He lost his head. It might take him a day or two, maybe less, to get it reattached. I outran his friend, and I suppose so did you. Where are you?"

The vampire next to me shifted as he listened in, and I saw his jaw clench.

"Somewhere West."

"Listen to me. The best thing you can do right now is find Jasper."

 _Jasper, Jasper, Jasper._ I sighed heavily. "Why does everything start and end with him? The best thing I can do is run. And that's what I'll do."

"You can't run forever. You need the protection he's offering you."

"How can I rely on his protection? He couldn't even protect me from himself." I switched the phone to my other ear, throwing an apologetic look at the man next to me. "You won't be able to reach me at this number anymore, so please don't try. We'll meet again—I'm sure. Send my love to your wife."

After promptly ending the call, I handed the phone back to the man. "He shouldn't contact this number anymore."

"Are you sure?"

"If he does—reject it. Simple."

"Simple," he considered, searching my eyes. His words were slow, as if he had to proof-read them in real time. "You seem like you're in trouble."

"A little bit."

"I have a safe-house a few hundred miles from here if you need somewhere to stay."

It was a bit forward of him to suggest such a possibility to the girl he had just met. Nonetheless, I considered his offer, but I knew it would be stupid to accept it. I knew nothing about this man.

"What's your name?" I asked.

I found it odd that his face darkened momentarily, but he hid it well. "Does it matter? I don't want to know yours. I prefer anonymity."

And that seemed almost safer given my situation. "I just don't know if I can trust you."

He gave me a small smile. "You can't."

But something there wanted me to. So, I began to pry. "Where is this safe-house?"

"Michigan. Secluded deep in the forest. There's a lake nearby to wash your scent. It wouldn't be hard to disappear."

This man said exactly what I needed to hear. "You have experience with this sort of stuff?"

"Being on the run? Knowing how to evade others who wish to harm you? It's a skill every vampire develops with time."

"I suppose. I haven't been a vampire for long."

"Most newborns aren't left alone for that reason. There's a lot you need to learn."

He was Peter in disguise and I knew it. "Let's at least start walking towards the lake."

He bowed his head and gestured for me to take the lead. "After you."

And we ran.

* * *

My companion remained silent as I eventually let him guide us. I watched his body glide through the air and I admired the graceful simplicity of his presence within nature. I hoped I appeared the same way as I barreled in-between trees and ducked under shreds of branches.

As I breathed in the fast, cold air sweeping through my lungs, I almost forgot the burn that lingered deep within me. I knew I had to feed.

As if piecing my thoughts together, my nameless running partner spoke up. "We'll be coming up on a small town in three hours. It'll be on the way if you need a quick snack."

"You can really read your newborns, huh?"

He didn't say anything to that.

* * *

The town was small indeed. The streets remained dark and barren after the recent sunset, and it was around midnight when we turned onto the town's main road.

I watched the lights of a gas station billboard flicker on and off.

"Be quick. We shouldn't linger." The man next to me said.

Our heads immediately snapped to a car revving down the street. It pulled into the gas station, and a young blonde woman exited her vehicle and began to fill her tank. My eyes locked in on her count as it seemed to fluctuate a few times. I could only imagine the man next to me playing the indecisive card for a meal of his own.

But he didn't move to take her for himself. He simply crossed his arms and waited for me to pounce. He didn't know that my cards could only be played if set to certain rules.

"Not her," I whispered.

"You prefer males?" I sensed a bit of annoyance in his tone.

"Not exactly. Let me explore."

He followed me down dark sidewalks. I felt borderline anxious at wasting this man's time, irresponsibly hoping for malicious activity to occur so that I could have dinner.

There wasn't a single peep from my follower, which meant he was either letting me take my time, or he was completely and utterly frustrated by my lack of action. Silence was the worst blanket for emotions.

And just as I was about to give up hope and face starvation as an option for the night, the sound of a gunshot ran sharply through the sky. My hand immediately grabbed my companion's arm. Was it the excitement? Most definitely. I couldn't wait for the feeling of fresh, sweet blood trickling down my throat.

I led us towards where the sound had originated.

A convenience store.

I stalked slowly, sensing the movement of the man close behind me.

From the large store windows, I could already see the gun being held firmly against the head of the cashier. A robber with a mask, and a scared old man trying to push all the money from the cash register into his plastic bags. The thief had the poor man by the collar, forcing him to go faster.

Before I could move, I knew I had to seclude the robber before any sort of feeding. The old man couldn't see anything, or he would suffer the same fate as Mary back in New York.

But from the old man's counter ticking in minutes, I knew the criminal wouldn't spare him. So, I quickened my pace and I burst through the front door.

The air swirled as the robber turned to me, his gun immediately pointing directly at my head. When he noticed me, his grip let go of the old man, and I watched as he stumbled back and fell behind the counter. Out of sight.

 _Perfect_ , I thought.

And then the robber did what I expected. He began shooting.

Four, five, maybe six bullets later, he stopped.

His gun clicked. Empty. I advanced on him.

"Why in the hell won't you die?" He fumed, spit firing from his mouth.

I grabbed him by the neck and dragged his heavy form out of the store and into the darkness.

And I fed.

* * *

The body fell at my feet along with the two plastic bags of cash he held in his hand.

When I looked up, I saw my companion.

"Your moral code?" He studied me, then the remains of the dead human.

"Something like that."

He stepped closer, his foot nudging the corpse. His gaze was intense as my eyes fixated on his, but his focus was on my lips. It was incredibly inappropriate, but his intentions weren't as scandalous as I had dreamed. His thumb came up and wiped the quickly drying blood stain from the side of my mouth.

"Sloppy," he remarked, a gentle look in his eye.

For some reason, whether he approved or disapproved of my choices mattered to me, but he never gave me any inclination of his feelings.

Yet, conflict clouded his eyes, and I watched as his hand ran over his jaw. "Let's get moving."

But instead of leading us out of the town, he beelined back into the convenience store.

He sighed before I could even question his motives. "This is the twenty-first century. The cameras have you recorded as a woman who can take bullet fire and drag a man half her size out of the store."

He was right. I rolled my eyes at my own stupidity.

Our shoes crunched against the broken glass as we scoured the store for recording devices. My mitigator crushed the six cameras with his hands, then stepped over the old man who remained passed out on the floor. I watched him disappear into a room behind the counter, and soon came the noises of tearing metal.

"Anything backed up is destroyed," he announced, giving me a pointed look. "Remember the evidence next time you decide to play hero. Innocent or guilty, anything can be used against you."

I didn't know what to say, so I stuck with the most basic form of gratitude. And the amount of gratitude I felt for this stranger was intense.

"Thank you."

"No problem."

As we made our way back into nature, I studied him quietly. "Why are you doing this?"

His response was immediate. "You seemed like you needed the help. Don't let that offend you."

"No offense taken here," I assured him. "I just—what's in it for you?"

A spark flashed through his eyes. "Let's call it a little break from life as we know it."

"I don't understand."

He looked up at the grandiose moon. "There's almost a strange, but freeing feeling of traveling with someone you know nothing about, isn't there?

I related completely to what he was describing. "Definitely."

"We don't have that history or baggage weighing us down, stringing doubt and uncertainty."

"Exactly," I nodded. "And you don't feel like you owe each other anything except the promise of your destination."

The man threw me the most beautiful, broken smile I had ever seen, and I mentally patted myself on the back. His stark approval of my words brought warmth and contentment, and I wanted to swim in it for ages.

"Little things like this make eternity worth it. Let's go."

* * *

**A/N: I hope it's pretty obvious.**

**But in case it isn't, what do you think of Elise's new companion?**

**She knows she's not actively making the best decisions. Perhaps taking a leap of faith will be good for her.**

**Or not.**


	50. Bait and Lure

Previously:

_The man threw me the most beautiful, broken smile I had ever seen, and I mentally patted myself on the back. His stark approval of my words brought warmth and contentment, and I wanted to swim in it for ages._

_"Little things like this make eternity worth it. Let's go."_

* * *

**Elise**

We ran through the night in silence. With a fresh meal in my belly, and the cool wind in my hair, I felt an unfamiliar contentment radiate through my body. I had no idea what the future held, and I knew nothing about the nameless man beside me, but—even for just a moment—the world was still. We ran through a paused film.

My phone remained in his pocket, and I hadn't heard from Peter since our last phone conversation. The lack of communication with my killer was a refreshing change. But the thought of Damon chilled me instantly, and I found myself being anxiously hyperaware of my surroundings.

"We would be able to tell if someone was following us, right?"

My partner slowed his run. "We are not being followed."

I took a quick look behind us. "I don't want to put you in danger."

"Because of your two psychopaths?"

"Yeah, but one is definitely worse than the other. And he's East."

He averted my eyes. "Sounds exhausting."

"Incredibly. How far can I be tracked?"

"Unless it rains between wherever you were and this very spot, you can be followed to your end destination. You need to cover your scent." The urgency in his voice panicked me, but I held my composure.

"How long until the lake?"

"Two hours. We should hurry."

* * *

The sun crept slowly over the distant hills and warmed the grass, releasing the most pleasant aromas. This was one of my favorite times of the day. A small smile played on my lips as I let myself enjoy nature's morning greetings.

The water in front of us was calm. Serenity was the picture painted in front of me. The lake provided a habitat of wonder for all types of creatures and plants, and I could see, smell, and feel everything.

"Beautiful," my companion breathed.

I couldn't agree more. I would always be mesmerized by nature.

We stood in the quietness of the early morning, neither of us wanting to disturb the peaceful routine of this awakening. I felt the grass brush against my ankles, the wind comb gently through my hair, and the sweet scent of fresh flowers widen my smile.

I caught my partner's eyes when I looked up at him. "Let's clean up my tracks."

"Absolutely."

I dove straight into the cool, crisp morning water. My eyes opened wide and I pushed further until I reached the dirt below, watching schools of fish and algae dance around colorful rocks. I could stay here forever, and neither Jasper or Damon could find me.

It wasn't a thought that sounded too absurd.

And then I felt the disturbance in the water. My friend had jumped in.

Friend.

I had known him for less than a day, and I labeled him too easily. I didn't even know his name.

My feet pushed off the bottom of the lake and I resurfaced quickly.

I raised my eyebrows at the soaking wet man treading the water.

He shrugged with a lazy smile. "Thought you drowned."

"Funny," I teased, noting his unnecessary presence in the water. Why did he have to wipe his scent? "Who are you running from?"

"Do I have to be running from someone to go for a swim?"

I supposed not. "Don't I have the right to be suspicious?"

"Always."

The water felt smooth against my fingers. "You didn't answer my question."

"I can jump into a lake with a pretty woman and I don't think I need a reason."

I scowled at how that made me smile, then again at the way I closely watched the droplets of water ease down his dirty-gold locks, onto his strong jaw, and down onto his shoulders. The man was gorgeous, but so were all vampires. But the thing about him was…

"Something wrong with my face?"

I blinked. "No, not at all."

His crimson eyes fell down toward the water, and I felt a pang of injustice. Was he not comfortable with the marks on his skin?

"What are they?" My feet kicked me towards him.

When he finally looked at me, there was unhinged fierceness radiating from his expression. "Do they scare you?"

Close enough to touch, my fingers were certain with their movement. I wanted to feel.

And he let me. My wet touch looked like it burned him as I traced the cracks in his jaw all the way down to his neck.

"Who did this to you?" I whispered.

The water lapped around us gently. "Everyone."

My brows furrowed, I looked up at him questioningly. "Everyone?"

"My friends, my foes. Anyone who's dared to fight me."

"Scars," I confirmed. "I didn't think vampires could have them."

My hands had a mind of their own, dancing on his skin, mesmerized by the effect of the sun's kisses on the grooves and indents in the marble. But the rush of water and a firm grip on my left arm stopped me.

And I saw it again. The conflict in his eyes was painful to see as I withdrew my hand.

I wanted to make it better. "They don't matter. They don't scare me."

"They're very clear to the eyes of a vampire."

He let me go and I swam to the edge of the lake and pulled myself out onto the grassy patch of dirt. "So what? I threw up lake water in front of six vampires."

He was next to me quickly, and I looked away when I realized how beautifully his wet shirt stuck onto his chest. I kept my gaze away as the primal instincts that I thought I had left behind as a human threatened to take over.

His mood shifted, along with the conversation. "Lake water. I'm interested."

"It wasn't my most graceful minute as a vampire. Neither was throwing up a vodka lime. You don't want anything in your belly but blood. Trust me."

Suddenly, I felt his hand in my hair. My body stiffened momentarily, but was only picking apart stray leaves that had been caught in my strands. "Trust you? I hardly know you."

"Well, my name is—"

And my lips slammed shut when I felt two fingers on them. "Again, I don't want to know."

His touch lingered and I felt cheated when he finally took his fingers back. "Then how can you trust me if you don't make an effort to get to know me?"

His hands ran through his hair, flicking off droplets of moisture. "You don't need to make any effort if you decide that you can trust no one."

…

_What instilled that confidence in you? It doesn't matter._

_Never rely on it. Never trust anyone._

_…_

_"_ Trust no one," I echoed. "Maybe that's the way to go."

His cautious eyes watched me as I wrung the water out of my hair. There was an unexplained tension in the air, and it made me uncomfortable. The mention of trust didn't help. I knew I shouldn't be trusting anyone, especially after running into Damon.

"Why were you running East?" I asked.

He tore his eyes away from mine and looked out onto the lake. "To clear my head. There's been a lot on my plate recently."

"Are you part of a coven?"

"Yes. Are you?"

I shrugged. "I think I was. I left."

He shifted an inch closer to me. "Why?"

"I didn't agree with their decisions."

"You couldn't work something out? Covens are the key to protection."

"Except their protection was running out. They were trying to take me to one of my psychopaths."

He cocked his head up to the sky. "Dramatic."

"Apparently everything about me is."

"It makes for a great story. Tell me about your psychopaths."

"I'm ready to write this all down and make a fortune," I chuckled. "I'm not sure what you want to know about them besides the fact that they're total stalkers."

"What do they want from you?"

What didn't they want from me? "Well, one I thought I would never see again."

"The one East?"

"Yes. He wants to bring me to some king."

My companion looked at me deeply and spoke quickly. "The Volturi?"

"They're a pretty big deal, I guess."

His lips thinned to a line. "That doesn't sound like great news."

"That's why I was running."

"And the other?"

It was hard to form the words in my mouth. "I don't even know how to begin."

"Complicated?"

"Twisted. He turned me."

His eyes remained fixed on the sky above, his hands came up to clasp his neck as he relaxed on the grass. "Running from your maker."

"Killer."

"You know, I ran from mine too. It just took me a few decades. I hated her."

"What did she do to you?"

His eyes were closed now. I scooted near him and rested my head on the patch of growth nearby. When he didn't speak, my mind made its own assumptions about the scars on his skin, which shone every time the sun struck them at an angle.

"She gave you those scars?" I pushed.

"You really have no regard for anonymity, do you?"

I turned my head to see his face, and was relieved to see a smile. "I told you mine, you tell me yours."

"Indirectly, I suppose she did give me these scars. But I sought most of them myself. It was kill or be killed."

"Why did you have to defend yourself?"

His eyes snapped open. "She made me fight. Rather, she put me in situations where either I had to fight or I wouldn't make it."

"She sounds awful."

"She was. But I wouldn't be as experienced as I am today if I hadn't gone through it."

That was his silver lining. "You're very optimistic."

His eyebrows shot up. "That's the first observation you make about me? You're in for a ride."

"No—I think the first thing I thought about you was that you were… lost."

"Really?"

Absolutely. "My mind was definitely not in the right place when I carelessly slammed into you, but I don't think yours was either."

I peered at him, and I could tell that he was thinking over my words. "It's good perception. You could argue that we're all lost in this void of existence. But you could also say that you can never be lost if you can voice a purpose. I certainly have a purpose."

"Which is?"

"The same as yours. Survival."

I could only nod, and his sly avoidance of the topic was successful.

"Speaking of." He propped himself up on his hands. "Are you coming with me to the safe house?"

We had successfully made it to the lake, and his offer of shelter had been a question mark in my brain. But the more time I spent with this man, the question mark morphed into an exclamation mark that followed the word, _yes._

And the thought of him leaving without me hurt. It was the soul itching pain deep within my chest that dared to rise, and I wasn't ready to handle it. I sat up with my knees pressed to my chest, trying to ease the tightness, wondering endlessly about the oddity of the feeling.

"How far away is it?" I finally asked.

"An hour North. We're not far." He noticed my indecision. "What's holding you back? Maybe I can help."

"I don't want to go with you, but I feel like I need to."

Weirdly, his smile was bright. "Why don't you want to?"

"Because for all I know, you could be my third psychopath. There's a certain safety with remaining anonymous, but there's also a degree of suspicion. I just—" He looked at me expectedly, as if waiting for the right words to come out but I had none. "Look, I lost some memories when I turned. I think I have major trust issues because of that."

"And why do you feel like you need to come with me?"

The amount of vulnerability coursing through me pushed me to get up and run, but I also felt heavy and sedated. "A part of me really wants to get to know you. Maybe it's because you won't tell me your name. Maybe my brain's making up a game to get information. I don't know."

"Is that it?"

"It also feels like it would really suck to never see you again. Physically, it's this foreboding sickness I think I'm trying to subconsciously avoid. I don't know what's wrong with me."

He locked me in place with his gaze, and he brought up two fingers to my chin. "I don't think anything's wrong with you. You were turned, and losing your memories has brought upon great emotional distress. I think I'm offering you a little bit of relief from reality."

His perspective and acknowledgement of the situation was a breath of fresh air. I leaned into him, my voice a trance. "Why am I like this? I just want to be closer."

His smile faded quickly, and the fire burned out. His fingers barely ghosted over my face. "You can fight it."

What was _it?_

"It's hard, but you can try," he insisted urgently. "Are you coming with me or not?"

He was still touching me and it was hard to do anything but focus on his fingers on my skin. "I don't know."

"I need you to decide."

I felt myself swallow, and I immediately felt like prey. His expression was hard as he watched me intently.

"Yes."

And his touch was gone. "You're certain?"

Why did it seem like he wanted me to run away?

I nodded.

Wordlessly, he stood up. "One hour."

* * *

I trailed him by a few steps as our feet pounded on the dirt.

I couldn't stop thinking about his body language by the lake. He seemed reluctant, yet open. He was close, but his touch was always light and hesitant.

I would give anything to know what he was thinking. But the more I overanalyzed the situation, the more I realized how much our feelings were mirrored. His reluctance matched my indecision. Had he been feeling exactly what I was going through?

Even as I watched him in front of me, I could see the tension in his neck and upper back. The aura around him was fierce and I wasn't sure of my decision any longer. Who was this man, and why was I here?

I saw the trees part and open up to a clearing. I could already see a wooden structure.

The house we came upon wasn't big. It was a one-story cabin at best. The land surrounding it ran for about a mile before it hit any forestry, the tall grass providing the utmost privacy to anyone looking for a private retreat.

This was the ultimate seclusion from society.

I stopped right beside my companion as his eyes swam over the broken porch, unkept lawn, and chipped roof. Then, he looked over at me, and I immediately smiled at what I saw.

"More twigs in your hair. How do you do this to yourself?" I reached up to draw out a few pieces. His eyes watched me carefully—wide, vigilant. And he had made a decision.

Before I could move, he was in front of me. "Do that again."

His sudden proximity clouded my thoughts as his scent made its way into my lungs. "Do what?"

"Smile. Touch my hair. Anything."

I wanted to do everything he asked me to do and it made no sense whatsoever. "I'm sorry—"

His lips twitched. "Stop apologizing."

 _Yes, sir_. I looked down at my feet, trying desperately to calm my racing mind.

This was ridiculous. I needed to know. "What is your name?"

My eyes fixated on his, I could see his hand rise up from the corner of my vision to touch my hair. His fingers tangled in my brown locks, drawing me closer. "You really don't know me, do you?"

But I did. Damn it, I did. My soul knew this man. Why couldn't I put together a stupid name?

My brain dug through singed boxes, looking for letters to match this face.

When he finally spoke, his tone was different. Odd, foreboding, raw.

"Do you remember the last thing you said to me?"

His fingers came away from my hair, then went up to lightly grip my chin. He seemed to be struggling for words, but his touch was all the communication I needed. I felt his thumb sensually glide over my lower lip, and I needed him to just stop talking.

"You said you would never trust me."

His words echoed but my brain refused to make any sense of them.

"You were on the verge of bleeding. The trees grabbed you before I could."

_Trees can't grab people._

"Your cheeks were wet with tears, yet you looked at me like you had all the power to kill me."

_Humans can't kill vampires._

"I had to do it."

And it sparked. His words strangled me gently.

"I killed you."

I wanted to move, but my feet remained still.

"But here you are. As strong as ever, going back on your promise of trust." He ran the backs of his fingers down my cheek until they reached my jaw.

Then, his grip turned viciously tight. "You let me lead you out here."

I blinked, his words slowly falling into the little boxes in my brain like swaying paper in the wind.

"You're letting me touch you like this."

 _Shit._ I began to squirm.

"And you still had the guts to say that you will never trust me."

He caught my hand before I could lash out. My other hand came up, but the man was too quick. He anticipated it. He anticipated me.

"I would've broken you a few months ago," he said, testing his grip on my limbs. "I need to remind myself that you're not as breakable."

"Let me go," I bit.

"You should've trusted your brain, not your emotions."

I cursed as I struggled against his hands.

"I hope I'm ringing some bells." He twisted me around so that he held my arms down with just one of his, my back plastered onto his front.

"You're a newborn, but your strength is untrained. You would've ripped my head off if you knew how."

"I wish," I growled.

His breath was an icy whisper in my ear. "And please. Stop asking me what my name is."

My senses tingled as I identified two foreign scents. Branches parted and soil crunched as two vampires came into view, looking directly at the man who had taken my life.

The men came around and I momentarily felt the ropes around me loosen and unbind. But the power transfer was immediate, and the men quickly took a hold of my arms and held me in place.

My killer clasped his hands behind his back and pinned me firmly with his gaze. "Elise Adams, by the third law of evasion, the alliance is sentencing you to six months of mandatory training and if need be, aid in battle."

The alliance? Training? Battle?

Peter was a damn liar. My strength wavered, but I wasn't done. The emotional toll of the last few days dared to drown me, but I kept resurfacing. I thrashed for freedom.

"Fuck you." I struggled against the holds of men for the second time in two days. "Fuck all of this."

My words straightened the men behind me. Did they not expect anyone acting so callously towards their boss?

"You may have forgotten who I am, but something makes me think you're starting to recognize me," he mocked. "What is my name?"

"You don't deserve a name."

He gestured for the men to move towards the cabin. "Take her in."

They dragged me as I dug my heels on the ground. But the man in charge simply stood where he was, watching me as I fought with any strength I had.

I was thrown into a chair, the men holding me down firmly by my shoulders.

"Say my name, sweet girl."

"Killer. Liar. Betrayer."

"Are you describing me, or yourself?"

The hands on my shoulders gripped harder, as if they could sense I could pounce any second. "You can't use that against me. I don't remember any of it."

"The system will judge you by the evidence, not your memories," he muttered, moving behind me. When he came back into view, he had a little book. "But maybe this will help you."

He dropped the leather-bound journal onto my lap and lightly tapped my right hand to let the man know to loosen his grip.

With my free hand, I turned the page.

_October 20th_

_Today, I told Jasper ~~Cullen~~ Whitlock my last name._

I gritted my teeth.

_October 21st_

_Jasper left yesterday, and I spent the last three hours tasting Esme's take at four different flavors of Baklava._

_Is it weird that I miss him?_

I was unbelievable.

_October 24th_

_Shit. He almost kissed me._

_I don't…_

My eyes refused to progress further. My hand let go of the cover, effectively sealing the journal shut.

"You don't want to read more?" The bad man asked.

I pushed the journal off of my lap and sent it tumbling to the ground. It came down haphazardly, folding some pages as it landed facing down.

I saw my killer quickly retrieve it, as if completely possessive of the parchment within.

His voice low and tight, he crouched to my level. "What's my name, Elise Adams?"

"Jasper fucking Whitlock."

His lips twitched with satisfaction. "Tell me you're scared."

With his two men, he was just Damon but with extra help. And he was finally in front of me.

The confrontation had to eventually happen—I knew that. But this felt wrong. The power dynamic was still shifted, and I still remained in shackles around him. There was absolutely no truth to this man, and I knew I had to play my cards to my own standards to even have the chance to rise above him.

I knew I was inexperienced, but that had to change. His comment regarding my abilities as a newborn stung. I should've been able to decapitate him if that was my true capability.

My mind played the events over and over again. It forced me to watch the hardest moments so I could learn from my mistakes.

I had blindly let a killer disguised as a seemingly innocent bystander lure me to his territory where his rule meant law.

I had blindly trusted a family to give me nothing but the truth in the absence of my memories.

But the most important mistake—I had let a vampire take my life.

…

_You don't want to die, Elise. You're just scared. And once you're changed, you can go after Damon and whoever else that wronged you._

…

When innocence was taken from you, naivety was an easy trait to subdue. And subduing your emotions should be easier when you were dead. That was the beauty of immortality.

…

_If reality is that horrifying, your skin isn't thick enough to handle it._

_…_

And now, my skin was just as thick as his.

"No," I smiled lightly. "You're just as I expected."

END

* * *

**A/N: This was the 50th chapter. We end Paranoia here.**

**I will post an update to this story to let you know when the sequel is published. (Titled: Monomania).**

**Thank you for sticking with Elise & Jasper, and thank you endlessly for joining me on this ride.**


	51. Sequel Posted

**A/N: Just putting a final note on here to let you all know that Monomania has been published.**


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